“You don’t have to lie. I know I look like I just walked out of a church social.”
“Not at all!” Liz rushes out. I hate this. I’m not ugly. I just wish I was a little more daring. I wish I was like Sandy on Grease. At the end of the movie, she shows up at the carnival looking like a total badass to win her man back.
“Are you okay?” Emily asks, pulling me from my thoughts. I’m about to say yes, but I stop myself. If I want Phoenix to realize he doesn’t need to take things slow anymore, if I want to make him see that I’m ready for him to have me in every way, I’m going to have to show him. I believe I know just the way to do that.
“You guys ever see that movie, Grease?”
Confusion masks their faces. I can only imagine what they’re thinking, but they nod their heads in answer anyway.
“Can you make me Sandra D?”
They pause, but I know the instant they understand my question because they both get matching smiles.
“Sweetheart, we can make you better then Sandra D. Em, call the guys and tell them we may be running a bit late. We have to make a stop at our place first.”
***
Bloody hell.
Oh bloody hell.
That isn’t me. That can’t be me. Bloody hell.
“What do you think?” Liz asks as she comes to stand behind me. I don’t take my eyes off my reflection in her mirror and I don’t answer her right away. I’m still trying to convince myself that is me.
I’m unrecognizable. They left my hair down, but curled it into tighter ringlets before putting a black flower with some feathers attached behind my right ear. My makeup is dramatic with smoky eyes and bright red lips. I didn’t know makeup could look like this or that simple eye shadow could make my eyes pop.
I skim my reflection until I’m looking at the dress I’m in. Holy. Shit. What a dress it is. It’s by far the raciest one I’ve ever worn. It’s simple, but so sexy—a deep red, mid-thigh club dress. It’s silk and strapless with a sweetheart neckline. Emily let me borrow her black leather jacket to wear over it along with her ankle high black heels.
“I can’t believe this is me.”
“Believe it, girl! It’s you and you are one sexy bitch. Phoenix isn’t going to know what hit him.” Liz laughs.
“I wish I could hire you guys to come over and do my hair and makeup every day. Bet Phoenix would be more than willing to take it to the next level if I looked like this every day.”
I laugh to cover up my embarrassment. I didn’t mean to be so honest about my motives for this sudden brazen change.
“Hey!” Emily grabs my shoulders and turns me away from the mirror to look at her. “You don’t need to change anything. You’re beautiful, babe.” I roll my eyes and snort. “I’m serious! You are gorgeous, and if you are ready to rock Phoenix’s world, then you tell him.”
“Uh, that’s not something I can just come out and say.” I laugh.
“Not with your mouth, with your body. It’s all about confidence. You show him you’re ready with your body.”
“Um, and how do I do that?”
Liz walks over and slings her arm around my shoulders. “Stick with us, babe. We’ll show you everything you need to know.” I laugh when she wiggles her eyebrows for good measure.
“Ready, ladies?” Emily asks once we hear the taxi honk its horn. The nerves set in when I realize I actually have to leave the house like this. I feel like I may throw up when I think about the fact that Phoenix is going to see me in this dress.
I take a deep breath. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
The cab ride took thirty minutes and I spent all of it trying to talk myself out of yelling at the cab driver to turn around. “We’re here,” Liz announces. Too late to turn back now.
The bar where they are performing is a brick building. I begin to worry when I see a line of people waiting to go inside so long that it wraps around the building and goes into the alley.
“Where are you going?” I hear Em ask when I start to walk away.
“To get in line.”
“Babe, you’re dating the lead singer. We don’t have to wait in line.”
“Oh.”
“Come on.” She laughs while grabbing my hand and pulling me to the very big, very intimidating bouncer standing at the front entrance.
“Names,” he asks without removing his eyes from his clipboard. We tell him our names and, without another word, he unlatches the rope and lets us through. We walk through the door to the sounds of the people in the line complaining.
The inside of the bar is dark and smoky, but much bigger than it looks on the outside. The first thing we see is the huge stage in the back with a big dance floor in front of it. To the right is a long bar with chairs lining it, and on the right is a section roped off for the tables and chairs.
The place is packed. There is no way all the people waiting in line are going to be able to get in here. “Let’s go get a drink before it starts,” Liz yells over the noise of people talking and the music the deejay is playing.
We have to push our way through the crowd to get a spot at the bar. There are tons of people around us trying to get the bartender’s attention, but he’s too busy talking up a busty brunette to notice. “He seems distracted,” I note.
“Psh, not for long,” Liz says before pushing up her own double D’s and leaning on the bar.
“Could I get a drink, please?” The bartender doesn’t spare the woman he was talking to another glance. He just turns and heads toward us. I can barely contain my laughter.
“What can I get you beautiful ladies?”
“I’ll take a Sex on the Beach,” Emily responds.
“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have one too. How about you, Caroline?”
“I’ll just have water.” Liz raises her eyebrow at me as if she’s wondering if I’m serious before getting a small smile on her lips and turning back to the bartender.
“Three Sex on the Beaches, please.” I’m about to argue, but I stop myself. Tonight is about stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things and living more dangerously than I ever have. So, hell yes, I’ll take a Sex on the Beach!
“We should get up there before the guys start,” Emily says. She grabs my hand and pulls me through the horde of people on the dance floor until we reach the center of the front row.
I know Phoenix is talented. I knew that from the moment I heard his voice the first night I met him, but I never expected this. The bar is full of hundreds of people. Not even the pub was this packed.
Despite the fact that my nerves are high, I’m happy to be here. I feel like his singing and his life that comes with it was the one thing Phoenix has kept separate from me. The fact that I’m here and he wants me here means everything to me.
My stomach turns with anxiety when the deejay announces Phoenix’s band and the guys come out on stage. I can see him searching the crowd for me as soon as he reaches the mic. His eyes have scanned over me at least three times, and I almost want to laugh at the fact that he doesn’t seem to recognize me.
It’s not until he starts talking to the crowd, introducing the guys, and Liz and Emily go crazy with cheering that his eyes connect with mine. The main lights in the bar are off, leaving only the stage to provide any light. Even so, I can still see the shock register on his face. I can see him blinking, almost as if to make sure he’s actually seeing me dressed like this.
The only problem is I have no way of being able to tell if he likes the change or not. I don’t know whether to take it as a good sign that he’s completely stopped talking. He’s now just standing on the stage staring at me staring back at him.
Finally, after what seems like hours, he whispers, “Holy hell.”
Well…he tries to whisper it, but he forgets he is holding the microphone in his hand, so his whisper carries throughout the bar, which causes some laughs.
“Uh, dude?” Nick finally breaks in on a mic of his own. “Are you just going to stare at your girl a
ll night or are we gonna give these people one hell of a motherfucking show!”
At the roar of the crowd, Phoenix finally snaps out of his daze and starts talking to the crowd. His eyes come to me every few minutes. It’s by the third song that I realize that he’s just as amazing as I thought he was.
His voice is smooth and raspy at the same time. It warms and draws all of my attention, but hearing him from the storage closet or his rehearsal is completely different than seeing him perform in front of a crowd. His heart is in it right now.
He’s amazing. The way he works the crowd and engages with them, it’s so easy to see why they love him so much; the women a little too much, so much so that a big boobed redhead in the front calls his name before lifting up her shirt and flashing him.
Just like that, all my good vibes are thrown to smithereens. I react on my first instinct and look away. My eyes connect with Emily’s sympathetic ones. This is my first concert. She’s been with Shaun for years. I’m sure she’s been through this and worse.
“How do you stand it?” I ask.
She gives me a smile, throws her arm around my shoulders, and turns me back to the stage. “Look at Phoenix.” I really don’t want to, but I do as she asks and look at him.
Relief sweeps through me when I see that his eyes aren’t glued to the naked tits of the random chick in the front row, but they’re on me. “These girls may have all their eyes on your man, but he only has eyes for you,” Emily says in my ear. “Don’t get me wrong, I still want to choke women with their own tits when they look at Shaun, but it helps knowing that he loves me and only me.”
Love. I love Phoenix, but he doesn’t love me. Could he love me? No. No, he does not love me. Maybe…
I shut down my inner debate when he starts singing a song about none other than…sex. I’ve heard plenty of songs about this particular subject. I’ve even heard Phoenix sing some sex songs before. That’s not the reason the hair on my arms is standing at attention, or the reason my whole body is buzzing with awareness. It’s also not the reason I have to rub my thighs together to get some kind of relief from my pulsing core.
No. It’s what he’s doing, the way he’s looking at me while he sings every word. When he sings about pleasuring a woman all night in every possible way, it’s like he’s saying it to me, like it’s what he wants to do to me.
“Looks like our magic worked,” Liz notes with a sly smile when she comes to stand on the opposite side of me from Em.
“That it did,” Em agrees.
I barely hear what they’re saying. My mind, my body, my everything is still focused on the show. I make up my mind right then and there…I don’t care what happens, tonight will be the night.
The guys finish up the show and meet us at the bar a couple hours later. My nerves kicked back in while waiting. Not only because of how I look, but because of the decision I made earlier tonight.
I know I’ve run out of time to worry when I hear Em and Liz both release ridiculously girly screams and take off running toward Shaun and Nick. I don’t move, but I can feel Phoenix behind me.
I down the rest of my second drink in one throw before telling myself to grow some lady balls and turning to face him. “Hi,” I whisper.
“Hi.” He smiles.
“You guys were great. Totally awesome.” Oh God, Caroline! Totally awesome? What are we, back in fifth grade?
“Thanks, baby.” He laughs before grabbing my hips and pulling me to him. I shiver when I feel his lips touch my ear. “You look fucking delicious. Do you have any idea what you were doing to me all night, birdie?” he growls.
“No,” I whisper again, afraid to raise my voice any higher.
A whimper escapes me when he pushes his obvious erection through my skintight dress into my now wet pussy. “Do you feel that?”
Umm…how could I not? I want to scream this, but my mouth is currently drier then the Sahara Desert and I don’t think I could choke out a reply if I tried. I nod instead.
“That’s what you’ve been doing to me all night, baby girl. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it?”
The old innocent Caroline would shy away from a brazen question like that, but not tonight. I’m not that Caroline tonight and I’m going to tell him exactly what I plan to do about it. That is, until I’m interrupted by Nick. “Bro, we’re going to the Cricket. You in?”
“The Cricket?” I ask.
“It’s a nightclub downtown,” Phoenix answers before turning back to the rest of the group.
“Yeah, we’re in. Just let me talk to Mick and we can head out.” They all cheer but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed at how this night is going.
Phoenix wraps his fingers around my chin and turns my head to look at him. He gives me a soft kiss and says, “Don’t be sad, babe. I got plans for you.”
“Plans?” My hopes go up.
“Yep. I think tonight would make the perfect opportunity to cross off another list item.”
Not exactly where I thought he was going with this, but I’m intrigued. “Which item would that be?”
“It’s time to get you drunk, baby.”
Chapter Sixteen
A Showdown Of Epic Proportions
“Another one!” I shout after throwing back my fifth, or was it sixth, shot of tequila? My body is buzzing and everything feels blissful. I know I’m being way louder than necessary, considering everyone in our little group is right next to me in our VIP section, but I’ve lost the ability to control the volume of my voice and the need to care.
It’s hard to believe I’m having this much fun considering I was mildly disappointed when Phoenix agreed to come out tonight instead of us going back to the suite. I wanted tonight to be the night, and I was worried that would go out the window if we went out.
I was worried until Emily and Liz explained to me going out and having a few drinks could work in my favor. Apparently, drinking will loosen you up and make you braver. At least that’s what Em told me to get me to take the first shot of tequila. I’m not sure what she told me to get me to down the second shot, but I vaguely remember it took no convincing whatsoever to get me to drink the third.
So, here I am, five or six shots in and feeling amazing. Well, really, I’m not feeling anything. “This place is amazing!” I shout again and everyone laughs.
“I think getting you drunk has been accomplished, birdie,” Phoenix says in my ear.
“I think you might be right.” I giggle.
I open my mouth to embarrass myself further, I’m sure, when Liz’s squeal stops me. “Oh my God! I love this song. Come dance with us.” Dance? No. Even in my drunken stupor, I know dancing and me do not mix at all whatsoever. I have two left feet.
I don’t get a chance to argue before one of the girls yanks my arm and pulls me on the dance floor. I try to grab Phoenix and use him as an anchor but he notices the terror on my face and finds it funny. He dodges my arm and gives me a wide smile and a wave as I’m being pulled away. I’m going to kill him.
“Come on, girl! Move them hips!” Emily encourages as she and Liz dance around me.
“Um, I’d rather not!” I shout while awkwardly pulling my dress down. Not that it needs to be pulled down; I’m just looking for something to do. This whole situation couldn’t be any more uncomfortable.
“Loosen up, lady! Tonight is about having fun and getting your man. Let’s get another shot.” Emily signals for a waitress.
“It’s not that. It’s just…I can’t really dance.”
“Psh. Everyone can dance.”
“Not me. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
“Listen, all you have to do is move your body to the music.”
“Yeah…I think I’m going to sit this one out,” I say after watching Emily dance in a risqué way. If only I could move like that.
“Look at Shaun, Caroline,” she instructs me while continuing to dance. I do, and I know instantly what she’s going to say. “Look how he’s wa
tching me. You want Phoenix to look at you like that, you have to show him what you want, what you both want. He already finds you sexy, so who cares what anyone else thinks. You’re dancing for him.”
“She’s right,” Liz chimes in. She hands me another shot. “Now, down this shot and let loose, babe.”
With no other options, and the fact that I really want to look sexy in front of Phoenix, I do as they say and down the shot as soon as Zella Day’s “Hypnotic” begins to play through the speakers.
I take a big breath and begin subtly moving my hips. The entire time, I’m fighting the urge to hide my face. I get more and more relaxed as I feel the warmth from the tequila moving through my body.
Eventually, the girls are right. Everyone else on this floor, everyone in the bar, just fades away. I can hear the girls encouraging me, but I drown them out. The only people in this club are Phoenix and me. I can feel his eyes burning into me, but I’m too scared and too focused to open my eyes.
I leisurely run my hands up the sides of my body seductively until they’re in the air above my head, then I bend my knees and sway my hips. I don’t know who this Caroline is, but I love her. I’ve never felt more free in my entire life. This is who I was supposed to be all along.
I continue to dance without care with my eyes closed until I hear Liz whisper in my ear, “Told you so.”
I open my eyes and stare across the club into Phoenix’s gray ones. He’s sitting on the couch in our section. Out of my peripheral vision, I can kind of see Shaun and Nick talking and laughing, but none of his attention is on them.
He’s sitting forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. All of his attention is on me and if I’m judging by the way his jaw is clenching and the way his body is shifting, I’d say he likes what he sees.
I don’t stop dancing for even a second and I don’t close my eyes. I hold his stare as I continue to move my body. I don’t realize I’m doing it right away, but I’m gradually dancing away from Emily and Liz and toward Phoenix.
I’m almost to the edge of the dance floor when I’m stopped from going any further at the same time the song changes to another one. A big figure has stepped into my view, preventing me from looking into Phoenix’s eyes. My eyes trace a path from a broad, muscled chest until I reach his face.
Love, Unwanted (Discovering Love #3) Page 11