by L A Cotton
“I’m not supposed to tell.” He shook his head, mashing his lips together.
“Is it a secret?”
He nodded, eyes wide as saucers.
“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me.”
“Will you tell Evan if I do?”
“Did Evan tell you not to tell me?”
He nodded again, mischief sparkling in his eyes.
“Maybe you should listen to Evan then, buddy.” Because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know if that were the case.
His eyes narrowed, and I could see him weighing his options. It fascinated me that, at the age of almost four, he already knew so much.
“I fink I want to tell you.” He shuffled next to me and sat on his knees. “But you promwise not to tell Evan?”
I lifted my hand to my chest. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”
“Stick a needle in my eye.” He giggled and looked around conspiratorially. Satisfied we weren’t being spied on—or whatever else his little mind was imagining—he leaned up to my ear and whispered, “Evan said it was my job to win you back.”
My chest swelled with something I didn’t want to acknowledge, and I pulled back, raising my eyebrow at Eli. “He did, huh?”
He grinned. “Yep. He said that I had to make this morning the bestest so you would be happy and forgive him for being a douche.”
“He said all that? Wow.” I tried to keep a straight face.
“Yep.” Eli looked so proud of himself. “So now you can’t leave us again because you’re in our cwub.”
“Is that right, huh?”
“Yep.” He continued to play with his figurines, obviously satisfied that it was settled. If only it were that simple. It was cute—using Eli to try to break down my defenses, I’d give Evan that—but it would take more than a morning spent with one of the cutest kids ever to repair the damage.
My cell phone started vibrating, and I dug it out of my pocket. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” Evan’s voice was strained. “We’re back.”
“Everything okay?”
“It will be.” He let out a long sigh. “Can you put him on?”
“Sure. Eli, it’s Evan.”
Chubby hands snatched the phone from me, and he shrieked down the line, “She’s back in the cwub.”
Oh, Jesus.
Eli listened attentively to whatever his brother was telling him. When Eli said bye, he handed me back the phone and started packing his toys back into his bag.
“Becca?”
“It’s me. I’ll bring him back now.”
“Okay.” He paused. Silence filled the line, and I almost hit the end call button, but then Evan said, “I’ll never forget this.” The line went dead, and I helped Eli gather the rest of his things. We walked hand in hand in comfortable silence, the fall wind lapping at our jackets. But my mind was anything but silent, and all I kept thinking was … damn these Porter brothers.
~
“How is she?” We stood awkwardly in Evan’s hallway while Eli crashed on the couch. He had literally bound through the door, hugged his brother, and declared, “Naptime.”
Evan clutched the back of his neck and looked at the floor. “She’ll be okay. She’s sleeping it off; the doctor gave her some strong pain meds.”
“Good. That’s good.”
The silence between us was almost unbearable.
“I—” We both went to speak, and I stopped to let Evan go.
“Thank you. I know I keep saying it, but it means a lot.”
I pressed my lips together; my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. Things weren’t the same anymore. I felt … I felt awkward and out of place and like I shouldn’t be here.
“Becca …”
“It was no problem. He’s just a kid; it’s fine.”
“Well, thanks. I appreciate it.”
I nodded, the huge lump in my throat preventing me from saying any more.
“Listen, I wondered if—”
“I guess I should go.” I cut him off. “I’m glad your mom’s okay. When Eli wakes up, tell him I had fun.”
Evan’s eyes narrowed, searching my face, but I forced my lips into a smile and turned for the door. My hand curled around the handle only for his voice to stop me.
“I want to fix this, Becca. I want to—”
“Goodbye, Evan.” I yanked it open and slipped through the gap, closing the door behind me. I couldn’t do this. It was still too raw, too soon, so I kept walking, fighting the urge to look back. It was better this way. If I kept him at arm’s length, he couldn’t break down my walls again. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. Because today had made me realize something—Evan and I, we were a disaster waiting to happen. He still hadn’t come clean about his relationship with Kendall, and I still hadn’t come clean about what really happened back in Montecito. In a strange way, we were even.
And maybe it was better that way.
Evan
Standing across the hallway, I watched Becca. If she felt me, she didn’t show it as she walked to her locker, traded some textbooks, and headed for her next class. A couple of guys nudged one another, blatantly staring in her direction. Fuckers. I hated that she was still the talk of CH. In a regular high school, kids could be mean, but in a place like Credence, kids could be downright vicious.
After her reaction to being outed by Kendall and discovering the truth about Peters and me, I half expected her to run, like Ami had, but I should have known better. Becca was a fighter. People might have thought her “don’t give a crap” vibe was a front, but I knew it wasn’t. She really didn’t care. And that scared me. When people reached the point of feeling like they had nothing left to lose, things could turn to shit pretty quick.
“So?”
I turned to find Peters beside me. “So what?”
“So what happened on Saturday?”
I didn’t feel entirely comfortable being this out in the open with Peters. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, but I just didn’t let many people in. In fact, Becca was the first person I had truly opened up to. And look how that turned out.
“You were right.”
“I was?” Confusion clouded her eyes.
“She’s shutting everyone out. Me included.”
“Most of all you,” she corrected. Damn her. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know. I didn’t need the reminder.
“But she helped you out with Eli?”
“I don’t think she did that for me.”
“What do you mean?”
We hung back waiting for the hallways to empty.
“She did it for Eli.”
“Well, duh, the kid’s a total cutie.”
Yeah, and he had Becca wrapped around his little finger. I ran a brisk hand over my head. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I grumbled.
“What? It isn’t like you don’t know you screwed up. We should have come clean sooner.”
It was too late now. “Just keep an eye out for her, okay? Some of the rumors making the rounds are ...”
“Yeah, I’ve heard them. I almost kneed Calvin Trovers in the balls on Friday. Even if Kendall hadn’t pulled her little photo stunt, you know this would have come out eventually.”
She was right. From the first day she arrived, Becca stood out like a sore thumb. Sure, she’d worked hard to blend—changing her image and hanging around with Peters and her crowd—but a nose piercing and black skinny jeans could only hide so much. First impressions stuck and Becca hadn’t exactly made the best one.
“She has to come around eventually,” I said, but from the look in Peters’ eyes, she believed my words as much as I did.
~
“Hi, baby, you’re home.”
My eyes landed on the pan on the stove. It might have been a normal sight except it was attached to my mom’s hand. “You’re cooking?”
“Try not to sound so surprised, Evan. I’m quite capable of cooking.”
Just because she could didn’t mean she did. I couldn’
t remember the last time she had done something more than turn the dial on the microwave or push down the lever on the toaster.
“Where’s Eli?” I scanned the room, half expecting to find him curled on the couch since he hadn’t met me at the door.
“Over at Mellie’s. I thought we could talk.” She stirred the contents of the pan and placed the spoon down on the counter, motioning to the stool.
“I’ll stand.” I leaned against the counter and folded my arms across my chest.
“I guess I deserve that.” She frowned, creasing the bruised skin around her eyes. It had only been a couple of days, but her face already looked better. The swelling around her lip had gone down, and the split skin was knitting together.
“Can we not do this?”
“Evan, please, I am trying here ...”
“What happened Saturday?” I said, earning me a hard glare. That was more the mom I recognized, not this fake one standing in front of me attempting to play Susie Homemaker.
“I already told you. I fell.”
“Fell, right.” If she insisted on lying, she could have least picked something a little more believable.
“What if he’d found you? He’s not even four; he shouldn’t have to see that shit. They could take him away …”
“No one is taking my baby away from me. I told you. I fell. It was silly of me. Shaun said—”
“You think I want to hear about the jerk who did this to you? You think I like finding my mom trashed out of her face and bleeding out on her pillow?” Her face paled, but I couldn’t stop. “You need help. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for your child. He deserves better.”
“Evan, I …” Her voice quivered. “I’m trying. I am.”
“Try harder.” I walked away, leaving her standing there next to the pan of boiling spaghetti. We’d had this conversation too many times over the past couple of years, but it was always the same. She’d promise to change but then fall into her old habits before the week was over. It didn’t help that the only family she had to turn to were rotten to the core.
Inside my room, I leaned my head back against the door, giving myself two minutes before life resumed. It hadn’t always been this way. Before Eli was born, things were normal for the most part. Mom adored my father, and he treated her right. Sure, they had their disagreements like any couple—mainly about Mom’s family—but we did regular things together. The year Eli was born, I turned fourteen. I gained a brother and lost my father. He hadn’t wanted Mom to keep the baby and made that obvious during the entire pregnancy. And, for a while, I resented the life growing inside her because he was ruining everything. But the day they brought Eli home and placed him in my arms, none of it mattered. Not the constant arguments or the nights I spent listening to Mom cry through my bedroom door. Because Eli was an innocent baby, and he deserved better. When Dad finally left, he did us all a favor. I thought we could move on with our lives, just the three of us. But it didn’t happen that way, and by the time Eli turned one, Mom was barely functioning.
The slamming of the front door pulled me from my thoughts, and a familiar voice filled the house. “Mom, Ev, I’m home.”
My door handle rattled, and I turned to open it. “Did you have fun?”
“I missed you.” Eli threw his arms around my waist and squeezed.
I ruffled his hair and said, “I missed you too, bud.”
“Mom said we’re going Auntie Ewaina’s.”
My blood turned cold. “She did, huh?”
“Will you come, pwetty pwease?”
Mom appeared in the doorway and met my eyes. “I thought you could drive us.”
Of course, she did.
“Fine,” I ground out, the word almost choking me.
Eli cheered and disappeared out of the room in search of his backpack, and Mom stepped closer. “Would it really hurt you to make a little more effort with them? After everything they do for us.”
I smashed my lips together to avoid saying something I would regret. She only saw a free meal ticket and the parties. And while they might have been her family, they sure as shit weren’t mine.
~
“Ellen, what the hell happened?” Elaina held my mother by her shoulders, inspecting her face. “Darryl, get out here and look at this.”
“Oh, stop, it’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Elaina shot me a look over Mom’s shoulder, and I glared back. What the fuck did she want me to say? She knew how much Mom liked to go out with guys who enjoyed a drink as much as they enjoyed knocking around the women on their arm.
“Keep it down, woman.” Darryl stomped into the hallway where we were gathered. His white wifebeater dirtied with grease. “Kids.” He addressed Eli and me and then leaned over his wife’s shoulder to get a better look at my mom’s face. “Jesus, Ellen, who do I need to beat the shit out of now?”
“Come on, buddy.” I tugged on Eli’s hand. He didn’t need to be around this. “Let’s go find Rocky.”
Eli ran off in the direction of the yard, the most likely hideout for their Rottweiler, and I followed. Darryl’s house was a big two-story on a corner plot with a six-foot fence around the perimeter. It made our one-story house look like a small apartment. But what it made up for in size, it lacked in condition. The spare room had been turned into an extension of the automotive shop Darryl ran out of his double garage, and it wasn’t unusual to find a trail of motor oil in the kitchen. Outside was no better. Half of the large yard was full of chopped up motors and engine parts while the other half was the dog’s territory. It was there I found Eli throwing the ball for an eager Rocky. The dog was huge and had a bark that would make most grown men piss themselves, but he was great with Eli. Patient and careful, he was more than happy to play fetch or follow Eli around while he explored the unruly patch of grass at the back of the yard.
I pulled up a garden chair and watched them together. A couple of minutes later, Darryl found me and dropped into the chair beside me. “How’s life been, kid?”
My body tensed. I hated being called kid, and he knew it. “Same old.”
He laughed. “Ain’t that the truth? Your momma’s face is a mess; you take her to get cleaned up?”
I nodded, leaning forward onto my fists propped up by my arms on my knees.
“Good, good.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “You gotta take care of her, kid. You might not need her anymore, but that kid over there does. If you need anything—money, food—you come to me, okay?”
To the average person, it might have been easy to mistake Darryl’s words for concern, but I knew better. I didn’t reply, letting the silence stretch out before us. It didn’t take long before he said, “I got a favor to ask you.”
And there it was.
“Look, Darryl”—I sat back and met his eyes—“I already told you I’m not interested.”
“I think you’re misunderstanding me, kid; I need you to do this for me. Besides, you had no problem shifting the gear last time.”
He didn’t know I only dealt with Peters and her crew. If word got around that I was running for Darryl O’Hare, it would draw too much attention. Not to mention jeopardize things for me at home. For Eli.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good. We gotta keep this in the family, kid, yeah?” He stood and raked a hand through his greasy hair. “Now that we cleared that up, why don’t you go and say hi to Kendall? I think she’s up in her room.”
Becca
“I’ll see you Thursday, Cindy. Night, Rusty,” I called as I zipped up my jacket.
“Night, sugar. Stay safe.”
The cool air hit me as I stepped onto the sidewalk. Fall was slowly becoming winter, and I tugged the zipper higher, burying my face in the collar.
“Hey,” a deep voice said.
“Malachi?”
Hands jammed in his pockets, he pushed off the wall and came over to me. “How’s it going?”
I glanced arou
nd. This was ... well, this was weird. Malachi had hardly spoken to me since the Scarlett-Evan thing. He didn’t go out of his way to avoid me or anything, but he was even quieter than usual.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, confusion furrowing my brows.
He offered a tight smile and nodded. “Yeah, I just thought you might need a ride home.”
“Don’t you have better things to be doing?”
Stubbing out the cigarette against the wall, he flicked the butt, and said, “Come on.”
Well, okay then. But then a thought crossed my mind. “Wait. Did Scarlett put you up to this?” I’d caught her looking at me a couple of times today like she wanted to come over and say something, but she never did.
He gave a throaty chuckle if you could call it that. Malachi’s expressions were pretty much all the same. “No,” he replied.
“Evan?”
Malachi threw up his hands. “I come unattached.”
“Okay, I guess.”
We walked to the small parking lot on the side of the diner where his beat-up Ford was parked.
“Is that thing road worthy?” I eyed it warily.
“Get in, Torrence,” he ordered, and I complied, wanting to get out of the cold.
“So this is new,” I said when he climbed inside.
“Look, I thought you could use a friend. What they did ...”
“Did you know?” Malachi had encouraged my relationship with Evan. It made no sense that he would know, but a lot of things didn’t make sense these days.
“I figured it out.”
I sat back, hands clasped in my lap. “Oh.”
“They just wanted to protect you, Becca.”
“Don’t, okay?” I let out a heavy sigh. “They lied, Malachi. They hurt me; he hurt me.”
“I know. Shit, I know.” He fired up the engine, and the car whirred to life. “Do you want to go somewhere?”
Did I? My social life was non-existent thanks to Scarlett and Evan. Even Lilly—although I expected it to happen—was back in Scarlett’s corner, and I had no one again.
“What did you have in mind?” Mom and Dad would flip when I texted them to say I wouldn’t be home, especially on a school night, but I couldn’t find it in me to care right now. I caught a hint of a smile on Malachi’s lips as he pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the street.