by L A Cotton
“Evan!” Eli bounded toward me, and I scooped him up. “Having fun, E?”
He nodded, his little face smeared with cake. “I’m cold, though.”
I glanced skyward. Thick clouds were rolling in, and rain was in the air. “Maybe you should come inside and check out some of those new toys.”
“Okay. Carry me? I’m sweepy.” He yawned, nestling against my shoulder.
“Sure thing, buddy. Come on.”
The beast of a dog followed us eagerly as we made our way inside. Kendall watched us, her eyes burning holes in me, but I didn’t acknowledge her. I was done acknowledging her. I would come here when necessary and keep the peace for Eli’s sake, but that was it.
“Kid.” Darryl rose from his chair the second I entered the living room. “I need you to look at something.”
“Jump down,” I said to Eli, handing him off to Mom. She smiled, acting like nothing was up—and maybe to her, it wasn’t. She wasn’t dumb or blind. She knew the kinds of business Darryl was involved with—so did Elaina—but they were all too happy to reap the benefits. They disgusted me.
“What?” My voice was clipped, more than I intended. But being here in their house had me on edge. Darryl cocked his eyebrow, probably shocked at my tone. If he was, he didn’t say anything as I followed him outside and around the back to his garage.
“Did you get my delivery?”
“Not cool,” I said. “That’s my house; my four-year-old brother lives there. What if he had—”
“Well, he didn’t, did he? This is the family business, kid. I need you; you need me. Seems pretty simple to me. We keep your momma out of trouble; you keep things ticking along nicely up at the school.”
I rubbed my temples, unable to meet his steely glare.
“Listen, kid. One way or another, this town will drag you under until you don’t know which way is up. You gotta learn to play the game. Stay on top. Soon that brother of yours will be at school. He’ll need things, want things. What are you gonna do? Get an honest-to-god job? Draw minimum wage and scrape by for the rest of your life? I’m offerin’ you something else, kid. Easy money. Big money. Keep shifting the gear, prove to me you can handle the small time, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll bring you into the big time.”
My eyes snapped to his. What the hell did that mean?
He let out a throaty chuckle. “I was like you once, kid. Wanted to change the whole fuckin’ world. Be someone good. A hard workin’ citizen for good old Uncle Sam. But then I realized that Credence is a cesspool. Ain’t no big dreams to be realized here. It’s a fight for survival, kid, and I didn’t plan on losin’. Got me a good woman and a princess to take care of.”
If only he knew. I could have said it right then; I could have dropped the bombshell that would bring his own world down around him. But it was my ace card—one that I needed to hold on to in case shit got too intense with Kendall.
“So what’ll it be, kid?” He scratched his jaw.
“I’ll get rid of it.” I kept my voice flat, noncommittal, but he must have interpreted my compliance to mean something else because a twisted smile cracked his face as if he thought I was on board with everything.
As if he thought I’d sold my soul to the devil.
And it occurred to me that maybe I had.
~
“Hey.” I made a beeline for Becca. She was wiping down a table, looking adorable in the candy pink uniform that hugged her curves to perfection. “I thought we made plans?”
“We did,” she said, refusing to make eye contact with me. “But Cindy called and asked me to cover. Sorry.”
I shrugged. It was no biggie; except after a day with my family, I needed to work off the tension coursing through me. I needed her.
“Hey.” My fingers reached for her hand, the one vigorously scrubbing the table. She froze, heaving a big sigh. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Fine.” Becca shirked out of my hold and moved to the next table. Cindy caught my eye and smiled. I tipped my chin at her, focusing my attention back on Becca. “Hey, talk to me. What happened?”
“Nothing, Evan. Nothing is wrong,” she clipped. “I’m just tired and cranky, and my feet burn in these goddamn shoes.”
I searched her face for a sign she was lying. I’d come to learn the signs of when Becca was pulling away, but she’d promised. “You sure?”
Indecision clouded her eyes as her head bowed. “I had a fight with my mom.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. She’s just worried, about me … about us. It’s nothing I can’t handle. Don’t worry, okay?” Becca leaned up and pressed a kiss to my cheek. It wasn’t enough, but it had to be since we were at her work and Cindy was gawking at us across the diner.
“Can I hang out? Wait until you get off?” I sounded desperate. Needy. But I didn’t want to go home yet, and I didn’t want to drive around alone with my thoughts.
She laughed softly. It was like music to my ears, and some of the tension ebbed away. “Evan, I don’t get off until nine. That’s three hours away. Besides, Mitch is expecting a rush. I don’t want to be distracted.”
I closed the space between us, crowding her against the edge of one of the booths. “Are you saying I distract you?”
“Evan.” She batted my chest, trying to be angry with me, but the flush to her skin gave her away. “I’m at work.”
“Okay, okay.” I backed away, smiling. “I’ll go, but you’ll text me later? I can drop by and give you a ride home?”
“I can walk.”
“Becca,” I warned.
“Evan.”
My eyes snapped to hers, and she sighed. “Okay, okay, I’ll text.”
“Bye, Evan,” the older woman called out, being far too obvious that she was checking me out.
“See ya, Cindy.”
I left the diner and went back to the Impala. I couldn’t go home. Mom would want to talk, probably about today. I’d gone along and played my part, but I didn’t want to relive it again if I could avoid it. Pulling out my cell phone, I texted her to make sure Eli was okay. He’d crashed when we got home, waking only for Mom to change him into his pajamas. She texted right back, letting me know he was fine. That was good. He’d enjoyed today and wore a huge smile the whole time. But it wouldn’t be long before he sensed the strain between us—well, me and them.
Some days, I wanted nothing more than to pack our bags and drive far, far away from Credence and from Mom and Darryl and Kendall. But he needed Mom, and in a strange way, he needed Elaina and Darryl. Eli needed to know he had people who cared about him, and I guess, in their own strange and twisted way, they all loved him. It was the beauty of childhood. But I wanted more for him. A future full of opportunities and happiness, not … this.
I heaved a sigh, tilting my head back against the rest. It felt like the world was closing in around me, and I was just waiting for it to implode. I’d hoped that when Becca found out the truth about Kendall, a weight would be lifted—and in a way, it was—but now I had to keep a different secret. Dealing pot to a few kids wasn’t what I imagined for my senior year, but it didn’t upset my moral conscience too much. I did it to keep Darryl off my back and out of our lives as much as possible, but after today, I realized this was just the initiation into something much bigger. Something I wanted no part of.
Something I didn’t know if I could avoid.
~
Thanks for the ride.
I smiled to myself, texting back.
No problem. I should have driven you out to the fields again.
Evan …
Rolling onto my back, I bent my legs and stuck an arm behind my head. She was so easy to mess with.
What? I miss you.
I miss you too, but tomorrow we get to spend the day together.
… with a hyper four-year-old.
It was a joke—I couldn’t wait to spend the day with Eli and Becca. I’d planned a surprise for them both. But it meant we would have to be on our best behavior, something that
was getting harder and harder every time we were together. My cell phone pinged.
You love him.
Yeah. I do.
I’d almost added something else, but I didn’t know if she was ready to hear it. Those three words changed things. There would be no coming back from them, and I’d just got her back. I didn’t want to risk scaring her off.
Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning x
Night, Evan x
I closed my eyes and imagined a different life for myself. One with Becca and Eli. It was a dream, wishful thinking, but in a place like Credence, it was all you had.
Becca
My hands trembled at my sides, slick with sweat. I hated this. Everything about it felt wrong—was wrong. But it was the only way I could protect myself. I knew that now.
I thought I could ignore Kendall and she would go away. But she wasn’t going to, and now she had me right where she wanted me.
Her heavy stare burned into me, and I glanced back, meeting her eyes. Pleading. Don’t make me do this. An ugly smirk cracked over her face, and she motioned for me to get on with it. I pulled out the white note, taking a second to check no one was around and slipped it through the vent on my friend’s locker. When I turned around, twisted satisfaction shone in her eyes and an unspoken message passed between us.
Stage one, complete.
~
“Lilly, what is it?” I jogged up to her as she cut across the grass, eyes raw and puffy.
“I ...” She sniffled. “Jay ... I think Jay’s cheating on me.”
“He would never,” I said with conviction, guilt swamping me.
“I got a note, but I think it was for him.”
“A note? What did it say?”
“I-I can’t, Becca. Sorry.” She barged past me, tears dripping down her face, and rushed inside.
“What was that all about?” Evan appeared, his gaze settled on me. Did he know? Could he see the betrayal in my eyes?
“Lilly, she thinks Jay is cheating.”
“You’re joking, right? He would never ...”
I shrugged, pressing myself into his frame, hiding the shame on my face. Evan’s arms looped around me and he held me.
“Eli loved yesterday.”
“It was fun.” And it was. Except every laugh, every smile was strained, dragged down by Kendall’s instructions. My first dare. If the four-year-old noticed my agitation as we spent the time at the fairground visiting the next town over, he didn’t let on. His older brother, however … well, I was pretty certain he sensed the change in me. I’d tried to distract him with my touch … my body … my kisses. But from the way he held me now, I wasn’t sure my plan worked.
“Are you sure everything is okay?” He stared down at me, and I nodded, forcing my best smile. ”You’d tell me, though? If something was bothering you, you’d tell me?”
“Evan.” I leaned up on my tiptoes, sealing my lips to his. “Everything is fine.”
If I kept telling myself that, telling him that, maybe one of us would believe it.
~
“Come on, babe. It’s bullshit. You know I didn’t do it.” Jay’s voice cracked, the pain evident in his tight jaw.
Lilly’s body heaved with the force of her tears. “The note says ...”
“I don’t care what the fucking note says; I didn’t touch anyone else. It’s lies, all of it. I love you, Lil, only you.” He reached for her, but she reared back, a fresh wave of tears spilling. The whole hallway watched the scene play out, whispering and pointing.
“Shit, shit.” Scarlett came up beside me, and then she was gone, moving toward them. She wrapped a protective arm around Lilly, shooting Jay daggers.
“Back off, Scarlett. This is between me and Lilly.”
“Walk away, Jay. She doesn’t need the entire school hearing this bullshit. Go, cool off.”
They stared each other down as Lilly cradled into Scarlett’s arm. Malachi and Vin appeared and managed to drag Jay away. The look of defeat and desperation on his face winded me. Sucked the air clean from my lungs.
“Beautiful, don’t you think?” a voice whispered over my shoulder. I didn’t acknowledge Kendall. It wouldn’t do me any good. But I couldn’t help it when the word why tumbled from my lips.
“Why not?” she said. “They walk around here like they’re untouchable; Scarlett Peters and her merry band of fucking freaks.” Venom dripped from her words. This was personal for her, and she was using me because it made it all the sweeter. “Two down, two to go.”
I didn’t ask what she meant.
I didn’t want to know.
~
“God, I love your neck.” Evan peppered kisses along my collarbone, threading his fingers into my hair, and my body arched into him.
We were on his bed, making the most of the hour before Ellen returned from the store. I moaned softly when his teeth grazed my ear. Evan rolled on top of me, nestling between my legs, pushing his jeans-covered erection into the apex of my thighs. “What do you want, Becca?”
It was such a loaded question; only he didn’t know that. He didn’t know that I wanted to go back in time and change things. To erase Kane Larson from my life. To make different decisions. But a small part of me, the part of me here at this moment with Evan, knew that if it wasn’t for Kane, I would never have ended up in Credence. I would never have met Evan or Eli or Cindy or Scarlett. I wouldn’t be here tangled on the bed with Evan.
“Evan, I ...”
The sudden urge to tell him came over me—to share my deepest, darkest secrets. But if he knew, would he comfort me and tell me everything would be okay? Or would he leave me cold and alone? Disgusted by the girl underneath the mask?
I’d almost killed someone.
Until Dad arrived, I’d thought for sure Kane Larson was dead, lying unmoving and twisted at all angles, blood seeping from his head. Blood. There was so much blood.
“Becca?” Evan nudged my cheek with his nose, coaxing me back to him. “What is it?”
I leaned up and kissed him, quieting the noise and the memories I wanted nothing more than to erase. He held back at first, resisting my advance. I looped my arm around his neck, splaying my fingers against his shoulder. ”Kiss me; you have to kiss me,” I murmured. Begged. Kane Larson was like a stain on my soul that only Evan’s touch could erase.
“Talk to me.” His lips found my skin again, and I knew what he was doing. He was trying to coerce me into talking. I clamped my legs around his hips, arching into him, trying to ease the throb I felt.
“We can’t keep doing this,” he whisper-moaned.
He was right. We couldn’t. But when we stopped, so would this thing growing between us. I pressed my head back into the pillow, staring up at him. “You have your secrets, and I have mine, remember?” I threw his words back at him.
“No more running, remember?” His brows furrowed.
“I’m not running. I promise.” I wasn’t, but he didn’t need to know what I was doing either. Not yet. I would play Kendall’s game and hope that, in the end, she would back off. And in the meantime, I would cling to Evan, holding on with everything I had.
“Shit, time really flies when you’re having fun,” he grumbled.
“No.” I gasped, arching my body into his. He couldn’t stop now, not when I needed him to calm my nerves.
“Thirty-five minutes, max.”
I brushed my nose along his jaw, following with a kiss. “We can be quick.”
“Becca.” His hands gripped my shoulders. Not forcefully, but with enough bite that I knew he would stop. “I want you so much, but we can’t keep doing this.”
My head rolled to the side.
“Becca …”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Talk to me, please.”
“There’s nothing to say, Evan. I wanted to spend what little time I have with you, alone, close to you. Is that such a crime?”
His hand palmed my cheek, urging me to look
at him. “No, it isn’t. But I know you, Becca. I know something is going on with you. Is it Kendall? Is she—”
I pushed Evan away, wriggling out from under him until I was sitting on the edge of the bed. “It has nothing to do with Kendall.”
Liar.
He shuffled behind me, kicking his legs on either side of me. His arms went around my waist, his chin dropping to my shoulder. “So what is it?”
“My mom, she …”
Liar.
“I’m right here.” His lips connected with the skin just below my ear.
“She’s riding me hard about you. Giving me the ‘you don’t have time for boys’ speech. I think she’s just worried about my grades and college applications.”
LIAR.
That was more like a half truth. She was worried. But it wasn’t the reason I was worried.
“She doesn’t think I’m good enough for you.”
I flinched at the defeated tone in his voice. “Evan, I … That’s not it.” Shit. This wasn’t the conversation I wanted to be having right now. Not when I had to leave so soon. I twisted my body, sitting in his lap. “Don’t think that; it’s not about you, I promise.”
“You’re making a lot of promises lately.”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Becca. It means nothing.”
God. I hated this—the distance, the secrets between us.
“So what if she does think that, and I’m not saying she does. I. Don’t. Care.”
He leaned in closer. “Maybe you should.”
I leaped up, running my hands down my sides. “I’m going to go before one of us says something we’ll regret. I’m fine, Evan. You have to believe me. It’s just normal senior stress. My mom has all these ideas about the ‘senior experience.’ She doesn’t get it; she doesn’t get Credence. Don’t worry about her, okay?” I reached out for him, relieved when he slid his hand into mine. “Don’t let her be another thing to come between us.”
Evan stood, tugging me into his arms. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I overreacted. Maybe she should officially meet me?”