by L A Cotton
“She’ll come around.” I hoped. It was ironic really; I had a mother who didn’t care enough, and Becca had one who cared too much.
“Come here.” My hand reached for her, and Becca came willingly. I tugged her up and said, “I want to know everything about you, Becca. The girl you were before you came here. What your hopes and dreams are. What you want from life. This is a big deal to me. You know I have a hard time letting people in but not with you. Never with you.”
“Evan, I—”
My lips slanted over hers. We could talk later or tomorrow or the next day. Right now, I needed something else from her. Becca murmured against my mouth, trying to wriggle out of my grasp. “Everything. I want to know everything,” I whispered. “But right now, I really need to kiss you.”
Becca
“Where were you?”
“I already told you, Mom. We fell asleep.”
“And that’s supposed to make everything okay? You spent the night at that boy’s house.”
“That boy has a name. He’s a good person, Mom; you saw how he was with Eli.”
Her lip twitched. “About that, does that happen often? He’s just a child; he needs adult supervision. I’m not sure I want you around that, Becca. It’s too much responsibility. It’s your senior year; you need to focus on classes and college.”
I squeezed my eyes tight, breathing through the anger rising in me. When I met her gaze again, I said, “Evan is one of the most selfless people I know. You don’t know anything about him because you didn’t ask.”
“Becca, I ...”
“No, Mom. This is our life now here in Credence. Did you know that most of my friends live in a trailer park? A trailer park, Mom. Does Montecito even have a trailer park? Kids don’t dream of going to college or getting out of here; they dream of getting a minimum wage job to help support their families. Look around you, Mom. Open your eyes. This is our life now.”
My chest heaved, and a tear slipped from my eye. Mom’s face was pale; she looked nauseous. “I’m sorry, okay. I get it. I screwed up. I ruined everything. But you can’t keep punishing me. I am trying, really trying to make things work.”
“You think I’m punishing you?” Her voice was so quiet it hurt.
“Aren’t you? Kane Larson was a mistake. A big, ugly, twisted mistake. But I was seventeen, Mom. I was young and stupid, and I have learned my lesson. Evan respects me, he’s patient and kind, and he would never hurt me. Why can’t you see that?”
For a second, I thought I had her—I thought she was about to apologize and declare her support for me, for Evan and me. But then her mask snapped back into place. “Your father and I didn’t give up everything so you could throw your life away for someone like Evan.”
Her words were like a slap in the face.
Someone like Evan?
“You might be eighteen, but while you live under my roof, I will do everything in power to protect you, even if you don’t like it. You need time, Becca. You need to come to terms with everything and find yourself again. This”—she swished her hand through the air—“is not you. You’re confused and scared, and you aren’t thinking straight. I want you to cool things off with him and give yourself some time to grow and settle. You might hate me now, but it’s for the best, and one day you’ll see that.”
My mouth hung open, unable to form words. Defeated, I turned and went to my room. She called me back, but I ignored her. When we’d first moved to Credence, Mom was so positive, as if a new town held the answers to our problems. I knew she and Dad were disappointed in me when they found out the truth about Kane, but what parent wouldn’t be? I’d let myself believe that in time she would forgive me because they loved me unconditionally. And she did love me—I didn’t doubt that—but it was clear she didn’t trust me to make better decisions.
Maybe she never would.
~
“Scarlett got a four-week suspension until they investigate.” Lilly appeared while I collected some books from my locker.
“Four weeks?”
She nodded. “Principal Garraway knows if they searched the lockers of the entire senior class, they would find more pot than they could handle. That and the fact her mom uses it for medicinal purposes could work in her favor. I don’t think they’ll be able to expel her.”
“That’s good, right?” I slammed the door, and we walked to class.
“Maybe. I don’t know. But it’ll be her final strike, Becca. She won’t be able to screw up again, or they’ll have no choice but to kick her out. I still can’t believe someone pulled that shit.” She leaned in close. “Do you think it was Kendall? I mean it makes sense; she hates Scarlett.”
My spine went rigid. “She’s a bitch, but what does she stand to gain?”
Lilly groaned as Jay rounded the corner with Evan beside him. His mouth had curved with tenderness before he slipped his arm around my waist. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I replied, replaying Lilly’s words over in my head.
“Want to blow off class?”
“What? Now?” I glanced over at Lilly and Jay talking in hushed voices. “That’s new.”
“I told you they’d work it out.”
It was still strange to see Evan with anyone, but sometime in the past couple of weeks, he’d slipped into the group with ease.
“No, Jay, that’s not fair.” Lilly marched off, leaving Jay standing there looking defeated.
Evan grimaced. “I guess I spoke too soon.”
“She has to come around eventually. I didn’t do shit with no girl.” Jay ran a brisk hand over his head.
“You guys will work it out,” I said over the guilt strangling me.
He looked down the hallway where Lilly had disappeared into the morning crowd. “I hope so. She’s my life. I’ll catch you guys later.”
“I hate this.”
“Becca, it’s not your fault. They’ll work it out, I promise. As for this shit with Peters, it’ll blow over. She’s not the first kid to be caught carrying pot, and she won’t be the last. It’s not worth their time pursuing it.”
I wanted to tell Evan not to make promises he couldn’t keep, but I smashed my lips together.
“Are you okay? After yesterday?” His eyes searched mine. “I didn’t want to get you into more trouble with your mom.”
“She’ll come around.”
I’d spent the rest of Sunday in my room, sulking. Mom was asking too much of me. I couldn’t stop seeing Evan; I wouldn’t.
“It’s fine.” It came out sharper than intended, but I was exhausted. “We’d better get to class.”
My cell phone vibrated. I knew it wasn’t Evan because he was right here. And Lilly would already be in class. Which meant …
I grabbed Evan’s arm. “Hey, I need to pee. I’ll be quick. Meet you in class, okay?”
A frown crossed his forehead. “You want me to wait?”
“I’m quite capable of getting from the bathroom to class. Go, you can tell Mr. Phillips where I am.”
Evan held my gaze for a second before nodding. When he disappeared around the corner, I dashed into the bathroom and into one of the stalls, digging my phone out of my pocket.
Break. His. Heart.
My body crumpled onto the toilet as I read the words over and over. She didn’t mean … She couldn’t. There was no way. I wouldn’t do it. My fingers flew over the screen.
No.
It bleeped again.
You have until the end of the week.
End. It.
The room started spinning, and I dragged air into my lungs as I tried to focus. Kendall wanted me to break up with Evan, but it was more than that. She wanted me to hurt him. After everything we’d been through, he wouldn’t just let me walk away. Evan would demand answers; he’d push and push until I told him the truth, and she knew that. But if I did something to hurt him, something to make him question everything …
I couldn’t do it.
I’d rather see the look of disgust in his eye
s when he found out the truth. A fresh wave of pain washed over me. There was too much at stake—and Kendall didn’t even realize the power she held by discovering those photos. If I didn’t do it, and the photographs came out, it could jeopardize everything my parents had done for me. People would ask questions, and Kane Larson would become real again and not just a monster in my dreams.
Another text came through, and my finger hovered over the screen.
Are you okay? Class started
Evan.
Loyal, protective, selfless Evan. If I hurt him, it would destroy him. I’d come to realize over the past few months that Evan needed me as much I needed him.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I texted him back.
I’m not feeling so good. Going to go home and sleep it off x
Wait for class to finish, and I’ll take you?
I didn’t reply.
~
Mom came and got me from school. The atmosphere was icy between us. But it was the least of my worries.
“You look pale; maybe you caught the bug Evan had.” Saying his name almost choked her.
“Maybe.” I rolled my head to the window and pressed it against the glass, fogged with condensation.
“Becca, about yesterday …”
“Not now, Mom.”
“Okay.” Her voice was small, and we rode the rest of the way in silence.
When she parked, I climbed out and made my way up to the house, each step like trudging through quicksand.
“Something came for you earlier. I still don’t like it, Becca, but I think maybe I underestimated Evan.”
“What?”
Mom unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Come on; you’ll see.”
I followed her into the kitchen, and the thud of my pulse against my skull destabilized.
“You really don’t look well; maybe I should take you to the medical center?”
“No, I’m fine. Just feel sick. I’ll be fine after some water and my bed.” Which was where I planned to spend the rest of the day until I figured out what the hell I was going to do.
“Look. Aren’t they just lovely?” My eyes landed on the bouquet placed in the middle of the kitchen table. “I put them into a vase already; they’re too pretty to dry out. There was a card, but I didn’t read it.”
Mom handed me the card, and I sat down, opening the seal.
“Well, what does it say?”
I can’t stop thinking about you
It was everything
“Becca, what is it?”
Somewhere in the periphery of my mind, I heard her, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the card. It made no sense.
“N-nothing,” I stammered, but she was hovering over me, straining to see the message.
“What does that mean ‘it was everything.’ What was everything?” Her lips were moving again, making sounds, clattering against the noise already drowning out everything in my head.
“He doesn’t mean …” Disappointment glistened in her eyes. “Becca, tell me he doesn’t mean what I think he means.”
“I can’t do this.” I barged past her, running down the hallway, taking two stairs at a time. Why would he do this, knowing that my mom would take the delivery? It made no sense.
Nothing made sense anymore.
I slammed the door behind and threw myself on the bed. I wanted to scream, to tear the pillow apart until it was nothing but feathers and shreds of cotton. I wanted to hurt something—hurt myself—just to feel the pain shattering through me. Because anything had to be better than this. Living a lie. Fighting to stay afloat.
“Becca?” Mom called through the door.
“Go away,” I yelled.
“Becca, did something happen?”
“Go. Away.” It was a guttural roar, ugly and deafening; I didn’t even sound like myself. Mom’s footsteps sounded outside my room, and then she was gone.
And I was alone.
My cell phone bleeped. I wanted to throw it against the wall and watch as it smashed into a thousand pieces, but as I clutched it in my hand, something stopped me.
I’ll be home early. We need to talk. Dad x
So he could give me another lecture about Mom, no doubt. I flung it across the bed and closed my eyes. If I squeezed really tight and focused on the sound of my heart galloping in my chest, the thoughts almost faded into nothing.
Almost.
I didn’t know how long I laid there. Mom came and knocked again but respected my privacy when I didn’t reply. Hours passed, and dusk fell. I’d had text messages from Evan and Lilly, both worried about me, but I didn’t reply. I needed time. Time to decide what to do next. My cell phone lit up. I’d turned off the notification tones hours ago. I slid my finger across the screen, sucking in a sharp breath when my eyes landed on the words.
We should talk.
Now she wanted to talk? After making my life hell for the past few weeks? What could she possibly have to say to me? Before I had a chance to reply, another message came through.
Meet me at Rogues, in the parking lot
I wasn’t a fool; I knew she hadn’t had a change of heart—people like Kendall didn’t change. But maybe she realized I would never hurt Evan, not deliberately. It was a bad idea. I couldn’t trust her, but what choice did I have?
Evan
I checked my cell phone again.
Nothing.
Becca had disappeared from school and hadn’t been in touch since. I didn’t like it.
Everything was fine. I’d met her on the way to class, and we’d talked. I’d kissed her. And then she had doubled back to the bathroom and told me to go on ahead. The next thing I knew, she texted to say that she felt sick and was going home.
I’d played the scene over and over in my head. She’d seemed a little upset about Lilly and Jay, about her mom, but that was all. Wasn’t it? Things between us were good. Better than good. After dinner at her house, she came home with me and Eli and stayed the night. Laid wrapped in my arms as we slept. Eaten breakfast with us before sneaking home. I knew her mom had given her shit for staying out all night, but Becca had reassured me it was fine.
Everything was fine.
So why wasn’t she replying?
“Ev? Ev, come on. I wanna pwray.”
I pocketed my cell phone and went into the living room. Eli had set up his game on the table, staring eager eyes at me. “Is Becca okay?”
Crap. I shouldn’t have said anything to him. I didn’t want him to worry. When I’d picked him up from pre-K, I’d just assumed she was sleeping it off, but now my mind was in overtime.
“She’s sick, buddy.”
“Aww, man.”
I ruffled his hair. “Scoot over. Remind me how this one goes.”
He launched into a detailed recital of the rules, but my mind wasn’t in it. Mom would be back in an hour, tops, and I’d already decided I was going over to Becca’s house. Maybe she really was sick in bed. But she seemed fine. Regardless, I had to know.
“Your turn.” Eli nudged me, and I scooped the dice from his little hands. One hour. And then I would get some answers.
When the front door finally opened, and Mom’s voice filled the room, I felt ready to burst. Somewhere during the second game, I’d contemplated taking Eli over there with me. But I didn’t want to alarm her mom any more than necessary. She already thought I wasn’t good enough for her daughter; I didn’t need to add possessive stalker to the list.
“What are my boys doing?”
“We pwrayed my new game.” Eli went to her, hugging her tight.
“That’s great, baby. Evan, a hand, please?”
I relieved her of the grocery bags and started to unpack the items into the cupboard. “I need to go out for a bit. You’ll be okay?”
“We’ll be fine, won’t we?” She glanced over at Eli who was tearing into a bag of chips. He nodded eagerly.
“Are you going to Becca’s. Can I come?”
Mom tensed, and I quickly said,
“Not tonight, buddy.”
With the groceries put away, I grabbed my keys, said goodbye, and headed out, ignoring the feeling in my stomach. The one that told me everything was not fine.
~
“Evan?” Mrs. Torrence’s brows furrowed. “This is a surprise.”
I raked a hand through my hair, feeling as awkward as fuck. Despite my gut telling me everything was not okay, it still could be. There might be a perfectly reasonable explanation for Becca’s radio silence. “Hmm, is Becca okay? I haven’t heard from her since she left school this morning. I was worried.”
“Actually, she’s out.”
“Out?”
Something clouded her eyes. Confusion. Worry. I couldn’t quite make it out. But I didn’t like. I didn’t like it one bit. “Yes,” she said. “She spent most of the day in her room, resting, but she came down a couple of hours ago.”
“Do you know where she went?”
“I’m sure if she wanted you to know, you’d know.”
Code for ‘it’s none of your business.’ Perfect. I fought back the growl clawing up my throat. I knew she wanted to protect her daughter, but she had no fucking clue what life was like for Becca since starting Credence. If she did, she wouldn’t be acting so nonchalant about Becca’s weird behavior today.
“When she gets home, I’ll tell her you stopped by.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. But as I turned to leave, her voice stopped me in my tracks. “The flowers were a lovely gesture, Evan. Not many boys your age know how to be a gentleman anymore, but Becca has been through a lot. She doesn’t need this kind of pressure right now.”
Flowers?
Pressure?
I jammed my hands in my pockets and didn’t look back. It didn’t make sense. I hadn’t sent flowers. Once inside the Impala, I pulled out my cell phone and called Becca’s number. It rang out. Next, I tried Malachi. He answered on the first ring. “Yeah?”