“Okay,” he nodded his head slowly. “Did I tell you that I got what I wanted from you? Did I tell you out my own mouth that I was done with you?” he asked.
“No,” I shook my head.
“Okay then, ma, you gotta come harder than that. Tell me what’s really up. We all grown here so if you feel like you got something to say then just get it off your chest.”
I just put my head down because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share that part of my life with anyone yet. That was a part of me that I had vowed to leave behind in Detroit with the rest of all the bullshit I had been through in my life. Just thinking of it made me want to succumb to tears. It has been months since the last time I had even thought about it and I thought I would be over the situation by now, but I obviously wasn’t.
“I don’t know Sire, I’m just scared, okay? I’m honestly scared. I don’t know where this is going or what your intentions are and it really others me. The last time I really fell for someone, it was snatched away and ended before I could even really enjoy it, and I don’t want to go back down that road again,” I told him honestly.
“Alright,” he said before getting up and walking towards the door.
I sat there confused because one minute he was telling me to keep it real with him and say what’s on my mind, then the next minute he was just walking out. I didn’t know how to take that. Did that mean he didn’t want to take this serious? Did that mean he was leaving me alone because he didn’t want to pursue anything with me? What just happened? I thought to myself.
“Get your shit and come on!” he yelled out to me. “I don’t have all day to be waiting on you.”
With a smile on my face, I jumped up to gather my stuff. I should’ve known that I wouldn’t get a typical or normal response from Sire because he was far from a typical or normal nigga. I guess this was his way of telling me that we were going to see where this thing was going. I would ask him but he wasn’t in the hotel room anymore.
-$-
“What bitch clothes you got in here?” I asked as I walked in the closet.
After I checked out of the hotel room, Sire brought me to a house that wasn’t the one I had been previously staying in. Being my nosey self, I was going from room to room checking everything out. Now we were in the bedroom and I was going through all the closets and drawers.
“The bitch I had before you,” he said in his usual snarky tone.
I rolled my eyes at his smart mouthed ass. He could never just answer a question without being an asshole.
“How you gonna bring me here and you still got her fucking clothes in the closet and shit? What you doing, keeping them around just in case?” I questioned.
“Because man, just get the fuck out of the closet and sit your ass down somewhere! That’s why. The fuck, man,” he said like he had an attitude or something.
I walked out of the closet and looked at him like he was crazy.
“Who you think you talking to?” I asked him as I climbed in the bed with him.
“I’m talking to yo’ little annoying ass,” he told me.
I threw my leg over him and sat up so that I was straddling his lap, blocking his view of whatever he was watching on TV. I took my hand and played with his beard which had become one of my favorite things to do. I wasn’t really a beard lover but Sire made the shit look so sexy. He had some juicy lips that made you just want to suck and kiss on them all day. Thick, bushy eyebrows that were just right for him, smooth peanut butter skin, and dark eyes that told a story. What that story was, I don’t know, but I would love to find out.
“Sire, why are you so cold?” I asked him.
“That’s the only way I know how to be,” he said, staring me back in my eyes.
“So you ain’t never had someone to just love you, warm your heart and let you know it’s okay to show love in return?” I questioned.
“Like you said in AC, I ain’t found her yet. You gonna be that one, Lady?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I had to ponder for a minute. Was I going to be that one?
“I’ll be whatever you need me to be,” I told him sincerely.
“Don’ t play no fucking games with me, Lady. I wanted to kill the last bitch who played with me so if you fuck around, you might catch the raft she didn’t.”
The look in his eyes let me know that he wasn’t playing. Instead of being scared and running for the hills at his threat, I took it as a sign that he was just as scared as I was. Little did Sire know, I didn’t have any intentions on playing with him. I know what it’s like to want somebody but to feel played in the end, so I would never do that to him.
Twenty – Ryan
Sighing, I got out of the car and walked up to the house. This was really the last place I wanted to be but people were so persistent in seeing me that I knew I had to come just so they would leave me the fuck alone. Knocking on the door, I waited for an answer before stuffing my hands in my pockets. When the door came open, I got the shock of my life.
“Whoa! What the fuck is that?” I yelled.
“This would be your daughter,” Tasha said as she looked down at her small round belly.
“Nah man, get the fuck out of here!” I said as I turned around to leave.
“Seriously, Ry? You’re going to do me like that?” Tasha yelled after me.
After watching the bullshit my brother had to go through with Lexus and finding out that she could possibly be pregnant by the damn enemy, I wasn’t putting shit past these bitches these days. I hated to refer to Tasha as that but that’s how I was feeling. The last time I saw her she didn’t have a stomach, now all of a sudden, she looks like she swallowed a baby watermelon or some shit. Fuck no, some shit wasn’t adding up.
“How far along are you?” I asked as I turned around.
“Five and a half months. Before you ask, yes, I knew I was pregnant before you left me. I’m not one of those females that will throw the ‘I’m pregnant’ excuse out there just to keep a man. You wanted to leave so I let you leave. I knew you would find out eventually,” she said.
“That’s some bullshit and you know it, Tasha! You should’ve told me that shit as soon as you found out. Who the fuck keeps a pregnancy from their supposed baby’s father?” I spat.
“Don’t say supposed like I’m some type of hoe or something, Ryan. I may be a lot of things but a bitch that goes around fucking on anything ain’t one of them. You should know that by how long it took me to fuck you,” she rolled her eyes.
I just sighed because I didn’t need this shit right now. I had just bragged to Sire the other day about how I didn’t have any issues with getting anyone pregnant, and here comes Tasha pulling this shit. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with her ass but there is no excuse for not telling me that she was pregnant unless she didn’t plan on keeping it in the beginning.
“Ain’t shit changed, Tasha, I still don’t want to be with your crazy ass. But I’ll do whatever I have to do for my daughter and you should already know that,” I told her.
I just wanted to put that out in the open so I could make sure we had an understanding. The fact that she was pregnant didn’t change shit between us. I still didn’t want her crazy, dramatic, insecure, shit starting ass.
“That’s all I wanted, Ryan, I don’t care what we do. As long as you do for your child then I won’t have a reason to act crazy,” she said.
I knew she was just talking to be talking then, because you could do everything you’re supposed to be doing and Tasha would still act crazy on your ass. I’m not gonna lie, I used to think her acting crazy was cute at first, then she just took the shit overboard and never stopped being crazy.
If it wasn’t her popping up at campus, then she was following the fellas and I when we were trying to handle and take care of business. Don’t let another woman even look my way for more than a millisecond or her ass was ready to fight. I got tired of living like that. That last stunt she pulled, coming up to campus and flipping out on me and L
ady, was the last straw. I told her to get everything she owned and get out of my house. She tried to put up a fight but of course, I won in the end.
After leaving from dealing with Tasha’s crazy ass, I needed some peace and tranquility. I hadn’t talked to Candy in a few days so I thought I would go check on her and see what’s up. Ever since I found out who her ex was, it was kind of awkward being around her. It was as if that nigga was haunting me from the grave having me being so close to his girl so that I would never forget what I did to him.
Fucking around with Court back then, I used to always end up in some shit and didn’t even realize this nigga was the reason for all my problems. We would end up in shootouts in broad daylight, fighting everywhere we went, having more enemies than we could keep track of and all that crazy shit. In my mind, I’m thinking nothing is wrong and that’s the way that shit is supposed to go. The whole time it was just that fuck nigga Court getting us into shit because he was a stupid nigga, and my loyalty to him allowed me to be pulled into the shit.
It was just crazy but that Rafiq situation was always something that I wish I could take back. I knew shit had to be wrong when I walked up on this nigga and he greeted me with a smile that hid no type of malice, ill intentions or anything of the sort. But back then, I was just rowdy as fuck and trigger happy as hell. If I would’ve just taken a minute to examine the shit and really think about what Court was telling me, I never would’ve had to walk around with that guilt for all this time.
-$-
“Wow, what a surprise to see you standing on my doorstep,” Candy said as she opened the door.
“I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I would come see how you were doing,” I told her.
“I’m good,” she said not moving out of the way.
I looked at her through squinted eyes because her vibe was all off. I didn’t know what was up with her but she had never acted like this before. Usually, she would be all smiles and happy to see me. Today, I was feeling a little bit of an attitude and I didn’t know where it was coming from.
“You got company or something?” I asked as I peeked around her into the house.
“Anything else I can help you with, Ryan?” she questioned with her arms folded, ignoring everything that had just come out of my mouth.
“Damn Candy, why you acting like that? What I do? I ain’t seen you in a few days so I come by to kick it with you and you giving me all types of attitude. Won’t even let me in the house like you don’t know me or something. If you got company then just let me know and I’ll be on my way,” I told her.
She rolled her eyes and I swear that was the first time I ever saw her do that. Usually all we did was laugh and smile when we were around each other, so to see her doing anything but that was a little weird. Comical, but weird.
“I just don’t have time for these games, Ryan. At this point in my life, I’m focused on my schooling and trying to get my degree. So therefore, I don’t have any desire to chill with a man who doesn’t plan on taking it any further than chilling. You’re here one day when you want to be all up under me, then I don’t hear from you in almost a week. Make up your mind and be constant at with what you do or just don’t bother me all together,” she told me, setting my ass straight.
I just nodded my head because I understood everything she was saying. I couldn’t do anything but respect what she said.
“You’re right Candy…Candace. You’re a beautiful girl, and I mean inside and out. Any man would be lucky to have you, but I know that man would never be able to be me. I only hoped that we could still remain friends but if not, I still wish you nothing but the best,” I told her as I kissed her cheek before walking away.
I just couldn’t do the shit. Every time I looked at her, I was constantly reminded of that night she damn near broke down while talking about her ex. Then to find out I’m the reason she’s even going through that at all, is just some shit I can’t deal with. Every time I look into her eyes, I see the pain and the void that she hopes to one day fill, and it would be the ultimate disrespect for me to ever try to be the one to do it. Most nigga wouldn’t give a fuck but it was just some shit I couldn’t do.
Twenty One – Sire
“You hungry?” I asked Lady as I drove.
She had been unusually quiet since I got back into town from taking care of business. I asked her what was up and she said she was fine, so I didn’t press the issue. The shit just seemed weird because she was never quiet; her ass always had something to say.
“Yea, but I can cook instead of us going out,” she said.
Before I could respond, my phone started ringing. Picking it up from my cup holder, I answered Ry’s call.
“What up little nigga?” I answered.
“Nigga, did you forget what today is and where you supposed to be?” he damn near yelled into the phone.
I scrunched my face up in confusion because it wasn’t registering what the hell today was. Ry’s ass loved talking in puzzles and making you figure shit out instead of coming right out and telling you what you needed to know.
“What’s today?” I asked.
“Muthafucka! It’s my mama birthday!”
“Oh fuck!” I yelled. “Nah nigga, I’m just playing. I’m on my way right now,” I laughed.
“Kasire, don’t play with me. I was about to hang up on yo’ ass and call mama to tell her that you forgot about her birthday,” his cry baby ass said into the phone.
“Now how yo’ no good snitching ass sound? I can forget anything else in the world but that’s one thing I won’t forget. I gotta get some gas then I should be pulling up shortly,” I told him.
“Alright, I’ll most likely meet you there,” he said before hanging up.
I put my phone down and glanced over at Lady who was staring out the window like she had a lot on her mind. I wanted to pick her brain about it, but Lady was stubborn as hell; if she didn’t feel like doing something, it wasn’t going to get done, so trying to get her to talk about it would be like pulling teeth. I guess we were alike in that way.
Pulling over into the gas station, I pulled up to the pump and cut the car off. While I was standing at the pump looking for my card to pay for the gas, I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in years.
“Hey, son.”
I looked at his ass and scoffed at him. All of a sudden, I got a bad taste in my mouth and my trigger finger started twitching. I hadn’t seen or heard from this worthless piece of shit since the day my auntie, or should I say my mama, came and took me out of his home.
“Fuck out of here nigga, you can get the fuck on with that bullshit!” I spat at his ass.
I saw Lady peeking through the window and I knew she was probably trying to figure out who this random ass nigga was, because I was too. I wasn’t his son and he damn sure wasn’t my father. I hadn’t had a father in the twenty-six years I’ve been on this earth. Even when my mama was still around, this nigga still wasn’t a father. He sat on his ass and refused to do anything that pertained to dealing with me. I got all my love, attention, and nourishment from my mama, before she just disappeared out of the blue.
I was trying to keep calm for Lady’s sake because she had never seen me when I got angry, and I would be no good to either of us if I got to that point.
This nigga laughed like somebody had told a joke or something as he walked closer to me, and my jaw starting twitching right along with my trigger finger. If this nigga knew what was good for him, he would be walking in the opposite direction to spare his life because I vowed that I would kill him if I ever crossed paths with him again.
“Look son,” he said putting emphasis on that word. “Regardless of how you feel, the fact still remains that I am your father and you will respect me. I don’t give a fuck how grown you think you are, I will still beat the fuck out of you. Ain’t shit changed. Don’t act like you don’t remember,” he taunted me.
Reaching behind my back, I pulled out my gun because this nigga wasn’t understa
nding my words, so I figured he would understand lead and bullets better.
“Nigga, try that shit if you want to. Come on, I dare you,” I told him.
“I should’ve gotten rid of you like I did that worthless ass bitch you called a mama. Neither one of y’all—”
That was all he was able to get out before I snapped. I slapped him across the face with my gun, knocking him to the ground, and I just kept swinging on him. So many memories from my childhood that have haunted me for years, came rushing back to me as I beat his ass.
Memories of my mama leaving for work and never coming back, my first ass beating, my first bruises, nights when I went to sleep without food, nights when the only thing I had to eat was bread, being locked in a closet for days at a time, cold showers at four years old. All that shit flashed in my mind as I lost it on his ass.
“Sire…SIRE, STOP!” Lady yelled, snapping me back to reality.
“Get the fuck back, Lady!” I yelled at her.
I took the cord from the pump and wrapped it around his neck. “Talk that hot shit now, nigga. You should’ve what? Huh? I can’t hear you?”
“Sire, please. Come on, it’s too many people out here and I’m pretty sure one of them has already called the police,” Lady pleaded.
Spitting on his ass, I let the cord and his body fall to the ground. He was bloody and missing a few teeth, I wasn’t sure if he was dead or not and I honestly didn’t give a fuck either. It wouldn’t make a difference in my life either way, even though I hoped the bitch was burning in hell right about now.
I jumped back in my truck and sped off, almost not giving Lady time to get all the way in. I was so pissed off and worked up that my adrenaline was high as hell right now. That nigga took me back to a place that I hadn’t been in years. Muthafuckas always wondered why I was so damn mean and why I was so brutal. If they had to go through the shit I endured at such a young age, for years, then I bet they would be the same way. I didn’t grow up in a house filled with love until I was damn near eleven years old.
A Lady & Her Sire: A Royal Love Affair Page 10