The sheriff continued, “You bring too many bad memories for too many people. Too many hard feelings. You tried to murder my boy, and I will never forgive you for that. Wherever you go, trouble is going to follow, and I don’t want any trouble in my town.”
“Middleton is big enough for everyone,” I said, standing up. “Just tell Barry to get off my back, and there won’t be any trouble.”
Sheriff Burke shot to his feet. “Is that a threat, Miss Anderson? Are you making threats?”
I could feel the heat rising in my hands and fingers. I ground my teeth. “No. No threat.”
“Good. Now get your skinny ass out of here before I charge you for loitering.”
I walked away, but at the door, I paused. “I’m not leaving town, Sheriff.”
“One way or another, yes you are.”
* * *
It had gone pretty much as I expected. Even though I felt that rage grow when I was in the sheriff’s office, I was proud of myself that I had maintained control. At least I wouldn’t have to wash soot off my fingers.
Uncle Edward stumbled to his feet trying to catch up.
“What happened in there?” he asked.
I spoke in a monotone voice. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“Don’t try to pull the wool over this little lamb’s eyes,” he countered. Halfway down the walk, he grabbed my arm. “What was said?”
I stopped short and took a deep breath. “It’s handled. We were very clear with each other where we stand. He wants me gone, and I’m not leaving.”
Uncle Edward’s face clouded over. “Ain’t his place to say who stays and who goes. Maybe I should have a little talk with him.”
“Look, Uncle Edward. It wouldn’t do any good. There’s too much bad blood between us. But as long as I keep my nose clean, he can’t do anything. Straight and narrow, that’s me. Like I said, it’s handled.”
He watched me for a second before nodding. Then he led me back to his pickup.
As I got in the truck, I spotted a black Camaro idling at the end of the street out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head to get a better look, the driver gunned the engine and peeled out. It was Barry, and even from that distance, I could sense the malice and hatred.
Maybe it wasn’t as handled as I had hoped.
Ten years. You would think that was enough time to get things in perspective and move on. Apparently, Barry couldn’t put the past behind him, and had let the memory fester like a burn. Would it never heal?
It had been an accident, and I—more than anyone else—had to live with the pain of my memories on a daily basis. How could it not have been an accident? I never even knew, at that point, what power I had within me. How could I have suspected? How could I have controlled it? This affliction had been, and continued to be, a force unto itself.
Maybe it was a mistake to think I could ever have come home. The pain and anger was obviously still fresh after a decade. I had been here less than a week and I had already come close to losing control twice. Was I delusional in thinking I could maintain that control in the face of certain confrontation with Barry and his father? I wasn’t sure if there was any way to diffuse this situation.
I had a decision to make, and I needed to make it soon.
Chapter Eleven
The next evening, I was standing behind the counter of the Lazy Z, leafing through a news magazine and feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I should just pack it all up and move along.
When the phone rang, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“Lazy Z Motel. How may I help you?”
“Hey, chicky. What’re you up to?”
It was Beth. I needed a friendly voice right now. My mood lightened immediately.
“Just hanging,” I said in a casual voice.
“Heard you had a bit of a rough night the other night—why didn’t you say anything?”
“Small towns!” I shook my head even though Beth couldn’t see me.
She said, “You know it! Barry’s a dick. But you can tell me all about it after work. What time are you off your shift?”
“Um.” I glanced at the clock. It was a quarter past ten. “Eleven.”
“Great! Get your fancy pants on and we’ll come by and pick you up in an hour.”
“Who’s we?” I asked. “And for what?”
“We is John and me. We got his mom to take John Jr. for the night. The what is The Trough. You’ve been pent up for ten years, girlfriend. Time to tie one on for old time’s sake.”
A sudden knot pulled at my stomach. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why not?” asked Beth. “What else you gonna do on a Saturday night? Curl up with a good book and a hot bath? Ain’t gonna happen as long as I’m your best friend!”
“Well, the sheriff is kind of gunning for me. I don’t want to give him any excuse.”
“What,” Beth said, “it’s not like going to a bar is a parole violation … or is it?”
“Well, one of my conditions is no alcohol.”
She scoffed. “Then we’ll order you a Shirley Temple. There’s nothing to stop you from going to a bar and saying hello, is there? There’s no law against dancing yet!”
“I guess that isn’t one of my conditions. But, still—”
Beth’s voice softened with concern. “You’re not breaking any rules. It’s Saturday night. What’s the problem?”
I sighed. “Well, besides you, I haven’t really felt welcome back in town. I thought I’d just lay low for a while, let everyone get used to me again.”
“That’s a load of crap, Darcy,” she said. When I didn’t reply, she added, “Hey, I already called everyone we know. Half our graduating class will be there. It’ll be like a reunion.”
Ugh! My gut twisted.
“Uh, Beth—”
She cut me off. “Hey, I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll give you until half past to grow a pair and get ready and then we’re going to come calling. It’s going to be a blast!”
But she had already hung up before I could launch another protest. I felt sick. I wasn’t ready for this. There had been too much turmoil in the past few days, too much change. After ten years of routine and structure, I had changed from that adventurous rebel to a shy and withdrawn wallflower.
But that was one of the reasons I’d come home again, instead of building a new life in a different town: deep down, I wanted to find that girl of my youth. I wanted to turn back the dial, reset my life, put the car in reverse and make a course correction.
I wanted to start over, and hiding out in my uncle’s motel wasn’t getting me anywhere except more depressed and uncertain.
Going out tonight scared me half to death, but if I had a support system in Beth and John, I thought I would be all right.
If I wanted to stack the deck and improve my odds of getting through my first official night back into normal society, though, I needed to add one more element.
* * *
I got as far as Neil’s motel room door and raised my hand to knock, but then I hesitated. Chewing on my lip, I took a step back. Maybe I should just forget it.
That night when Barry showed up it had been chaotic, violent and confusing on many levels. I was sure I had left a lasting impression, but not the kind I would have liked.
Neil probably thought I was a nut case, and having a public fight with my ex-husband probably didn’t help his opinion of me. He was probably just being valiant and polite when he offered to buy me a cup of coffee some time. I’m not sure that I would be so keen on seeing someone with so much obvious baggage.
I turned on my heel, deciding it was best to slink off into the night, when the room door opened. Framed in the doorway, Neil stood in only a pair of boxers and nothing else. I had a hard time taking my eyes off his sculpted chest.
His hair was disheveled from sleeping, and he rubbed one eye with the back of his hand.
“Darcy?”
Blushing, I forced a smile. �
�Hi!”
A puzzled look passed over his face before he returned the smile. “Uh, hi.”
“Did I wake you? I thought you said you never slept.” Inside, I was kicking myself for being so lame.
“I’m a light sleeper. It helps when you work nights. No, I love to sleep.”
“Oh, sorry. I’ll let you get back—”
“Was there something you wanted?” he asked, forestalling my retreat.
“Well, I just got a call from one of my friends and she’s making me go out tonight, and I just thought…”
His half-smile turned into a grin. “I’d love to!”
“Really?” I asked.
“Sure! What time?”
“Beth’s going to pick me up in about an hour.”
Neil smiled. “Enough time for me to grab a shower. Hey, thanks for the invite!”
“Oh, you don’t have to thank me.” I could actually feel the heat rise on my cheeks. I felt like I was at my first junior high dance. “You’re actually doing me a favor.”
Neil cocked his head in question and I waved him off.
“Never mind,” I said with a smile. “It’s nothing. I’ll see you in an hour.”
Grinning like an idiot, I practically flounced back to the office.
* * *
After showering and applying my makeup, I barely had time to finish drying my hair before someone knocked on my door. Still dressed in my bathrobe, I raced breathlessly to answer it. I hoped it wasn’t Neil yet; and at the same time, I hoped it was him.
It was Beth. Behind her in the parking lot, John sat in their minivan and waved at me with a lunatic grin.
Beth’s smile transformed into a frown. “Why aren’t you dressed?”
“Uh…” I looked down at myself and threw my hands up in helplessness. “All my clothes are ten years out of fashion.”
“Not a problem.” She ushered me into the room. “Let’s see what we have to work with.”
I closed the door behind us, leaving John outside waiting in the van.
Beth was already rifling through my dresser and closet, throwing articles of clothing here and there on the bed and mumbling to herself. “Ack! Yuk! Oh, my!”
Feeling self-conscious, I wrapped my robe tighter around my shoulders. “I haven’t had time to go shopping. Really!”
She shot me a withering look. “A girl’s got to have priorities. That’s next on our list. For tonight, though, this will have to do.”
It was my turn to be appalled. “That?”
She took a second look at the outfit, then nodded. “Yeah, that.”
I pointed at it, my eyes wide. “I was going to throw that away.”
“Don’t you dare! You’ll look hot in this.”
“It’s too short,” I said. “I hate miniskirts. I’m too old for that now.”
Beth made a face. “Gawd, would you listen to yourself. Just put it on. I guarantee you’ll get lucky tonight.” She clicked her tongue and winked.
I picked up the black miniskirt and held it to my waist, wondering how much thigh would show.
“Beth, I guess I forgot to tell you…”
“What?” she asked as she flipped through a few more articles of my clothing.
I chewed on my lip. “I kind of invited someone to go along. I hope that’s all right.”
“all right?” Beth practically shrieked for joy. “That’s great! That’s the Darcy I know and love. Not in town a week and you’ve already got them lining up.”
“Shut up! It’s nothing serious. Just a guy I met the other night, a guest here. Well, actually, he’s moving to town. Moved. He got hired as the new fire chief. Or he will be.” I hated it when I was tongue tied.
“Oh ho! You move quick. Gotta be careful around you. Do tell.” Beth held another blouse up to me to see if it would match. She tossed that one and searched for a more suitable candidate.
“Well, nothing much to tell,” I said. Then added in a lower voice, “He was here when Barry came in.”
Beth frowned. “Oh.”
“Yeah. And he saw the entire fight.”
“You must have been devastated,” she said, reaching out for my arm. Then she brightened. “But he still agreed to go out with you? He must have it bad for you!” She teased me with a scandalous look.
“Would you stop?” She had an uncanny ability to make me blush at the drop of a hat.
“Never.” Beth laughed and held up the final selection against my shoulders. “That’s the one. Now we just need to accessorize.” She waved at my robe. “Get out of that rag.”
* * *
Outside, dressed to the nines, I started to feel like a person again. Was this what normal felt like? John stuck his head out the window of the minivan and whistled a catcall.
Beth barked out, “John, quit being such an ass,” but she was smiling when she said it. I blushed despite myself, pleased at the compliment.
John glanced at something behind us, and Beth and I turned as one.
“Meow,” Beth commented. And when John opened his mouth to protest, she said, “Love you, babes!” But her attention, and mine, was on Neil.
In an obvious attempt to blend in with the local population, he wore a western shirt, tight blue jeans and a belt buckle. If he had worn a cowboy hat and boots, I probably would have laughed, but I found myself holding my breath as he sauntered our way. His playful smile faltered when he saw us staring.
“What? Too much?” asked Neil.
Beth raised her eyebrows. “Not at all! You must be Neil.” She held her hand out and they shook. “I’m Beth.”
“Please to meet you.” Neil took a step to the side and shook John’s hand.
“That’s my husband, John. He’s an accountant.”
“Heya,” John said by way of greeting. “You new in town, or passing through?”
Beth exclaimed, “John, don’t you have any couth?”
John made an innocent face. “What?”
Neil laughed. “Just moved here,” he said to John. “I’ll be working for the fire department.”
“Excellent!” said John “I do the accounting for them. I’m at the fire hall at least once a week. Great group of guys there.”
Beth gave me a knowing glance. “Well, if you two boys can tear yourselves away from each other, we should get going.”
Everyone piled into the minivan.
Chapter Twelve
I thought I was ready for it. I had three staunch supporters to back me up, but the moment I stepped into the bar, the overly loud music from the live band stopped me short.
The crowd pressed in on me, and a dozen heads turned in my direction, their looks hostile and accusing. A few people yelled at me. I suddenly wanted to be anywhere besides The Trough, but Beth grabbed my shoulders and firmly guided me all the way inside the bar.
“It’s all right,” she said. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I had to remind myself that I was in control, and nothing could affect me. My reintegration counselor had told me there might be times like these. I just had to take a mental step back and assess the situation objectively. Letting out my breath, I forced myself to relax and smile.
Once I was back in control, I looked around again. Now those people looking at me wore smiles rather than grimaces, I saw. The yells were shouts of greetings. The counselor had been right: it was just my insecurity and imagination getting the better of me.
“Come on,” said Beth. “Let’s go say hello.”
She grabbed me by the wrist and led me toward a group of our former high school classmates.
I shook hands with Arlene Kent, who had sat in front of me in algebra and occasionally let me peek at her homework. She introduced me to her husband, Willem Nelson. Back then, he had been on the football team; now he was balding and sported a hefty waistline. He told me he’d bought the used car dealership in town, and handed me his card. I thought he was a jerk back then, and my opinion of him hadn’t improved over time.
Francine Messerly was
one of those girls who flounced when they walked. In junior high, she had always volunteered for the spirit club and decoration committee. I found out she was twice divorced.
“I’m at a point in my life where I’m very happy to be single,” she told me. Her eyes, however, continually scanned the crowd; I assumed looking for new marriage prospects.
After a few more meets and greets, I began to loosen up. Now John and Neil were the ones looking out of place. John was a few years older than Beth and didn’t know her friends very well; and Neil, of course, didn’t know anyone.
Once the novelty of me wore off, I shouted to the three of them above the din, “Maybe we should get a table or something.”
Beth nodded and motioned for John to arrange it. With his bulk, he pushed through the crowd and we found an unoccupied table.
Neil pulled a chair out for me. I blushed and muttered a thank you that he couldn’t possibly hear.
Beth leaned over to me. “See, wasn’t so bad. Everyone was happy to see you. Only a few bad apples in the barrel.”
A waitress appeared. “What can I get you?”
John called out, “Beer! Bring a jug. First round’s on me.”
“Not for me,” I said. “Against the rules.”
I smiled up at the waitress. “Just water for me.”
John glanced at Neil, who nodded and said, “I’ll get the next round.”
“You got it.”
Beth tapped me on the shoulder. When I turned, she pointed at a middle-aged woman I recognized talking to a much younger man I didn’t.
“Check out Mrs. Haverstad,” Beth jeered at our old high school social teacher. I could hear the woman’s laughter from across the noisy bar. “Or should I say, ‘Ms.’ Haverstad.”
I raised my brows. “What, she got divorced from Bill?”
Beth nodded. “Yup. Dumped her like yesterday’s trash. Now she’s turned into the town cougar. Shameless.” She pointed to another woman. “Oh, there’s Charlotte Baker. You remember her?”
I remembered throwing up on her five-hundred-dollar shoes at a bush party when I was seventeen. After that, I don’t think we spoke more than two words the rest of high school.
“I’m not her favorite person,” I said.
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