by Jules Wake
I shook my head. He peered covertly around the restaurant before whispering. ‘No one noticed it wasn’t designer.’ Widening his eyes to emphasise the point, he added, still in a whisper, ‘I’ve worn it all week.’
I burst out laughing. ‘So you’re a convert now?’
‘Too right. I’ve been a mug, spending ridiculous sums of money on suits when no other bugger can tell the damn difference. I even asked Gav what he thought of my new suit. And he thought it was a Hugo Boss.’ He grinned at me and I smiled back, our eyes meeting with a flash of warmth. ‘What about you?’
‘My PA brought in the most hideous shirt in mint green with this huge bow on the front. Remember Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served?’
Those sexy eyebrows rose. ‘Wasn’t she the one with the naughty pussy?’
I almost choked on the wine. Although his face was deadpan, his eyes danced with devilment.
Trying to keep it cool, I ignored his words. ‘It clashed horribly with my suit. It almost drowned me as well. I must have looked ridiculous.’
‘I can’t imagine that.’ He eyed my outfit, which was insanely expensive but totally understated. ‘I imagine you’re always immaculate.’ I liked the way his gaze didn’t linger on my cleavage. His voice softened and, to my surprise, he said, ‘You look lovely.’
He nodded his head towards my soft black jersey top with tiny specks of silver woven into the fabric, which I’d chosen deliberately to hide my gardening wounds. I was covered in scratches from that bloody hedge I’d trimmed for Alice. As a result, it hadn’t been my first choice. I’d wanted to wear a sleeveless black vest which I’d initially thought would be far sexier but now I realised from his appreciative expression that this was more subtle. The soft fabric clinging to my skin hinted at what was underneath rather than blatantly displaying everything for show. Maybe I had something to thank Alice for after all.
It was, however, a little warm and without thinking, perhaps because I’d relaxed after his unexpected compliments and sudden seriousness, I pushed back my sleeves and rested my arms on the table.
‘What happened to you?’ he asked, reaching out to touch my arms. ‘Are you okay?’ There was genuine concern in his eyes.
I smiled back at him, my voice a little breathless. ‘I’m fine. Just a run-in with a hedge.’
‘You challenged it to unarmed combat?’
‘Yes, I’m a regular garden ninja.’
Despite a soak in the bath, my arms were worse now because I’d had some kind of allergic reaction. Ash reached over the table and touched one of the many welts on my forearm. His barely-there touch sparked a tingle on my skin. I glanced up sharply and his eyes were kind rather than mocking. ‘You probably want some Savlon on those.’
I gave my arm a rueful rub and rolled my shoulders. ‘Every bit of me seems to be aching.’ Why was I telling him that? Oh God, would he think I was sending out invitations to give me an all-over massage?
‘Do you do a lot of gardening?’
‘No, I’ve moved recently and the previous owners, Lord love them, thankfully created a very low-maintenance garden. Keeping a basil plant alive is the sum total of my green-fingered accomplishments. These scars came from my sister needing help with her garden.’
‘And you can’t say no to sisters.’
‘Sadly no,’ I sighed.
‘I get it too. My sister calls on my services a lot. I’ve no idea why. Do I look like a DIY expert to you?’ He held up artistic hands with long, elegant fingers.
It gave me the opportunity to take stock of him, instead of the surreptitious checking out I’d been doing since I arrived. He wore a grey V-neck T-shirt, which fitted rather well, the soft jersey moulding to a broad chest, the dip of the vee revealing a few crisp, dark hairs.
No, he didn’t look like a DIY expert; he looked flipping gorgeous. Absolutely edible, and I wanted to peel that T-shirt right off him, touch his golden skin, smooth a hand over that chest and run my fingers across the firm biceps beneath his T-shirt sleeves. I wanted… His mesmerising eyes darkened, the pupils wide.
My breath caught in my throat. The pause in the conversation stretched out as we stared at each other, the same fizz of sexual tension in the air that I’d sensed the first time we met.
I knew then that I was going to throw all caution to the wind. I was going to sleep with Ashwin Laghari. I was going to revel in touching every inch of his skin, stare into those delicious eyes and enjoy every minute of exploring that hot body.
And he wasn’t going to be saying no. His hand was on my forearm again, stroking my wrist, his eyes holding mine.
His smile was gentle rather than triumphant; it felt like the gamesmanship had died. Somehow, both of us had relaxed – and more – into the evening.
I’m not sure how long we’d have enjoyed that sexually-charged silence but it was interrupted by the waiter coming to take our orders. Of course, we hadn’t so much as glanced at the menu. Suddenly I really wasn’t that hungry and food seemed an obstacle in the way of the evening.
‘So you have a sister,’ I said.
‘And a brother. And my sister seems to think DIY is part of my DNA. She’s a brain surgeon, for God’s sake. She’s licensed to use a scalpel.’
‘A surgeon.’ I was impressed.
‘Of course.’ In the candlelight, his skin glowed like warm honey and he smiled. ‘My sister’s a surgeon. My brother’s a barrister.’ At this he grinned cheerfully. ‘My mum is a real tiger mum. She’s white. Dad’s a doctor, born here; his dad is Indian, came over from Uganda just before Idi Amin kicked the Asian population out in the seventies. What about you? Brothers, sisters?’
‘Just one. Alice. Single mum. I have two nieces.’
‘You close?’
I sputtered out a laugh. ‘Not especially. Alice prefers a more alternative lifestyle. She doesn’t really approve of corporates.’
‘She’d hate me.’
I wrinkled my nose and nodded. ‘Yeah, probably.’
‘Good job you don’t give a toss about what she thinks then,’ he said with an arrogant laugh.
‘Are you always this sure of yourself?’ I asked.
‘Pretty much. What’s the point otherwise?’ His eyes met mine, guileless and direct. ‘You could spend a lifetime worrying about what others think of you and where would that get you? Would you rather I lie to you and pretend to be modest?’
‘No,’ I laughed. I rather like his unashamed arrogance. ‘So what do you do when you’re not spraying coffee over unsuspecting commuters or working?’
‘The usual. Gym. See friends. You know… the job’s pretty all encompassing.’
Gym. Friends. It didn’t sound like much. And if he were like me, I knew the type of friends he meant. People you drank with after work. The others tended to drift away when you cancelled things once too often. I nodded in sympathy. ‘Don’t I know it.’
‘But if you enjoy it then none of that really matters.’ Ash’s gaze was steady but I caught the question buried in the words.
‘Do you ever wonder if it’s worth it?’ The words came out before I was ready for them and I was halfway to thinking of a way to retract the comment when I realised Ash was considering my words quite carefully.
‘Yes.’ He rested his chin on his hand. In the clipped, unencumbered word, I felt a ripple of unease that mirrored my own.
‘Succinct.’
‘I was trying to think of the best way to put it into words. There’s a fear, isn’t there? Deep rooted, submerged, but it’s there. What if it isn’t worth it? What if the hours we put in aren’t worth the stress? What’s left?’
For a moment we held each other’s gazes as if the other was some kind of lifeline, holding fast against the emptiness of the answer. One that neither of us really wanted to visit. What drove us? Was it fear or lack of courage? The moment of honesty shimmered between us and I felt as if we’d taken a step below the surface. We were more alike than we’d realised.
‘I don’t
know,’ I admitted. ‘It scares me sometimes. Maybe that’s why I keep working so hard, to fill the void. Because without work, I’m not sure… I’m not sure what I’d have.’
Or who I was? In the office I was the invincible go-getter, a role model, and the epitome of success. I avoided thinking about life outside of work and luckily there wasn’t too much of it because my job was all consuming.
‘Which is why there’s a lot to be said for job satisfaction,’ I said, feeling the need for firmer ground. For a moment I’d strayed into quicksand that had no place in my life. Those sorts of thoughts belonged to dead-of-night insomniac moments, when a person questioned life, the universe, and everything, not just the unremitting pressure of their job. Pressure came with the territory. ‘Not everyone has that. Imagine being in a job that you hate.’
‘Can’t.’ He gave a mock shudder which immediately lifted the shadow that had touched our conversation. ‘I guess we are both lucky in that way. I love my job.’
‘Me too. Although it’s been a busy week and I’m absolutely knackered.’ I deliberately lightened my tone, signalling that we’d left that line of philosophical enquiry behind but I was aware – and so, I could tell from his steady regard, was he – of that moment of connection between us.
‘Do you always get the early train?’ Ash didn’t comment on my uncharacteristic admission of weakness for which I was fervently grateful. Like me, he probably despised weakness. ‘How come I’ve never seen you before?’
‘Because you weren’t looking,’ I responded with a twisted, cool smile, feeling a little more myself.
He gave me an equally cool look and we were back to being sparring partners again. ‘I’d have noticed you… the attitude at the very least. You walk like a power house.’
‘That sounds… not attractive.’ But I rather liked it all the same. Anything else might have been a cliché.
‘With purpose, determination. Like you know exactly where you’re going and why. In my book, that’s very attractive.’
He said it without the flirtatious smirk and that made the compliment all the sweeter.
‘I like a woman who knows herself.’
‘That’s good then. A lot of men are intimidated by that.’
‘You’ve just had poor taste in men.’
‘Did I say they were relationships?’
‘You didn’t need to.’
‘Arrogant, much?’
‘Yeah. I reckon I’ve earned it. And so have you.’
‘Arrogant is all right for a man. Women tend to get called big headed, up herself, too big for her boots.’
Ash shrugged. ‘There aren’t many women where I work. And sadly, I agree. They don’t get treated equally, despite all the HR policies that say otherwise.’
‘Which is why I have to work five times as hard to prove I’m “suitable for partnership”. Hence where we came in. Is it worth it?’
‘I guess it will be when you make partner. Is it likely?’
‘I bloody hope so. I feel like I’m jumping through enough flaming hoops. That morning… my presentation was supposed to nail it but they want me to complete another project, naturally with impossible deadlines, which of course I will deliver because I always do.’ I said it blithely, as if impossible deadlines and leaping over burning skyscrapers were all in a day’s work, but actually this latest project was giving me sleepless nights. This time the deadlines really were impossible but I’d never missed a deadline in my life and I wasn’t about to start now.
After the meal we finished coffee, followed by flaming sambucas, which prolonged the evening. The sky was deepening to a purple hue when we came out of the restaurant and my nerves kicked in again.
I had a first-date rule: don’t sleep with him.
‘I’ll walk you home.’ We’d already identified during dinner that we both lived on the south side of the park. It was a purely practical suggestion. I was not going to sleep with him. ‘Are you happy to walk through the park?’
‘Yes.’ Victoria Park was the jewel in the crown of Churchstone, a proper municipal park with regimented borders bursting with colour in every season, well-lit with traditional iron curlicued lamps that guarded the wide paths like benign sentries.
I gave him a considering appraisal, enjoying taking another look at his body. My libido purred into life and I had to force my hands down by my sides and fight against the sudden urge to smooth my fingers over the jersey fabric covering his chest.
‘I bet you could fight off any marauding teenagers. I wouldn’t normally walk through there at this time of night.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.’ To my surprise, he took my hand and squeezed it in an old-fashioned sort of gesture. And he didn’t let go. He laced his fingers between mine and we began to walk, hand in hand, towards the park.
Those wretched butterflies had taken flight again and were getting in a right old tizzy at the touch of his warm skin on mine and the way our forearms bumped as we walked. When we entered the cool seclusion of the park, lit by the pools of lamplight, cedar scenting the air with its distinctive pencil-shaving smell, it felt as if there were magic in the air. An almost-full moon painted the trees silver and bathed the shrubs in a soft light. Conscious of our solitude, the slow pace of his footsteps in tandem with mine, and the warm caress of his hand, my mind went into overdrive. What if he invited me back for coffee? I didn’t want the evening to end. I’d want to say yes, but everyone knew what that meant. But if I said yes but didn’t plan to sleep with him, should I say so at the outset? Then there’d be no confusion. No expectation.
‘I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to sleep with you,’ I mused out loud. We’d been honest with each other throughout dinner and I wanted it out there, up for discussion.
‘I wasn’t aware I’d asked you to,’ he responded, his voice deep and smooth.
‘No, I know, but we’re both thinking about it.’
He’d stopped under one of the lamps, the light casting shadows over his face. Amusement danced in his eyes.
‘Does that mean you want to?’ he asked, with a lift of that eyebrow again. He was a cocky sod.
‘Yes, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea or not.’ Thank goodness in the monochrome light, he couldn’t see my blush because, as forthright as I sounded, I was only being like this because I really did fancy him and since the first day I met him there’d been that innate, if somewhat combative, honesty between us. ‘I’m still trying to work out if you’re a… womaniser,’ I paused to select the word. I also wanted to know whether he habitually slept around. He was certainly good-looking and confident enough to. I bet he had plenty of offers.
Over dinner there’d been no mention of previous relationships and I hadn’t wanted to probe. Was it because I didn’t want to be disappointed in him? Because I wanted to preserve the mystery about Ashwin Laghari? No one could deny he was gorgeous but he did seem to take it for granted. His arrogance was based on self-confidence and ability rather than vanity.
‘What do you think?’ he asked without any nuance in his voice. I knew he wanted honesty as much as I did.
‘I’d like to think not but… the good-looks fairy certainly spent a lot of time in your department and with the city-boy lifestyle there’s a certain reputation.’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t have time for one relationship let alone more than one. Or were you asking if I’m predilected towards one-night stands?’
‘I guess, yes. I was also trying to determine when you last slept with someone? Last night? Last week? Last month? Last year?’
An unexpected stab of jealousy pricked at the thought of him in bed with someone else.
‘Ah. You want to know if I sleep around.’ His eyes narrowed and a smile danced around his lips. ‘Do you?’
‘No. I pride myself on this thing called self-respect but…’ I gave him a superior look. ‘If I want to sleep with someone, I’m not ashamed of it.’
‘Good for you. I don’t sleep around,’
he smirked. ‘Not so sure about the self-respect. I’m fussy.’ He gave a self-deprecating laugh. ‘I’m very choosy about who I sleep with. I don’t like going back to strange places. Unknown quantities. I like places to be clean and tidy. And I don’t like taking people back to my place.’
‘Clean bedsheets,’ I quipped. ‘No hair in the shower.’
He gave me a sharp glance, as if I were taking the piss. I held up my hands. ‘I’m serious. I’m a neat freak and I like things to be clean, especially bed sheets.’ I shuddered. ‘I shared a flat with a girl at university who didn’t wash her sheets for the whole term.’
‘That,’ said Ash. ‘Exactly that.’ He shot me an evil grin. ‘Sounds like we might be a match.’ There was unmistakable challenge in his words. ‘And to answer your question. At least six months ago. Can I ask you a question?’
‘Over a year ago,’ I said. ‘I’m choosy too.’ There, right back at you.
His lips quirked. ‘That wasn’t my question.’ For about the second time in ten minutes, I blushed scarlet to the very tips of my ears. I wasn’t anywhere near as sophisticated in the sexual-relationships department as I wanted to sound. That was the problem when you put everything into your career. Your sex life took the hit. Competent and confident in the boardroom, inexperienced and a bit daunted in the bedroom.
He took a step forward and put both hands on my waist, holding me gently, his eyes roving over my face, suddenly soft. ‘I was going to ask if I could kiss you?’
For all his arrogance, Ash completely had me with his softly voiced question. The bottom of my stomach fell away and all those pesky butterflies took flight, a cloud around me, brushing my skin with tingles of excited awareness.
His eyes held mine as I nodded, just the once, too fizzy to utter a word. My heart pitter pattered like a crazy thing in my chest but outside everything seemed to freeze and stand still when his lips touched mine. I hardly dared breathe for fear of spoiling the perfect moment. It was a kiss so perfect, I knew I’d remember this moment in the pooling lamplight. Every second would be burned into my memory banks, sealed into its own little vault. Our noses didn’t bump. His teeth didn’t knock mine. His mouth wasn’t hard, pushing against mine. Featherlight, his lips skimmed in a barely-there kiss. Our skin brushed lightly. I slid my arms around his neck, wanting to touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin under my fingertips.