by Jules Wake
‘Sweetheart, what’s the matter?’
‘I w‐was scared.’
‘Scared of what?’
‘That you wouldn’t come back.’
‘Of course I was going to come back.’
‘But you don’t have to. You could send us away. You’re not even our mum and she’s gone.’
‘Poppy, I promise you, I won’t send you away.’
‘But you might.’
‘Who would look after me and make me packed lunches every day?’
‘But we’re not yours. You don’t have to stay. Why doesn’t Mum come home? Or even answer her phone or send us messages?’
‘I…’ I wasn’t going to lie for Alice. ‘I don’t know, darling, but I do know that I will never send you away.’
‘Even if she doesn’t come back?’ Poppy’s candid stare made my heart bump uncomfortably.
‘I promise I will never, ever send you away.’
‘She’s not coming back, is she?’
I felt my teeth catch my lip and I stopped myself; it was becoming a habit.
‘Do you think it’s because I’m horrible sometimes? I make Ava cry.’
‘Poppy, I make Ava cry too.’
‘I know, but sometimes I’m not very good. Sometimes I’m horrible.’
‘Yeah, you are,’ I said making it sound as light-hearted as possible. ‘But we all are, sometimes. You think I’m this perfect all the time?’
She let out a little half-snuffle-giggle.
‘It takes a lot of work. I’ve had thirty years of practice. You’ve got a way to go. You’re only ten.’
‘That’s silly, Auntie Claire.’ After a pause, she said, ‘I don’t mean to be horrible. It just comes out sometimes. I’m sorry I’ve been mean this week. I thought you put us into After-school Club because you didn’t want us anymore. Because you liked your work more than people. Mummy always said you…’ she faltered, ‘didn’t have time for us. That’s why you never came to visit very often.’
With a wince, I pulled her closer. ‘I was busy… but so were you. At the weekends you had birthday parties, football, swimming lessons, dance classes.’
‘We never did football,’ protested Poppy, wrinkling her nose at the very thought.
Maybe I’d got that wrong, but there’d always been something when I’d offered to come over to see them all. And when I’d offered to babysit, Alice had brushed me aside saying she never went out. So I’d offered again, so that she could. Alice had put up the barriers, not me, but how could I tell Poppy that? Or that her mother usually called me or invited me over when she wanted something, most of the time money?
‘Do you feel better now?’ I hadn’t answered her original question but thankfully the moment seemed to have passed. I’d have to have something for her next time.
She nodded. ‘Can I stay up with you for a bit longer?’
‘Course you can. Why don’t I make us both a hot chocolate?’
‘Can Bill stay too? In my room?’
I looked down at the dog who was snuggled into Poppy’s side, one of her hands fondling his ear. His big brown eyes blinked up at me before he sighed and nestled his head back onto Poppy’s lap.
‘As long as it’s all right with Ash.’
Bill spent the night in Poppy’s room and Ash did not spend the night in mine. He went home alone, which had not been in either of our plans.
‘I could kill Alice,’ I muttered fiercely to Hilda on the landing as we said our goodnights. ‘She’s not responded to a single one of my messages. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried that the girls might get taken into care. Like I said to Ash earlier, I don’t know what my legal position is.’
‘Ah, well, there’s something I can help with there. We’ll phone Farquhar in the morning. He’s a barrister. Family law is his speciality. Difficult to believe, I know. You expect someone like him to be dealing with criminals or corporate sharks but no, family law.’
‘Will he mind?’ I thought of our last meeting.
‘He won’t have a choice. If he doesn’t help, I’ll disinherit him. Now, there’s nothing more you can do this evening. I suggest we all get some sleep.’ With a quick pause, she patted me on the arm before adding, ‘I’m sorry I had to interrupt your evening. Just when things were going so well.’ She shot me a naughty grin and I almost expected her to rub her hands together Bond villain-style.
‘And just when I was thinking of asking you to come away for a few days with me and the girls,’ I teased.
‘Oh, that would be a capital idea. I have a lovely house in Norfolk, right above the beach. Kevin McCloud said it was one of his favourites. Although we’d better not tell Farquhar before he’s advised you as it might set him off again. He might think you’ve got designs on his inheritance.’
‘Where does Farquhar live?’ I asked suddenly. Although Hilda talked about him disparaging terms, he was still her son.
‘Not that far away. Near Ripon. He has a little Lord of the Manor place, although he’ll inherit the entire estate in Scotland when his father dies.’
‘Perhaps we should invite him for tea one day.’
‘Why on earth would we want to do that?’ Hilda’s regal tone didn’t fool me.
‘Because,’ I said firmly, ‘it would be a nice thing to do and you are his mother.’
‘I suppose when you put it like that…’ With a regal nod she turned and glided off in marabou-feather-trimmed slippers towards the spare bedroom.
I watched her go with a fond smile. For once I’d managed to take the wind out of her sails.
It felt good the next morning to get my running kit on and Bill bounced around my feet as I left the noisy kitchen where Hilda was teaching Poppy and Ava how to make pancakes.
‘Will you bring Bill back with you?’ Poppy darted down the hall as I opened the front door.
‘Yes, sweetie. Hilda is going to cook breakfast for me and Ash when we’ve done our run but I think Bill could use the exercise.’ And she was going to phone her son and hand her mobile over to me. I chewed my lip at the thought of that conversation; I hoped, despite our earlier meeting, he’d be helpful.
‘I could take him for a walk.’
‘Maybe we can ask Ash if we can borrow him tomorrow and go for a walk up on the moor.’
‘Okay,’ she agreed, giving Bill one last pat.
Ash was waiting for me at the entrance to the park. This morning we were going to map a route that he’d been working on during the week using a phone app.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said as we set off at a gentle pace, Bill trotting along beside us with the closest thing to a doggy grin on his hairy little face that I’ve ever seen, ‘we don’t want to make the run too easy, do we?’
‘No… but not too hard either.’
‘It would be nice to feel a sense of achievement at the end.’
‘And you don’t think running 5k is an achievement?’ my voice pitched in laughing protest.
‘Yes, but I think we could put a little hill in to make it more challenging. If we take the path around the western edge of the park right up to the end and then veer north east through the wooded area, we could climb up Beacon’s Knoll for the fourth kilometre and then it’s downhill for the last kilometre and we could finish just up from the bandstand where there’s plenty of room to stake out the funnel, and it’s only two hundred metres from the start point.’
‘Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.’ I shot a suspicious glare at him. ‘Have you mapped the route already?’
‘I might have done.’ He patted the phone in his pocket.
For a moment I considered the route in my head; despite the hill, I rather liked the sound of it. We were already running towards the west side of the park. ‘I hate to say it because you’ll be all cocky, but it sounds quite good. Even with the hill, there will be plenty of flat and we’ll stay out of the way of most park users if we go up into the woods, plus there is the reward of the great view from Beacon’s Kn
oll.’
‘You know it makes sense.’
‘Hmm. I’ll let you know when I’ve got up the hill.’
Although running came a lot easier now than it had when I first started, I still wasn’t up to speeding up the hill. I watched Ash tackle the incline at a steady pace, Bill leading the way with the occasional diversion to sniff at exciting prospects in the shrubs on either side of the muddy track as I slowed to an almost walk but I was determined not to stop. One foot in front of the other, I told myself. My calves were aching and my thighs burning when I reached the top but it made the downhill slope to where the finish line would be all the sweeter and I pushed myself hard for that last kilometre.
Chest heaving, I sank onto the grass and put my head on my knees. Ash was sitting sprawled on the floor with Bill prowling backwards and forwards next to him looking as if he would be happy to do it all over again.
‘Well done! You were flying down the path.’
‘Mmm,’ I managed. ‘Wanted to up my pace.’ That was the problem with having an app that broke down your run and told you your pace for each kilometre. Bizarrely, given that I’d never been that sporty, I seemed determined to rise to the challenge and beat myself. Suddenly I was obsessed with my times and comparing each run I did.
‘So what do you think?’
‘I think you’ve got yourself a 5k route.’
‘Even with the hill.’
‘Even with the hill,’ I agreed.
Ash grinned. ‘I knew you’d love it.’
‘Hmph.’
‘Come on, I’m ready for breakfast.’ He hauled me to my feet and gave me a quick, sweaty kiss.
‘I’ve certainly earned it. And Hilda was promising poached eggs, smashed avocado, and bacon.’
‘What are we waiting for?’
‘You do realise that in a couple of weeks’ time, this will be us. We’ll be packing up. Sorting out the times for everyone.’ We smiled at each other. ‘We’re nearly there.’
‘We certainly are.’ Ash closed the gap between us and kissed me firmly on the lips. In just over three weeks, this would be our Saturday mornings for the foreseeable future. I couldn’t help reflecting just how far we’d all come, although there was still one thing I wanted to do for Hilda and hopefully speaking to her son this morning might help me bring it about.
Hilda and I discreetly withdrew from the kitchen, leaving Ash in charge of washing-up, ably assisted by Ava, while Poppy sat with her new best friend, Bill. After Hilda had explained the situation, she handed the phone over to me and sat down on one of the pale blue sofas and pretended to be fascinated by the view out of the window.
‘Well this is an interesting one,’ mused Farquhar, ‘but you don’t need to worry in the short term. Social services are all about the best interests of the child. Leaving children with immediate family is always preferable to taking them into care… always assuming you’re happy to keep the children.’
‘Well, of course I am.’
‘What about your parents?’
‘I think they’d be willing to take the children but…’ I stalled for a second. Much as I loved my parents – and they weren’t particularly old – I felt I could care for the girls better. ‘I think I’d be a more appropriate carer. For the long term at least.’
‘I’m inclined to agree. Do you think it might become a permanent arrangement?’
‘A month ago I’d have said no but… my sister hasn’t been in touch at all.’
‘Are you able to contact her?’
‘Yes. I’m assuming she’s getting my messages. She has a phone and it rings out and I can see from Messenger and WhatsApp that the phone’s still active.’ I’d left messages on every damn platform going in the vague hope she might respond.
‘Hmm… this is a tricky one. It sounds like abandonment. If you feel that Alice is derelict in her duty and that you want to make a provision for the children, my best advice for their sakes would be to apply for a Special Guardianship Order. That then gives you some legal rights and enables you to make decisions for the girls about their health, medication, education, all sorts of things. At the moment, as it stands, you have no legal rights with regard to the children at all. And if the authorities felt that Alice had abandoned her children without proper arrangements, they would get involved. To apply for a Special Guardianship Order you will need Alice’s consent and you’ll need to make an application to the court, which of course I can help you with. Alternatively, if you feel strongly enough and that it’s in the best interests of the children, you could formally adopt them.’
‘Adopt?’ That wasn’t something that had even crossed my mind. Hilda didn’t even pretend not to be eavesdropping. She raised both eyebrows.
‘It would be relatively easy if you have Alice’s permission.’
‘God, I hadn’t…’
‘Something to think about. Remember, you always have to think about what’s right for the children. You could adopt without permission but that would get messy and unpleasant and you really don’t want that.’
‘No.’ My parents would be so upset. Although, at this present moment, if Mum had any idea what Alice had done, she’d be furious. I hadn’t dared contact her since our last conversation and Alice’s subsequent phone call. I was hoping that if Mum did get hold of Alice she might talk some sense into her.
‘Make sure you get this number from my mother and if you have any concerns, just call me. I’ve dealt with lots of cases over the years. Families are complicated and there are lots in far worse situations than this, I promise you. You’re providing a stable, loving home. As long as you do that, you’ll be fine.’
‘Thank you,’ I said meekly.
‘No trouble… How is my mother? Still hanging out at your place?’
‘Yes,’ I said carefully.
‘Don’t worry. I know the old bat will be earwigging. You might as well be as blunt as she would be.’
‘Okay,’ I said, amused but not surprised. He was definitely of the same mould as his mother. ‘She’s thriving… now.’
Hilda shot me a puzzled look.
‘Not lonely then.’ There was a definite touch of concern in his voice.
I paused and looked pointedly at the older woman beside me. With a huff and a roll of her eyes that Poppy would have been proud of, she walked out of the room.
‘If you have to talk about me, make sure you say nice things. I’m a wonderful woman really.’ And with that she shut the door with a loud sniff.
I laughed. ‘Your mother has just left the room. She’s not impressed that we’re talking about her.’
‘I just care about her wellbeing. I realise that perhaps the nursing home was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction but… the house…’
‘I agree, it’s far too big for her. Perhaps a smaller one nearby might be a solution. She’s very fit and active. I think she was very lonely at the home at first but… since she’s adopted us, I’d say that’s not the case anymore. We see quite a lot of her. She babysits and quite often spends the weekend with us.’
‘Well she must be fond of the children if she phoned me. It’s not like she has grandchildren of her own. Ought to get that sorted really. Might make her think of me a bit more fondly.’ There was an almost wistful sigh.
‘Perhaps if you came to see her a bit more often, that might help.’
‘I’m busy. Just like she was when I was a child.’
‘Maybe you can understand now why she was busy,’ I suggested gently, hearing the petulance of a child in his tone. ‘I think she regrets that. But there’s still time for you. Why don’t you come for tea on Saturday? Hilda loves an excuse to bake.’
‘She used to make a mean Victoria sponge.’
‘She still does. I’m sure she’d love to see you.’
‘Hmm, not so sure about that. She’ll wonder what I’m doing there.’
‘That’s easy. You can come and check that we’re not half-inching the family silver.’
‘Are you?’ h
e asked with a quick bark of a laugh.
‘No. The market for second-hand silver has sunk, although the Baccarat crystal she has in the house would go for a fortune.’
This time Farquhar’s laugh was deep and hearty. ‘I think you’ve been spending too much time with my mother. That’s the sort of thing she would say. Get her to give you my number. Keep me posted.’
‘Was he helpful?’ asked Hilda as I went back into the kitchen. Ash had taken the girls into the garden and they were all playing with Bill, throwing a tennis ball up and down the lawn.
‘Yes, and very reassuring.’
‘He’s quite good, I believe,’ she said with practiced nonchalance that didn’t fool me for a second.
‘Proud of him?’ I asked with a wry smile.
She gave a non-comital lift of her shoulders. ‘He was one of the youngest to be called to the bar.’
‘So you’re proud of him.’
‘Might be.’ She sat back, an unrepentant grin crinkling her face with laughter that spread like cracks across her papery skin. ‘Of course I am.’
‘You. Are. Incorrigible.’
‘I know,’ she said with a beatific, prim smile that had me laughing again.
‘I do love you, Hilda,’ I said, the words spilling out and surprising me. ‘There’s never a dull moment.’ The rush of emotion flooded over me and I leaned forward and gave her a hug. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done without you over these last few months,’ I muttered into her rose-scented silk blouse as she embraced me.
‘You would have been fine,’ she said, rubbing soothing little circles on my shoulder blades. I pulled back a little.
‘I don’t think I would. Thank you. For being such a support.’
‘Don’t be silly, dear. That’s what friends are for.’ Despite her brusque dismissal, there was a faint shimmer in her eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
‘Okay,’ I called over the chatter, ‘down to business. Tonight we need to agree where we’re going to need marshals and the sort of briefing pack they’ll need. And a big thank you to Neil for coming to join us.’ The councillor was going to advise on the route, emergency access, and let us know if we could have keys to some of the vehicular access points alongside the usual footpath gates which were normally closed so that we could widen the access.