by Loren Teague
She switched on the shower, letting the hot water spray across her skin. It refreshed her. When her head finally hit the pillow, Gina found she was exhausted. She was falling silently through the darkness. But it wasn’t a restful sleep. Her breathing quickened, her hand clutched the sheet. She tried to claw at the large forms which danced around her but they were elusive, slippery. A face loomed into hers. It was Maria’s. She was trying to tell Gina something. Her lips were moving but no sound came out. Gina couldn’t stand it any more … she let out a scream.
CHAPTER EIGHT
When Gina woke to candlelight, Rick was sitting beside her, his hands curved around her shoulders. Shadows danced on the walls behind him.
‘It’s OK,’ he said softly. ‘You’re safe. It was only a bad dream.’
She trembled as she pulled herself up. The duvet had slipped on to the floor. Her sheet was tangled in her legs and all that covered her was her silk nightdress. One thin green strap had fallen onto her arm. She hitched it up quickly.
When she met his blue eyes, they were full of compassion. She wanted to tell him how frightened she had been. How lonely. But somehow the words wouldn’t come. Eventually she managed to say, ‘I had a nightmare. It was so real….’ Her voice faltered, still shaking.
‘It’s over now,’ he soothed, his hands seeking hers and pressing her fingers reassuringly. ‘It’s just the trauma you’ve been through. Sometimes the mind can play tricks like that.’
He was sitting close to her and she studied the strong planes of his face. His black hair was loose around his shoulders. It made him seem more physical in the dim light of the room. She saw his bare chest, tanned to a bronze shade, lift as he breathed. Conscious of his close proximity, she tried to concentrate on the carved bone cross that he wore on a leather thong around his neck. Seconds passed. Her gaze dropped further where she noted a trail of dark hair plunging from his belly button to the top of his jeans. He obviously hadn’t had time to fasten the silver button on the waist band because with every breath he took the denim parted revealingly, showing smooth, taut muscles.
‘When I heard you scream like that, I thought someone was in here.’
Her gaze shot upwards. ‘I haven’t had a nightmare like that since I was a kid,’ she admitted. She gave a sigh. ‘I’ll be fine now, honestly.’
‘Well, if you’re sure….’ His hand reached out to caress her gently on the cheek. She didn’t know why she did it, but her fingers caught his, pressing the palm of his hand to her face. His warmth was reassuring.
‘Gina,’ he started to say, ‘I think I should go before—’
‘No,’ she cut in strongly, angling her chin upwards. ‘Please, don’t go. I want you to stay.’
The need between them set the air humming. Gina knew that it was too late to take back her words. Nor did she want to. It surprised her especially after what had happened the last time she let him get physically close. But somehow this time it was different. Put it down to the loneliness of the night, she thought fleetingly, but right at this moment in time she needed him to stay.
He stared at her. His hand moved caressingly to her neck and then slid downwards to her shoulder, in a caring gesture. She liked the feel of him, the tender way his fingertips skimmed over her skin.
He spoke softly, disturbing the stillness of the room. ‘I want you real badly. I won’t deny it, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.’
Hurt sliced through her. ‘I thought you were into one-night stands.’
His mouth tightened. ‘One-night stands are OK if both partners know the score,’ he shot out, ‘but in our case, I’m not about to take advantage of you because you’ve had a bad dream. You’re upset. And emotional.’
‘Emotional?’ she repeated, stunned. ‘You make me sound like some sort of needy female.’ No way. He was wrong about that.
His gaze locked onto hers. ‘A one-night stand isn’t what you need right now.’
‘Huh, you haven’t got a clue what I need,’ she retaliated.
Rick groaned. ‘Oh yeah? I’ve lived with you these past few weeks. I know exactly what you want. What you need.’
‘Oh … you do, do you? That’s just typical.’ Tears seared her eyes. ‘You say you know what I need. That I’m emotional. Then you back away.’ Furiously, she wiped the tears away with her hands. She would not give into self pity.
‘Just being sensible,’ he growled.
‘And that’s what you’re good at, isn’t it? Common sense,’ she said, unable to help herself. Hurt demanded hurt. ‘Why can’t you think from your heart for once? Or are you going to tell me you’re a male and too logical for that?’
‘No.’ Then he surprised her. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,’ he said softly. ‘It’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.’
Her heart ached at his apology. She cursed herself at her own desperation in asking him to stay and leaving her wide open to rejection. She felt humiliated.
‘Show me,’ she uttered.
‘Show you what?’
‘How sorry you are.’
She heard him groan, ‘Gina….’ A deep sound emitted from his throat. ‘You don’t mean it.’
‘I do.’ She kept her gaze level and steady. She needed to convince him. She wouldn’t back down. Not this time.
He pulled her roughly to him. Before she knew it, his mouth was on hers. Sensations slammed into her. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? And oh, he tasted so good.
Her hand slid to his chest, right above his heart. His skin felt hot, clammy. She could feel his heart pounding deep, just like the ocean outside. She knew her own heart danced to the same tempo.
‘You sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for?’ he whispered. He gave her a smile. The kind of smile that trebled her own heartbeat with no effort at all.
She jolted. ‘No.’
He gave a low laugh. ‘Guess that makes two of us.’ She knew if she had any sense she should stop now. But something pushed her on. Unable to help herself, she reached up to press her lips against his, and when she found his mouth, she drowned. Her mind clawed desperately to make some sense of it all. But couldn’t. Maybe it was better not to think, only feel. And feel she did. Like in a whirlpool, she spun, and spun, her thoughts tangled between need and want.
His kiss increased in urgency and she matched him with reckless abandon. He eased her down onto the rumpled covers. Desire claimed her, fast and furious. Now she wanted him more than she could have believed possible.
He slipped off the straps of her nightdress, and eased the silky material down further to her hips and ankles. He dropped her nightdress on the floor where it pooled beside the bed. Shivers of delight raced through her as her nipples brushed against his chest.
His mouth worked down her, across the hollows in her neck, to the curves of her breasts, his lips playing teasingly over her skin. The pleasure was pure and explosive.
He spoke in Italian, soft words of love, and she bathed in them. He was tender, she thought. Considerate too in so many ways. Instinctively, she knew he wouldn’t just take what he wanted like some men she’d known.
Her fingertips stroked and caressed, smoothing over the hard muscles of his back and shoulders. It was when she touched the scar on his chest, her fingers gentling over the puckered skin that he stiffened. He pulled back, frowning. ‘It looks ugly.’
‘No, it doesn’t,’ she reassured him. ‘It’s a part of you. A brave part.’ And to show she meant every word, her head went lower, lips and tongue exploring the white line across his chest which had long since healed. She reached out for the waist band of his jeans, tugging them lower, until he finally unzipped them and kicked them off.
‘No going back, Gina,’ he murmured.
She shook her head. In spite of his words, her eyes locked onto his, needing reassurance. She found it and more. Blue eyes, so deep, and so intense, started stripping her senses one by one.
His lips trailed down softly to her shoulders,
and her arms, finding curves where he explored. ‘If you’re going to love me, then do it well,’ she said, grateful at his tenderness and his patience.
His voice was quiet. ‘I intend to. Perhaps more if you’ll let me.’
Her heart began to thaw. Warmth slid through her body and she welcomed it. She was surrendering because she chose to she convinced herself, ignoring the desperate pull of need in her belly.
His mouth found one breast where his tongue teased and tantalized, then the other. Her nipples hardened. She grew hot with longing. And felt her hips surge against his. It was all the encouragement he needed. When his body finally slid over hers, she was more than ready. As he slipped inside her, she gasped.
Her world tilted. She clung harder, her arms circling his neck. The air around her became heavy while shadows on the wall danced wildly, sometimes blending into one. She ached for release. And for him a thousand times over.
She was near the edge. Her senses went into overdrive somewhere along with his.
When they crash landed, no words were said, or even needed. Fingers linked together, limbs tangled, their hearts were as one. And for those few precious moments, Gina revelled in the closeness, the intimacy, knowing the return to reality was only a breath away. And eventually one of them would have to take it.
‘Did that really happen?’ she asked, lying back against the pillow, still reeling.
‘You’d better believe it, babe.’
‘You’re a surprise, Caruso,’ she murmured, laughing. ‘I guess there’s more to you than you’ve let on.’
His voice deepened. ‘Maybe, you just didn’t look hard enough.’
‘I thought I had, but maybe I wasn’t ready to see.’
‘I’m right in front of you,’ he replied, seriously. ‘Look harder.
She did. And what she saw was the strength in his face. The determined angle of his jaw, and his well-defined mouth which had pleasured her. She saw the lethal calmness in his eyes. So calm, they bore straight into her as if he guessed all her secrets, all her longings, perhaps even her wildest dreams.
‘Well?’ he prompted.
‘Well what?’ she teased, basking in the afterglow.
‘Do I pass?’
A smile tugged at her lips. ‘Now, that would be telling. A woman has to keep some things to herself.’ Her fingers brushed his unshaven jaw, saying softly, ‘I feel like I’ve been to heaven and back.’ It was true, she thought. She did.
‘That’s what every man likes to hear. Keep going.’
She wagged a finger at him. ‘But …’
He winced. ‘Damn. I knew it. There’s always a but,’ he mused.
She gave a pretend scowl. ‘Sometimes you make me really mad.’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah, that sounds about right in a healthy relationship.’
Stunned, she stared at him. ‘Relationship? What are you saying?’
‘Isn’t that what we’ve just shared?’ His eyes narrowed slightly. ‘Or are you calling it something else?’
He was sounding her out. Warning. He was getting too close. I want that yet I’m scared.
Something slammed shut within her. ‘That’s kind of hard to answer right now.’
To her surprise, he put his fingers against her lips. ‘Then don’t.’
She shook her head, knowing it would be only fair to answer his question. And she needed to do it for herself, at least. Only how was she going to say it?
He lifted himself onto his elbow and looked down at her in puzzlement. ‘OK. What’s on your mind? I want the truth. Nothing less.’
She’d never been good at lying. But the lies tripped off her tongue like honey off a spoon. ‘No promises have been made … no strings. I don’t want marriage, if that’s what you are thinking?’ And because she didn’t want him to know that it might have been nice to share her life with him, she added, ‘If this is a one-night stand, I won’t hold it against you.’ She tried to get some semblance of order into the way she was feeling but failed miserably.
‘Are you saying that this is as far as you want things to go?’ he asked tightly.
Pain shot through her, keenly. She ignored it. ‘Yes … yes, of course,’ she answered, hating herself for saying it. It was better this way, she told herself. For both of them. No ties. No hurt. No commitment. And he would be free to walk away which she guessed was what he would want the following morning when normality returned.
His voice deepened. ‘I’m not sure I want to let you go.’
Oh God, she couldn’t believe he had said that. She clenched her fist at her side, conscious of her throat tightening. She hoped she wouldn’t cry. No way could she let him see what his lovemaking had done to her. Or even those words he had just uttered. If she was honest and admitted now she had fallen for him, where would that leave her? She wasn’t doing it, she decided. He might throw it back in her face. Hadn’t he told her in the beginning that he was the one who didn’t want commitment? And she had been adamant she didn’t want another relationship after her disastrous marriage. So nothing had changed except they’d both made the most incredible love.
And now, the more freedom she gave him, the safer she was. Feigning the need to sleep she lay back against the pillow and closed her eyes.
‘You’re shutting me out,’ he accused.
‘I’m not.’
‘Then look at me.’
She did. But wished she hadn’t. Those deep blue eyes again. Damn. ‘Stop it.’
He frowned. ‘Stop what?’
‘Looking at me like that.’
‘I’m looking at the woman I’ve just made love to. What do you expect me to do?’
She lowered her gaze, feeling uncertain. ‘I don’t know.’
Exhaling, Rick fell back against the pillow. But he wasn’t fooled. Tonight had brought them together. Only why did he have a feeling they were further apart than ever?
Thinking deeply, his gaze lifted across the room to the window. The moon had peeped out from behind dark clouds, throwing silver light onto the waves. Then, almost magically, a large schooner appeared out of nowhere, sailing through the light like a ghostly apparition until finally it disappeared into the deepness of the night.
He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but he’d be ready, he told himself. As far as he was concerned, there was a turning point in everything and he had a feeling they’d just reached it.
When Rick woke the next morning, he knew something was wrong with Gina but what he hadn’t reckoned on was her quick change of mood.
‘OK, what’s wrong?’ he finally asked.
Her hands balled together. ‘We … we didn’t use any protection last night.’
Rick froze, not sure he heard right. ‘You mean you’re not taking the pill?’
She shook her head. A worried frown etched between her forehead. ‘Why should I? It’s not like I sleep around. Last night was….’
‘Something unexpected,’ he finished off for her. ‘It’s just as much my fault. I shouldn’t have just assumed.’ He raised his shoulders dismissively, then moved closer wanting to take her in his arms and chase the worry from her face.
‘Don’t,’ she said, stepping away, out of reach. ‘What if I get pregnant?’
In his experience what ifs didn’t always happen. Again, he moved forward, reaching out for her wanting to reassure her. But this time she moved to the window, so instead his hands fell to his side. He watched her carefully from where he was standing. ‘If you fall pregnant, we’ll face that if it happens. It’s no big deal, Gina.’
‘No big deal. Huh, easy for you to say.’ Her eyes were distant. ‘It wouldn’t affect you.’
A nerve tightened in his jaw, but he kept his voice calm and level. He could see she was strung up tight. ‘You’ve got me wrong if you think I’m like that. I’ve never been afraid to face up to responsibility.’
‘That’s what they all say,’ she shot out bitterly.
Anger shot through him. His voice came out hard. ‘Don’t co
mpare me with your ex-husband.’ Impatiently, he took two steps towards her. ‘Do you trust me?’
‘That’s not the point.’
‘Isn’t it? I think that’s exactly the point.’
She didn’t answer. It wasn’t good enough for Rick. He let out a disappointed sigh. ‘For Christ’s sake, I can’t believe it.’ Their sleeping together had crossed one barrier but infuriatingly had erected another. ‘He certainly did a good job on you.’
She looked at him warily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m talking about your ex-husband.’
Her voice rose. ‘Jason has nothing to do with us.’
‘Think again.’
She didn’t answer. Then, ‘Maybe we’re just infatuated with each other—’ she started to say, as if trying to justify what had happened.
‘Infatuated? Last night was something we both couldn’t control. Don’t destroy it by trying to analyse it.’ He sighed. ‘We’re both adults. I know the difference between infatuation and love.’
What was he trying to say to her? She felt confused. She took a deep breath and made for the kitchen to make coffee.
Rick was worried about what had happened too. While Gina made coffee, he walked outside to get some fresh air. Sure, he was in deep, but then he’d never been one to waste time when he wanted something. And he knew now he wanted Gina. Only he hadn’t quite decided how to go about it because, as he saw it, there were a number of problems that only time could sort out. Her grief over losing Maria was one. Her wariness, stemming from an abusive marriage, had affected her in more ways than he knew how to handle. Too many hurts still lingered, putting her on the defensive whenever he got close. He had offered commitment if she was pregnant, but he had a feeling that after her first experience of marriage, things weren’t going to be that straightforward. He could stand here and argue with her or he could let the matter rest. He had a feeling arguing would only make the situation worse. He needed to think carefully about what to do.