by Sarah Price
For the next hour, the youth group sang songs from the Ausbund as well as other songs about God and faith. Kate preferred the songs from the Ausbund. She knew some of them by heart, and when the vorsinger began to sing one of her favorites, she smiled as she lifted up her voice to join the others.
Oh, you beloved brethren,
And sisters altogether,
Because we are all members
Of one body,
So let us show loyalty
In loving one another,
Thereby God will be praised
In His throne on high.
For He, above all things,
Has commanded love,
Thereafter will we strive
At all times, early and late,
It does fulfill the law,
As is pointed out to us.
Therefore put on with desire
The virtues of Jesus Christ.
—Ausbund, Song 119, verses 20–21
During the break, she slipped away from her friends and made her way into the main house to use the restroom.
“Is that Kate Zook?” An older woman greeted Kate with a warm smile, setting down her Bible on the sofa. She patted the seat next to her, indicating that Kate should join her. “I thought that was you when you came in.”
Kate extended her hand to Jane King’s maem before sitting down, feeling uncomfortable but knowing that she could not refuse the invitation to conversation.
“It’s gut to see you out again, Kate.”
“Danke.” She hated the constant reminders of the past few months of isolation. However, she knew it was to be expected. People were curious, even if the questions remained unspoken.
“How’s your maem doing? She wasn’t at church today.”
“Taking care of David,” Kate explained.
Jane entered the room from a doorway next to the stairs. She smiled when she saw Kate. “Kate Zook! I’m so glad to see you. Was hoping you’d be here tonight. I have two pie pans to return to your maem. Would you mind taking them?” She didn’t wait for an answer as she hurried over to the counter to retrieve a small box. “It was right nice of her to send along the pies even though she didn’t make it to worship today.”
Kate took the box from Jane King, surprised to see some roots in the box, wrapped neatly in plastic bags. “What’re these?”
“For your maem. Some butterfly bushes. I know how she loves to expand her garden with new roots.”
Jane’s maem raised an eyebrow. “Roots?”
“She keeps a garden out back,” Kate explained. She felt uncomfortable talking about it. “Likes to collect roots from people and replant them.”
Jane leaned over and placed her hand on her maem’s shoulder. “She started it after her boy, Jacob, died. The accident, Maem. Remember?”
Kate lowered her eyes, willing the conversation to change to something else . . . anything else besides the accident that had taken Jacob. “I best get going,” she said, hoisting the box onto her lap as she stood up and headed to the door. “Danke for the roots. Maem will be pleased, I’m sure.”
Outside, she leaned against the door for a moment, collecting her thoughts. Another reminder of how much her parents had lost was not something she needed. Twelve years and the pain was still raw. David’s accident hadn’t helped, reopening old wounds. She walked back toward the barn and set the box just outside the door. She’d collect it later, when they were leaving. As she stood up and turned to the door, she bumped into someone. In the darkness, she couldn’t see who it was and quickly backed away, offering her apologies.
Ella paused and stared at her. For the briefest of moments, her eyes narrowed, as if angry with Kate. The reaction took Kate by surprise and she immediately apologized once again.
“I didn’t see you there,” she offered as her way of excuse. “Didn’t mean to get in your way.”
“Again,” Ella retorted, a strange bitterness in her voice. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Kate frowned, wondering at Ella’s response. Again? When had she ever gotten in Ella’s way in the past? For the most part, her interactions with Ella were limited to worship service. There was no reason for such a response from her—unless . . . unless. The image of Ella’s tormented face as she’d gazed at Samuel during volleyball recurred to Kate. Part of her wanted to inquire about Ella’s well-being, but she felt too caught off guard to muster the courage to speak. Besides, Ella gave her no opportunity as she moved past her, walking toward the house.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped, startled to see Samuel behind her. From the concerned look on his face, she knew that he had witnessed what just occurred.
“You all right?”
She nodded her head.
“Want to leave early? We can take a nice long drive.” He glanced at the sky. “Stars are out and it’s warm enough, ja?”
He carried the box to the buggy, securing it under the seat before he helped her step up and get situated. As he backed up the buggy, she saw a lone figure standing in the doorway of the house and, even without being able to see clearly, she knew it was Ella.
Samuel glanced at her. “You ignore her, Kate.”
“I . . . I just don’t understand.”
He took a deep breath and remained silent, contemplating what to say in response. She waited patiently, allowing him the time to organize his thoughts. One of the reasons courting youths tended to keep their relationships secret was to avoid this very situation. It allowed couples to avoid embarrassment when relationships did not work out. Unfortunately, everyone had known about Ella and Samuel, and now everyone knew about Samuel and Kate. But perhaps his show of affection was nothing to count on. While she enjoyed his company and hoped for his favor, she also knew that nothing had been promised as far as a future. She, too, could be jilted. She only prayed that didn’t happen.
“Kate, I don’t want to speak poorly of anyone,” Samuel finally said. “And things that happen between two people shouldn’t be shared. I can’t do that.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to do that.”
He nodded his head, clearly appreciating her understanding. “Let’s just leave it at this: there was a disagreement, and I feel a lot of regret that I didn’t do what should have been done, ja?”
His cryptic explanation did little to illuminate the situation. However, she accepted his words as reason enough to maintain her confidence in Samuel as a godly man.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“You should invite him for supper,” Maem said one night. Maem sat in the padded rocking chair, the wooden runners creaking on the floor, even though she had a rectangular hook rug underneath it. “Seems he’s intent on spending time with you anyway. And not caring who knows about it.”
She was crocheting a small baby blanket for one of Daed’s nieces who had just given birth to her first baby, a boy. As usual, the birth of a child was met with joyous, if slightly restrained, fanfare. Maem liked to crochet pretty blankets for the babies, regardless of what time of year they were born.
Watching her maem’s fingers fly, the yarn draped over one finger while her other hand held the crochet hook, Kate shrugged her shoulders. She sensed disapproval in Maem’s voice.
Although Samuel was doing little to hide his special friendship with Kate, Kate was not quite ready to be so open about it. And certainly not around David. She wanted to avoid exposing Samuel to another one of David’s outbursts. And despite his attention and considerate nature, she certainly did not want to presume that Samuel’s friendship was far more than just that. Just seeing Ella at the youth gatherings was reminder enough that nothing was set in stone.
For the next few weeks, she noticed subtle changes in her life and, as a result, a different atmosphere at home. While nothing in her regular schedule had really changed, with the exception of Samuel driving her home from Susan’s house
each week, things felt different. She enjoyed those Saturday times together, when Samuel usually drove by way of winding side roads or stopped at a store where they could enjoy ice cream or a warm pretzel. For once in a very long time she felt happiness in her life.
Every Saturday without fail, he was there.
By the second week of May, Kate began to look forward to leaving Susan’s house, fully expecting to see Samuel at the end of the lane waiting for her as she began walking home.
“Reckon I don’t need the formalities of asking if you’d like a ride,” he teased, a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand.
She blushed when he gave them to her.
“I packed a little basket. Thought we could go sit by the pond for a spell,” he said as he helped her into his buggy.
“You packed a basket?” she asked, hiding her amusement at the image of him in the kitchen.
With a sheepish grin, he sat next to her and took up the reins. “Mayhaps my maem helped a bit,” he admitted.
She laughed, feeling happier than she had in years. There was something so light and good about Samuel. Just being near him made her feel as if she didn’t have a care in the world. During the short amount of time they were able to steal together, she absorbed his jovial nature and positive energy. His happiness was contagious, and she did all that she could to store it in her heart so that she could get through each week.
On Sundays, if there was a youth gathering after worship service, he arrived at her house in the late afternoon to take her in his buggy, and then each evening he brought her home. On the off Sundays, the weeks when they did not have a worship service, he arranged for something fun, usually with a group of other young people. Whether it was fishing or a simple picnic, Samuel always planned something to do so that he could spend time with Kate.
School let out in the third week of May. With Becca and Miriam home during the days, Kate felt as if she could breathe again. Maem now had three girls to share in her long list of chores, which gave Kate more time to spend in the garden in the late afternoons as well as the opportunity to begin visiting Verna on Monday afternoons.
As she was sitting near Verna on one of those occasions, her friend put into words the question that had long been in Kate’s heart. “Do you ever wonder what happened between Samuel and Ella?”
Kate looked up from the quilt she was working on and stifled a gasp. “I’d never ask!” she said.
Verna laughed. “I didn’t ask if you asked him. I asked if you wondered it.”
Bending back over the quilt, Kate hesitated. She didn’t want to lie, but admitting the truth seemed just as sinful. “I guess I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind,” she finally acknowledged. “My friendship with him seemed to happen all of a sudden. I mean, I thought he would have married Ella by now.” She set down her needle and stared at the wall. “I imagine that whatever occurred must have been upsetting on both sides.”
“Whatever occurred, it happened right after Ruth died,” Verna said.
Kate frowned. This was news indeed. “Really?” With the difference in age between Ella and Ruth as well as Samuel and David, she could hardly imagine what Ruth’s untimely death might have to do with the end of Samuel and Ella’s courtship. “Are you certain of that, Verna?”
Nodding her head, Verna continued. “Ja, right after the accident, they seemed to part ways. I don’t know if anything was ever said. But I do know that he simply stopped going to singings for a while. She showed up, he didn’t, and she went home with her bruder. That ended that.” She reached over for the white yarn that they were using to knot-tie the quilt tops. “She seemed sad about it. Don’t think she knows why he quit her.”
For a moment, Kate stopped working. She wondered how she would feel if Samuel did the same thing to her. Certainly her heart would ache, but life would go on. Still, she felt sorrow for Ella. What little Kate knew about her was all positive, unlike some of the other young women who liked to smoke cigarettes or wear Englische clothes before they joined the church. Ella had a reputation for being a godly young woman. She had resisted the temptations of the non-Amish world and seemed poised to be a highly sought-after fraa.
“I imagine there is a reason,” Kate sighed. “Might be best if it remain between the two of them.”
Verna remained silent as she worked on the next knot tie. It gave Kate a break to wonder at the situation yet again. Did they simply stop getting along? Had Samuel hinted that he was unhappy? Had Ella done something that disagreed with him? During their time together, Kate never sensed anything amiss between her and Samuel. While he liked to laugh a lot, he also could be most serious at times. She found that she adapted well to his different moods, able to read them and respond accordingly. Still, the thought that he might unexpectedly quit her one day niggled her.
“Next Saturday, there’s a group going to hike the Delaware Water Gap,” Verna said. “You going?”
Her thoughts interrupted, Kate blinked and looked up. “Hiking?” She knew that once the planting was completed and the younger kinner were off school, the youth groups often planned day trips. Social outings were important to the development of lifelong friendships. However, with her limited exposure to the outside world in the past few months, she hadn’t heard about this trip.
“You should come. We’ll have fun.”
Kate’s first thoughts were on David. Over the last few weeks, she had not spent as much of her free time at home. To leave on a fun day trip with the other youth would mean more of a burden on her Maem, even with Miriam and Becca at home to help. Plus, she was committed to help Susan on Saturdays.
“I don’t think I could go,” she said slowly. “I usually watch Susan’s boppli anyway.”
“Aw, you have a whole week to plan it. See if you can work something out.” Verna lowered her voice so that no one in the house might overhear. “Besides, I heard Ella won’t be going. She’s gone visiting family in Sugar Creek for a few weeks.”
“I hadn’t heard that,” Kate said. “I wonder why?”
Verna shrugged. “Seems someone might not be as happy as the rest of us about Samuel’s attention being focused on you.”
It took her two days to gather up the courage to speak to her maem. They were alone in the kitchen, David having retreated to his bedroom in a funk and the two girls outside playing with the kittens in the driveway. Kate kneaded a big ball of dough, flour up her arms to her elbows.
She hadn’t planned to say anything. But she paused to glance out the window and saw a cardinal on the bird feeder. “How beautiful!” she said out loud.
“What is?”
Kate gestured toward the window. “Look. A cardinal. His red crest is so pretty.”
Maem leaned over to get a better view. “That it is!”
Watching him for a few seconds, Kate wondered what magnificent birds might be spotted on the hike. Before she knew what she was saying, she blurted it out. “There’s a hike on Saturday, Maem. I was wondering if I might be able to go.”
“A hike?” Maem pinched at the dough and nodded her head, indicating that Kate could divide it into two loaves. “Who is organizing it?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted, feeling foolish for not having the answer. “But Verna invited me.”
Maem raised an eyebrow.
“I told her I couldn’t go, being that I help Susan on Saturdays,” Kate quickly added. “Just seeing that cardinal made me think of it. I shouldn’t have asked.” She lowered her eyes and focused on the dough. “I’m sorry.”
They worked in silence, Kate rolling the dough into loaves while Maem focused on the cheese curds that were cooling in the sink. When she drained the liquid, the sweet smell of whey rose into the air. Kate glanced over, watching as Maem used her fingers to break the curds into smaller pieces. Without being asked, Kate reached over for the jar of salt to hand to her maem.
&nbs
p; Maem took the jar and, for a long moment, stared at it. Kate wondered at this strange reaction but did not question it.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Maem finally said, a strange tone in her voice. “Find out more about this trip, and mayhaps Miriam can go help Susan instead.” She set the jar of salt down on the counter and looked at Kate. There were tears welling in her eyes, tears that she refused to let fall as she smiled at her daughter. “You deserve a special day, Kate.”
Kate looked away. She didn’t feel as if she deserved a special day. She certainly didn’t feel that she’d done anything worthy of such kind words from her maem. Swallowing what she wanted to say, Kate merely nodded her head. She didn’t trust herself to speak, knowing that she’d say the wrong thing. It wasn’t very often that she felt as though special consideration was bestowed upon her, not that she felt that she deserved it.
Later that afternoon, she walked over to Verna’s and told her the good news. From Verna’s reaction, Kate knew that her friend was excited to have Kate joining them for the hike at the Water Gap. She only wished that she felt the same anticipation and excitement. Instead of feeling any exhilaration for the adventure, she felt guilt as though she was abandoning both her parents and David. Still, in the deep recesses of her mind, she knew that this was exactly the type of social excursion that she needed. Even Maem had recognized that.
So, with all of her might, she tried to mirror Verna’s reaction and share in her friend’s delight . . . all the while worrying about how her parents would get through the day dealing with David without her help and assistance. Just the thought gave her a headache, one that permitted her to excuse herself from Verna’s home to take the long and quiet fifteen-minute walk home by herself.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
On the morning of the hike, the van arrived in her driveway at six thirty, right on time. She was not surprised to see John, Isaac, Hannah, and Esther already sitting in the back. Nor was she surprised to see Samuel. He motioned to her to come sit next to him, a warm smile on his face.