I Need You Forever

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

I eased closer to Jax and wrapped him back up in a hug. “It’s only because we care about you, you big lug.”

  He shook his head. “Here I am supposed to be protecting and caring for you, yet here you are on the floor dealing with my depressed crying ass and encouraging me to work through my problems.”

  Derrick started to stand and offered a hand to each of us to help us up. “Do either of you need me to call Kent or Carol to help get you through this?”

  Jax stood up with Derrick’s help, pulled him into a brief hug, and slapped him on the back. “Thanks, man. I think we’re good, but I’ll definitely be calling Kent to speak with him tomorrow.”

  Then Jax reached for me, helping me to stand. I righted the bar stools while he walked Derrick to the door.

  “If you need anything, I’m on until 3 a.m.; then, Tanner will take over watch. We’re going to rotate shifts with around-the-clock protection until we figure out what’s going on. Rick’s already running a fingerprint analysis on the note from Declan. The ink is several days old, so it may have been delivered via courier instead of personally, which means we may have some time to try and locate him and track his movements.

  “I’ve put a call in to my dad to see who he can lend to help with this. My guess is he’ll call in Ivan and Sophia, Dawn’s parents, since they’re local and have the experience and knowledge we need to hack into contract and employee files at the construction company. What was the name of the place your dad worked for? I think in all the excitement, we missed taking it down.”

  I turned toward Derrick, “He worked at Devlin Ridge Construction. They have a branch here locally, but their corporate headquarters is in Austin, TX.”

  I stepped away to move toward my room, when Jax grabbed hold of my hand. “Where are you going?”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be right back. I have a folder that might help with the construction side of things.” I walked quickly to the bedroom as I left both of them talking in low tones and watching my every move.

  IT HURT TO SEE Robin walk away from me, so I reflexively reached out for her. When she explained she had a file that might help the security team make heads or tails of the construction company and her father’s death, I let her go to retrieve it.

  Once she was out of earshot, Derrick leaned over and whispered. “I know you’re still coming to terms with Gabi, but dude, you’ve got it bad when it comes to Robin.”

  I looked at him with what I felt was confusion written on my face. “What are you talking about?”

  “You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her at her place. You’re doing the same thing here. If she moves even the slightest bit, you’re all over her. You’re watching her every move. At work we’ve noticed the same tendencies. It’s about time you make a move.” His words hit me in the gut like a ton of bricks. I knew my eyes were following her, but I hadn’t realized how intense I’d been.

  I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head and continued talking. “I like to see you having an interest in someone – it means you’re ready to live again. But I’ll warn you now, if you keep up this extreme over-protection act, then you’re going to smother her. She’s already had a dose of overbearing and out of control with that ex of hers.” He reached over and slapped me on the arm, “She needs the guidance and direction of a Dom, but the gentle touch of a caring heart. Too much one way or the other, and you’ll scare her off. Just think about it.”

  I hadn’t realized my interest in Robin had been that noticeable. I’d tried to fight the idea; however, I caught myself watching her ass as she’d walk away from me at work, or I’d try to catch a peak of her cleavage when she leaned over the desk. I had to admit his words were true. I was infatuated with her, but if I pushed too hard I’d scare her off, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

  Hell, I’d only accepted the idea of moving on this weekend when I realized I was stuck in a rut and that it was affecting not just me but my daughter. Niki seemed happiest when visiting with her grandparents yet sullen here at home. I didn’t want to live that way, not anymore. Is Robin the answer to what I’ve been missing? Could she help me bring joy back into my life?

  “Here it is.” She’d yelled out as she came back into the room carrying a huge folder and handing it to Derrick.

  He felt the weight of it in his hands and smiled. It had to be at least three or four inches thick with documentation, maybe more. “Looks like you’ve been busy. What all is in here?”

  “The top copies are my father’s last medical reports where they diagnosed the lead poisoning and had biopsied the lung tissue only to discover traces of the asbestos having possibly caused his cancer. With that are letters from his initial doctors who’d believed he was tired not sick. Also, there are letters from the insurance company first denying recommendations to a specialist and later agreeing to it, then denying the procedures and later approving those too but at a lower coverage than what was originally promised, citing ‘recent changes in the new year’s policy’. The list goes on and on. My favorite’s the one where, after they’d paid for several procedures, they said his insurance didn’t cover any of his treatments. The icing on the cake, however, was when his company found a loophole within some kind of law where they could fire him while he was on leave for a disability, so they let him go and canceled his insurance coverage once and for all.”

  Derrick walked over to the bar area and began thumbing through some of the papers, until he reached one stack that was clipped together. “What are these? It looks like printouts from a computer.” He pulled a list of handwritten names and held it up, “Who are these people?”

  She moved next to him and started pointing to different things while explaining what it all meant. “The printouts were research on issues at Devlin Ridge Construction. I wanted to know if there were any other reports of company employees getting sick from working its job sites, whether here or anywhere else in the U.S. I also looked for any potential lawsuits that happened or ones currently in the works under the company’s name. The handwritten list of names was the people I contacted through the media to try and gain some exposure of possible illegal work practices within the company. I wanted to take it all the way to OSHA, but I didn’t have enough proof or information to get that far.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment, her hand still on the counter as she took in a deep breath. I’d give anything to know what was going on in that mind of hers. “I would’ve loved to have searched for more information, but that’s when I started getting some strange phone calls warning me to drop the investigation. Then a few notes showed up under my door and at work followed by them trashing my place a couple of times and leaving the notes telling me to stop the investigation or else. So I gave up.” She looked at Derrick with questionable eyes. “If you guys start investigating and asking questions, will they know it’s me? Will I be in danger?”

  I walked in to the kitchen, grabbed bottles of water for all of us, and handed them over the bar area. I felt helpless not knowing how to help her or fix the situation, but I did know that Derrick, his guys, and Titan Security could easily find a solution to it. “I’d like to know the answer to that too. I want a resolution to all this, one that will answer all of her questions but not at the threat of danger to her or her brother, or anyone else’s for that matter. I want little to no risk involved.”

  Derrick looked up with an intense level of seriousness written on his face. “I’d lay down my life first before I’d let any harm come to anyone I protect. That I can promise. As for our investigating,” he turned to Robin and addressed her directly, “we have ways to acquire information without anyone knowing it. So no need to worry; we’re good at what we do.”

  I watched how Robin nodded and started chewing on her lip when she was in deep thought. I noted it was a nervous tick. The bad thing is that it was a straight line to awakening my crotch.

  I listened as she explained a few other papers before she changed the subject, “Is there any progress on finding my broth
er?”

  I could tell by the expression on Derrick’s face he didn’t want to answer that and had avoided bringing it up. “Rick and I have called in our contacts. They’re actively looking but nothing yet. If he’s in the midst of a secret operation, it may take time to get word back. We wouldn’t want to risk their current mission or endanger anyone.” He looked back and forth between the two of us. “You have my word that we will find him. At this point, it’s just a matter of when and how to get a message to him safely.”

  We continued talking for another hour, when I began to yawn. I guess it was contagious because Robin soon followed.

  Derrick looked down at his watch. “It’s almost midnight guys. I should be getting back to my post.” He held up the folder, “Thanks for the interesting reading material. This will help pass the time while I keep a look out for anything suspicious. If either of you needs anything, feel free to call or yell, and I’ll come running.”

  He headed to the door and turned around, “Enjoy the rest of your night. And Jackson…”

  I held the door open for him, “Yeah?”

  He glanced back at Robin and then at me. “Remember what we talked about. Don’t rush, just enjoy.”

  I nodded in agreement. Robin was a scared, injured pup that needed special care and loving before she’d open up and trust anyone again. The mere fact that I had her in my house was a miracle, but she really didn’t have any other option.

  Turning off most of the lights on the way, we headed toward the bedrooms. I had gotten into the habit of leaving the stove light on when I’d gotten up for 3 a.m. feedings. As Nicola grew, I needed the light to avoid random toys left on the ground. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to continue since Robin might need to get up for a drink or food during the night.

  She entered her room and groaned. I looked over her shoulder to see why. “I can help you put away some of your things or at least help you clear the bed. You can deal with the rest of this tomorrow.”

  She shook her head. “It’s my problem not yours. You’ve already done enough to help me today. I was at my lowest earlier tonight and just being able to sit outside your workout room and listen to your music was help enough. I miss being around people outside of work.”

  I started to leave the room and heard her mumble to herself as she began to straighten her clothes, hanging them up in the guest closet. She was an amusing individual who caused me to smile more times than I could count today.

  I’d almost entered my room, when I felt a weird feeling in my heart – one of emptiness. I backed up closer to her room and things returned to normal. It didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t ready for us to go our separate ways tonight. I guess the voice in my head telling me to “Go to her” didn’t hurt either.

  I knocked on the door frame to her room. “I don’t mean to sound weird, but would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?”

  Her eyes widened. “But?”

  Trying to relieve any thoughts about being pressured, I smiled reassuringly at her. “I don’t mean in a sexual way. I was just thinking we’ve both been through a lot, and we seem to have a need to be near one another tonight, so maybe it would help if we just shared the same bed.”

  I held both my hands up. “I’d be the perfect gentleman, I promise. If I’m not, then you can yell for Derrick or Tanner, and they’ll come to your rescue.” I hated the idea of throwing out my man card to appease her, “I’ll be the first to admit, I have nightmares about Gabi’s crash and about disappointing her with the job I’m doing with her father’s company and with Nicola. I notice when Niki falls asleep watching TV in my room, I have fewer horrors on those nights.”

  She looked around the room and made a big sigh. “I do have a lot of work to do still.” She glanced over my way and said, a bit smugly I might add, “If this is your way of getting me into your bed to determine whether or not I’m psychotic with nightmares, you might as well forget about it. I don’t kiss and tell, but in your case I might make an exception.”

  A warm smile spread across her face. “To be honest, I’ll take it as long as you promise to keep to your side of the bed. I’d probably be up for another hour or two, otherwise, and at this point, I’m beat. I hardly slept the night before because there was too much racket going on from a party on the first floor of my building.”

  With a smile and a joking manner I teased her, “Then leave this stuff and get your ass in my bed.”

  She laughed and turned off the light as she followed me into my room. “Holy crap that bed is big.”

  I watched as she took it all in. Then to my surprise, she ran and jumped onto the bed and rolled around, checking out the softness of the mattress and sheets. “This bed is amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like it.” Her hands smoothed over the sheets, “Are these Egyptian cotton?”

  I nodded. “You know, you’re on my side.”

  She sat up and put her hand to her mouth, which was forming a perfect “O” and making my crotch feel a little uncomfortable. “Whoops. I’m sorry boss. I’ll move, but only for you.”

  “Why you little tease!” I ran after her, and as she tried to climb out of bed, I jumped onto it pulling her back in. We wrestled with one another for a few moments, when our lips touched. Both of us pulled back and looked at each other’s reaction before crashing against each other in a hurried rush.

  Wanting to feel what she’d be like wrapped around me, my mind floated to ideas of laying Robin out on my bed and sinking deep within her heat. Remember what Derrick said about not rushing things.

  Thank goodness for my subconscious. I broke the kiss and pulled back, finding that we were both out of breath and trying to calm down. She beat me to the punch when she said, “We have an early morning at work. If we’re going to get any sleep and be worth anything at the office tomorrow, we should probably turn out the lights and try counting sheep.”

  I nodded. “Agreed.” I reached over to the light on my nightstand and turned it off. She instantly rolled where her back was to me, and I did the same. The best way we could both avoid temptation is to not invite it in. This was going to be a long fucking night.

  THE ALARM WENT OFF on my clock, but I quickly silenced it before it woke up Robin. I turned to see if she was still asleep and was surprised to see her spot empty. Thinking she must have gotten up to use the bathroom or get something to drink, I felt the sheets to see if they were still warm from her body heat, but they weren’t. They were cool to the touch.

  We’d both had a rough night. I waited until she fell asleep to leave the bed. She had me so pent up that I had to go to the guest bathroom and get some relief. Normally, I would think of Gabi to help me out, but this time my thoughts were filled with Robin. I took my cock in hand and was surprised how quickly and how hard I’d come. I thought I’d feel guilty afterwards, as though I’d betrayed the memory of my wife, but I’d felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. I knew I definitely needed to talk with Kent. Hopefully, he could help shed some light on my thoughts and feelings.

  I was finally able to sleep, but it was short lived because Robin started crying out, “NO!” in her sleep. She’d bolted upright in bed while crying and shaking. Trying to give her reassurance, I pulled her into my embrace. “Everything’s going to be okay, honey. I’m right here. No one’s going to hurt you.”

  She wrapped her arms around me and just held on for the longest time before her tears and panic slowly ebbed. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had a nightmare about Declan in over a year. The note has me worried as well as the threats from my dad’s company.”

  I calmed her down, and she went back to sleep for about an hour before she was screaming again. I was glad Nicola had spent the night at my parent’s house. This was not something she needed to deal with.

  After the second nightmare, I suggested, “Maybe we can have Kent or Carol prescribe some form of sleeping aid to help you sleep and avoid some of your nightmares.”

  She argued with me. “I’m not goin
g to take any drugs. I need my wits about me in case I need to defend myself.”

  She had a point. “I agree that normally you’d need to be alert, especially when you were by yourself and having to deal with all this alone.” I grabbed hold of her chin and forced her to look at me. “You’re not alone in this. Between Derrick, his team, and me no harm will come to you. As for the sleeping aid, all I ask is that you consider it. I had severe nightmares right after Gabi’s accident and had to take some medicine to get me through the night while Nicola was still in the neo-natal unit at the hospital.”

  Her face took on an expression of concern as her hand came up to touch the side of my face. “I’m sorry, Jax. I had no idea. Despite what had been going on in your personal life, you always seemed well-rested and with your wits about you at work.”

  I nodded. “Well, looks can be deceiving sometimes. I was anything but. I knew I needed to keep the department going; that’s why I popped in for a few hours a day. Plus, it was a means to get my mind off of things. If I want to be honest with myself, I was in complete denial for a while, up until they finally took Gabi off life support. I’d fully believed that she was just sleeping in a coma, not brain dead. It wasn’t until…” I looked away, feeling the moisture building in my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? I had hardly shed a tear until today. Why did Robin have such an emotional effect on me?

  “It wasn’t until what?” She questioned.

  I couldn’t look at her as I said the words because I didn’t want her pity. “After Nicola was born, they allowed me a few minutes to say goodbye to Gabi before they took her organs. She was a donor and had told me that if anything ever happened to her, and she could help save someone else’s life, she wanted me to donate them.”

  I looked up to see Robin shedding a few tears along with me. “It wasn’t until I saw several teams leaving the operating room with coolers in hand that I knew she was finally gone. That’s when it hit me. I was in such denial that when reality finally hit, I required a sedative to calm down. Alexander and my father had to help hold me down to keep me from flying off the handle.”