by Linda Conrad
And there they were. It was a sight so sweet, so compelling, that he had to ball his hands to keep from reaching out to them.
He must’ve made a strangled noise of pure need, because at that moment Susannah looked up and spotted him. But she didn’t seem distressed to see him standing there.
On the contrary, her smile was reminiscent of a painting of the Madonna. She tilted her head, indicating he should come closer so she wouldn’t have to yell at him across the room.
Moving that distance was like wading waist deep in a swamp. His feet were heavy, and his heart was heavy, too. Now that he’d figured it out, how could he let them go?
Susannah patted the bed next to her, and as if in a trance, he climbed right in. The moment he was there, though, he realized she wasn’t that comfortable. So he helped her sit forward and positioned himself behind her back.
“That’s better. Thanks.”
He couldn’t say a word. Holding them both felt right. How could he have let so much time go by without understanding that this is what he wanted? These two—in his bed, in his house for good—was what he wanted.
“Why aren’t you asleep, Nathan? I tried to sneak out without waking you.”
“The bed got cold. I didn’t like it alone.”
She chuckled, and he could’ve kicked himself in the head for saying too much. But Lord have mercy, he was in deep. Deep, dumb love. And it had happened fast.
This was different than with his first wife—much different. Back then, he was in love with the idea of being in love. No wonder it hadn’t worked out.
But with Susannah, he didn’t want to love her. He couldn’t possibly be in love with her. The timing was all wrong. The person was all wrong.
Yet here he was, totally and hopelessly lost.
He needed to send them away—for their sakes—to never see them again.
How could he ever manage to do it?
Chapter 9
After breakfast, Nathan didn’t go back out on the range with the rest of the hands. Instead, he took his last cup of coffee along with him and made his way to the opposite end of the ranch house to a separate wing where his brother had set up his private rooms.
Nathan seldom—no, make that never—came to this wing of the house. He had no idea what his brother did back in his cavelike rooms. All he knew was that it somehow involved computers and had nothing to do with the ranch. All the ranch’s paperwork was done in their offices located in one of the barns.
But today he needed the kind of help he’d hoped his brother could provide.
As he walked, images of last night with Susannah flooded his mind. He would rather not dwell on what they’d done together—not when this morning’s errand was to find a way of giving her a safe place to go when she and Melody left the ranch.
Without him.
The images of last night would not disappear from his mind—not ever. They would stick with him for life. But he would prefer to keep them buried until later, maybe years later when the loneliness finally became unbearable and he needed the strength and peace memories of Susannah could provide.
Arriving at his brother’s door, Nathan knocked and heard Derek call out an invitation to enter. Maybe today he would finally learn what his brother did with all his time.
He let out a breath and went in. “You have a minute?”
When his eyes adjusted to the low lighting, he realized he was standing in a room that looked a lot like an air traffic control tower. There were computers lining every wall. Lights blinked and buzzers dinged. From another room came various electrical noises, sounding as though a hundred technicians were at work on peripheral equipment in the spare room.
“Derek? Hello?” This first room was unoccupied except by the machines.
In a few seconds, his brother stuck his head out of the other room. “Nathan? For crying out loud, what are you doing here? I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of your company in my office before.”
Were they really going to have to deal with old baggage before Nathan could get to the real reason he was here?
“Don’t tell me the ranch is actually going to do without you for a day?” Derek grinned, looking so much like their mother that he took Nathan’s breath away, and pushed his glasses up on his forehead.
Yep. Looked like at least a few minutes were going to be wasted with talking over ancient grievances.
“I’ve been up since four-thirty,” Nathan ground out. “And I gave the men their working orders hours ago. I’ll check on them later, but I needed to talk to you first.”
“Well, come in and sit down, then.” Derek and his deep blue eyes disappeared into the next room. He was still tall and lanky, and still a pain in the neck.
By the time Nathan made his way over cords and past side tables full of heaven only knew what kind of machines, he found his brother clear across the next room, standing alone in a small kitchenette next to a coffeepot.
“Ready for a refill?” Derek called out.
“No.” He lifted his mug in the air to indicate he still had plenty. “But thanks.”
“No, problem. It’s not every day when the very busy Nathan Pierce deems something important enough to stop work in order to pay his good-for-nothing brother a visit.”
Oh, yeah. There it was—the topic that always turned into their biggest hassles and also had become the cause of their last great argument. Nathan regretted calling his brother lazy and wished he’d never uttered the word.
But he still believed in the sentiment behind it.
He wasn’t sure what to say. So he went to the small round dining table placed in a corner by the kitchenette and took a seat. And he kept his mouth shut.
“Is it bad news?” Derek joined him, placing his steaming mug on the table in front of his place. “It’s not Dad’s health?”
“To my knowledge, Dad’s health is fine. And the ranch is on solid footing now, too, thanks to that influx of cash we got from Samuel Grayson a while back.”
“You’ve still not forgiven Dad for that one, have you?” Derek blew on the coffee. “And by natural extension that means you haven’t forgiven me, either. Right?”
Nathan refused to delve into all the bad feelings between them today. “That’s not why I’ve come. What’s done is done. But you know how I feel about the Devotees and Grayson. And turns out, it’s partially them I’m here to see you about.”
“Speaking of Devotees, where’s Susannah?” Derek finally took a sip from his mug and studied him over the rim. “She’s really something. Has taken up coming to see me at least once a day.”
“Susannah has a busy day planned. She’s sitting with both the kids this morning and then she’ll be working with the horses this afternoon. She likes to work.”
“Yeah, yeah. I already know what you think of me. But will she be okay? You don’t for one moment believe the Devotees have given up on her and the baby. Is it safe to let her roam around the ranch on her own?”
“A couple of the hands will be watching out for her, and I’ve told her not to go anywhere but to stay close to the house.”
“I guess you know what you’re doing.”
Nathan’s temper flared at the subtle dig. “I know better than you. You never stick your nose out of these rooms long enough to find out what’s going on in the world. You didn’t even believe me when I tried to tell you how dangerous the Devotees were until Laurel was murdered.”
Derek laughed so hard he nearly spit coffee all over the table.
“What’s so funny?”
“You, bro. You think I don’t know what’s going on in the world, but it’s you who doesn’t ever get out past the confines of this ranch. Look around you.” He waved an arm toward the myriad of computers and peripheral equipment.
“Computers. So?”
“I get current events from around the world faster than you can blink. Every day I talk to people in New York, China and western Europe. I have information at my fingertips that would take you a
hundred years to dig up if you even knew where to look.”
Tamping down on his ego for Susannah and the baby’s sake, Nathan said, “That’s exactly why I’m here. I need… Well, actually, Susannah needs information, and I’m hoping you can find it for her.”
Derek sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. “Like what kind of information?”
“Hawk Bledsoe stopped by to see me a few days ago. He says Susannah and Melody need to leave the ranch soon. That they will never be safe while living this close to the Devotees.”
“I don’t doubt that. So take them someplace. It’s easy to see they’ve come to mean something special to you. All of you go find a safer place.”
“You know I can’t leave the ranch. I have too many responsibilities to just up and go. Besides managing the ranch operations, there’s Sara. I can’t leave her, and how could I ever take her with us?”
“I agree that would be tough, but maybe not impossible.”
Nathan shook his head, more to convince himself than to convince his brother. “It would be impossible.”
Derek sat up in his chair and looked smug. “So maybe I should take Susannah and the baby away myself.”
Nathan caught the gleam in his brother’s eyes and knew he was goading him. He refused to rise to the bait.
“Sure thing,” he said, letting the sarcasm drip from each word. “But how could you walk away from all this stuff?”
That brought another laugh from Derek. “Are you serious? All the technical equipment anyone needs today can be carried around in a coat pocket and a briefcase. I could be ready to travel at a moment’s notice.”
Pressing his lips together, Nathan glared at his brother.
“Don’t worry. Don’t worry. I have other reasons for wanting to stay here, bro.” Derek ringed the lip of his mug with a finger. “So what do you want from me?”
“I’ve been working on cult-exit counseling with Susannah. I’m pretty sure she’s got the basics. But a big part of what any ex-cult member needs is a good support system. We’ve been her support while she’s staying on the ranch. But when she leaves, she won’t have anyone. I can pay for her physical support almost anywhere she wants to go, but she needs to be around people who understand what she’s been through. She needs to keep talking about it on a daily basis.”
“I still say you’re the best one for the job.”
“Derek.” He wanted to pound his brother but knew that was an overreaction. “Please? This isn’t easy for me.”
Derek stared at him for what seemed like forever, saying nothing. “Fine,” he finally acknowledged. “I’ll start researching group support facilities. I know there’s some good ones out there, but I’ll need to find one that has experience with cult-recovery counseling.”
“Thank you.” He stood and took another deep breath, happy he’d gotten his say and that Derek had agreed to help.
Derek stood, too, and stuck out his hand as though he wanted to shake. “I know this won’t patch everything up between us. But maybe it will be a start. At least I hope so.”
Taking his brother’s hand, he nodded his head and started out the door without saying another word.
Susannah had made him see things in a whole new light.
But before he could go on, he intended to never rest—to never stop trying until he found a way to bring down Samuel Grayson and his Devotees.
After Susannah was safely away, after he was sure she and the baby could never be found, he vowed to call the FBI and offer his services to that end. It was a promise made to himself and his dead ex-wife that he intended to keep—no matter what.
Susannah still felt a little groggy and sleep-deprived after lunch. She’d eaten with Kathryn and Sara while Melody took a nap. But her mind had never left Nathan and the things they’d done last night. She’d spent yet another morning wishing she and Nathan could’ve talked before breakfast. But he’d said he had too much to do today…maybe tonight.
She certainly hoped so. But she had a feeling they wouldn’t get much talking done if they found themselves alone again.
He was too compelling. He was too sexy for her to keep her hands to herself. Their one night had been the best of her entire life, and she wouldn’t mind at all doing it over and over.
“Susannah, are you okay?” Kathryn put a hand on her arm to keep her from leaving right away. “You look tired today. Are you sure you’re feeling well?”
“I’m fine. I just didn’t get very much sleep last night.”
“Not bad dreams of Samuel Grayson again?”
“Oh, no.” She didn’t intend to confide in Kathryn, though she might’ve liked to ask her for advice.
She trusted Kathryn—almost as much as she trusted Nathan.
“Kathryn?” Deciding to change the subject, she started on a subject she’d been meaning to discuss. “If anything ever happens to me, would you make sure Melody is well taken care of?”
“What’s going to happen to you? You’re fine, aren’t you?”
She managed a smile. “Yes, of course. I was only wondering. You know, I might be in an accident or something someday. Things like that happen all the time.”
Kathryn put her arm around her shoulders for a hug. “Don’t think about such things. You’re going to live a long life and be the mother of the bride someday.”
“But just in case?”
Relenting, Kathryn whispered, “You know I will do whatever is necessary. Everyone on this ranch loves Melody and would die to keep her safe.”
“Thanks.” That’s exactly what she’d wanted to hear.
Susannah told Kathryn she’d see her later this evening when she picked up the baby. Starting off to do her chores in the horse barn, she couldn’t stop thinking.
Nathan was planning something, she could tell. He’d probably been trying to find a way to send her away from the ranch without her running into the Devotees. She knew he wouldn’t want her to get hurt.
But if she left the ranch, going anywhere, she had a gut feeling the Devotees would find her.
The parade of dead women the police had found, and that Nathan believed had been involved with Samuel, kept haunting her. If she left, she might easily turn into the next casualty.
But that couldn’t happen to her child. She refused to let them get their hands on Melody. She would keep thinking and praying on it. But she felt sure Melody would be much better off without her—much safer.
And next to Nathan staying safe, the safety of her little girl was all that mattered anymore.
“It’s quitting time, ma’am. Are you ready to call it a day?”
“Not quite,” Susannah told the young ranch hand. “But I’ll only be just a few more minutes.”
“If you’ll be okay, then I need to head on out to the bunkhouse and clean up.”
“I’ll be fine.” Susannah flipped her hair out of her face as she felt the sweat beading on her forehead. “Since Nathan warned those Devotees to stay away from the ranch, we haven’t seen any sign of them. They wouldn’t dare show their faces here again.”
“Yes, ma’am. They’d better not.” The ranch hand wiped the sweat off his neck with a handkerchief. “Just to be safe, why don’t you go over to the ranch office and walk back to the house with Nathan or Mr. Pierce.”
“Maybe I will. Thanks for the company this afternoon.”
He nodded and strode off, adjusting his gun belt as he walked away. She was sure she wasn’t in any danger on the ranch, but Nathan had insisted one of the men keep watch on her at all times when she wasn’t in the house.
Having protection was nice, but the whole idea of needing it made her nervous. She had to find a way to leave here soon. Every moment she stayed brought the danger closer to those she loved.
She’d almost come to the conclusion that Melody couldn’t come with her when she left. The two of them had to separate—at least for a while. It hurt to think of that, but it hurt worse to think of her baby in the Devotees’ clutches.
Perhaps tonight she would seek out Derek and ask him to help her find work in a distant city. He was so good on the internet. He’d told her he had developed several internet businesses that were doing well. The man was a genius. If anyone could figure something out for her to do with her future, it would be him.
She gave the empty stall she’d finished mucking out one last check. Yep…clean as a whistle. She didn’t mind the hard work at all. It helped her stop thinking for a few precious hours.
It was time to head back, but she was torn about seeing Nathan. Every time she saw his face, her heart broke a little more. It was crazy to fall so hard for a man who could never be hers for good.
What had she been thinking? Of course Susannah Paul could never hope to keep someone so perfect. Her whole life up to now should’ve been her first clue.
She was simply not the kind of woman who landed on her feet—never. She’d always landed smack in the horse manure, despite trying so hard to change things.
Kicking at a clod of hay in the main aisle of the barn, she slowly made her way out into what was left of the afternoon sunshine. Shadows were already overtaking the ranch with the coming dusk, but she still couldn’t force herself to hurry.
Every moment she delayed was a moment more she could linger in the beauty and majesty of the distant mountains and the idea that she had once belonged to something so special.
She breathed deep, loving the smells of animals and grasses. Turning toward the barn where the ranch offices were housed, she spotted Nathan and his father standing outside the door deep in conversation.
Just look at the man. Her feet froze to the spot while she gazed at his face and her mouth drooled.
Tall and lean, rugged and handsome…he was so special that it made her heart pound.
She couldn’t remember a time when she’d wanted anything as badly as she wanted this man. Over the years, she’d trained herself not to set her expectations too high. And Nathan was definitely out of her league.
He and his father were standing toe-to-toe having some kind of serious discussion. It was funny how much they resembled each other. It was like looking into the future and seeing how Nathan would age—pretty darn well if he turned out anything like his father.