by Blue Kincaid
She leaned back against him, breath coming quicker. “That’s all you.” She turned her face into his neck, mouth open against his skin briefly. “I can’t help myself.”
“And I don’t want you to.”
Harry crouched behind her, whisking her panties down around her ankles, then stood again, taking her hand. She stepped out of the panties and followed him to the bed. He patted the mattress and she shivered, obediently climbing up onto the bed and turning to kneel facing the door and their audience.
Harry climbed up into the bed behind her, reaching down to wrap his hand around her hair again and gently drew her up onto her knees, back to his chest. “I adore you, sweet December.” His arms slid around her from behind.
She let out a soft sigh and melted back into his embrace. “I know.” She didn’t say anything else, but turned her head and their eyes met and…maybe Harry was a fool but more than submission filled her eyes. He wanted the words, though. Before the end of the night, he wanted to have the words from her. That he wasn’t just a job. He was more. They had more.
He dropped a kiss onto her lips, then reached behind his neck to tug his shirt forward and off over his head. December let out a soft purr of contentment, rubbing back against him. He couldn’t help but smile. He’d noticed she had a fondness for the light dust of hair on his chest and belly; it seemed to draw her fingers like a lodestone. Sure enough, a few seconds later, she reached one hand behind her back between them to splay her fingers across his stomach, nails lightly scraping.
Harry chuckled and caught her hand, bending her forward abruptly and pinning her hand to the small of her back. “Naughty girl, I do believe I told you no touching until I said so…”
The realization that she’d disobeyed brought a few low laughs from their audience, murmurs of anticipation – a punishment was coming and they were looking forward to it. December, too, if the way she circled her hips back into the cradle of his groin was any indication.
Harry, however, realized suddenly that he was not looking forward to it. Not the punishment, because oh he very much wanted to turn her over his knee and watch her generous ass turn red under his hand – but that he didn’t want to share it with the people watching from the other side of the room.
He could no longer ignore the fact that what had once upon a time been an instant trigger to pure arousal now created a much different reaction in him. He let go of her hand and urged her up onto her knees again, arms sliding around her. She wasn’t going to understand what was going on and he didn’t want her thinking she was the problem. Harry was pretty sure he might know what the problem was, actually.
“The show’s over, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about that.”
December’s head lifted, turning to look at him with wide eyes. “What? Harry…what’s wrong?”
He shook his head as the small gathering of people filed out of the room, leaving them alone. But not for long. “Not here, sweetheart.”
December frowned, but followed him as he rose to his feet, helping her back into her dress and straightening his own clothes before he took her hand again. “I don’t understand,” she said quietly, glancing around as Harry led her from the room.
“I know. I promise I’ll explain. Trust me.”
That seemed to be enough for the moment, which made him want to kiss her breathless. Of course, he pretty much always wanted to kiss her breathless. A few minutes and a quick conversation with the nearest staff member, he had a key to one of the private rooms and led December there. He’d have preferred to bring her home and do this there, but he didn’t think she’d stand to wait that long after he’d so abruptly changed the course of their evening. He owed her an explanation.
The expression on her face said as much when he shut the door of the room behind them and turned to face her.
“What’s going on, Harry? Did something happen?” She reached up and stroked her slim fingers down his jaw. “Did it bring back memories?” she asked sadly.
“It did, actually. But not in the way you think.” He loved that she was concerned for him, though. It just emphasized to him all the things he loved about her. Man, just thinking it was enough to make him stutter mentally. He loved her. It took everything in him not to blurt it out.
“I don’t understand…”
Harry could only do this one way – to be completely honest. So far it’d worked out for him, and he hoped it did this time, too. “I don’t think I’m interested in the same things I was two years ago.”
December’s brows shot up. “I… Um, what? Not interested in what, exactly?”
“In this – the club, the people watching. It’s not me anymore. It was, a long time ago, but now…” He shrugged. “I want to go home. I want to kiss you breathless and maybe spank you for disobeying me earlier and then stretch out on the couch in our pajamas and watch a movie.” God, that sounded so amazing. So normal and just…real.
December tilted her head. “I still don’t understand. I mean, we can do that, it sounds great, but… I thought this was what you wanted, Harry?”
He stepped closer, carding his fingers through her hair lightly. “So did I. It’s…different now. I’m different now. And most of all…” He took a deep breath. “You’re different.”
As expected, that produced immediate tension in her. December shook her head and took a half-step back. “No, I’m not. Harry, I’m not.”
Harry smiled. “Yes, you are. I know you might not want to be, because you think it’s messy and inappropriate and out of bounds, but none of that matters. You’re different, we’re different and you know it. You know it because you feel it, too. Don’t lie to me, December. And what’s more, don’t lie to yourself, either.”
She didn’t say anything, biting her lower lip, and Harry pushed on. He had to, had to believe she understood and felt the same.
“I don’t want to show you off. Not because I don’t think you’re the most incredible woman to ever walk the fucking planet, but because I’d rather spend the time I have with you being with you, not with a bunch of people I don’t even know and certainly don’t care about.” He caught her hand and drew her closer. “Tell me you don’t feel the same. Tell me you wouldn’t rather spend a night sprawled in bed with me reading and talking and eating Chinese delivery than be here right now.”
She hesitated, then let out a breath. “So what if I would? Harry, the whole reason I’m here is to bring you out of that house and back into the life you had. The one you lost.”
Harry nodded. “I know. But I was wrong. I don’t need the life I lost, December. I’ve been trying to get back to where I was before everything changed, before Katie died and…and I never realized that it’s not possible. I can’t go back because I’m not the person I was two years ago. I’m different. In some ways for the better, in some ways not, but different. I don’t fit in that box anymore.” He shook his head, amazed it’d taken him so long to realize. “You said the first night that you couldn’t live a 24/7 lifestyle, and I remember thinking that was good because it’d keep me from getting attached to you. Because I wanted that. I thought I did.”
“And now you don’t?” She sounded suspicious.
“Now I want more than that. I loved Katie, December, I loved her more than I thought I could ever love anyone. And it turned out I didn’t know her at all. I thought we were perfectly compatible when, in fact, she had to go outside our relationship to find what she needed.” For the first time, that didn’t make him angry. It just made him sad. For Katie, mostly, because if she’d just told him so, he’d have wanted her to leave and be happy rather than stay and be unhappy. Maybe he hadn’t made that clear enough.
“I don’t see what that has to do...”
Harry cut her off. “I know. But it does. Because here was this woman I thought was my perfect match and we were everything wrong for each other. I was her Master, but it meant nothing in the end because she never truly belonged to me. And then there’s you... who is so wrong for me in al
l these obvious ways, who doesn’t want just one Master but you belong to me in ways she never did, in ways no one else ever could. Because we work, whether you want it to be true or not, it is. I’m not an idiot, December, I know our lives do not mesh. I don’t care. Because it’s not about if things are perfectly aligned or if the timing is right. It’s not about kinks or fetishes or whether I’m your Master or just your lover with kink on the side. It only matters what we feel. And you cannot tell me you don’t feel what I do.”
She shook her head, eyes shimmering. “What purpose do I serve here, then?”
God, she had to ask? He cupped her face in both hands. “You serve the purpose of being the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You serve the purpose of making me laugh and making me smile and making me not lonely anymore. You serve the purpose of giving me a purpose.”
She sniffed, hands fisted in the front of his shirt as she looked up at him. “What purpose?” Her voice was a bare whisper.
Harry hesitated. Only for a second before he let out a breath and brushed a thumb across her soft cheek. All in, he supposed. “Loving you.”
It seemed as though time stood still. The whole world holding its breath waiting to see if he’d completely fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him. Every second ticking by hammered another nail into the coffin of his hope. And then she let go of his shirt. She took a step back. And his heart broke.
December shook her head, taking another step back, this time toward the door. “No. Harry, I care very much about you, I really do. But you can’t…dammit, Harry, this is not how it works.”
“How what works? Life? Actually, this is exactly how it works. It’s messed up and jumbled and happens when you really wish it’d just hold on and wait for a better time.” He spread his arms out, brows lifting. “Well, this is the time, December. Here it is. Here I am. I love you, sorry if that’s inconvenient. And you can stand there and tell yourself you ‘care’ about me, but that’s not all it is and you know it. Or at least that’s not all it could be if you’d give it a chance. Give me a chance.” He held out his hand. “Please.”
The tears that had been shining in her eyes for the last five minutes spilled then and god, Harry could not have imagined this going worse. He’d made her cry, great. And then it got worse, because she spun on her heel and before he could think what he’d even say if he stopped her, she was gone. And he was alone.
Again.
Chapter Thirteen
December peered out of the hotel window, wrinkling her nose as the clouds opened up and icy rain splattered against the window. She tugged the curtains shut and turned. A pair of knowing green eyes met hers across the room. “Don’t look at me that way.”
Sheridan rolled her eyes, popping a grape from the daily complimentary fruit basket into her mouth. “Please. You dragged me away from the sunshine and warmth and the yearly awkward Christmas phone call from my stuck up sister. I will look at you any way I please, woman.” Despite the amused acid in her tone, her best friend was more concerned about her than the weather. “Come sit down and spill. All you told me was it was an emergency so since I’m not seeing any missing limbs, I’m guessing…internal injury?” She caught December’s hand, tugging her down onto the bed beside her. “The heart region?”
December sighed. “How’d you know?”
“Baby girl, I know you, is how. Also, Jeremy might have called to find out if you’d skipped town and come back to Cali.”
She winced. “Harry thinks I left?”
Sheridan shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. I think he’s probably giving you space and thinks it’s a possibility you left without actually checking out.” She turned onto her side and peered up at December where she sat beside her. “What happened last night?”
“He said he loves me.” December’s chest clenched remembering how earnest he’d been, how fierce and determined that she love him, too.
Surprisingly, Sheridan didn’t seem taken aback at all. “Okay…and?”
“And? That’s not enough to illustrate how screwed I am? And not in the fun way.”
Sheridan pushed up on the bed to sit cross-legged, scraping her long auburn hair up into a messy bun she secured with a hair tie she had around her wrist. “Well, I mean, it’s not ideal, but you can’t be surprised. I could have told you he was going to fall in love before you ever left LA. Sweetie, he’s a man with a broken heart and broken pride and you’re…well, you’re you. Of course he was going to fall in love.”
December frowned. “You could have said something to me, thanks.”
“Oh, come on.” Sheridan laughed. “Baby, this is not the first time a client has fallen head over ass for you. It’s a hazard of the job. That’s not what concerns me.”
“What is?”
“That maybe you love him, too.” Before December could protest, Sheridan held up a finger and continued. “Tell me this – how many men have proclaimed undying love for you in the last…let’s be generous and say just the last year? How many?”
She squirmed inwardly, brows knit. “I don’t see what that has to do with…”
“It has everything to do with this. Because every other guy, every client, every bad date, every sad middle aged guy in a bar – they can declare their love for you until they’re blue in the face and it doesn’t faze you. But this one…oh honey, this one’s been different from the get go and we both know it.”
December slumped, sinking back onto the mound of pillows on the bed with a whimper. “This is not happening to me. It can’t happen to me.”
Sheridan crawled up to plop down beside her. “As if. More than anyone else, it was bound to happen to you eventually. Love. It’s inevitable. Well, except for me,” she teased. Then got serious and turned to hug December, snuggled up against her side. “So what did you do when he told you?”
Oh god. December scrubbed a hand over her face and groaned softly. “I might have bolted out.”
“Out of where?”
She winced and peeked from between her fingers at her friend. “The BDSM club he took me to?” At Sheridan’s wide eyes, December groaned again. “I know! But what was I supposed to do? I told him not to. I begged him not to! But that stubborn man just kept going, acting as if there’s even a chance for this to turn into some kind of happily ever after.”
Sheridan sighed, twirling a bit of December’s hair around her finger. “You know I love you, right?”
“Oh jeez. You only say that when you’re trying to soften the blow of something you’re about to say. What?”
“Well, sometimes you make me have to be harsh with you to get you to see reason.”
“You mean agree with you.”
Sheridan shrugged with a smile. “Same thing.”
December had to laugh, relaxing. “Bitch.”
“Yes. Which is why you should listen to me when I say I think you ought to give him a chance.”
December froze, then immediately spurred into action, sitting upright and staring at her best friend as if she’d suddenly grown a dick and become a man. It’d have been less shocking, honestly. “Okay, now you’re scaring me. You were supposed to fly out here, commiserate with me and then help me pack up my things and come back home.”
Sheridan shook her head. “Not happening. You’re staying. And what’s more, you’re not staying here. I’ll help you pack your things, all right, but only to bring them over to Harry’s.”
December waved her hands, scowling in confusion. “Wait, wait, wait. You are the one who always told me not to fall for ‘the romantic, broken hero’, remember? You said that. You said I didn’t need a man to be a knight in shining armor.”
“Well…” Sheridan shrugged. “Don’t get too excited to hear this, but I think I was wrong.”
“Oh now you admit to being wrong. When I want you to be right more than anything?”
Sheridan pointed at her, sitting up. “See? That right there. You want me to have been right so you can run away from what you’re sca
red of. Oh no, baby girl, you’re not pinning this cowardice on me. I’m an emotional ball of yarn all tangled up into knots that might never be unraveled, but you’re not and we both know it.” She sighed and brushed December’s hair back from her cheek. “You want love like I want this season’s Balenciaga satchel in seafoam green, hon. What’s more, I think you need it. After Trent, after everything, it’s time you stop giving those ghosts so much power. Didn’t you spend all this time trying to get Harry to do the same thing? Let go of the past? Take your own advice, baby girl.”
“It’s not the same thing…”
“Close enough. And I’ve spent the last three weeks reading emails and texts and getting calls revolving one hundred percent around Harry this and Harry that and how he’s wonderful and smart and sweet and basically you saying ‘I LOVE HIM!’ without actually saying it.”
Oh god. Was that true?
Sheridan wasn’t done, though, mouthy bitch. “I think you owe yourself – not him, but you – a chance. I mean…you promised him the next – what, week and a half now?”
December wasn’t sure what she was getting at. “Yeah. But he doesn’t want what I agreed to give him, is the problem. He thinks he’s in love but he doesn’t know me. He knows December, the perfect submissive. He would definitely not be in love with December from Ashland, Kentucky with a nutty family and redneck roots.”
“You don’t know that. I know you and I know if you leave now you’re going to regret it. Stay. Don’t run off and do something you’ll regret. Or, actually…” Sheridan’s eyes lit up. “I have a way better idea.”
December groaned inwardly. She knew that look. It meant trouble. “What do you have in mind?”