And then she remembered that the first blaze of attraction between herself and Ben had been all about sex too, and she wanted to scream because she’d thought it was different with them. Only now, having listened to the people who knew Ben well, she acknowledged that she’d been wrong. Until then she’d been so sure of herself and Ben, despite the uneasiness that Leah had caused. She’d told Peter that she was sure, she’d told him that she wanted him to forget her and never contact her again because she was ready to work at it with Ben. But he wasn’t ready to work at it with her. Maybe he just wanted them both, because there Leah was again at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at them. Carey clenched her fist. Perhaps if she cracked the bitch in the jaw this time it might change things a bit.
“Hi, Ben and Carey.” Her voice was honey-sweet. “I thought I’d head home, I’ve a busy day tomorrow. So I just want to wish you both the best in the world.”
Carey kept her fist clenched as Ben let go of her other hand.
“Thanks for coming,” he said to Leah. “How are you getting home? D’you want me to order a cab?”
Leah shook her head. “I already did. It’s waiting for me outside.” She leaned towards Ben and kissed him on the cheek. “May you always be happy,” she told him. “I wish that with all my heart.”
Carey gritted her teeth. Leah leaned towards her, and even though Carey moved her face to one side, Leah still managed to brush her cheek. “I wish you everything you deserve,” she told Carey softly. “Absolutely everything.”
Ben glanced at Carey and then looked back to Leah. “I’ll walk you to the cab,” he said.
Leah shook her head. “No need,” she said. Then she smiled brightly. “Maybe Carey’d like to walk to the cab with me.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” said Carey.
“Carey!” Ben looked at her in annoyance. “There’s no need to be rude.”
“I think your wife’s feeling a bit threatened.” Leah smiled. “Though she doesn’t need to feel that way. After all, even though I gave you my nicest kiss, Ben, it didn’t make any difference.”
“I heard.” Carey looked at both of them and watched Ben’s jaw tighten. “Although I thought it was a bit more than a kiss.”
“It was a farewell sort of kiss,” said Leah. “We definitely came up for air.”
“I hope you enjoyed it, Ben,” said Carey.
“I’m sure that’s not something that worries you over-much,” he replied tartly.
“Actually…”
“We’re all grown-ups after all,” he said.
“I’d better go,” said Leah. “Nobody need walk me to the cab.”
“No,” said Carey. “I will. I want to make sure you actually leave.”
Leah turned away while Carey followed her.
“You’re a complete cow, you know,” said Carey as they walked outside. “You don’t want me and Ben to be together.”
“Of course I don’t,” said Leah. “He’s my boyfriend.”
“He’s my damn husband,” snapped Carey. “And you’d better remember that.”
“Oh, he’s reminded me of it over and over,” said Leah.
“Good.”
“The problem for him is that this time he isn’t sure I’ll be around when it all goes horribly wrong.” Leah got into the taxi and smiled at her. “Bye, Carey. Nice to have met you.”
The worst part was, thought Carey miserably as she trudged back up the gravel path, that as far as she was concerned, it had already gone horribly wrong. But she was damned if she was going to give the Leah bitch the satisfaction of knowing that tonight.
The first person Carey met when she came inside again was Maude. Her mother beamed and embraced her and Carey realized that Maude had clearly sampled rather too many of the fruit-flavored vodka shots.
“This is a wonderful party,” mumbled Maude as she rested her head on Carey’s shoulder. “But we’re going to go now. I’m feeling really, really tired.”
“I’m glad you had a good time,” said Carey tautly.
“Oh, I did.” Maude raised her head to look at Carey. “Me and your dad both. And everyone else. It was fun. We haven’t done anything that was really fun in ages.”
“Freya’ll be pleased you thought it was fun.”
Maude beamed again. “I told her that she was more than welcome to visit us anytime. She’s a bit shy, I think. I was so worried, you know, about what you’d done. But he’s lovely, he really is. You couldn’t have done better.”
“Couldn’t I?” asked Carey.
“Absolutely not. And I’m delighted that you’ve socked that married man in the eye, so to speak, and that you’ve found the right person.”
“You think I’ve found the right person then?”
“Absolutely,” said Maude confidently.
Carey did her best to smile at her mother as her father came over to them and told them that John was ready to go.
“I didn’t realize that John had driven you over tonight,” said Carey. “I thought you’d taken a cab.”
“We did to get here,” said Arthur, “but John said he’d drive us back. He doesn’t drink much so he didn’t mind staying on the dry tonight.”
“He’s a nice man too,” said Maude dreamily. “Both my girls have married nice men.”
“Tipsy.” Arthur mouthed the words at Carey.
“Everything all right?” John Lynch appeared beside them, the keys to his MPV in his hand. “You ready to go, Maude?”
“Well, you know, it’s been such a lovely evening I kind of hate to leave,” said Maude. “But I suppose I’m not as young as I once was.” She made a face. “Who cares about that really? It’s how you feel inside that counts, isn’t it?” She hiccoughed gently and Arthur laughed.
“I’ll tell you how you’ll feel inside tomorrow.” He put his arm round his wife. “You’ll feel sorry that you sampled so many vodkas.”
“Probably,” murmured Maude, “but it was worth it. The last few years we haven’t made much of an effort, have we, Arthur? We’ve done old people things. We’ve sat in the garden and sipped glasses of wine like a couple of decaying antiques. I’d forgotten about going out.”
“Look what you’ve started, Carey!” John laughed. “There’ll be no stopping her now.”
Carey smiled faintly as her eyes scanned the crowded room. Ben was now talking to Brian Hayes. Laughing with Brian Hayes, she noticed, and she wondered if they were laughing because Ben had told him that as well as being married to Carey, he was having a bit on the side with Leah. As per usual, apparently. And maybe the bit on the side would suddenly become something else so that one day Ben and Leah would be having a full-blown affair and she’d be like Sandra Furness, waiting in the evening for the man she thought she loved to come home but knowing that he’d found happiness somewhere else.
People don’t allow their fucking exes to come to parties, she told herself. It doesn’t matter who they are. It doesn’t matter what kind of pretend good reasons there are. Leah shouldn’t have been here and he shouldn’t have let her come. If he really loved me, if he intended it to be forever, he’d have kicked her out the minute he saw her. Just like she’d got rid of Peter Furness.
“Ready to go yet?” Sylvia, her family in tow, put her arm on John’s shoulder. He nodded.
“Just getting Maude and Arthur organized,” he said.
“You OK?” Sylvia looked at Carey searchingly.
“Yes,” answered Carey shortly.
“Sure?”
“Of course.”
Sylvia frowned. “There wasn’t any trouble…”
“I’m fine, Syl,” Carey interrupted her. “Don’t nag, for God’s sake.”
“OK, OK, keep your hair on.”
“Carey, I had the most wonderful time,” Jeanne told her.
“I saw you talking to one of the blokes from the football team.” Carey’s voice was bright and brittle. “You seem to have made a hit.”
“Don’t be silly.” Jeanne blushed. �
�He was nice though.”
“The football team!” Sylvia looked at her daughter. “Surely he’s too old for you.”
“Don’t be so stupid, Mum,” said Jeanne. “He’s only nineteen. Ben is the old fogey on the football team. Him and Phil. Everyone else is miles younger.” She grinned at her mother. “I might start supporting them. They usually play on Saturday morning.”
“Where?” asked Sylvia.
“Depends on the match,” said Jeanne, “but they train in Coolock. That’s not too far away from us really. If Dad would let me have the car…”
“No,” said John. “And Dad wants you and the rest to get into the car now. It’s late.”
“I got his phone number,” Jeanne whispered to Carey as she kissed her goodbye. “His name’s Gary.”
“Come on, Jeanne, let’s go,” said John as his daughter looked round the room in the hope of seeing Gary again. “We’re leaving now.”
“Thanks for coming,” said Carey.
“You and Ben must visit us soon,” Sylvia told her.
“Sure.”
She followed them to the door and waved goodbye. She felt as though her smile was cemented onto her face as she turned back into Oleg’s. The party was still in full swing but all she wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry. This was the worst party she’d ever been at and it was supposed to be celebrating her wedding. But how could she celebrate her wedding when she knew that it was all a sham? Her husband didn’t really give a damn about her. Only she didn’t know him well enough to have realized that. This was why people didn’t meet other people on planes and get married to them a couple of days later. Because they could turn out to be unfaithful shits.
She saw Ben say something to Brian Hayes and walk towards her. Her heart began to hammer in her chest and she could feel adrenaline surge through her body. And then Freya stopped Ben and spoke to him and he turned back towards the bar.
“Yo! Browne!” Gina grabbed her by the arm. “You’re looking a little left out over there. Come on, get down and boogie with your mates.”
“I don’t feel like boogie-ing,” said Carey tiredly.
“Don’t tell me you’re starting to flag,” protested Gina. “Come on, we’re going to do some Russian dancing!”
Carey allowed herself to be dragged into the group where Conor Reid and Chris Brady were desperately trying a Cossack-type dance but failing miserably, so that they ended up lying on the floor. She couldn’t help smiling at their antics, but it seemed as though all of these things were happening to another person. Right now she was so confused that she didn’t know whether she should be celebrating or not. Maybe she should be celebrating the fact that she’d found out about Ben now. Maybe she should be celebrating the fact that she could get out of this marriage with some dignity if she did it straight away.
Am I really such an idiot that I didn’t see what he was like? she wondered bleakly. Is there something about me that invites my own personal black cloud to accompany me no matter where I go and no matter what I do? Why is it that everyone else seems to have perfectly satisfactory relationships while I mess it up at every available opportunity?
The worst part was that everyone now seemed to think that she and Ben were absolutely made for each other even though they’d been so skeptical before.
“Come on, Carey, you have a go!” Suddenly they were pushing her into the center of their circle and clapping their hands and expecting her to dance.
“I can’t,” she said.
“You must.” Chris looked at her sternly. “I’m the most senior member of your team and I’m ordering you to dance.”
“Not in these shoes,” she said.
“Take them off,” said Gina.
Carey sighed deeply, then took off her high-heeled Perspex shoes and crossed her arms in front of her body. She began kicking her legs Cossack-style as the group whooped and cheered and applauded loudly. She managed to stay upright for almost thirty seconds before collapsing on the floor to roars of encouragement from her friends.
“Way to go, Browne!” yelled Finola. “Best effort yet.”
“And what a sight!” cried Conor.
“Thanks,” gasped Carey as she lay on her back and looked at the faces grinning down at her.
“Want a hand?” Ben reached out for her and hauled her to her feet. “You might want to rearrange your clothes first,” he said as she looked for her shoes.
“Oh!” Carey gasped as she realized that her exertions had twisted her trailer-trash white dress around and that her right boob (such as it was, she thought dolefully) was totally uncovered.
“Maybe it’s time for us to go,” said Ben.
“I’m having fun,” said Carey as she pulled her dress back into position. “I thought you were too.”
“Carey —”
“I’m going to have another drink with my friends and then maybe I’ll go. I don’t know yet.”
“Don’t be silly,” he said.
“Silly?” she hissed. “I don’t think that when they’re giving the awards for silliness at this event that it’ll be me who’s getting first prize.” She turned back to her group of friends. “Come on,” she said. “I want to see if anyone can beat that!”
It was another hour before the party broke up, by which time Carey had a raging headache and Gina had fallen asleep on one of the velvet banquettes.
“See you the day after tomorrow,” she said as Conor, supporting Gina, kissed her goodbye.
“We had a great time,” Conor said. “And I really and truly hope you’ll be very happy. It was about time you found the right man, Browne.”
“Russell,” said Carey blankly. “It’s supposed to be Russell now.”
Freya, Brian, and Ben were thanking Colman and Dimitri when she went over to them.
“Ready?” asked Ben shortly.
She nodded and then rubbed her temple as her headache bounced round her head.
“Come on then.” He took her by the arm. “Freya and Brian want a quick word with Colman. Let’s leave them to it.”
“Thanks, Freya.” She was finding it difficult to talk now. “Thanks, Brian, I really like you. And thanks for a great party, Colman.”
“Come on,” said Ben again. “You don’t have to thank everyone a thousand times.”
“I haven’t,” she said irritably. “I thanked them once. You should thank people. It’s polite.”
“Freya, I’ll see you soon,” said Ben. “I think I’d better get her home.”
“Don’t talk about me as though I was a naughty kid,” snapped Carey.
Ben shrugged, made a face at his sister, and propelled Carey out of the bar.
“There’s something wrong,” said Freya to Brian as soon as they’d left.
“What?”
“Ben and Carey. Something happened.”
“I know,” said Brian. “Ben kissed Leah earlier. A rather more than friendly kiss,” he added.
“No!” Freya’s voice was a horrified squeak.
“Yes,” said Brian. “I saw them.”
“Oh my God,” said Freya slowly. “Did Carey see them?”
Brian shook his head. “She wasn’t around. But she found out about it.”
“How?”
“Leah told her.”
“Oh my God,” said Freya again. “I don’t believe you.”
“It was all in some jokey kind of way,” said Brian.
“Which was the joke?” demanded Freya. “Ben and Leah kissing or Leah telling Carey?”
“Leah telling Carey,” said Brian. “She told her when she was saying goodbye.”
“And why were they kissing?”
Brian sighed. “According to Ben it just happened.”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Freya pushed her hand through her hair so that it suddenly lost its careful styling and fell untidily round her face. “What was he thinking of?”
“These things happen,” said Brian. “They’ll sort it out.”
“These thi
ngs do not just happen!” cried Freya. “Brian, I can tell you now that I wouldn’t sort out my husband snogging ex-girlfriends without a hell of a row.”
Brian grinned. “I know.”
“I can’t believe it,” said Freya. “Leah promised she wouldn’t do anything and —”
“I told you it was asking for trouble, inviting her.”
“Don’t do the ‘I told you so’ routine with me,” said Freya. “I already admitted earlier that it was a mistake.”
“OK, OK.” Brian shrugged.
“Sorry.” Freya shook her head. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t believe that they’re married less than a month and already Ben’s going around kissing other women. Poor Carey.”
“So you’ve changed your tune about her?” asked Brian.
“She’s not exactly my sort of girl,” said Freya, “but she doesn’t deserve to be sandbagged at her own wedding party.”
“What about Leah?” asked Brian.
“What about her?”
“She was the one you felt sorry for. What d’you think of her now?”
“I don’t know.” Freya sighed. “I did — do — like Leah. I know she does odd things from time to time, but she’s like family. And as everyone points out, it’s not as though Ben and I had a huge family to start with.”
“It might come down to choices in the end,” Brian told her. “Between family and friends.”
“Oh bloody hell,” snapped Freya. “How could he have been so damned stupid?”
“You’re always telling me that men are stupid,” said Brian. “All he’s done is to prove your point.”
Tiny white flakes of snow began to fall as Ben and Carey stood on the pavement and tried to hail a taxi to take them to Portobello. Carey scrunched and unscrunched her toes in an effort to keep her feet warm but they were already freezing.
“Let’s walk,” said Ben. “I’ll keep watching for a cab.”
“I can’t walk in these shoes,” said Carey tonelessly. “They’re from my car-to-bar pile. They’re not made for walking. They’re made for standing.”
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