by S Breaker
“Maia,” Noah called. “Laney’s back.”
“Sssooo…” Laney prompted Maia as she walked up to her with a tickled grin. “I heard Eleanor made a ‘bleed through’ and helped you fix your machine.”
Maia shrugged, her face sullen. “Yes, and she was the same goddamn bitch I remember.”
That made Laney laugh.
Maia stood up from her seat at the table, walked up to the memory-doohickey reversal chamber then tilted her head slightly to gesture Laney over. “Are you ready?”
Laney looked bemused. “Does it matter?”
Maia just chuckled as Berry-AI walked up to assist in configuring the panels, with P.T. just looking on.
Laney felt Noah’s hand on her back as he came up from behind to help her get into the machine again. She looked up at him, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. The tension in his eyes was more than there was in the morning during the first time around. And she knew just how badly they both wanted this session to succeed.
Laney stepped into the machine, then looked over to meet Maia’s gaze too.
The expression on her face was as plain as anyone’s. She knew if the machine still didn’t work, they were all at a dead end, and Laney would be screwed.
“Alrighty. Here goes nothing,” Maia said, pausing for effect before she pushed the button.
***
“Are you okay?” Maia called loudly from outside the chamber once the session had completed.
The door slid open with a hiss and Laney blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings.
Noah stepped up to the door to help her out. “Do you remember anything?” he asked. “How do you feel?”
Laney glanced up at Noah hesitantly. “Um, fine, I guess…”
Maia did her basic checks, her forehead creasing. “I think we should give her some time to decompress,” she suggested. “It looks like the second round took a heavier toll on her.”
P.T. chirped from its perch on the lab table.
Berry-AI came over to take Laney’s arm. “Perhaps Miss Carter would like to take a little walk,” he said, leading her promptly toward the door.
And Noah met Maia’s gaze again in an expectant prompt, but she just shrugged. “I know as much as you. I’m afraid all we can do again, for now, is wait.”
Noah went to the door to watch as Berry-AI took Laney on a slow walk around the common area, then she must have said something to dismiss him as Berry-AI began to step away, turning to head back to the lab.
Laney’s head felt like it was split in two. She didn’t need a walk. She should have asked for a painkiller.
She happened to glance back at the doorway to Dr. Chambers’ lab to see Noah and Maia watching her from across the way, with worried looks on their faces.
For a brief paranoid moment, Laney formed an instant aversion toward them, as she imagined they were probably more likely to be worried about the procedure having worked than they were worried about her actual well-being.
She braced her hand upon a railing, feeling nauseous, and a powerful wave of homesickness hit her again. She missed her family. She missed her friends—the real Darla and Kevin, whom she 100% knew would have had her back no matter what.
Meanwhile, everyone in this world seemed preoccupied with keeping secrets and only looking out for themselves.
Laney felt herself starting to heave.
She looked around as her surroundings began to overwhelm her senses.
She felt as though the entire world was spinning around her, she could barely stand upright, and her heart began to hammer in her chest in a flashback of dread, panic, fear, and then somehow…resolution.
She remembered.
She remembered everything.
She blinked, disoriented, almost hyperventilating. Then from across the way, her panning gaze screeched to a stop at the same time that Noah glanced up and met her gaze.
Noah registered the look of shock and recognition on her face instantly. He creased his forehead, swallowing hard.
Laney’s breathing started to even out as he held her gaze, and after a moment, she felt a small smile on her face.
Noah broke off from talking to Maia and hurried across the lobby toward Laney, but he stopped about three feet away from her. “Hi.”
Laney bit her smile back. “Hi.”
“Everything…okay?” he wanted to know, narrowing his eyes at her as though to try to determine if she was okay with remembering everything that had happened, everything that had happened between them, and everything since.
She nodded, taking a very deep breath. Then she started to shake her head in disbelief and gave him a wry look. “So much for going back to my normal life, huh?” she started. “I guess that particular great idea didn’t quite work out.”
Noah couldn’t bite back his smile of relief. He was feeling an overwhelming urge to put his arms around her, but instead, he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m—sorry again, about the kiss…the other day…” He looked uncomfortable.
Laney’s stomach instantly fluttered at the mention of it.
But Noah went on. “That was just—” He tried to dismiss with a wave. “I was glad to see you. And I…” He hesitated. “I missed…Laney.”
Laney frowned a little. He meant Eleanor. “Right. Of course.” She nodded again. Then she grimaced. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember you right away. I—can’t believe how stupid I’ve been sounding these last few days. And by that,” she added. “I mean even more stupid than I usually must sound to you guys.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But I thought it was all over. I was never supposed to see you again,” Laney said, a bit of irritation creeping into her tone, and it was as though the second shoe had dropped as she took full stock of her present circumstances.
She was back. She was stuck. And someone was trying to kill her.
Again.
Laney blew out a breath, happening to glance up across the lobby toward Maia and Berry-AI, waiting by the lab doorway. She sighed. “I suppose we’d better tell them the good news,” she said.
Noah had noticed the abrupt change in Laney’s mood but given what she had just gone through, he figured it was to be expected.
It was Berry, transmitting through Berry-AI, who greeted Laney as she and Noah walked back into Maia’s lab. “So glad to finally have you back, Laney!” he said with a big smile.
Laney pursed her lips, giving him a tired look. “No offense, Berry, but I’m really not glad to be back.”
“How’s the recall?” Maia’s eyebrows were raised. “Would you say you remember everything completely? Or are some things still hazy in your mind?”
Laney looked at each of them in turn, looked around at the lab, still taking everything in. She felt like she had been a completely different person for the last eight months and she didn’t even know it. “I think it’s mostly back,” she said, stopping short to groan. “I’m feeling a bit…weak,” she said, making a face.
“Flushing out those enneagram blockers will do that to you,” Berry-AI said, trying to sound consoling, his nose wrinkled.
“Yep, you definitely should lie down,” Maia instructed, coming up to take her arm.
“Don’t tell me, you have a futon in your lab.”
“Of course I do.” She grinned. “But I’m taking you to the on-call room. It’s where transient scientists and lecturers stay during their visits to the University. I mean, I’d offer you my futon,” she relayed. “But I still need to work on your chem panels to make sure I didn’t damage you any further, and you’re going to need someplace quiet to rest.”
Noah watched Maia and Laney step out of the lab. His stomach was feeling like a pit.
He felt as though there were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many conversations he had imagined they would have, so many things he wanted to share about what had happened to him since he’d injected her with the memory se
rum. He wanted to be around her, to be with her. He missed her.
He glanced up to meet Berry-AI’s knowing gaze.
Berry-AI gave him a sympathetic look. “Give her a moment,” he advised. “Can’t even imagine the shock to her system having just recovered those particular memories.”
“She’s going to be different again,” Noah said, knowingly.
“She’ll still be Laney.”
Laney’s pulse seemed to race intermittently, even as she was just lying down on the bed in the otherwise empty on-call room.
She figured her frazzled nerves must have to do with gaining back memories of the last time she was here, as though with each piece of memory, an associated emotion also needed to be reintegrated back into her. It felt exhausting, but it was definitely keeping her awake.
Laney stopped short as she caught sight of Noah out the door, across the hallway.
It looked like he’d just had a shower. He had taken off his usual heavy flight jacket, having changed into a cotton T-shirt that, whether he meant for it to or not, showed off his muscular, but lean figure.
She felt her heart pound from the vivid, recently recovered memory of what being pressed against his chest had felt like. Especially as she also realized what the dream about ‘sparks’ had all been about. Her face flushed hot upon realizing she now possessed two distinct memories of having been kissed by him.
For god’s sake, get a grip, she scolded herself again.
P.T. whirred softly in its “nest”, half-buried under Laney’s trench coat, which was in a heap on an empty bed.
Laney shot it a sharp look. “Shut up, P.T.”
She looked away, rolling over in bed, sighing, as she thought about Kevin—the Kevin from her world, her actual boyfriend, whom she may in fact, never see again.
The last eight months with him had been really good. She wondered if they still would have been had she retained all of her memories from the last time she was here.
She shook her head quickly to clear it. Jeez, where’s that forgetting serum when you need it? Couldn’t they have just selectively brought back her memories of her time here—that was, without any of the ones with Noah in them?
She wanted to think that her anxiety was caused by it all just being too confusing because of course, it was.
But what she was really more afraid of was that perhaps the reason for her anxiety was because she actually wasn’t confused at all. About anything. Not even a little bit.
Noah was beyond exhausted.
All he wanted to do was pass out on one of the remaining beds in the sparsely-furnished on-call room, with only two chairs and the two bunk beds in it, and Laney fast asleep in one of the bottom bunks. But instead, he looked out the window, in deep thought.
It was still dark outside, but it was almost dawn again.
They had succeeded in getting Laney her memories back. The mission was half-done. And he knew in the morning, they would have to plan out the next steps of fixing Laney’s displacement.
So she could go home, back to her own world. Permanently.
He felt frozen, paralyzed in disquiet.
“Noah…?”
Noah turned toward the sound, a bit surprised to hear Laney call his name. He’d thought she was deep asleep.
Laney blinked as she looked up at him, slowly sitting up in bed. “Noah?” she asked again, looking incredulous.
“Yeah.” He walked over to the side of her bed to ask if she needed anything.
But before he could speak again, Laney threw her arms around him. “Oh my god, Noah, is that you?” she asked.
He looked down at her. “What’s going on?”
“Oh my god, you have no idea what I’ve been going through! I thought you were dead!”
“What? What are you talking about?” he asked, confused, moving to sit down beside her.
“What do you mean?” she implored, looking up at his face. “Blakely’s guys attacked us outside The Louvre,” she said, her voice breaking. “Those drones chased us, then their airship came and—and…” She grimaced. “You got shot. I thought…I thought you died. I saw you die…”
Noah’s mouth dropped open slightly as he recalled that memory exactly, but what he remembered was that Laney had pushed him away just as one of the trackers had shot at him. Laney had saved him that day too.
He paused, his hands braced on her shoulders as he looked down at her face.
Laney had “phased” again, and somehow, this was a Laney from another alternate version of this world, one where Noah had in fact, not survived the Paris encounter.
“I saw it,” she said, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “It was so horrible!” She buried her face in his chest. “I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared!”
Noah swallowed, but he didn’t move.
It struck him how incredibly lucky they had actually been in Paris—in this dimension—as it easily could have been much, much worse. He realized that there could also have been a world wherein this Laney would have died in Paris instead.
His stomach tightened as he was again struck by the thought of there being a very real possibility of actually losing her. And it could all happen so easily. The mere notion of it made him feel nauseous.
Then Laney quieted. She pulled away and looked up at him again, her eyes adjusting to the dim light. “Noah? What…are you doing here?” She wiped her face with the back of her hand, surprised to find it wet. “What—why am I crying?”
Noah straightened up in his seat, somewhat in relief. Laney was back again. “You had another ‘bleed through’.”
“Oh great.” She groaned. “What the hell did I do now? Transform into G.I. Jane and try to kill you again?”
“No.” He shook his head. “No. You just…” He hesitated. “It was a version of you from a world where I didn’t survive the attack in Paris.”
She gasped. “Oh my god. That sounds…horrible.”
“But I did survive it,” Noah relayed. “At least, in this world, I did.” He tilted his head slightly, looking at her. “Because you saved me.”
Laney met his gaze, recognizing the shift in his tone.
Then he said, “It’s all my fault.”
“What is?”
“Your condition,” he supplied. “I’m the reason you’re displaced.”
He sighed as he began. “You got shot by an energy beam when we entered that first quantum shear. When I had misled you into thinking that I needed your help to save Eleanor and coerced you to come to this world with me. All these ‘bleed throughs’ are happening to you now because you had pushed me out of the way. I should have been hit by that energy beam. But instead, you were.”
He met her gaze again. “You saved my life, right from the start.”
Laney’s heart was pounding in her chest from the intensity in his voice, in his eyes. He wasn’t touching her at all, but he was sitting next to her, leaned in close enough that she could feel his energy, his warmth, radiating from him, enveloping her.
“That was when I knew…I could never have given you up to Blakely,” Noah said softly. “Laney, I knew…it was you,” he said, his gaze dropping down to her mouth.
Laney was heaving as about a zillion emotions zinged through her.
She knew Noah was totally in love with Eleanor. And she totally had a boyfriend. This was totally wrong. But it was completely overwhelming. And he’d always had this effect on her. Even when she didn’t even remember who he was. It didn’t make any sense at all. She didn’t even belong to this world. And she definitely didn’t belong to him. And yet…
But just as Laney’s eyelids fluttered and she moved to touch his face, Noah stopped abruptly, straightening up in his seat, and he shifted back.
Then he blinked a few times, not looking at her. “I’m sorry,” he said before he stood up and disappeared out the door.
The Fix
Noah hadn’t slept a wink.
“Can you make the coffee any stronger than that?” he
asked Berry-AI.
Berry-AI didn’t need any sleep. But he watched Noah in assessment as he put another spoonful of coffee grounds into the coffee maker.
Noah kept staring at him.
And Berry-AI moved to put yet another spoonful into the paper cup before Noah turned away. Berry-AI watched him strangely for another moment before he pressed the ‘Go’ button.
It was too early in the morning for all the night owls in the University to be up and about. It was probably the only time of day when the campus was as quiet.
Maybe a little too quiet. As there was nothing going on to distract Noah from the burden of his own thoughts.
He had long been struggling with the guilt that it was entirely his fault that Laney was displaced from her world and stuck there to begin with.
And the worst part was that deep down he knew, he didn’t even want her to get cured either. He didn’t want her to go back to her world. He wanted her to stay.
He shook his head briskly to clear the thought.
Selfishness was what had gotten everyone to this point to begin with. Eleanor’s. His.
Noah had been too selfish to think of Laney’s well-being from the get-go, dragging her into his world just to help him to rescue Eleanor from Blakely, regardless of the consequences—even if it turned out that the consequences were in fact, pretty darn apocalyptic.
Nothing he’d ever done had ever turned out well for Laney. He wanted to kick himself. He needed to protect her. He needed to stay away.
Except he knew, between the two of them, it was already proving to be an uphill battle.
Maia had been dozing in her futon in the corner of the lab for a couple of hours since having completed some analysis on the results of Laney’s second session in the memory-doohickey reversal chamber in the early hours of the morning.
“Good morning, Dr. Chambers,” Berry-AI called out as soon as he spotted Maia stirring and getting up from her futon.
But Maia walked straight up to a console to set it up to analyze the next and last set of chem panels. “Last one,” she mumbled, even as she waved her hand behind her, not looking up to call out. “Can I have some coffee too please?”