Keeping the Promises

by Gajjar, Dhruv

  When Dhruv entered, the only thing he saw was M sitting there. Sad and in tears, which he thought were because of Ansh and Angie.

  “Don’t cry for those losers, M! They are not worth it,” Dhruv said and held her hand. She immediately took it back, which stunned Dhruv more than it hurt him.

  “The problem is not with them, Dhruv! It’s about us!”

  Dhruv gazed at her blue eyes to figure out what she was hiding beneath them.

  “What are you talking about M?” He said.

  “It’s not working Dhruv! Between us…”

  That punched him hard in his stomach, but he didn’t say a word. He still believed that M was playing a game with him.

  “You’re not serious… Are you?” He paused.

  “I am, Dhruv, we seriously need to think…”

  “That’s not what I meant. I meant about us, you were really never serious about us, right?”

  Underneath his anger, he perhaps wanted her to say no. He wanted her to say she didn’t mean what she said earlier. To his astonishment, she didn’t say a word and perhaps that made him angrier, even cruel.

  “Answer me, M!” She didn’t answer and he continued.

  “You used me. You wanted a boyfriend who’d spend bucks for your expenses. You never were serious about us, right?” In his heart, Dhruv was praying that she would slap him on his face and tell him that it’s all a lie. She loves him till eternity and this would mean nothing at all. But contrary to that, she looked away. Dhruv, who was already high on anger, now stood up and punched the table hard which forced the other costumers’ and restaurant staff’s attention towards him.

  The manager who was in his fifties and knew them closely – was witnessing everything from a side. As knew something like this was going to happen, he’d already told all the staff members not to intervene.

  “You’ve seen the best side of me so far M! Now you’ll see the worst and I promise M, you’ll regret it more than me.”

  And he walked out, stamping his feet on the floor.

  After he left, M burst into tears. Her dad came and sat beside her. When she’d shed every drop, her father along with the manager – who too was in tears – put her on her wheelchair.

  Before she left the restaurant, the manager said with his hand on M's head, “I’ll pray for you my child!”

  “It’s too late for that uncle! It’s too late for that…”

  She mumbled before leaving.

  I groaned in tears as I finished the last line I did what I couldn’t do the last time, cried hard in pain, grief, sorrow. She took me in her arms and started rubbing my back with her hand. I broke into tears; the part I knew I would have to narrate disheartened had finally arrived. And ironically, crying was the only thing I could do – or perhaps I was allowed to do.

  “Mithu…Mithu… Calm down baby!” She rubbed my back with both of her hands when I collapsed in her arms and broke down.

  When tears stopped falling, I was sitting quietly, holding her hand.

  “Who told you about what happened after you left?” She softly asked.

  “Dad,” I murmured.

  “Of course he did!” She squeezed my hand hard and kissed me on my wet cheek. At that time her lips felt soothing.

  I knew it was now the promise time and I was getting ready for it. And she said, “Promise me! You’ll try to learn patience. You’ll not let my death go in vain. You’ll come out of it as a better person.”

  “I promise I’ll try, my love! You know it’s not in my hands.”

  She laughed at this and kissed me on my neck before blessing my lips.

  And we slept together, in smile together, in tears together, in love together.

  After having a conversation with M in solitude, I’m feeling relieved and strong. It may look unrealistic and confusing to you, but that’s the way it is. We all have secrets within us and believe me, M also stands for mystery; A genius intellectual who will blow your mind soon. Trust me.

  I stand up and push the handle to open the door. Being with her in that room always gives me the strength I require – knowing that this is the same room where Dhruv wrote his entire story and narrated to her. Can I be envious of it? No, not at all – may be a little but not enough to affect my friendship with M. Outside the room, on the sofa, her dad and mom are sitting. I hug them both as soon as I meet them.

  “How’s Dhruv?” Dad asks. Since they can’t talk to each other, I’m the messenger who’s been telling them about the overall improvement in Dhruv.

  I do not reply. Instead, I pull out my phone and show him his recent picture. His mouth wears a happy smile as soon as he sees it. His could-have-been-son-in-law looks much younger, fitter than the last time he saw him. He’d lost about ten kilos and yet was not stopping. He gently takes it from my hand and shows it to M’s mom. The same smile emerges on her face too.

  “This is the boy who my daughter chose to date.” She quipped. “A correction my dear, daughters…” No wonder where M got a great sense of humour from. I couldn’t help but smile shyly in front of them.

  Only then I received a text from Dhruv saying, ‘I’ve sent you a mail. It has a part of my life you need to know the most. I don’t have any explanations or excuses for what I became, but I promised her and now I promise you too that no matter how hard life becomes, I won’t be like that again. Ever.’

  A sudden twitch of fear rises within my flesh. I finally will get to know what and how hard it was. What has he done to think that he doesn’t deserve me! What’s there that keeps haunting him?

  10 February

  It was hard to wake up every day; answers started coming out in mumbles and words were able to make their way out with great effort. There was no hair left on her head, leaving it almost bald. To be honest, in one corner of my heart, I started hating being there. There’s nothing more painful than seeing your loved one like, especially when you are not allowed to do anything about it.

  She said that we were having a chance to say goodbye. But was it something I really wanted? Or needed? Certainly not wanted, but needed? Well, she knew me better.

  She was getting weaker with time. But I somehow hoped that she’d survive till the Valentine’s Day. At least Valentine’s Day! She was weak enough not to bother to see the orchids, and the note I wrote, I had to read it out to her.

  Mistakes are happenstance,

  Some make few, some more,

  But they are solely responsible for their mistakes,

  Just as I’m responsible for all of mine,

  Today, I shall be the one seeking a promise from you,

  Promise me! You won’t blame yourself for all the mistakes I’ve made.

  A drop of tear emerged on her left eye, making its way to her radiating cheeks, calling me to lick every bit of it. And – as it was my first duty – I accomplished it by licking all of the salt that fell from her eyes.

  “I promi…” It took her a while to coax those words out.

  That day went quietly. As we both knew we needed some moments of silence before what was coming to us, and for the first time, the birds on the outside were chattering more than the birds inside. Mom and Dad had also anticipated that the time of her departure was near and they seemed burdened by the truth, while I was still hoping for a miracle, which I knew was not going to come.

  And for the first time, I was having tears in my eyes the moment I started reading.

  She was gone, and Dhruv too made no attempts to make any amends. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and it was already over six months since Dhruv and M broke up. On the day his parents received his detention letter. He started thinking about his life in the past tense, for all that had happened in the past six months. As he was true to his words, he did not leave a single chance to corrupt himself physically, mentally and morally. The detention letter was sent to his home for not attending a single day in college for six months and also not participating in the final exams. He’d have to repeat the entire year. N
one of his family members knew of it until the letter reached their hands. Dhruv neither offered any explanation for doing this, nor bothered to talk to them. Just a text was sent to his brother from his side that he was coming over.

  On the way to his home, he tried to remember how the past six months had gone. The first thing he lost after his breakup was his friends. He fought with everyone who he considered his friend. Ansh was living in a hostel with his friends and Dhruv – just as he wanted – did everything possible to make sure he ruins his life. Cigarettes and weeds, that had been his sworn enemies, turned into his life partners. Alcohol took the place of protein shakes. A couple of nightstands with girls he’d never entertained. His muscles were gone and there were now thirty extra kilos and an eight-inch increment to his waist.

  His seat belt was now feeling tighter than ever. He wasn’t bothering to check the speed he was on. All he was thinking about was how blessed his life had been and how he had ruined it completely. He thought about how he fell in love with M and what made them go apart. He tried to think about that a lot in those six months, but never really got an answer and that’s why it started getting worse day by day. He thought about all the mistakes he made, all the trust and faith he broke, all the dreams he shattered. He wasn’t drunk, but wasn’t fine either. Had it been six months ago, he’d have kept his eyes on the road but on that day, he didn’t. He didn’t realise when his car started heading towards the left side, not that he wasn’t aware about the consequences of over-speeding. He knew he made a mistake and his car was losing control. There was a time when he could’ve controlled it, but he didn’t. He let the wheels do their job and he was ready to embrace death. He felt his car flipping a couple of times, he felt the airbags breaking out and he also felt the light of death coming towards him. He was ready to die, he had his moments of happiness – fortunately more than anyone else he knew – he had his moments of love, moments of completeness, also the moments of pain, infidelity and anguish. He truly was ready to die.

  But he survived.

  The next thing he remembered was waking up on his bed and seeing Ansh sitting beside him. His mom and sister-in-law on the right side – in tears. And his father, brother standing with their eyes arching a thousand questions.

  There were a lot of questions to be asked and he never really had their answers. Answers he was trying to find from the past six months. Was it some kind of revenge? From whom? For whom? A girl whom he met two years ago? He imagined the answer, he jeopardised his career and ruined his entire life because of a girl, who for him didn’t even exist two years ago! No, he scraped off the thought straight away.

  For over a month, he was grounded. His family was worried – angry too, having answers-seeking eyes arched at him. But Ansh requested them not to question him much. He ensured them that he’ll personally look after Dhruv and make sure that he gets back on the right track. His family trusted Ansh and perhaps fortunately more than Dhruv, so no more questions were asked.

  After a month, Ansh asked Dhruv’s parents to take him out, to which they agreed – on a condition that he’ll be on the driving wheels. His car was back, back from the dead. Luckily, there was an insurance to be used, so Dhruv was sure he’d not get bashed for money loss. He rose and felt his legs; they were working, unharmed. He was lucky, lucky enough to survive the accident with just a scratch on his right eyebrow. The airbags and the seat belt did their job fantastically; he couldn’t forget to thank the Volkswagen engineering for making such a safety-featured car.

  After Ansh ignited the engine, Dhruv asked, “Where are we going?”

  “To M’s house.”

  Dhruv snapped at him, with grief and anger.

  “I don’t want to meet that bitch Ansh!”

  “Mind your words Gajju! She isn’t a bitch; you need to know something.”

  And Dhruv crumbled on his knees as he saw her, almost bald and dying.

  “That’s it?”

  “Yes, my love! That was our story.” I took her hand and placed the diary on it.

  “It feels incomplete…” she mumbled.

  “That’s the way it is,” I wryly answered, putting a smile on her lovely face, which worked.

  “It’s still great.”

  “Yes, that it is!”

  “And romantic too!”

  “Yes, because of you…”

  “I take that with grace.”

  And we kissed. With that kiss I remembered everything, the moment I saw her blue eyes, the moment I kissed her hand, cheeks, head and lips for the first time. Each and every moment – like a complete romantic film – presented itself before my mind and of course, the pain of heartbreak, which seemed too minuscule compared to what it was now. And the fact that she was dying; the fact that she chose death over me. You can’t hold your thoughts from coming, can you?

  I was positioned attentively, knowing that it was now the promise time.

  “Go on, my love!”

  She took the envelope, unfolded it and pulled out a white paper and stared at it for a while.

  “You don’t need the promise which is written in it.”

  “What’s it about?”

  “Abandoning the weeds and all the other stuff, with which you puffed away and corrupted your amazing physique.”

  I smiled at her.

  “I promise ma’am. Wait, does it include alcohol?”

  “Nope, I don’t want to take all of your fun away with me. You know your limits in that better than me. At least for now!” She winked, referring to some erotic memories.

  “I suddenly need a drink now, want to see those sexy legs.”

  In no time, she uncovered it from the blanket – pale, black, mortified.

  “They are no more.” And she coaxed out a drop of tear from my eye. Seeing her losing her life was killing me too.

  “Anyways, I promise!” I said and looked down.

  Without wasting a word, we hugged and slept in each other’s arms.

  Sangeet night is over, everyone is heading home and we are at Ansh and Angie’s house. Yes, they live together and there’s a long story behind it. It’s better if you read it from Dhruv’s perspective. Their parents are already asleep and Dhruv and Ansh are dealing with flowers and gifts while Angie and I are making some coffee for them. Tomorrow is the big day, their wedding, and Angie looks enthusiastic and skittish at the same time. They are going to Singapore on their honeymoon and she’s shying away from revealing more truth. Instead, she’s pestering me to reveal something about my relationship with Dhruv, but as you all know, there’s nothing to say. We haven’t taken a single step further.

  “Here you go, black dark espresso without milk. Just the way your boyfriend likes,” Angie quips and turns off the machine.

  “I don’t know how he drinks it. I can’t even take its smell.”

  “This is something you’ll have to cope up with. Trust me; he loves it more than anything in this world.”

  “Wrong dear. M! He loves her more than anything else in this world,” I say and she pauses for a while; she’s missing her best friend, clearly, I can see that.

  There’s nothing in this world that can take M’s place – not even me.

  “He has to move on Nilu! And you must help him get over it,” she suggests, unaware of my efforts which leads to nothing but confusions and fights.

  “He doesn’t want to. He loves her, and will, for the rest of his life. I can’t see anyone else taking her place for him – especially me.”

  “He will, trust me dear, he will. And you don’t need to take her place. You need to make your own,”

  “You’re right Angie, and that’s what I’m trying to do. But, he doesn’t have a place in his heart for anyone else, and I know that too!”

  “No, he has. I know the way he looks at you. I don’t know what’s restraining him from approaching you, but I know he has feelings for you. And whatever I know of him, all I can say is that you’re the only one who can be with him.”

  “I
know what’s restraining him. There are two reasons: One is the guilt of betrayal. He still feels he’s cheating on M when he gives a thought about moving on. And another thing is that he thinks he doesn’t deserve me. He has never said that to me or anyone, but that’s what he feels. For the sake of mistakes he has done, he’s cynical about us.”

  “And that’s where we’ll have to work together,” she winks.

  We head for their room where Ansh and Dhruv are sitting on the sofa. I hand him the coffee mug and sit beside Angie. I won’t lie about the sensation I feel when his fingers touch mine. I couldn’t help but smile sheepishly.

  “Mmm, the only companion who’s bearing my stress apart from you. Love it.” He rolls his eyes at me. What does he mean by that?

  “Stop hitting on my friend, Dhruv!” Angie sneers, arching her brow at him.

  “I guess I’m allowed to, Nilu?”

  What do I answer to that? I mean, yes, I want him, but, okay, he is allowed, that’s all, I just nod.

  “See Angie, whose friend is she?”

  “I know, and that’s why you’re taking her for granted,” Angie retorts, with a grin, and Dhruv along with Ansh, looks dumbfounded. I know what he’s going to do now, he’ll cut off the conversation. Wait…

  “I don’t think I take my friends for granted, Angie!” See, I told you. I’m friend-zoned, again.

  “Dhruv, you remember when Ansh and I were scared of admitting our feelings and you used to pester us? You helped us and we thank you for that. But right now, when we’re trying to help you, you’re the one who’s running away, and that’s not the Dhruv Gajjar who has been my best buddy for five-and-a-half years.” Angie stares at him, straight into his eyes, something which I can’t do – until now.

  “I agree with her, Gajju! I think it’s been a year now. And what you’re doing is too much,” Ansh says.

  Dhruv remains quiet for a while and so do I.

  “What do you guys expect me to do?” he asks, crossing his arms together and bending his head down.

  “Take a walk, like M suggested us to,” Angie answers with a smile. I don’t know how he’s going to react. Any mention of M has either brought tears in his eyes or a long stroke of memories. I’m prepared for any, but contrary to that, he smiles. Thank god!