by CL Collier
As we approach the front door, it opens before we even make it up the final step on the porch. A beautiful brown-haired woman stands in the doorway with her hands on her hips. “Well, I’ll be!” she exclaims, then moves her hands to her cheeks, showing her surprise. “You look exactly like your mom!”
John and I walk up to the door, and Michelle embraces me in a hug right away. I didn’t expect her to be this excited to see me!
“It’s so nice to meet you,” I say to her as we continue to hug. When she finally pulls away from me, she takes my hands in hers and looks me up and down.
“I’m so happy to meet you, too. I wish your mom and I had stayed in touch longer than we did. Life just got in the way, you know?” She sighs, then drops one of my hands. “Come on in!” She pulls me into the house behind her, still holding my right hand in hers. John follows us.
The inside of her house is beautiful. The walls are exposed logs, the high ceilings have log beams, and you can see all the way through to the back of the house, where floor-to-ceiling windows provide a gorgeous view of the river. I would love to live in a house like this.
Michelle made tacos for lunch, so we all sit at the kitchen table. As we eat, she tells me about growing up with my mom. The two of them were inseparable when they were younger, and she has many fond memories to share with me.
“Everything changed after her parents died, though,” she says with a sadder tone. “A part of her died with them, I think. She had John, of course, but then she lost the baby …”
I look at John, and he looks down when she says that. He looks sad. I wonder if hearing all about my mom these past few days have been difficult for him. Of course, he has Susan now, and they’re happy together, but he did say it was hard for him to get over my mom back then. I hope I’m not stirring up bad memories for him.
Michelle never finishes her sentence. After a beat, she clears her throat and continues, “I think she was really lost. She just needed to leave Kernville and get away from it all.”
John looks back up with a small smile. “I agree. She had too many sad memories here. She had to get out of here in order to keep living.”
I decide to ask a question I have wondered about ever since I talked with Aunt Polly yesterday. “What kinds of things did my mom do that were so disrespectful to her aunt and uncle?”
Michelle and John look at each other and chuckle. “Well … I guess you could say she had a mouth on her. If they advised her to do something, her stubbornness came through. She didn’t want to listen to anyone. She wanted to do what she wanted to do.”
“She wasn’t like that before her parents died, though,” John adds. “And it really intensified after the miscarriage. She was like that with me, too. Sometimes I would ask her to do something for me, and she would blow up. I really think she was inadvertently trying to push us all away.”
I nod my head even though it’s hard to imagine my mom like that. Sure, she was a little stubborn, but she was such a kind person. “She wrote in the journal that she didn’t realize it at the time, but she was depressed. She wanted to get away from here because this town held too many sad memories for her.”
Michelle and John don’t say anything for a moment. Then she replies, “I kept in touch with her for several years, and even though I never saw her again, I could see her transform back to her old self just from talking to her. I worried about her for a long time, but when she met that friend of hers, Marla, and moved to Seattle, she had hope again. I had hope for her, too.”
“And everything worked out for her,” I add. John and Michelle both smile at me.
“You should meet my daughter,” Michelle says, changing the subject. “She’s just two months older than you are, and believe it or not, she’s a teacher, too!”
That is quite a coincidence. Susan’s a teacher, Michelle’s daughter is a teacher … There’s just something about meeting other teachers that instantly bonds us. “I’d love to meet her,” I say. “Does she live in Kernville?”
Michelle shakes her head. “No, but just a few miles away in Lake Isabella. Same school district, though.”
“What does she teach?” I ask.
“Middle school language arts. I don’t know how she does it,” she says with a laugh, “but she’s a great teacher. She won an award last year for having so many of her students pass the state assessment!”
“Wow, that’s great,” I reply.
“She’s out of town with her family this week, though. They went down to Anaheim for a family vacation, so you won’t get to meet her this time. Maybe the next time you come to town?”
The next time? I never thought I would even consider coming back to Kernville, but the thought actually intrigues me now. I’d love to see my mom’s friends and relatives again, and I’d love to meet Michelle’s daughter. Not to mention, my mom’s other cousins, Jimmy and Lorraine. Maybe I will have to plan another trip here in the near future.
John and I visit with Michelle for a couple of hours. She shares more pictures with me. I’ve never seen so many pictures of my mom in my life. I really do look a lot like her. It could be me in some of these photographs.
Michelle gives me a big hug as John and I are leaving. “It was an honor to finally meet you,” she says.
“No, the honor was really all mine. Thank you so much.”
“Please come back and visit someday. I’d love to see you again.”
I smile at her. “I’ll keep in touch with you and let you know when I plan a trip.”
As we drive back to John’s house, I decide to ask him a question. “I hope these past few days haven’t been weird for you. Has all this reminiscing brought back good or bad memories for you?”
John glances at me for a second while he continues to drive. “You know, it has been weird,” he starts. “In a way, it has brought up some bad memories. Or maybe sad, not really bad. But I’m so glad you came here. I’ve enjoyed all this reminiscing, no matter what.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I say. “I was a little worried.”
“Worried? About me?” He’s surprised to hear me say that.
“Yes,” I explain. “I don’t want to cause any problems for you or make you regret inviting me over to your house. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the past few days.”
“It’s my pleasure. You deserve to know about your mom and your family.”
“I also appreciate you taking time off work to go with me.”
John chuckles. “I don’t mind that at all. I’m the boss, after all, and Dax can handle being in charge while I’m gone. I’m getting close to retiring, and he’ll need to know what to do without me there anyway!”
When I get back to the hotel, I find Krista and Laura lounging by the pool, so I sit down with them. They ask how my day was, and I tell them about my visit with Michelle.
“Well, Krista and I made a decision,” Laura says when I finish telling them about my day. “The three of us are going to the Spot tonight as Dax suggested.”
Honestly, I had forgotten all about Dax’s invitation. The past couple of days, my mind has been on overload, so going out and having fun tonight before we pack up and head home tomorrow sounds like the best idea!
“Sounds like fun,” I say. “What time are we going?”
“Laura and I walked over there earlier, just to see where it was and what time everything starts tonight. It’s just up the street, totally within walking distance, so we don’t need to worry about driving tonight. We can all drink and let loose.” Krista winks at me and smiles. “Anyway, the band doesn’t start playing until nine o’clock.”
“Call me old, but that sounds late,” I say as I stretch my arms over my head. The sun feels good, but it’s also hot. I’m ready to go back inside to the air conditioning.
Laura laughs. “That’s exactly what I said earlier!”
Krista shakes her head at us. “I know we’re thirty-eight, and we haven’t had a night out in a long time, but we are
not that old. We deserve this night out! You’ve had the worst year of your life with your mom.” She looks at me as she says that, then turns her attention to Laura and says, “And you’ve had a stressful few months after finding out about Erik’s affair and not telling us about it! We are staying up late tonight, we are making ourselves look pretty, we are going to the Spot, we are going to drink, and we are going to enjoy ourselves!”
I smile at Krista’s pep talk. Laura salutes Krista and says, “Aye, aye, captain!”
I guess we’re going to find out what Kernville has to offer for a girls’ night out.
Chapter Seventeen
Amanda
None of us brought any clothes to go out in because we weren’t planning for a girls’ night out. What does one even wear for a night on the town in Kernville? The regular clothes we brought may be good enough, but we decide to go shopping anyway.
Kernville doesn’t have any stores that sell clothes unless you count the thrift store. Luckily, we did a little research online and found that Lake Isabella, one of the nearby towns, has a clothing store and ends up having some cute outfits. We each find something to wear for tonight. Krista gets a black skirt with a red halter top and black wedge sandals. Laura gets a cream-colored one-piece romper outfit that consists of shorts on the bottom, a strappy tank top on top, and a drawstring-like belt in the middle. She already has some matching sandals that she brought with her. I end up getting a black dress that has a halter top and black wedge sandals, too.
After shopping, we have dinner at yet another restaurant in town we haven’t tried, and it’s delicious.
Back at the hotel, the three of us have fun getting ready to go out. It’s like the old times back in high school and college when we’d get ready to go somewhere. We turn on the TV to some mindless reality show for background noise and something to discuss while we get ready. We had also picked up some wine after we had dinner, so we’re drinking that as we help each other with hair and makeup. By the time we finish getting ready, the bottle of wine is empty, we all have the start of a buzz, and we all look hot.
No, really, we do. We hope we’re not too dressed up for Kernville’s nightlife.
We walk to the Spot, which is only a block and a half away. We get there at a quarter to nine, and the parking lot is already packed. There’s no bouncer at the door, so we just walk right in. It’s like a scene out of a movie: the three of us walk into the bar, stop just inside to look around, and all heads in the place turn to look at us. It’s unnerving. Everyone is wondering who the hell we are.
And we are definitely more dressed up than about 99.9% of the people here.
I look at Krista and Laura, who also look uncomfortable with all eyes on us. I clear my throat and then lead the way to an open table I see on the other side of the bar. As soon as we sit down, a waitress appears to take our order.
“I’ll have a lemon drop,” I tell her, ordering my favorite drink.
“I’ll have a cosmo,” Krista says.
“Vodka soda for me,” Laura adds.
As the waitress walks away, I look around, taking in Kernville’s nightlife. Most people have stopped looking, but a few curious eyes are still on us. The band is on the stage, getting ready to start their set. It’s a pretty large place with a bar in the back, several tables scattered around, a dance floor in the middle in front of the stage, and a couple of pool tables in the corner. People are playing pool, and almost all the tables are filled. This is definitely the place to be, as Dax said.
Speaking of Dax, I wonder where he is?
“I feel really out of place,” Laura says.
“So do I, but who cares?” Krista replies, shrugging her shoulders and smiling.
“I wonder what kind of music the band is going to play?” I say.
“Rock and country,” a familiar deep voice answers from behind me.
I turn around and see Dax. My jaw almost drops when I see him. He’s wearing jeans and a black t-shirt that’s taut across his chest. His hands are shoved into his jeans pockets. He looks more attractive than I remember.
“Oh, hi,” I stammer. “You scared me.”
He chuckles, then sits down in the empty chair next to me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You all look beautiful tonight.” He smiles at Krista and Laura, then turns his attention back to me. “I’m glad you decided to come tonight.”
“Yeah, we thought it sounded fun,” I reply.
“Did you order drinks?” he asks.
Krista pipes up. “Yep, the waitress just took our order.”
“Good, well, I just wanted to come over and say hi. I need to get back to my buddies over there in the corner,” he says as he points his chin over toward a darts game in the opposite corner. “It looks like it’s almost my turn again. Have fun tonight, ladies.” He smiles at me as he stands up, then walks away.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Why does he have to be so good looking and knock me off kilter?
“He certainly looks good tonight,” Krista says after he walks away.
“Okay, Mrs. Wilson,” Laura says, jokingly.
Krista playfully smacks Laura’s arm with the back of her hand.
“Whatever. I can still appreciate when a guy looks good,” Krista adds. “Besides, I think he has eyes for someone else.”
She looks at me and smirks.
So does Laura.
I shake my head and try to laugh it off. “Whatever,” I say, but really, inside I’m a little excited at the prospect of him being interested in me.
Our waitress returns with our drinks, and then the band starts playing. They sound really good, and a lot of people start dancing. Krista, Laura, and I stay at our table, but we’re enjoying the music and the atmosphere. After we finish our drinks, the waitress brings us another round. The three of us make small talk, and we’re having a great time.
Then the band plays a slow song. Several people couple up and start slow dancing on the dance floor. All of a sudden, Dax is standing next to me, bending over to get closer to me sitting in the chair.
“Wanna dance?” he asks.
My stomach drops. I look at him, and my whole body suddenly feels like Jell-O. Why does he have this effect on me?
I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He holds his hand out, and I take it. His skin is warm and soft, but his hand is strong. My hand feels tiny in his.
I manage to stand and walk out to the dance floor with him without tripping and falling over. He faces me, placing his hands on my hips while I set my hands on his shoulders. I try to remember the last time I danced with a guy, and I think it was at a friend’s wedding over a year ago, shortly before my mom’s diagnosis. One of the groomsmen was hitting on me at the reception, and I finally agreed to dance with him. He was good looking and polite, and I ended up hooking up with him that night. It ended up being a one-night stand, and that was the last time I was with a guy. I spent the past year so busy with my mom, I never made time to or even felt like going on any dates.
“This dress really looks nice on you,” Dax says into my ear. He doesn’t say it like a pickup line. He says it sincerely. The feel of his breath on my neck sends tingles down my side.
“Thank you,” I reply. I look to my right and notice that Laura is also dancing with some guy.
“Are you still leaving tomorrow?”
I nod. “Yes, Krista has to work on Monday. Although we might be leaving later in the day than we planned if we keep drinking.” I notice how good he smells. The cologne he’s wearing makes me want to lean in closer.
He chuckles, and I look up at him. He’s still a good four or five inches taller than I am, even with my sandals adding a couple of inches to my height. His blue eyes capture mine, and I find it hard to look away from him.
“What do you think of Kernville?” He leans in again close to my ear to ask me. The music is so loud, it’s impossible to hear each other otherwise.
I smile. “I really like it here. It’
s been a fun trip visiting with everyone who knew my mom, and I’ve learned so much about her.”
He nods and doesn’t say anything for a minute. We just continue to move to the music. I look at him again and quickly regret it. He just has this look about him that nearly makes my heart stop. I was right before; he is trouble for me.
Dax slowly smiles at me and moves his hand from my hip to around my back, pulling me closer to him. I can feel how muscular his body is against mine.
I decide to shift the focus and ask him a question. “Who’s Laura dancing with?”
“My buddy Chris,” he replies. “He’s a good guy, don’t worry.”
“And why should I trust you?” I ask in a joking tone.
He looks at me and smirks, then leans in again and says, “Because I’m a good guy, too.”
I shake my head at him and smile.
“What? You don’t think I am?” he asks, trying to sound offended.
I try to mask my smile. Of course, he was a nice guy when we visited at his parents’ house, but I want to give him a hard time for some reason. “I just don’t know you well enough to judge.”
“Well, maybe we should get to know each other better then,” he says in a more serious tone.
The song stops. I look up at him, and we stop swaying to the music. Everyone around us claps for the band, but Dax and I just hold each other’s gaze. He seriously wants to get to know me better, and I’m seriously attracted to him right now. But I’m leaving tomorrow, and I live over a thousand miles away. There’s only one way for this to turn out: completely pointless. The most we could have is a one-night stand, which doesn’t sound appealing to me at all. No matter how long it’s been since I’ve been with a guy.
I’ve only had two one-night stands in my life, and I felt crummy after both of them. I’ve had a few serious relationships in my life, but it’s been a long time since I had a boyfriend. I chose to focus on my career instead. I don’t need a man in my life; the relationships I did have seemed to prove I was better off on my own. My parents are divorced, several of my friends are divorced, and even Laura is getting divorced now. Sure, some relationships do last, and they have their happily ever afters, but it’s not something I need. I’m thirty-eight years old, and I’m doing more than all right on my own.