What I Never Knew

by CL Collier

  I think Dax and I will have to have a serious conversation soon. I want to know where he stands and where he sees our relationship going.

  Three hours later, Laura is driving me back to her house from SeaTac so I can get my car and head home. I tell her all about my weekend and all the sights Dax and I saw in San Francisco. I also tell her how we said we love each other.

  “Oh my gosh, Amanda!” she exclaims. “I’m so happy for you!”

  “Thanks,” I reply. “But when I was at the airport, I also realized that Dax and I

  should probably talk more about where we each see our relationship going.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, we can’t keep this up forever. Not unless one of us decides to move, and it seems like I’m going to have to be the one to do that.”

  Laura glances over at me and gives me a look of sympathy. “I’m sorry. I know how hard that’s going to be. I actually had that talk with Chris this weekend, and it wasn’t easy.”

  “What is going on with you and Chris now, anyway?” I ask her, changing the subject.

  She sighs. “I don’t know. We both really like each other. When we saw each other last month, everything was amazing. But we have the same problem you do; we can’t be together very often. The only difference is, neither of us is ever going to be willing to move because of our kids.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say to her, knowing it must be hard to want to be with someone so badly, but you just can’t. Her situation is definitely more depressing than mine is. If I was in this position with Dax, I think I’d go crazy. At least I know I have the option to move if our relationship gets to that level. I just don’t know if I want to move. I love him, don’t get me wrong, but is our relationship going to be strong enough for me to pack my entire life up and move away?

  Laura continues, “We decided we’ll continue with whatever our relationship is, but if we want to see other people, we can. We can’t stop having dirty Skype sessions together, though.”

  I whip my head to look at her, surprised. “You what?!”

  Laura laughs and shrugs. “You know … like phone sex, only you can see each other. It’s pretty hot, actually. You and Dax should try it.” She turns her head and winks at me.

  I laugh at her. “Oh, my goodness, Laura! Seriously?!”

  “Hey, don’t knock it till you try it!”

  I laugh and shake my head at my friend. Although in the back of my mind, I’m really thinking about how fun that might be to do with Dax. Maybe we’ll have to try it sometime soon.

  I have a quiet, relaxing evening at home, which is nice since I have to work tomorrow. I’m still recovering from my weekend away. My heart is with Dax. I really do hate being so far away from him. Maybe moving to Kernville someday will be worth it? I do like it there. I love Seattle, though.

  Just as I’m getting ready to go to bed, my phone rings. I’m surprised when I see Laura’s name on the screen, not Dax’s. He should be home by now, but I haven’t heard from him yet.

  I answer the phone, wondering why Laura would be calling me this late at night.

  “Hey, Amanda,” Laura says. Her voice sounds shaky. Something is wrong.

  “Hi. What’s up?”

  “Um, Chris just called me.”

  My mind is racing. Why would she have to call me so late to tell me about Chris?

  She continues, “Dax was in an accident on his way back to Kernville.”

  My heart stops. I nearly drop my phone. I feel like the floor has just dropped out from beneath me. I’m standing next to my bed, so I sit down on it before I actually fall over. I’m speechless and my hands are starting to shake.

  “He’s in the hospital. In Bakersfield,” Laura continues even though I haven’t said anything yet. “He’s in critical condition.”

  “Wha-what do you mean?” I finally stammer. “H-he has to be okay!”

  “Chris said you might want to get down there. I’m on my way over to your house right now.”

  I’m having trouble comprehending everything Laura is saying to me, and I have a ton of questions that need to be answered. I’m speechless, though, feeling paralyzed with the fear of losing him. Dax is in critical condition? How bad was his accident? What happened to him? Is he going to be okay? Why is Laura coming over to my house right now?

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she continues. “I’m going to help you book a flight for tomorrow, pack your stuff, and write your sub plans for school.”

  Her words slam into me. Dax’s condition must be really serious if they want me to get down there, and she’s willing to help me prepare to go. Tears start falling down my cheeks. I can’t lose Dax.

  To be continued …

  Acknowledgments

  There are several people I’d like to acknowledge. First of all, my family and friends. Thank you for your support and not thinking I was crazy when I said I was going to publish a book! Thank you for asking me about it and being interested in the whole process. You know who you are, and I love you.

  Jackie - thank you for reading my book and being my first beta reader and unofficial editor. You caught many things for me, as well as read several different versions, and I appreciate that!

  Shelley - this book wouldn’t be what it is without you! I’m so glad we became friends and that we’ve shared this writing experience together. Our read-alouds were very helpful!