by L. A. Fiore
“Yes. Thank you for this.”
“He was a good man.”
“The best.”
“Are you ready to go home?”
“Please.”
Damian parked his car in front of my building. I had been about to thank him for the ride, but he was out of his car and walking around to me. That gesture brought back countless memories.
Silently we walked to my apartment, but when I unlocked the door I didn’t want him to go. “Do you want to come in?”
“I shouldn’t.”
It was late, I was highly emotional and all those old feelings were stirring a longing I knew better than to feel. It was probably best we ended the night now.
“Thank you for the last hour. It was exactly what I needed.”
He was so perfectly still and yet he studied me like I held the answers to the secrets of the world. He was tall, six foot six, and with the body he had now he was imposing, formidable, and yet all I felt was safe. His eyes were hot, emotions swirling through their depths, but what he was thinking I couldn’t say. I was about to back into my apartment when his big hands framed my face. He curled his back, lowered his head and kissed me. Not a chaste kiss, a hot, demanding and hungry kiss—a kiss that curled my toes and weakened my knees. He kissed me like he would die if he didn’t, and I kissed him back because I had missed this.
As quickly as it started, he ended it…pulling away from me and taking a few steps back. I waited for the apology, one that would have pissed me off, but he didn’t apologize. He just looked at me, like he was searching for something.
Quite abruptly he said, “Take care, Thea.” He walked away and I so wanted to call him back but I didn’t. Nothing had changed; his life was thousands of miles away from mine. I watched him go, knowing he would always be the one I compared every other man to.
It took effort to walk away, especially when every cell in my body wanted to take her up on her invitation. I wanted to spend hours getting lost in her, wanted to remove the pain and heartache that burned so brightly in her eyes. I wanted to love her enough to heal some of the hurt she felt. Instead I walked blindly down the stairs and out the door as I reached for my cell and called Cam.
“Where are we meeting?”
“My place.”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
Edward Ahern had been like a father to me and through his example I learned that family wasn’t the vile shit I had grown up with. That family was synonymous with love and laughter and though there was also pain, when dealt with together it was manageable. He was the kind of man I wanted to be one day. And he had been Thea and Cam’s father, their patriarch. And he was gone. Taken from them in the blink of an eye. What was worse, Cam suspected there was more to Edward’s death. That it hadn’t just been a random act. And that meant there was potential trouble brewing, trouble that could land at Thea’s feet or Rosalie’s…even Cam’s.
He requested my help to keep what was left of his family safe and together. I didn’t even think twice. I was resigning my commission and coming home because they were my family too.
In the morning, I worried when I went home. Mom was having a really difficult time and seeing her destroyed was so hard and what was worse was no amount of consoling helped. It made me feel so helpless.
It hurt coming home, knowing that Dad wasn’t there and wouldn’t be again. I understood Mom’s pain, could totally sympathize. As soon as I pushed open the door, I smelled bacon and followed my nose to the kitchen. Mom stood in front of the stove but she turned to me when I entered.
“I thought I heard the door. You’re just in time. I’m making breakfast.”
Who was this person and where was my grieving mother? The back door opened and Cam and Anton appeared.
“The wood is stacked. Hey, sis.”
Anton walked to the sink, but stopped to kiss my head. “Morning.”
“What’s going on here?”
Mom stopped draining the bacon and offered only one word in reply. “Life.”
“But…”
“I’ll take over, Rosalie,” Anton offered and took the tongs from her. She walked to me and took my hands into hers. “Your father is gone. Forty years I shared with him and I could allow my pain to consume me. I could fall into despair and stop functioning, but I have all of you and together we can heal by leaning on each other. Love isn’t selfish, so I will mourn the loss of my husband, but I will cook bacon and eggs for my children because that’s life.”
“I love you.”
Mom hugged me hard. “I love you too.”
“Breakfast is ready,” Anton said.
And so we ate breakfast with two empty chairs at our table, but life went on and we went on with it.
I never thought I’d find the sight of the old neighborhood welcoming, but I did. We’d just rung in 2017. It had been a long time since I went away and still it all looked very much the same. I bought the gym I used to visit regularly as a kid. Anton had brokered the deal for me, said I needed an investment property. It was good thinking because there was an apartment just above the gym. After dropping off the stuff I’d packed up in my car at the apartment—the moving truck was due tomorrow—I drove to Thea’s. The ride was bittersweet. Our reunion wasn’t going to be the one we had wanted as kids, but I was home and she was the first person I wanted to see.
I pulled up across the street from her apartment. It took me a little while to work up the nerve to climb out of the car. I’d been in war, I had killed, and yet the idea of seeing the girl I loved had me shaking a little. It took me longer than I would ever admit to get out of the car. Before I started across the street, I saw her walking down the sidewalk. It was her hair I saw first, still as wild as it had been when we were kids. She was smiling, a smile I knew by heart—how it changed the lines of her face and brightened her eyes because I had memorized her picture. So caught up in seeing her again, it took me a little longer to realize she wasn’t alone. A man walked with her, her smile that had seen me through so many dark places, a smile I claimed as mine, wanted all to myself, was directed at him.
He held the door for her and they disappeared into her building. There were any number of scenarios to explain what I had just seen, but seeing her with someone else made me feel homicidal…contrary of me because I had been the one who let her go. I climbed back into my car. We’d have our reunion, just not today.
Actuary science is a fascinating field and one that has helped guide my decisions in both my professional and personal life. Everything we do has an impact, the challenge is finding the balance between action and risk. For instance, that’s your third glass of wine, which inhibits your senses and increases your risk of injury.” He flashed me a smile with dimples. “Good thing for you that I’m here to see you home.”
If he didn’t have dimples, I might have stabbed him in the heart with my steak knife. He could assess the risk of his death with that action. I had been introduced to Derrick Glass, my risk-conscious date, by Kimber and I could see her pulling a joke on me with this set up, but Ryder had encouraged the match too.
Derrick and I had drinks the other night and on first impression he had a toe curl factor. Dirty blond hair cut short around his handsome face, a tall, muscular build clothed in tailored clothes, and he had those dimples. Drinks lasted a few hours and yes he tended to talk about his line of work a lot, and insurance was a very dry subject, but he was so cute I didn’t mind. We had decided to try dinner and perhaps it was because we were past that awkward introduction stage, but there was something about Derrick Glass that I just couldn’t put my finger on. Under his impeccable manners and elegant dress, I suspected there was something darker. Dad had always said I had an uncanny ability at reading people. Gut instinct, just like him.
I also discovered this evening that he didn’t shy away from offering his opinion, but it didn’t feel like an opinion. It felt like a pleasantly issued command.
The waitress arrived with the dessert tray.
“We’re no
t interested in dessert.” Derrick hadn’t even asked me if I wanted dessert.
“I want dessert.” I may have shouted that.
“Dessert on top of three glasses of wine? You’re thirty-one, but you’re never too young to start thinking about diabetes and other weight related diseases.”
My jaw dropped and I knew how that looked because the waitress’s jaw dropped as well. I was thirty-one, five foot five and a hundred and fifteen pounds. I still had the metabolism of a teenage boy. I ate what I wanted and got away with it. I never exercised because I found it all to be just too much work. Would I get away with my eating habits forever? No, but while I had this super power of eating whatever I wanted and not putting on a pound I planned to enjoy it.
“It’s very kind of you to remind me, Derrick, and still I want dessert. I might even get two.”
The waitress turned her head to hide her chuckle before she said, “May I suggest the chocolate lava cake and coconut tart. Both are decadent.”
“Perfect.”
My eyes caught Derrick’s and there was that look again. He wanted to put me over his knee. He actually balled his hand into a fist and I grinned. Can you say control freak. Well handsome or not, there would be no third date for us so I, the ‘at risk for diabetes alcoholic’ stopped trying.
We parted right outside the restaurant because neither of us was interested in pretending any longer. And I had bought a new dress for this date. It was a fabulous dress—shoulderless with bell sleeves and short, just reaching my thighs. I started down the street, preferring the cool night air to a cab, and pulled out my phone to call Kimber.
“How was your date?”
“He spent most of the night discussing actuary science and then pointed out to me, after I ordered my third glass of wine, that I should be mindful of diabetes. Why on earth did you think I would connect with him?”
“He’s uptight, but I had the sense there was something else lurking under all that reserved nerdiness.”
“There is. The man’s a control freak.”
That piqued her interest. “How so?”
“Let’s just say I think he has definitely got a defiant side.”
“Oh, now I’m intrigued.”
I exhaled on a laugh. “You date him.”
“I just might.”
“You owe me a drink.”
“We’re at Silver City now, come join us.”
“There better be a dry martini with three olives waiting.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
“You can say that again.”
“Yes, I can add that. When do you need this?” I’d been working with this author for close to a month on her branding, but we had finally nailed it.
“In a week, if possible.”
“Absolutely. And you want both black and white and color?”
“Please. I love it, Thea. It couldn’t be more perfect.”
“I’m happy you like it. I’ll get it to you in the next day or two.”
Dropping my phone, I studied the brand and it really was awesome. After that first request for a book cover I had found my niche. I loved my job, loved working with a client and capturing their vision through design. And most of all I loved that I could work from home. My apartment was the same one-bedroom in Chelsea that I had shared with Kimber. She moved closer to her job, a marketing job in midtown. I stayed because I adored my building and my neighbors, even being the youngest of them by a few decades.
A story on the news caught my attention. I reached for the remote to turn it up.
“Officials are calling for an investigation. This isn’t the first time evidence has gone missing from lock-up in this precinct. We’ll bring you more as the investigation unfolds.”
That was Cam’s precinct, had been Dad’s too. Evidence tampering was a serious allegation. Cam hadn’t mentioned it, but then I hadn’t seen him in a few weeks. He had taken the detective’s test and had passed with flying colors. Dad hadn’t been alive to see it, but I knew he was watching over us and smiling down at how much his son was like him.
I finished jotting down my notes on the changes to the brand before heading into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, but I was hungry too and Cup of Joe was right down the street. When I arrived, it was packed. It was close to lunchtime so I wasn’t surprised. Ryder had been baking something sinful, the luscious smell of buttery pastry had my stomach growling. I hadn’t moved far into the line when I saw Derrick Glass. I immediately scoped the place out for escape routes. I was gauging how well I could slide between two tables against the far wall before moving quickly on my hands and knees to the door when I noticed Derrick walking toward me. Busted. I was surprised he approached with how our date ended unless he was preparing to dish out more rhetoric on my looming diabetes and alcoholism.
“Thea. How are you?”
I tried to read any hidden meaning in those words like are you feeling shortness of breath, any chest pains or arm pains, but it seemed he wasn’t diagnosing me, just being friendly. “Derrick. Hello. I’m good. Just getting some lunch to bring home while I work.” Yes, subtle comment that I wasn’t staying, even though I had intended to stay but not if it meant I had to share another meal with him. He would probably whip out his calculator so he could numerically as well as empirically determine the shortening of my life span because of a croissant.
“I wanted to apologize for the other night. I was not at my best.”
A snarky comment was on my tongue, but I had to swallow it. He noticed when he grinned showing those damn dimples.
“You came here to see me?”
“You mentioned how much you loved this place so I took a gamble that you would be here.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that but I didn’t have to reply because he continued on.
“You looked beautiful, by the way. I should have said that, but I felt a bit off balance, hence the incessant talk about actuary science.”
I made him feel off balance. I didn’t think I had ever made anyone feel off balance, well at least not in a really long time.
“Can I be honest with you?” he asked.
“You seem to be doing that already.”
He smiled, this time so his perfect straight white teeth showed. “I think you’re lovely, but I had hoped when Kimber approached that…”
He wanted Kimber, most guys did. Funny, I hadn’t wanted to see him again and now that he was being charming he was interested in my friend. Some people just walked in the light. I was not one of them.
“Ask her, no better yet, tell her she is joining you for dinner.”
His eyebrow rose just slightly. “Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“And you would be okay with that?”
“It was just dinner. You didn’t give me a ring, we didn’t declare our undying love, and frankly I can see the two of you together more so than the two of us.”
This time there was something wicked in the way he smiled. “I think I will take your suggestion. I really am sorry about the other night.”
“Silver lining, you’ve got me thinking more responsibly about my eating habits.”
“Nonsense. There is nothing wrong with them,” he said, as he looked me from head to toe. “And you can sure as hell pull off two desserts.”
Such a different man from the one I dined with. Charming even. “Good luck with Kimber. I think you will find you and she are more suited than us. Though she is a big sweets fan too so you might want to hold off on your…” I waved my hand since I wasn’t really sure how to word his harsh opinion on desserts since I didn’t share it.
“I should have gotten you four desserts, two to take home. You’re a beautiful woman and I was being a thoughtless ass.”
“At least you see that now.”
He laughed out loud then pressed a kiss on my cheek. “See you around, Thea.”
“Later.”
I watched as he walked out and knew I should give Kimber a heads up that he would be cal
ling, but I didn’t. I headed for the counter. Ryder was grinning at me.
“What was that all about?”
“Kimber.”
“Oh. Oh...”
“Yeah, he’s telling her she is dining with him.”
“And you aren’t going to warn her he’s calling.”
“Nope. Payback is a bitch.”
“Truer words. What can I get you?”
“The most fattening thing you’re offering.”
I stared at the words on the paper. I had thought briefly that I should stop the letters, but he was still the first person with whom I wanted to share my day. Every happy moment and every heartbreak, it was Damian I wanted to tell.
Dear Damian,
Anton took me to a fancy French restaurant and he insisted I try the escargot. Don’t let Anton talk you into ever trying them. They were horrid. Not even the garlic sauce cut the flavor. He took me to our favorite pizzeria after as an apology. We got pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, your favorite.
Mom has been threatening to dye her hair that ombré look. She’s thinking blonde and blue. I’m doing my best to talk her down, but she’s having a midlife thing. I suppose for a midlife crisis, that’s not so bad. If it were me, I’d buy a sports car...something sexy and fast.
I had a dream the other night. You knocked on my front door, took my hand as soon as I opened it and slid a ring on my finger. It was one of those dreams that felt so real that when I woke I actually cried when I realized I had only imagined it. Every time I watch a scary movie, I think of you. Every time I eat pecan pie, I think of you. When the first sprouts of spring grass break through the earth, I think of you. I miss you, every day. I pray for your safety every night. I hope you found what you were looking for. I hope you’re happy.
We were young, but I still hope one day you come home...to me. I wish for that every day too. I probably shouldn’t. I should let you go like you asked me to, like you have, but you’re more than just my first love. I’ll never love anyone like I love you. I’ve come to accept that and so what’s the harm in wishing for the happily ever after with you.