“It gets worse, Tom. You see, when he was drinking he started getting a little quick with his hands. And he was a big guy, six-five.”
“You mean he hit you?”
“At first it started with just shoving. Just shoving … would you listen to me? Anyway, after a while, he started coming home from the Connecticut casinos not only broke but drunk as well. It was a miracle he never got caught—driving a hundred and fifty miles in the condition he was in. But he did drive and he did get plenty drunk, and when he’d get home, all hell would break loose. I’d give him all sorts of hell, and he’d get belligerent and right in my face. I got tired of that fast. One night, after it had happened a few times, I put my hands on his chest and told him to get away.”
Julie paused then and shook her head. For a moment she was back in time. I could tell because the hurt was visible all over her delicate face. She managed to keep the corners of her mouth from drooping, but it was easy to see the pain hadn’t completely left her yet. When you are stabbed by the knife of a loved one, their blade is always the sharpest and the wound the deepest.
Her brown eyes were now moist, and that deep hurt reflected clearly in them as she went on, “I only put my hands on his chest, Tom. I didn’t push him. I just laid them there. In a way, they were begging, pleading with him to be the man he had always been. For a long time, he was a thoughtful, good man, and we were very close. Our minds had always been attuned to each other’s. All I wanted was for the gambling and drinking to stop. He was going through our life savings, drifting away from me, and ruining our marriage.”
“I never could comprehend how a man could hit a woman,” I said, as I straightened up on the bench, still looking at Julie alongside me, “especially a good man. I don’t know, I suppose some people, even the ones you’d never suspect, can have a bit of the beast lurking inside them.”
“I suppose,” she said, looking more angry than hurt now. “But his beast broke out the first time he shoved me. We were in our kitchen, my palms on his chest like I said, and he pushed me so hard I flew back and hurt my back on the table. When I hit it, my legs came to a stop, but my back flexed so far back I could barely get out of bed for four days. He pushed me, I don’t know, two or three times after that, and he was always sorry in the morning. But it wasn’t good enough. The irreparable damage had already been done. Then, the last time we went face to face, with my fifteen-year-old daughter standing right there, screaming for us to stop, he slammed me in the side of my face with the heel of his hand. It was just like a punch, Tom, and he knocked me out cold. When I came to he was gone. I called the police, and that was the end. I pressed charges, and he was put away for five years.”
“I don’t know what to say, Julie. I am so sorry. I just don’t understand how…”
“That’s okay,” she interrupted, slowly waving her hand to one side, “I’m long over him now. It’s just that an experience like that, with someone you were so sure you knew, makes it awfully hard to totally trust anyone ever again. I was never what you’d call a gullible person. I’ve always considered myself a pretty good judge of character, but when something like that happens, with somebody you were so close to…well, it pretty much shoots all to hell your faith in people. Can you blame me?”
Of course, I told her I didn’t blame her. After she got us another two drinks, we talked some more. We were getting deeper and deeper into each other’s souls. She told me her daughter, Marcy, was her only child. That they’d moved to Montana six years earlier. Julie’s mother had died when she was in her twenties, and her father passed on shortly after her marriage went all to hell. He’d owned two hardware stores in the Portsmouth area and when he died, Julie and her two sisters sold them and split the proceeds. That’s where she’d gotten the money to buy her Montana place. Once Marcy graduated high school, being young and bored to tears in the country, she went back to New Hampshire. She’d been accepted at Keene State College, and was, by this time, finishing her senior year.
I really enjoyed myself that afternoon. Our conversation had been, by far, the longest I’d had with anyone since Elaina’s death. Even during the two months I’d stayed at Franklin Dewitt’s in Florida, we never spent more than an hour or so conversing. Though Franklin turned out to be a genuine prince, our talks were mostly about guy stuff. With Julie it had been much deeper, and I was finally able to tell somebody about what I’d been through. Not only that, but I was getting very close to this woman and she seemed to feel the same way about me. But when the sun was just about to set behind the mountains, it got cold, and it was time to leave. Though I was curious (so to speak) and thought about it more than once, I hadn’t asked Julie about Sean Garrity’s visits. There were two reasons for this. Number one, who she saw was certainly none of my business; and number two, I knew I had to keep myself from getting too close to Julie Dubois.
But that wall of discipline I was trying to keep intact could not keep out all my emotions. As I walked back to the camper with Solace in the fading daylight, I suddenly felt a stab of jealousy—a sharp, piercing stab. Sean Garrity had entered the clearing from the entry road in his sheriff’s cruiser. He was a good distance away, but I could still see his face beneath the low-tilted brim of his cowboy hat. He saw me, too. I lifted my hand the casual way men do when they say hello. He didn’t react right away. He kept his eyes on me for a moment, as he continued toward Julie’s. Eventually, he gave me a slow nod. It was really a slow half-nod, and there was nothing friendly about it.
Chapter 19
Over the next month and a half, I didn’t once make eye contact with Garrity again. For one reason or another, he was showing up at Julie’s place far less often. But she and I sure saw quite a bit of each other. She took me horseback riding a few times, which was a first for me. For two full days, I helped her repair the split rail fence around her small corral. She cooked dinner for me several times and since the spring weather was rapidly improving, we spent more and more time together on her back deck.
In the beginning, we talked often about my plans to go to Maine and what I’d do after getting there. Every time one of us brought it up, Julie acted a little sadder, and I’d get a hollow feeling inside that seemed to be swelling. After a while, I made a concentrated effort not to bring the subject up, and if she happened to, I immediately swayed the conversation in a different direction. We were becoming very, very close. The distance I tried to keep between us was constantly shrinking. What was not shrinking was our cerebral and physical attraction to each other. That was undeniable. The more we got together, the harder it got for me to keep Elaina between us. But I was vigilant and would not give in. Then, one evening after that sixth week of my stay, another force came between us.
I was sitting outside the camper with Solace, taking in another peaceful sunset when Sean Garrity rolled into the clearing again. This time he didn’t go to the cabin. He made a right turn and drove across the new grass towards me. I still hadn’t met him and hadn’t allowed myself to ask Julie about him.
When the cruiser got close, I stood up and tried to quiet Solace down. She wouldn't stop. Her barking was fiercer than usual and mixed with growls. I opened the camper door and lifted her inside.
“Hi there,” I said a moment later, ducking down to the passenger window, looking at Garrity on the other side of a computer and an upright rifle.
No answer. Instead he opened his door, stood up, and walked around the front of the car towards me. I just stood there watching. If it wasn’t for his hat, he’d have been about the same height as me. He looked a wee bit bulkier and maybe ten years younger; right about Julie’s age. His sideburns were gray, trimmed close, and he carried himself like a brigadier general.
“Sooo, “he said, standing in front of me, first assessing the camper then sizing me up, “Julie tells me you’re her cousin from back east.”
I had no idea she’d told him that and tried to hide my surprise. Glancing at his wry smile then back at his narrowed eyes, I said, “You’r
e Sean, right?”
“Yupper, I’m Sean alright.”
“Well, I’m pleased to meet…” I started to say, extending my hand.
But he wouldn’t have any part of it. He put his hands on his hips instead, just above his gun belt, and interrupted, “Look, friend, let’s not beat around the bush here. I know you’re not her cousin.”
“Whoooa, hold on, I never said I was,” I came back as I dropped my hand. “And what does it matter? I’m a friend of Julie’s.”
“You’re more than that. I know exactly who you are. You’re that Soles character.” His eyes narrowed even more now, like two spiteful slits, and his jaw muscles undulated as he ground his molars.
Already, I’d had about as much of this nasty-spirited harassment as I was going to take.
“You know something; I don’t like being called a character. And yes, I am Thomas Soles, but I haven’t broken any laws. I don’t have time for this, and I don’t like your attitude. Now, why don’t you get to the point? What exactly do you want?”
“I’ll tell you what I want. Me and some other people ‘round here want you out of these parts. You don’t like the way this country’s being run, you don’t like the job people are doing, the job I’m doing. I want you out of here.”
I wasn’t ready for this and didn’t need to hear it. After actually relaxing at Julie’s for so long, not having a single confrontation with anyone, I was no longer used to this kind of treatment. And I wasn’t going to put up with it.
“And what happens if I don’t want to leave…my friend?”
“Oh, you’ll leave one way or another.”
“Are you threatening me?” I said, as hot-adrenaline rushed through my arms, and my hands tightened at my sides. I did not care anymore. After all I’d been through for six tortuous months, nothing mattered at this moment. As if I’d returned to the streets of my youth, with that newspaper still stuffed in my shoes and mayonnaise sandwiches in my belly, I said, “Because, if you are threatening me, maybe we can settle it right here and now.”
He took a step closer, so close that the brim of his hat almost touched my forehead. Solace was going absolutely insane at the window behind me. Garrity now dropped his hands to his sides as if at the ready. Jutting his jaw at me he said, “You threatening a law officer?”
“You’re not on the clock are you? You have a problem, maybe we can work it out. I’m not going to just stand here and take your shit.”
Then there was a loud shriek. “HEY STOP! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE!” It was Julie. She was running across the grass towards us.
“Just remember Soles, I want you out of here. I’ll give you two days.”
I just glared at him.
“Remember,” he said, “two days.”
Then, just as Julie came up to us, he took a step back and slowly turned around.
“What’s going on here,” she demanded, as she got right up in his face, looking at him with so much fire in her eyes it could have scorched him.
With a calm tone and a forced smile he said, “It’s okay, Julie, I was just introducing myself to your cousin here.”
She glanced at me, got nothing out of my eyes, then glared back at him.
“I think you better leave, Sean. I’m not real happy right now. It isn’t a good time for a visit.”
“Sure, no problem, if that’s the way you feel about it. It’s just about time to start my patrol anyway.”
Then he looked back at me and said, “Don’t forget now, be sure to get another license plate for the front of your RV. I’d hate to see you get ticketed for that. You could run into another law officer who isn’t quite as friendly as me.”
Then something dawned on me. I thought, How does he know I have a New York Plate on the back bumper? I’m backed right up to the river. Ohhh…that-son-of-a-bitch! Unless he’d seen me driving to the truck stop to empty sewage one of those times, he’s been surveilling me from the far bank—spying on me. That’s it! I know that’s what he’s been doing.
“Yeah, you bet. I’ll order another plate right away.” I said as he skirted the front of his car.
Julie and I watched as Garrity drove away. When he was out of sight, she said, “What happened, Tom? What was all that about?”
I could see the disappointment in her face and hear it in her voice. She sounded like a little girl who’d been having a terrific time at her birthday party, only to have it ruined. Although I’d been cautious all along, and she’d picked up on it, I know she’d been enjoying my company and wouldn’t want anything to jeopardize it.
“I’m sorry this had to happen, Julie. I knew eventually something like this would happen. Look…it’s getting chilly out here, why don’t we go inside.”
We climbed into the camper, and Solace stopped barking as if on cue. As soon as Julie sat on the sofa, she was all over her, licking her face and doing the high-speed pendulum thing with her tail. Julie was a sport about it, and she even managed to smile. But it didn’t last. After a moment or two, I told Solace to get down.
Sitting opposite Julie in a swivel rocker by now, speaking with my eyes, as well as my lips, I said, “We both knew this day would come, didn’t we? We didn’t know who or what would upset everything, but we knew something would.”
“Dammit, Tom, what in the hell happened out there?”
“Oh, what’s the sense of going into it? The bottom line is your friend knows who I am. He told me you said I was your cousin, but obviously he’s run my license plates at the sheriff’s department. Look … I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with him, that’s none of my business, but he, and what he calls other people, don’t want me around here.”
“I don’t have what I’d call a relationship with him, Tom. I dated him twice, when I first moved here. That was it. Once or twice a week, before he goes to work, he stops over to make sure I’m okay back here. Sometimes he has a quick cup of coffee.”
“It seems to me he’s looking for more than coffee.”
“I realize that. It’s obvious. I’ve given him enough hints that I’m not interested. All this time I never wanted to be rude. I considered him a friend, but that’s over now. Next time I see him I’m going to let him know he’s not, in no uncertain terms.”
Holding up my palm, rotating my head slowly, I said, “No, Julie, don’t do that. The last thing I want is to be responsible for you losing a friend. Had I never come here, nothing would have changed for you.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t care what you say. I’m going to tell him and tell him good.”
“Look Julie,” I said, leaning forward in the chair, my elbows on my knees, “I told you … one thing like this happens, and I’m gone.”
“I don’t care what happened, Tom. I want you to stay. Do you understand what I’m telling you here?” She had that ruined-party look again, but this time there were tears forming in the corners of her straining dark eyes. I got up and sat next to her on the sofa.
“Julie, don’t. Please!”
It cut at me to see her like this. I put my arm around her shoulder, felt it trembling.
“Don’t. Come on. It’s not the end of the world. We can keep in…”
“Can’t you see,” she interrupted, the tears now coursing her cheeks, “I love you, Tom! I don’t want you to leave here.” Then she threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in it.
I embraced her also, with both arms, and when I did, she began to cry—her hurt and disappointment burst from her eyes. With each profuse sob, her warm body quaked against mine. Every shudder was another reminder of just how precious she was. Just how lucky I was to have someone so special care about me so much. Forget the human contact aspect that I hadn’t felt for so many months and so desperately needed, this woman in my arms meant far more than that. Though it was the first time I’d felt her body tight against mine, it felt ever so natural, as if we’d done it a thousand times before. I knew we were both exactly where we belonged. We now shared the same
soul—very much like I had with my Elaina for so many years. But there were differences. This time there were obstructions. This time there were hurdles. And I knew I couldn’t make it over them, not yet.
Julie slowly lifted her head from the crook of my neck. We were almost nose to nose now. Her cheeks were moist and her eyes slightly puffed. But the sadness in her face, edged by her long flowing hair, so black and so sleek, somehow made her more beautiful than ever. Looking into my eyes, no, beyond them, hoping to see the same feelings she had in her heart, she said, “I’m sorry, Tom. Don’t get mad at me. But I can’t hold this back, even if I should.” She then leaned closer and gently laid her lips on mine.
Slowly, as if asking for permission, she offered her tongue. I accepted. Our mouths parted, and that most intense ancient ritual two people can share began. The meeting of our tongues was tentative at first, welcoming exploring, massaging, but the undeniable pull of desire soon aroused desperate, hot yearnings through both our minds and bodies. Soon our breathing became labored and rapid. It seemed the camper was quickly becoming a vacuum, with less and less oxygen remaining. Fragmented visions of Elaina kept snapping in and out of my mind—like mild, short-lived electrical shocks. With each jolt, I asked myself, six months, is that long enough?
Then I felt Julie’s hand work its way between our chests. She began unbuttoning her blouse. I eased my lips from hers. Her hand froze and she opened her eyes. We looked at each other for a long moment. Trying to see beyond the passion and lust in my eyes, I said, “I’m still going to have to leave, Julie. I might be gone forever, I might not. I can’t tell you for sure. Are you sure you want this?”
“Take me, Tom. I want you. I know I love you. I know how much I love you. After tonight is over, if all I’ll have left is hope, I’ll settle for that. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
The Last American Martyr Page 16