by Ali McNamara
Jake smiles a little. ‘That’s a relief. I was convinced it was me.’
‘For some reason I’ve been a lot better recently. It’s as if Daisy Chain and St Felix have helped to cure me. I can see now how happy they make people. In fact, how happy they’d started to make me feel – until last night.’
Amber nods. ‘Yes, it’s always amazed me that flowers can mean so many different things to so many people. One moment they’re in sympathy, the next celebration. What other living thing can represent so many different emotions?’
We all think about this for a moment.
‘So, tell us some more about Will,’ Jake says quietly, breaking into our thoughts. ‘You’ve mentioned therapy before. Did you go off the rails a bit after his death?’
‘Not a bit, a hell of a lot,’ I tell him. ‘I went from being an A-grade student who promised much, to…’ I smile. ‘I suppose you’d call me a juvenile delinquent. I was in trouble with the law, was sectioned for my own good, then when I’d got through that and they thought I was safe enough to be let out, there was a string of jobs, none of which I could hold down for long. I was the black sheep of the family. Whereas everyone else followed into the family business, I refused to follow tradition.’
‘That’s not always a bad thing,’ Jake says. ‘Sometimes I wish I’d done the same.’
I put my hand over Jake’s. I know he’s talking about his job with the animals.
Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, and we all look at each other in surprise.
‘It’ll probably be Woody, wondering how we all are this morning,’ Amber says as she jumps up to answer it.
‘Hi, Amber.’ I hear Ash’s voice at the open door, and I immediately pull my hand away from Jake’s. ‘Is Poppy in?’
Amber steps aside and Ash comes through the door looking fresh-faced, unlike the rest of us. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans, and his eyes immediately fall on me sitting at the table, and then they move very quickly to Jake.
‘Jake?’ He looks at him questioningly. ‘I didn’t think you’d be here at this time of the morning, and –’ he casts his eyes suspiciously over Jake’s attire – ‘still wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday.’
‘I think I’d better go, Poppy,’ Jake says, standing up. ‘I’ll go back to my house first, get freshened up, then I’ll contact the vet for you.’
‘Thanks, Jake,’ I say, looking up at him. ‘For everything.’
‘Any time.’ Jake leans down and kisses the top of my head. ‘I’ll be in touch later.’ He summons Miley, and heads for the door.
‘Ash,’ he says, acknowledging a bewildered-looking Ash as he passes. ‘Go easy, she’s had a tough night.’
Then he leaves, and my heart drops to my toes. Jake has been such a wonderful support over the last few hours that I don’t know how I’m going to face up to everything without him. I still couldn’t bear to look in the direction of Basil’s basket, and I had no idea how I was going to go about telling Ash I had to break up with him…
Ash waits for me in the kitchen while I get changed, and I hear Amber telling him about Basil.
When I return, Ash comes over and puts his arms around me. ‘Pops, I’m so sorry about Basil,’ he says. ‘I’ll miss the old fella, really I will. I’m also sorry for being so off with you at Jake’s party. I’ve been talking to Willow and she’s made me see what an idiot I was. Can you forgive me?’
I’m glad when Ash suggests we take a walk together; it’s a beautiful morning and we decide to walk through the town and across to the beach. We’ve spent so many happy hours together here with Basil that I feel even worse about what I’m about to do.
The beach is packed this morning with holidaymakers enjoying picnics and building sandcastles. I don’t know what has happened to St Felix this summer, but every day the town seems to be getting busier and busier with visitors.
The sight of so many people enjoying the town lifts my spirits a little, but my joy is short-lived. A Labrador runs past us after a ball, and I’m reminded that Basil is no longer here with us.
‘It’s OK to be sad,’ Ash says as we pause for a moment to watch the waves.
‘I know,’ I tell him. ‘I’ll miss Basil so much though. He was more than just a dog, he was my friend too.’
Ash puts his arm around my shoulders, and immediately I’m reminded of Jake doing the same this morning.
‘I’m sorry again about what happened,’ Ash says softly. ‘I shouldn’t have gone off in a strop at Jake’s party. I should have trusted you. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me with Jake.’
His last sentence hangs in the sea air, like a seagull riding on a gust of wind.
‘It’s fine, really,’ I assure him. ‘I shouldn’t have left you for so long alone at the party. It wasn’t fair.’
‘Ah well, I had Charlie to chat to. Nice lad. He’s going to come out with us again. He really seemed to enjoy riding the waves. He’s a natural.’
‘That’s great. Thank you so much for doing that for me.’ I turn and look at Ash properly for the first time since we’ve been here on the beach. ‘Please don’t ever think I don’t appreciate it.’
Ash looks at me with a puzzled expression.
‘I would never think that, Poppy. I’m always glad to help you.’ He pauses for a moment as if he’s considering something, and his arm drops away from my shoulder. ‘So what was Jake doing banging on Willow’s door yesterday, demanding his jumble back? You haven’t told me yet. Seems a bit odd.’
We find a space to sit on the sand, and then I tell Ash all about Stan’s flower pictures, and what had happened at Caroline’s house.
‘Go, you!’ Ash says punching his fist triumphantly in the air. ‘Stan will be over the moon. I’ll have to pop over and see the old fella sometime, now we know where he is. Maybe we can go together?’
I close my eyes. I have to do this sometime.
‘Do you think it’s karma?’ I ask, then open my eyes. ‘Finding all the pictures to help Stan, then Basil dying? Something good happens, so then something bad has to happen to balance out the universe.’
‘You’re sounding more like Amber every day,’ Ash says, grinning at me. ‘No, don’t be silly; it’s just a coincidence. You did a good thing for Stan, Poppy. Don’t lose sight of that.’
‘Perhaps…’ But what about what had happened between me and Jake last night – that was good. But the bad thing was I now had to break up with Ash as a result. Maybe Amber spoke more sense than I gave her credit for. But I knew it was Jake I really wanted, and it wasn’t fair to string Ash along.
‘Ash,’ I say, at the same time as he asks, ‘What was Jake still doing at your house this morning, Poppy? Did he spend the night?’
I knew Ash didn’t really believe me about Jake. The things he’d said this morning had been Willow’s thoughts and words.
‘No – I mean yes. Yes, he spent the night at the cottage, but it wasn’t anything like that. Honestly, Ash, I’m telling you the truth. He was just there comforting me about Basil.’
‘You like him though, don’t you?’ Ash asks, not looking at me, concentrating instead on a small boy building sandcastles with a shiny red plastic bucket.
‘Yes, of course I do, but —’
‘And he likes you enough to kiss you this morning.’
‘That was on my head,’ I protest. ‘It didn’t mean —’
‘Oh, I think it did,’ Ash says, in a heavier tone than I was used to hearing from him. He still isn’t looking at me. ‘I’m not stupid, Poppy; I see the way the two of you look at each other, and not just this morning but when I’ve seen you together before. It’s written all over your faces. Are you in love with him?’
‘I…’ I have to think about Ash’s question a tad too long. ‘Yes, I think I might be,’ I tell him honestly. ‘I’m so sorry, Ash, it was nothing you did. I really like you, honestly I do.’
‘But not love,’ Ash says in a tight voice. He looks at me. ‘Right?’
I shake my head.
Ash pulls himself to his feet and brushes the sand off his legs. ‘Not that it makes any difference now, Poppy,’ he says, looking down at me, ‘but it might interest you to know that while you only liked me, I was very much in love with you.’ As he gazes down at me still sitting on the sand, I’m sure I can see tears in his eyes.
‘Oh, Ash,’ I say, scrambling to my feet, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know. If I had I —’
‘You’d what?’ Ash looks at me with anguish in his eyes. ‘You wouldn’t have fallen in love with Jake? I don’t think so.’
I don’t know what to say; I try to put my hand on his arm, but he turns away from me.
‘See ya around, Poppy,’ he says, and he begins to walk off across the sand, his voice quivering as he speaks. ‘It was fun while it lasted.’
‘Ash!’ I call out to him, but either he doesn’t hear me or he chooses not to.
I look around the busy sand, and for a moment I long for the deserted beaches that I’d known when I first came back to St Felix, or a sudden shower of rain, so everyone would disappear indoors and I’d be left on my own for a while.
But I know that isn’t going to happen. St Felix is jam-packed with people on this sunny morning, and I can’t begrudge the town that joy. I need to think of somewhere else to go; somewhere I can be alone with my thoughts for a while…
And then I remember.
Keeping my head down and without speaking to anyone on the way, I head away from the beach, back across the town, and up to the cliffs. Then just like Charlie had shown me the day we’d opened Daisy Chain, I carefully climb down the grassy side of the cliff, find the stone steps, and descend to the little viewing area.
I sit and watch the gulls circling over the sea like we had that day; their graceful artistry as they swoop and dive for their food mesmerises me, yet at the same time allows me to put my thoughts into some sort of order as I sit there.
I’d never been able to come here with Basil when we’d been on our walks; it would have been too dangerous trying to get him down the narrow steps, poor old thing.
I manage a smile as I think about Basil. I’d tried to give him a happy last few months here on earth. We’d taken lots of walks together, which I was pretty sure Basil appreciated more than anything else, even his cheese. And he’d been great company for me, as I hope I’d been for him. I’d told Basil things I’d never told anyone before, and he’d just sat and listened to me without passing any more judgement than a twitch of his ear, or a lick of his tongue.
I’ll miss him more than anyone could know.
I’ll also miss Ash.
I never wanted to hurt Ash, I liked him a lot. He was great fun, and we’d had some good times over the summer, but I just didn’t feel the same way about him as I felt about Jake.
The last time I’d sat here on this ledge it had been with Jake. We’d sat here in the moonlight together during his birthday party. That was the first time I’d heard him say he had feelings for me.
But having feelings for someone didn’t mean you necessarily wanted to be in a relationship with them. I’d told him this morning I didn’t want to take Felicity’s place, but was Jake really ready to take the next step?
I think about all these things as I sit peacefully on the ledge, allowing the rhythmical sounds of the sea to wash over me as they had so many times since I’d returned to St Felix, calming my mind and soothing my soul.
Forty-three
Lily of the Valley – Return to Happiness
As I stand looking out over St Felix harbour, I feel something cold and wet nudging at my ankle, so I bend down to stroke it.
‘Hey, Bill,’ I say to the puppy at the end of a thin red lead. ‘Are you ready to go walkies again?’
A week or so after Basil’s death, Jake, Amber, Woody, Lou, Bronte, Charlie and I had walked up to the top of Pengarthen Hill where Basil and I used to take our daily walks together, to scatter his ashes over the cliffs into the bay.
We’d watched sadly as Basil was swept up by the strong wind that always blew on the cliffs, and was carried out to sea. Even little Miley was sombre and quiet as she watched, from the safety of Jake’s arms, her friend disappearing into the sunset.
It was a poignant day for many of us. Saying goodbye to Basil brought back all the pain of his death, and memories of goodbyes we’d said to loved ones before.
But after our impromptu ceremony, Lou had a surprise for me. We all walked back together to Lou’s house, where she told us she’d laid on a light supper.
Basil had been the last link between Lou and my grandmother, and his death had hit her hard. To comfort us both, we’d taken to walking the remaining two puppies from the litter – the others had all found new homes – up and over the cliffs every evening. They’d had all their inoculations and were excited to be allowed out; they didn’t have the stamina to go on the kind of long walks Basil and I used to do together, but they were a great comfort in my grieving process.
Yes, I’d been grieving for a dog. I would never have allowed myself to admit to that before, but Basil had been part of my St Felix family, and he was much missed.
‘I have an announcement to make,’ Lou called, as we stood in her kitchen enjoying soup and homemade bread. ‘I’ve finally found a home for the last puppy.’
Everyone turned to hear Lou’s announcement.
‘As you know, I always said I would keep one of Suzy and Basil’s pups, but I’ve struggled to find a home for the last one. Actually, I tell a lie,’ Lou had told us, her blue eyes glinting. ‘I never even looked for a home for this little fella.’ Lou bent down to stroke one of the puppies. The one with the look of a miniature Basil: the same multi-coloured markings, the same way of sitting with his long ears cocked to one side, trying to con you into giving him food. ‘Because I knew all along where he was going to go. Poppy,’ she looked up at me. ‘This one is all yours.’
I protested, of course, saying no one could ever take Basil’s place, but secretly I was thrilled to bits. This little fella had been my favourite from the start, back in the days when I would occasionally bring Basil to visit the puppies. He was a quiet, reflective pup and he reminded me a lot of the regal and dignified Basil.
So I’d named my new puppy Bill, after my brother William.
‘Right then,’ I say to Bill now, ‘if you want to go walkies, then that’s what we shall do!’
We walk back into the town and up along Harbour Street, squeezing through the crowds of people who’ve packed into St Felix today.
News of Amber’s special bouquets has spread beyond the Cornish borders. In part through word-of-mouth from delighted customers who’ve had amazing things happen to them after receiving one of her white-ribbon bouquets, and in part because Amber had unwittingly made up one of her ‘special’ bouquets for a journalist.
The cynical reporter had come into Daisy Chain one day asking for a white-ribbon bouquet, as they’d become known, and had taken Amber’s selection of flowers away thinking she’d be able to write a scathing report about a charlatan flower shop in Cornwall claiming their bouquets could work miracles. But to her amazement, after years of trying and failing to conceive a baby with her husband, within days of returning from St Felix she found out she was pregnant. They are expecting twins next spring.
Her miraculous story was first published in a local newspaper, and then picked up by a national broadsheet. Then we were asked to do an interview on This Morning – my mother nearly exploded with joy when I told her we’d met Philip Schofield. So now we had people arriving in St Felix by the busload to buy one of Amber’s bouquets, and to take photos of the ‘Enchanted Cornish Flower shop’ as the tabloids were calling us.
Daisy Chain’s new-found fame has changed St Felix from a sleepy Cornish town into a bustling tourist attraction, and it’s busier and happier than I’ve ever seen it before.
Prospective traders have flocked to the town to look at the empty shops on Harbour Street w
ith a view to opening new establishments come spring next year, and the current owners of shops are rushed off their feet, and having to take on extra staff to cope with the sudden influx of tourists. But most importantly, everywhere I look, people are constantly smiling, whether they’re new to the joys of St Felix or they’ve lived here all their lives.
Today, as the sun shines joyfully down on a town packed with happy holidaymakers, I’m reminded of my time here as a child, and how Will and I would run through the busy streets with a pasty in a paper bag for Stan…
Pasties! That reminds me, I’m supposed to pick one up for Stan.
On the way back to the shop I stick my head around the door of The Blue Canary bakery so I don’t have to leave Bill outside. Ant, on seeing me, promptly fills one bag with a giant Cornish pasty, and a second with three custard tarts.