She was dressed in a long gown, a shimmering red dress that felt like a soft, smooth second skin as she walked through the empty space. It was cold in there. Very cold. She could see her breath in puffs of steam. Her nipples stood out through the material of her gown. She held her bare arms and walked slowly, wondering why she was here.
"Hey there."
Keryn turned. There was C.J., her brother whom she hadn't seen since they were middle school brats. He was all grown up now, tall and strong, calm and mature. His mop of hair was still unruly, but he was dressed neatly in a tuxedo to match her gown. He was approaching out of the darkness.
She was glad to see him. She was so cold, and she was glad when he took her in his arms, hugging her tight against him. He smiled down at her. "You're cold," he said. He brushed the back of his fingers against her protruding nipple, giving her nervous shivers. "Your nipples are hard."
"Yeah," she said, hugging tight against him to hide her breasts. "Why are we here?" she asked. "What's happening? Where is everyone?"
"It's just us," he said. "We're all alone."
She looked at him and smiled. "I guess we can do whatever we want then."
He nodded and put his mouth to hers. They kissed and started to slowly dance. She could hear no music, but they danced slowly in place, their lips working together, their bodies pressed together.
The alarm in Keryn's phone sounded, a persistent beeping noise, bringing her out of her strange dream. What a night. What a sleep. What the hell was that? That was fucked up, that's what it was.
She struggled out of bed and out her bedroom door, heading straight to the bathroom. Keryn pushed the door open, and there was C.J., standing in front of the sink completely naked, peering intently into the mirror with a disposable razor in his hand, his face half-covered in shaving cream.
Her eyes dropped involuntarily to his cock. She had a quarter of a second to stare at it, then she came to her senses and backed out of the bathroom with a gasp.
"Holy shit, Keryn!" C.J. cried, pushing the door shut and clicking the lock.
"Sorry!" she shouted, backing into her bedroom and closing the door. What the hell? She crawled straight back into bed and covered herself with her blankets, trying to shut out the light, shut out the whole world. There couldn't be worse timing to see his dick, after a dream like that. Kissing him in an empty ballroom? What for? Oh, why did she have to see her brother's cock?
It was Monday morning. She had to get up and start her morning process, do her yoga, get her mind clear for the work day. How was she going to get her mind clear now?
The weekend had been strange, and kind of sweet at the same time. After the fight on Friday night, with C.J. coming in and throwing her part-time boyfriend out of the apartment, they had spent both Saturday and Sunday together. She took him around Chelsea and showing him a little of Midtown Manhattan. They'd gotten to know each other a little as adults. It was wonderful, really. It was the first time in a very long time that she felt like she could just openly connect with someone, without worrying about what they wanted from her. Maybe New York was starting to harden her a bit, but with C.J. she felt completely comfortable opening up.
She couldn't just sit in her bedroom, but she felt tangled in knots. "I'm done!" C.J. called through the door. Great. She crawled out from under the blankets and emerged from her bedroom. C.J. was in the living room. He was dressed, and was slipping his belt through his belt loops.
"Sorry," she said meekly. "I didn't know you were getting up early this morning."
"No, I'm sorry," he said. "I should have locked the door. I didn't mention, but I'm going with Greg this morning. He's presenting some material that we worked on this past week, and he invited me to come along."
"Oh, that's cool," she said. "Will you find out if you've got a regular job?"
"I'm not sure," he said. He hadn't brought much in the way of clothes, but he was wearing his nicer pair of pants and his nicer shirt, a red-brown plaid button-up. "I don't know if this will become full-time freelance, or a staff position, or what," he said. "I'm flying by the seat of my pants here."
"Oh. Well, I hope it goes well for you."
"Thanks."
Keryn went into the bathroom and performed her morning duties. Then she came out, made her usual green tea and chose a yoga DVD. The last two mornings she'd performed her morning exercises in front of him while he was lying on the coach watching. She'd worn her tight little yoga short and sports bra, giving him a bizarrely intimate view of her body, but after the dream, and after seeing him in the bathroom, it seemed weird again. She went into her room and changed into sweats and a loose t-shirt.
When she came out to the living room, C.J. was just putting on his shoes to go. "Wow, it is an early morning for you," she said.
"Yeah, Greg and I are meeting for breakfast before the meeting. I guess I should have told you about all this."
"It's fine," she said. "I'm glad things are moving for you."
He shrugged. "We'll see."
Keryn approached and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Good luck," she said.
He smiled. "Thanks. See you tonight?"
She nodded, and he was out the door. Keryn looked around. Suddenly doing the DVD seemed a little pointless. Strangely, she missed the idea of having him for an audience, even though she had twice already had the strange feeling that he was not only watching her bend and stretch, but that he might also be touching himself while he watched. His face seemed red after she finished, even when he was pretending to sleep. It was all getting weird.
Keryn sipped her tea and grabbed the pack of cigarettes that she'd picked up the week before. Stepping out onto the balcony, she lit up and smoked one, pondering her situation. There were layers of strangeness to the scene, but she couldn't quite sum things up. She could point to no wrong-doing on either of their part. The dream was odd, but a dream is just a dream. And she didn't want to upset the apple cart. Weird or not, she liked having C.J. here. She really liked it.
But the question was, did she like it too much?
The question preoccupied her all day at work, and she finally satisfied herself by coming to the conclusion that she was becoming socially isolated in New York. It could be a scary, intimidating place, even for a woman with a strong personality like her. And although she had a lot of friends, she didn't have many people she was close to on a personal level. Even Bryce, who she'd been seeing on weekends and sleeping with for months, didn't really connect to her very deeply. But C.J. had walked right into her life as though he belonged there. And he did belong. He was family.
Why was she dreaming about him touching her nipples?
Because she was lonely, she decided. That was all. She was lonely and he was suddenly there, and her dream had some wires crossed up and it was no big deal. All the same, she smoked three more cigarettes that day, which was a one-day personal record for her.
She waited for him to get home that night. They didn't have any schedule, but she cooked a nice dinner and had it on the table at eight o'clock. At nine she stopped waiting and finally ate. Why couldn't she just call his cell and ask him what time he was getting back? Because she didn't want to intrude. Because she didn't want him to think she had nothing to do but sit and wait for him.
At ten o'clock he arrived. Keryn was on the couch with a glass of wine, watching a movie. C.J. had a huge smile on his face.
"Hey," he said. "How's it going?"
"Pretty good," she said, sitting up. She was in her pajamas, wrapped up in her long white robe. "You look pretty happy. I guess everything went well today?"
"So-so," he said, slipping off his shoes. He went into the kitchen. He'd picked up a six-pack of discount brand beer at the corner store on the weekend, and he brought out a bottle. "The meeting in the morning didn't amount to much. There's going to be some recording and publishing, but it will be down the road. It doesn't look like there's going to be much money up front from that. But I got a gig with a bar band."<
br />
"Really?"
He took a gulp and nodded. "Yeah, one of the groups at the rehearsal facility where Greg works. They need a substitute for this weekend. I played with them for a few hours tonight, and they're going to let me fill in for them. It will be three nights, and I'm going to get some cash for it, so that's nice."
"You're playing with them this weekend?" she asked. "That's not much notice. How are you going to learn all their songs?"
C.J. waved a hand. "Ah, it's all just classic rock covers. Tom Petty and stuff like that. I know most of the songs they play already, and I have all week to learn the others. I'm going to practice with them again tomorrow and Thursday, and then we play Friday, Saturday and Sunday night."
"That's great," Keryn said. "You're really networking." She shrugged. "I guess I'm not going to see you much this week."
"Oh," he said, "yeah, I guess not. I'll be busy at night, except Wednesday, I guess. And you should come see me play this weekend. Bring some friends. It should be fun."
She nodded. "Sure. Cool."
He got up. "I've been going all day. I really need a shower."
"Okay," she said. "I think I might go to bed. There's some chicken and stuff in the fridge."
"Thanks," he said, smiling at her. "You've really taken care of me. Listen, I'll make dinner for you on Wednesday. It'll be nice."
She nodded and smiled, and he disappeared into the bathroom.
A minute later she could hear the shower running. Keryn downed what was left of her wine and washed the glass. She should go to bed, she thought. But she had to brush her teeth. She approached the bathroom door and stood for a long moment with her hand hovering over the handle, before she finally gripped it firmly and slowly turned, testing it. Again, he hadn't locked it.
Keryn opened it only a crack and put her face to the opening. "C.J.? I'm just going to come in and brush my teeth, okay?"
"Sure," he replied, and she stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Her shower curtain was semi-opaque white vinyl. She could see the shadow of his form, but nothing else. She could smell the soap and the shampoo he'd brought. There he was, she told herself. No big deal. Completely normal.
She brushed her teeth, but she kept glancing over at the shower curtain. She couldn't see anything through it. But he was there. She brushed, and thought about that morning, opening the door and seeing him, his slender, muscular frame, hung with that cock. She'd barely had a look at it. She rinsed her mouth and imagined scenarios where suddenly he would open the shower curtain and she would see him again, but no scenario seemed plausible.
Then, as she wrapped a strand of dental floss around her fingertips, she imagined getting undressed and joining him in the shower. She saw herself blush in the steamy mirror, and she felt a strange twist in her stomach, a twist of disgust and desire, strange titillation and exhilaration. Never, she thought. Never. It's silly. No way. A joke.
She finished flossing, but the idea persisted. They would wash each other, innocently, like children. But they weren't children. He would run his hands over her soapy breasts, and she would reach down and touch his cock and feel it grow hard in her soapy hand...
Keryn finished in a rush and quickly slipped out of there. She was hot, very hot, and not just from the steam of the shower. She drank a glass of cold water and then closed herself up in her bedroom, turning off the lights and burying herself under the blankets.
The next morning, C.J. was still asleep on the couch when she came out of her room. She had on her tight little yoga shorts and selected an intense routine from her collection of DVDs. She spread the mat, and immediately started to exercise. And this time, she left the volume on the TV on, so it would be impossible for him to pretend to sleep while she ran through the movements.
She stretched herself out in front of him, following the directions of the instructor in the video, but never once did she look back or acknowledge his presence on the couch just a few feet away.
By the time the video finished, Keryn was covered in a sheen of sweat. She imagined she'd put on a pretty good show. She knew she had a good body, and she couldn't think of anything that showed it off better than yoga: perfect posture, stretching, flexing, expressing yourself. But still she didn't look back to see him watching her. When the routine ended, she turned off the TV, rolled up the mat, and disappeared into her room without even looking back to check on him.
At breakfast he made no mention of it, and she tried to act indifferently, as though she had a busy day ahead, and that was foremost on her mind.
"And what are you up to today?" she finally asked.
"No much," he said, shrugging. "I'll practice for a while. I'm basically just hanging out until rehearsal tonight."
She nodded. "You'll be home late?"
"Maybe ten."
"I'll leave something in the fridge." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left for work.
He was much later than ten that night. Keryn had already gone to bed, but she heard him come in. She wanted to get up, but something inside told her not to. She was completely conflicted about how to act around C.J., like normal right and wrong didn't really make sense. Acting the way a normal sister would act with a normal brother wasn't possible for her, because they'd never been a normal brother and sister. And now, with the strange ideas that seemed to pop into her head, she just didn't trust any of her instincts.
On Wednesday morning she came out of her bedroom prepared to put on another show. She had on a fresh pair of yoga shorts in navy blue, and she knew how good her ass looked in them. She still wasn't sure why it was so important that her ass look good in front of C.J., but somehow it seemed like the most important thing in the world.
She was surprised to see him sitting up on the couch. "Morning," he said.
"Oh," she replied. "Um, good morning. I'm just going to do my yoga if you don't mind."
"Not at all," he said, gesturing to the space of bare floor in front of the couch. "Sorry I missed you last night. We went late."
"No problem," she said. She unrolled her yoga mat. She could feel her face burning. She was prepared to do the routine with him pretending to sleep, but to do it in those tiny shorts, with him sitting on the couch and openly watching made her feel very strange. All the same, she put in the DVD, waited for the video to begin, and got into the opening posture.
"Guess I'll grab breakfast," C.J. said, and he got off the couch. A few minutes later he returned with a bowl of cereal. He didn't sit down behind her, but instead stood to the side, watching and eating.
"You're pretty intense about yoga, huh?" he said.
"Yeah," she said, going from movement to movement. "It keeps me in shape, clears the mind."
"That's good," he said, and paused to crunch another mouthful. "Playing guitar is most of the exercise I get, but it can be a pretty intense workout if you're really going at it. The only problem is, most players tend to hunch a little when they play. I do some pushups and situps to try to help my posture. I don't want to end up with a hump."
"You have pretty good posture," she replied. "You stand pretty straight."
"Thanks," he said. "You too. Well, obviously. You're in great shape."
"Thank you," she said. She smiled and felt her face redden. She kept her eyes focused straight on the TV.
Chapter Five: Would He Hate Her?
That night when she got home, C.J. was at work in the kitchen. She said hello and then went and showered, dried herself, reapplied her makeup, then slipped into her bedroom and selected a dress. It was a black cocktail dress that one would wear out to dinner in a good restaurant. She chose a pair of earrings, and then finally made an appearance in the kitchen.
"Need any help?"
"Oh, wow," C.J. said. "Are we going out? I'm cooking."
"No, I dressed up because you made me dinner. I always dress nicely if someone is making me dinner."
"Even if it's your brother?"
She shrugged. "Sure. It's fun. I'm just having fun."
>
"Oh. Yeah, cool." He finished what he was doing at the stove and brought two plates to the dining table. He'd made stir-fried rice with vegetables and shrimp. Keryn opened a bottle of wine, and they ate and drank and talked and laughed. C.J. told funny stories about musicians he'd known, and she told him about the many strange characters she'd met in the city. If it had been a regular date, it would have been a success.
Once they were through with the meal, C.J. put everything in the sink and prepared to do the washing up. "Leave it," Keryn said. "We'll deal with it later."
"What do you want to do?"
She shrugged. "Should we watch a movie?"
They picked something off the cable movie network and settled in on the couch, dimming the lights and pulling out a blanket. Keryn sat close to him with her feet tucked up on the cushions, and they spread the blanket over them.
The movie started. It was dark in her living room and it felt strange to sit so close next to him without touching him, so she slid over slightly and leaned against him. "Is that cool?" He smiled and put his arm around her, and they both looked at the TV.
The movie wasn't interesting, or at least, Keryn didn't find it interesting. She found it difficult to pay attention. At some point midway through, she reached a hand down at put it on C.J.'s thigh. He didn't respond, so she left it there.
There was a romance angle to the story, and the two lead characters finally made the grand connection, meeting in the man's bedroom. Keryn and C.J. watched as they kissed and kissed, with dramatic music playing in the background. The male lead pulled the female star's shirt up and off, exposing her slender torso, her breasts concealed by a black bra. The bra came off next, in nicely choreographed moves. The two actors fell onto the bed and continued kissing, while the camera moved back and forth over them, taking in the curves of the woman's back and buttocks, the admirable lines of the man's jaw.
Keryn could feel a stirring in C.J.'s pants. She had deliberately placed her hand on the top of his thigh toward the inside, and now he moved his leg slightly to adjust. He was getting hard, watching this sex scene with his sister's hand so near his crotch. When he adjusted his position, his dick slid up along the inside of his pant leg. It didn't quite brush against her fingertips, but she knew it was there.
Into Her Life: (The Complete Taboo Story of Forbidden Love) Page 3