by Tara Sue Me
I spoke through clenched teeth. “I don’t believe I need pointers from you.”
“Is that so?” he asked. “I’d have to disagree with you on that. I’m sure my girl here would do the same, but she’s not allowed to talk tonight. Else you could ask her yourself.”
Abby was watching us, her head moving from me to Nicolas to Gwen as if watching a tennis match.
Fucking hell.
Gwen kept her head down through our entire exchange. Knowing what I knew of her, I expected no less.
Nicolas was under no such restrictions, however, and he looked Abby up and down.
“I heard you had a new submissive,” he said. “And that you were—what’s the word? In love?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I warned, clenching my fists. It wouldn’t be wise to start something now. Not in public. Not at a house party.
“She’s something else,” he said. “Maybe one day I’ll have the opportunity to enjoy her.”
That crossed the line. I’d have to think on what to do about it when I was in a calmer frame of mind.
I moved, took the plate and water bottle from Abby. I’m sorry, I mouthed, before moving to stand in between her and Nicolas.
“Abigail,” I said. “Put your skirt on.”
A dungeon monitor clapped his hand on my shoulder, immediately defusing the situation. “Is there a problem here, folks?”
“No,” Nicolas and I both said in unison.
“I’ll have to escort you all outside if you can’t be civil,” he said.
It would probably look bad for Abby and me to leave. At that moment, I just didn’t care. Seeing Nicolas look at Abby. Looking at Abby with Gwen at his feet, imagining . . .
“We were just leaving,” I said, putting the food and water down and taking Abby’s hand.
But that, of course, wasn’t enough for Nicolas.
“When you can’t be what she needs, either,” he called out as we wove our way through the living room to gather Abby’s coat, “be sure to give her my number. I might not mind the sloppy seconds in her case.”
His laugh echoed behind us.
The ride home was quiet. Looking back, I knew Abby was probably afraid to talk. That she wasn’t sure of what to say. At the time, however, I just assumed she wasn’t talking because she had her collar on and didn’t want to speak first, or out of turn.
I don’t remember much of the drive home. It seemed to take no time at all before I pulled into our driveway and up to the house.
I slammed the car door and walked over to open hers. I didn’t say anything as she got out of the car and walked behind me up the front stairs.
“Playroom in ten minutes,” I said, because it was what she expected and what I assumed she wanted.
I took Apollo out, but it was all very mechanical. One foot in front of the other type stuff. Nothing requiring me to pull my mind away from Nicolas and Gwen and the myriad emotions they’d caused in me.
Abby knelt in the playroom when I made it up the stairs. I registered the fact that she still wore her party outfit.
You didn’t tell her to take it off.
I told her to disrobe and move to the padded table, though to be honest, I really didn’t have a solid plan as to what I was going to do. She stood, undressed quickly, and walked to the table.
As she did so, I went to the cabinets, hoping to be inspired by what I found there. I picked up a heavy flogger, remembering the last time I used it. It had been with Gwen. I ran my fingers through the tails.
Nicolas’s voice echoed in my head. When you can’t be what she needs, either.
I was exactly what she needed, I told myself. I turned. She was positioned, bent over the table, waiting.
Why didn’t it occur to me that Nicolas and Gwen would be at the party?
Why didn’t I think to warn her about him?
I took slow, careful steps to where she waited.
I should have told her when I first saw them.
She waited.
I brought my free hand back and spanked her a few times. She held completely still as the color slowly rose to her skin.
I’ll always be what she needs.
I lifted the flogger and struck her on her upper thighs. She gave a short intake of breath. I took it as a sign to move forward and struck her higher. On her ass the next time.
I was still hearing Nicolas’s laugh when I brought the flogger down the third time.
She shifted before me. “Yellow.”
Time stopped.
“Yellow,” she whispered again. “Please.”
I blinked.
I stared at the flogger I held in horror. What am I doing? “Stop,” I whispered as the flogger fell to the ground. Then I spoke louder. “Red. Oh, hell. Red.”
She looked up and over her shoulder. “Master?”
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I can’t.”
She looked truly worried for the first time. “Nathaniel?”
I turned and went into the bathroom adjoining the playroom and took a bathrobe hanging from a hook. When I made it back, I draped it around her, then unhooked her collar and slipped it into my pocket.
I was shaking when I took her hand. “Come to the bedroom with me?”
“Nathaniel?” she asked as we walked down the hall. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t know how.
Once we made it to the bedroom, I climbed onto the bed and pulled her into my lap, smelled her hair. I needed her to ground me after the intensity of the night. I needed to feel her in my arms, to know she was with me.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said. “I should have never asked you to go into the playroom tonight. Not after what happened at the party. Thank you for using your safe word.”
“What happened?”
“I wasn’t in the right frame of mind,” I said. “Not after seeing them. I thought I could do it, though. Thought it was what you wanted and that you’d be disappointed if we didn’t.”
“This is about that couple, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should have realized they’d be there and mentioned them to you. When I saw them the first time, I should have said something.”
“Who are they?” She reached up and smoothed her hands over my hair. I hadn’t realized I’d been pulling at it.
“After Melanie and I split,” I said. “Well, after I broke it off with her, I dove back into the scene hard-core. I hadn’t played in more than six months. I was anxious to get back.”
She nodded. “I can understand that.”
“Gwen and I met at a party. Gwen’s the woman with Nicolas,” I said. “I never collared her. We never made it past the test weekend.”
“Why?”
“She needed more than I could give.”
She tilted her head. “Like Melanie?”
“No,” I said, then whispered, “More pain.”
I felt guilty remembering how Jackson asked me if I knew of any available women my first weekend with Abby and how I’d joked with myself about giving him her name.
“Oh,” she replied in her own whisper.
“Everything with her was always green. She always wanted more,” I said. “And I couldn’t do it. It’s like the breath play—I know my own limits. I know how much pain I’m willing to inflict and what I can’t.”
She nodded. “And Nicolas?”
“Obviously gives her what she wants,” I said. “Which is fine. He’s an asshole, but he’s not abusive. His remark about playing with you was inappropriate, however. I’ll think about how to handle that later.”
She snorted. “I’d agree with you on the asshole part.”
“I’d like for us to talk later about when play borders on or becomes abuse,” I said. “I think it’s an important topic.” I thought for a second. “Maybe have an open-forum-type discussion at the next meeting.”
“You mean when someone asks for something that’s dangerous?” she asked. “Is that what Gwen did to yo
u?”
“She didn’t ask for anything dangerous,” I said. “Just more than I was comfortable doing. Which is why it’s important to know your limits, both as a dom and as a submissive. I knew how far I was willing to go. I don’t so much see it as failing with her. We were just incompatible. I should have known it wouldn’t work out. I gave more stringent guidelines to Godwin after Gwen.”
“But seeing me standing next to Nicolas?”
I closed my eyes briefly and nodded. “Yes. I think it was what he said: ‘When you can’t be what she needs either.’”
“Oh, Nathaniel.”
“I think it just played upon my old fears,” I said. “Made me upset, and I couldn’t get into the frame of mind I need to be in to play.”
“You didn’t actually think I’d leave you for Nicolas?”
“Hell, no. That never once occurred to me.” I smiled for the first time in hours. “Progress, yes?”
“I’ll say,” she said. She smiled so big I couldn’t help but lean down and kiss her. “Mmm,” she said. “What was that for?”
“For loving me,” I said. “For putting up with me. For trusting me.” I pulled back, feeling a little better since we’d talked about everything. “I should never have told you to go into the playroom.”
“You stopped though,” she said. “You didn’t let it progress.”
“I let it progress enough, and for that I’m sorry.”
“You gave me safe words for a reason. Now I see why.”
“Why did you yellow?”
“Everything felt off,” she said. “Not quite right after the party. Then, when I recognized it was a different flogger and it felt harder, I just needed to slow everything down. Get to where I needed to be.”
I stroked her back, reached down to cup her bottom. “Did I hurt you? Are you sore?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Promise.”
“I love you,” I said, just needing to say the words.
“And I love you,” she replied, probably knowing how much I needed to hear the words.
“So, Gwen?”
“What about her?”
“You two played?”
I shrugged. “Not for long, but yes. Does it make you uncomfortable seeing submissives I’ve played with?”
She wrinkled her brow in concentration. “It’s weird, but not uncomfortable. I know you had submissives before me.”
“That’s different from seeing them.”
“Yes, but it’s still the same. I know your past. I love your past, actually. It’s what made you, you.” She took my face between her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. “And you, all of you, past, present, everything, are the man I love.”
I held her gaze. “You may not have been my first submissive,” I said. “But I swear by all I hold holy, you’ll be my last.”
She leaned close, preparing to kiss me. “I’d better be.”
Her lips were soft and gentle on mine.
Exactly what I needed.
Chapter Twenty-seven
—ABBY—
As he worked the rope around my upper left leg, I thought back over the last few weeks and what had happened since the night we both safe worded.
He’d refused to recollar me that night. Instead, we went to bed and slept wrapped in each other’s arms. I still recalled the way I drifted off to sleep with his leg draped almost protectively across my thigh. The next morning, we talked more about Gwen and Nicolas and even Mary. By midmorning, we both felt calmer and more relaxed, so we agreed together that I would wear his collar for the rest of the day.
I felt more connected with him after that night. I’d known, of course, that he would slow down or stop if I safe worded, but somehow experiencing it reconfirmed just how much I could trust him. He said the situation did the same for him, that he felt better knowing I would safe word if I needed.
I went to the submissives group meeting, and Jonah was quick to introduce me around. In addition to the lifestyle knowledge I gained, I was surprised by the different feelings I had toward some members of the group.
Jonah was like my older brother, laughing and cutting up at times, protective and supportive at others. As one of the more experienced members, he was looked up to by everyone. I quickly learned that he and his mistress were both highly regarded in the community.
Nicolas’s actions had not gone unnoticed the night of the party, and according to Jonah, he had been asked to leave shortly after Nathaniel and I left and was told not to come back. Gwen was still welcome, though, and I was more than a little shocked to see her at my first group meeting.
She seemed an independent, self-assured type of a woman. I barely recognized her as the naked submissive who knelt at Nicolas’s feet. Even more shocking was the almost complete lack of anything I felt toward her, especially considering she’d played with Nathaniel.
The woman I felt the most jealous toward was Jen. When I thought about it, I knew it made no sense. Jen was in a committed relationship with Carter, had played with Nathaniel only a few times and only with Carter in attendance. Still, I suppose that’s how jealousy worked. It didn’t have to make sense. Especially when I knew Nathaniel felt nothing for Jen. For the most part I ignored it.
Toward Mary, I’ll admit, I felt a bit superior. I had what she wanted. Nathaniel was my master. Nathaniel was my lover. It was his collar I wore and his hands that guided and owned my body on weekends. She could send in her application to Godwin all she wanted. There was no way and no how he would ever be hers.
“Is there a reason for the vindictive-looking grin, Abigail?” Nathaniel asked, bringing me back to the business at hand.
“No, Master,” I said. I thought about sharing what I’d been thinking, maybe add in a bit of snarky attitude, but decided not to. There was a time and place for feisty, after all.
He raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to move to the whipping bench in order to settle your mind?”
Uh-oh. Definitely not the time for feisty. It didn’t escape my attention the way he used we. It would be my choice.
“No, Master,” I said, hopefully removing from my face any lingering traces of the smile.
He shot me a stern look before resuming his knot tying. We had spent time over the last few weekends (and one really enjoyable Wednesday night) working up to this point. One day he’d bound my chest with multiple ropes and knots; another day he’d bound my legs. The weekend would be a combination of them all.
Since he hadn’t told me not to, I closed my eyes and concentrated on his hands while he wound the rope around me. He worked methodically and slowly, taking the rope and winding it around the upper part of one leg before moving to the opposite one.
His lips trailed up my belly and he spoke in soft tones. “I bind you for my pleasure,” he said. “You’ll spend all day and night in the ropes.” He brushed a hand between my legs. “I’m going to place some knots here to tease you and you’re not allowed release until I give permission.”
Fuuuuck.
He kept right on talking. “I have a dress for you upstairs. You’ll wear it to Linda’s. No one will know or be able to tell what you have on underneath.” He chuckled low in his throat. “Or what you don’t have on.”
Something told me there weren’t panties laid out with the dress.
“I’ll put some quick-release hooks here,” he said, brushing right below my navel. “When you need to use the bathroom, you’ll have to ask me, and I’ll remove the rope between your legs.”
The picnic at his aunt’s house would be in a few hours. Everyone would be there. Due to our demanding schedules, the entire family hadn’t been together for nearly a month. I was looking forward to it.
Nathaniel placed a thin rope between my legs, making sure it rubbed me just so.
Looking forward to it for more than one reason.
“This is just the beginning,” he whispered.
“You look beautiful,” he said as we drove to Linda’s house.
“Thank you
, Master.”
True to his word, the ropes were discreetly covered by the dress he’d picked out. Underneath, I had ropes around my upper thighs, my waist, and between my legs. He’d refused to let me wear a bra. Instead, red ropes were wound around my upper body, both above and below my breasts, with more rope in between. Though the dress was short-sleeved, a high turtleneck covered the rope that looped behind my neck in a halter-top fashion.
When I moved my arms just the right way, the tension of the ropes and the pull of the dress fabric against my exposed nipples caused my body to shiver.
“I think I’d like to listen to some jazz,” he said.
Yes, when I move just like that.
“Thank you, Abigail,” he said with a grin that told me he knew exactly what I was feeling when I changed the satellite radio station.
“No, Master,” I said as soft jazz filled the car’s interior. “Thank you.”
An hour later, I stood in the backyard talking with Linda and Elaina while Todd, Jackson, Nathaniel, and Felicia played an unevenly matched game of basketball. I’d gracefully declined joining in, especially since I had a dress on. Sports were not my favorite pastime, though playing with the ropes around my body would have made things interesting.
“Nathaniel told us you’re going to Florida next month?” Linda asked.
“Orlando, yes,” I said. “I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t had a real vacation in years.”
“Neither has Nathaniel,” Elaina said.
“I’m afraid this won’t be much of one,” I said. “It’s a finance conference, and he’s the keynote speaker.” We would check in on a Saturday and stay until the following Friday. I was looking forward to the trip as it would offer new ways to play.
“Just promise me you’ll get him out of his suit for a few hours,” Linda said. “He could do with a little rest and relaxation.”
Elaina leaned in and whispered, “I’m sure you’ll get him out of his suit for more than a few hours.”
I laughed. “I’m sure I will.” We’d be in Florida for weekday time as well as weekend time, and if I had my way, he wouldn’t be wearing his suit outside of the conference. He wouldn’t be wearing much of anything.