Gwen marveled at the way Andi read the landscape. She seemed so connected to the plants that she wondered how Andi had learned all this. Gwen worked with trees and issues surrounding erosion and water pollution and invasive insects and disease, but this was way outside her area of expertise. She was amazed at the way Andi had read the landscape and seemed to intuitively know what she’d like in her yard. She found herself staring at Andi, mesmerized by the layers of complexity she continued to discover. And the more she learned about Andi, the more she wanted to know.
“You really did an amazing job with all this. Have you ever thought of starting another business?”
“Thanks,” Andi said, her blush deepening. “I thought about it, but I seem to have my hands full with the shop for now, and gardening is just something I do for fun.”
“Well, I think you could really make a killing just drawing up the plans. You’re really good. What do I owe you for doing this for me?”
“Oh, I couldn’t charge you. Let’s just call it a housewarming gift.”
Gwen frowned. “I can’t let you do that. You put too much into this. I need to give you something.”
Andi watched the muscles in Gwen’s arm flex as she pushed herself out of her chair. She felt a tightening in her middle, her body responding involuntarily to the movement and strength of Gwen’s body. She imagined Gwen’s arms pressed beside her head as Gwen hovered over her. Hurriedly, she looked away, trying to hide the flush of color in her cheeks as the heat surged to her face.
As soon as Gwen had opened the front door, Andi had been stunned by the sight of her in a tight-fitting sleeveless ribbed T-shirt, faded jeans, and bare feet. Now she took notice of the paint smudges that dappled Gwen’s T-shirt, and it looked like her jeans had been the first line of cleanup, as they bore the unmistakable prints of Gwen’s fingers brushed haphazardly across the worn fabric. She tensed as she ran her eyes appraisingly across the firm muscles of Gwen’s arms and fought the urge to reach out and run her fingers along the corded muscle. She tried to avert her eyes when she found she was looking at the soft swell of Gwen’s breasts. The T-shirt left nothing to the imagination. Andi felt the urge to touch and barely restrained herself. She glanced up and thought she caught a faint smile flicker across Gwen’s face. She hoped she hadn’t been discovered.
Andi tossed her bag over her shoulder. “I have to get going. Good luck with the rest of the work.”
Gwen caught Andi’s arm as she started to brush past. “Wait, don’t go yet.”
Andi froze as Gwen’s hand gently gripped her arm, and another tremor ran through her. At the jolt, Andi jumped and pulled away.
Gwen took a step back, never letting her eyes leave Andi’s.
“I need to go,” Andi gasped almost painfully. A flashback to the past, but more. She’d known if she didn’t pull away, she might not be able to keep from touching Gwen in a way that would leave no doubt of her desire. And that could never happen.
Gwen raised her hands in the universal I-won’t-touch gesture. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to do something to thank you. I don’t know how I can repay you for this.” She took a step closer to Andi, who immediately stepped back.
“Andi, are you okay?”
The look on Gwen’s face was so gentle, so tender, it felt like a caress. In that moment, Andi wanted to fling her arms around Gwen, press her face against her chest and feel her strong arms wrap around her. But she would not be rescued, not now, not ever, and she knew that if she allowed herself to need that comfort from Gwen, she would be lost. In the deepest recesses of her soul, she wanted someone to rescue her, someone to love her, but that could never happen. It was too much to ask.
“I’m fine. I just need to go. I’ll be late.” Andi ducked her head and walked swiftly down the hall to the door. “I’ll let you decide what to do about the plans. I’ll be at the shop if you need anything else.” Her heart broke at the look of concern she saw on Gwen’s face. She didn’t want to once again make Gwen feel she had done something wrong. But she couldn’t tell her the truth either, that she was running because she wanted her. She had to get out of there before she did something she would regret.
She heard Gwen call out her thanks, again, as she almost ran out of the house. Then there was the knock of the screen door closing behind her and fresh warm air greeting her. Andi didn’t stop until she was at the shop, where she went straight to her office and closed the door.
Her legs shook and her palms were sweating. Every inch of her body thrummed with desire. God, what was happening to her?
*
Gwen stood shocked by Andi’s reaction, not sure what she should do next. She was confused by Andi’s sudden departure and the look of fear she’d seen in her eyes. One moment they had been having a perfectly wonderful conversation, and the next Andi looked as if Gwen were wielding an ax at her head. No matter how much Gwen thought about the interaction, she couldn’t figure out what had happened to upset Andi.
She looked at the plans Andi had drawn up for her garden. She could see how much time and care Andi had put into the project. What could have made her bolt like that? She was very hard to figure out. One minute she was kind and friendly and warm, and then suddenly she would become evasive and distant. No. It wasn’t just distance she saw in Andi, it was all-out fear. But what could Andi be so afraid of? The realization washed over Gwen like a chill breeze.
Gwen rubbed her hand across her face and let out a sigh. Well, something was up, and maybe this was just a sign that Andi was not the kind of woman she needed to be getting mixed up with. But for some reason she couldn’t leave it alone. She wanted to know what had caused the pain she had seen in Andi’s eyes. Did Andi think so little of her that she was afraid to even be close to her?
She looked back to the plans lying on the table. No, if Andi thought of her that way, she wouldn’t have gone through so much trouble for her. What then? What could have elicited such fear? To her surprise, she felt an overwhelming urge to protect Andi—to show her she was safe with her.
*
Gwen walked into the pet-supply store at ten minutes till closing, with a very excited Zeek in tow. She had been over this in her mind a hundred times and had finally decided she had to clear the air with Andi. At the very least, she needed to pay her for the plans she had drawn up for the garden. It was getting late, and she had deliberately waited so that she wouldn’t have interruptions from other patrons. When the bell rang above the door, Andi’s cool voice called from the back office.
“I’ll be right out.”
Gwen didn’t answer but stood waiting by the counter. Her palms were sweating and her heart was pounding in her chest. She caught her breath when Andi appeared moments later.
“Oh…hello.” Andi rounded the corner and stopped abruptly when she saw Gwen standing there.
“Hi.” Gwen smiled. She knew she was about to go way out on a limb and risk pushing Andi even further away, but she just couldn’t leave this alone. She needed to know Andi was okay and she needed answers. This tension between them was driving her crazy.
“What can I help you with?”
“I wanted to see if you were okay. I’m afraid I did something to upset you, and I didn’t mean to.” Gwen braced herself emotionally for Andi’s answer. She didn’t know Andi’s story, but something was wrong and Gwen wanted to know. She needed to know it wasn’t her.
“No, it isn’t that. I just…I just realized I had forgotten an appointment and needed to go, that’s all.”
Gwen was certain Andi was lying. She wasn’t really surprised, just disappointed. She decided not to push for the direct answers. Instead she would try to disarm Andi with good will. Perhaps if she didn’t push, Andi would be less inclined to shut down. “Good. Then you won’t mind taking this.” Gwen produced a small envelope and handed it to Andi.
Andi took the envelope and looked inside. She pulled out two tickets.
“Umm. What’s this?”
&nb
sp; Gwen couldn’t seem to stand still. Nerves. “Tickets—to the local performing arts center for their upcoming production of The Little Prince. I thought I’d ask you to go to the play with me, as a thank-you for the garden plans you made. I figured since you wouldn’t let me pay you, this would be a good way for both of us to benefit.”
Andi looked thoughtful as she studied the tickets for a moment. “Thanks. This is very thoughtful of you, but I can’t accept.” Andi handed the envelope back to Gwen without meeting her eyes.
Gwen was determined not to give up so easily. “Come on, Andi. It’s just a play. I kind of hoped it could be a date.” There was the big question and she totally expected Andi to turn her down flat.
Andi’s eyes flashed up to meet Gwen’s, her face turning red. “A date?”
“Yeah, you know, dinner, an evening out, time to get to know you better. A date.”
“We’ve already been through this.” Andi’s tone was gentle, her eyes soft. “I’m not going to go out with you, Gwen.”
Gwen’s insecurity was like a fist around her heart, making it difficult for her to breathe, but she’d heard the faint hesitation—was it regret?—in Andi’s voice, and she wanted to believe Andi wanted to say yes. “Are you seeing anyone?”
Andi bit her lip and looked away.
“I’ll take that as a no. Come on, Andi. Say yes.”
“No, I’m not seeing anyone and I’m not interested in seeing anyone,” Andi said flatly.
Gwen didn’t waver. “I know I haven’t been imagining things, Andi. I know there’s something between us, and I know you feel it too. I thought we could just see where this goes. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t committed to seeing where this could take us.”
Andi sighed. “You’re right. I think you’re very nice and I like you, but I’m just not into dating right now. I told you my life is complicated. I can’t afford to become involved.”
“What are you so afraid of?” The question wasn’t spoken as a challenge. Gwen was simply trying to understand. Something was hurting Andi, and Gwen wanted to make the pain stop. And this would have to be her last attempt—Gwen knew there was a fine line between caring and, well, stalking. And she cared too much about herself to continue to pursue someone who didn’t want her.
“Gwen, please don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I can’t give you what you want. I just can’t do this.”
Gwen heard sincerity in Andi’s voice and saw pain cloud her gaze. She wasn’t going to get the answers she was looking for, but at least Andi wasn’t shutting down this time.
“Okay. If you don’t want it to be a date, we can keep it as friends but I still want to spend time with you. It was so nice having dinner with you the other night—I hoped we could do that again. Besides, I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t do something to repay you for putting together those plans for me. Please? If you don’t let me, I’ll never be able to ask you for a favor again, and we are neighbors.” Gwen flashed what she hoped was a charming—and nondesperate—grin to punctuate her plea.
Andi studied her and seemed to contemplate the idea. “When is the play?”
“Not until next month, but I thought the tickets would give me a reason to come talk to you.” Gwen laughed. “I guess I’m striking out big-time today.”
“Okay. You’re right, there’s no reason we can’t be friends. I’m sorry I’ve been so rude lately, I’m just a very private person and I’m not used to meeting anyone who…” Andi stopped abruptly.
“Anyone who…what?”
Andi shook her head. “Never mind.”
Gwen could tell this was the most she was going to get for the moment. “You don’t have to explain. Friends it is.” Gwen extended her hand in a playful gesture.
“Friends it is.” Andi took her hand and they shook on the deal. But at Gwen’s touch she felt her knees grow weak, and her body tingled at the slight connection between them. This wasn’t going to be easy. She might be able to convince her mind that she and Gwen were only friends, but her body had other ideas.
“Listen,” Andi said, no longer having the strength to keep pushing Gwen away. If they were going to be friends, she had to act like one. “Since we’re going to be friends, I was wondering if you’d like someone to show you around, you know, check out the local trails and the lake and stuff like that.”
“That would be great. With all the work I have been putting into the house and trying to gear up to start my new job, I admit I’ve been a bit out of the loop.”
Andi cocked her head to the side curiously. “What is it you do exactly?” Andi felt more relaxed when she stopped fighting with herself, and now she didn’t want Gwen to leave.
“I’ll be focused on some research involving the emerald ash borer.”
“The emerald what?”
“Sorry. It is a nasty insect that’s been introduced to this country from Asia. It’s destroying the ash trees. We’re trying to learn more about how we can control the pest and will be tracking what areas it’s moving into. I spend most of my time buried in data. So far the emerald has been found in a few counties near here but hasn’t shown up here yet.”
“I see,” Andi said, genuinely worried about the trees. “Sounds serious.”
“It is.”
Andi was intrigued. She had no idea there were things out there killing her beloved trees. She was alarmed by the memory of the devastation the area had suffered from the pine beetle a few years earlier.
“Sorry if that was a mood killer,” Gwen said, cutting off Andi’s melancholy train of thought, “but what did you have in mind when you asked about my lack of local exploration?”
“I do a little kayaking on the lake and the Clinch River, and I thought you might like to go out on the water with me.” Andi suddenly felt silly. She couldn’t believe she was actually asking Gwen out, sort of, and right after turning her down flat. But they had agreed to be friends, hadn’t they?
Gwen took a moment before answering. The awkward silence and Gwen’s appraising look made Andi nervous, and she shifted her gaze.
“I’d love to go out on the water with you. It would be nice to have someone show me around.”
Andi smiled. “How do you feel about this weekend? I thought we could go out Sunday morning and then head back to my house and fire up the grill.” Excitement surged through her as if every nerve ending was at attention. It felt good.
“That would be great. You tell me when.”
They settled the details as Andi playfully teased Zeek.
Zeek suddenly stiffened, her giant head swinging around as the sound of two dogs barking outside caught her attention. She bellowed an answering bark, pulling at her lead and almost toppling Gwen over.
Andi brushed her hands through her hair and sighed. “Guess that’s it for me today.”
“Don’t take it personally. I think she has attention deficit disorder.”
“Maybe.” Andi chuckled. “I think she’s sweet.”
Gwen grinned. “What are you doing for dinner tonight?”
“Nothing really. I just planned to heat up some soup or something and do a little baking for the shop.”
“Well, I’ve been dying to get out of the house. Some local guys told me of a place to have dinner and play some pool. Would you like to go?” Gwen knew she was taking a risk, but Andi’s guard was down and she wanted to take advantage of the moment. She tried to hide her nervousness by tugging Zeek’s leash and messing with her collar.
Andi stiffened.
Gwen recognized the reaction and knew she’d overstepped, knew Andi was about to pull away. She had to do something to diffuse the tension. “Of course, if you know something about this place that I don’t, we could go somewhere else. You can choose.”
Gwen thought she could see every muscle in Andi’s body relax just as abruptly as she’d tensed.
“Okay, I’ll go. But you have to promise not to laugh. I don’t normally play pool.”
Gwen laughed. “Deal.�
� Maybe Andi was finally letting her in. “You sure about this?”
“I’m sure. It’ll be fun.”
Andi smiled, and it warmed Gwen to her core.
Chapter Nine
Nick’s Place wasn’t crowded. This was Andi’s first visit, although she’d heard of the local favorite, and she felt some relief as she took in the almost empty parking lot. It was only six o’clock, but perhaps she wouldn’t have to deal with a crowd after all. She noticed Gwen watching her as they walked to the door and she tried to hide her trepidation. She hadn’t been out anywhere with another woman in years. And she didn’t like public places. Despite her unease, she wanted to be there. She couldn’t hide forever. And most of all, she wanted to be with Gwen.
“Ready?” Gwen asked as she reached for the door.
Andi nodded. She felt Gwen’s hand brush lightly against her back as she followed her inside. The touch was comforting, almost possessive, and Andi realized she liked it. She had never felt so attuned to another woman before, and she wanted to feel more of Gwen’s touch. Gwen was attentive and sweet and, despite being overly assertive at times, compassionate. Andi had seen the glimmer of concern in her eyes and how easily she could be hurt despite her attempts to appear in control and charming. The more she learned about Gwen, the more captivating she became.
Andi looked around, taking in her surroundings. The room was bathed in the glow of dim light emanating from hanging lights positioned just above the pool tables that lined the main floor area as they entered the bar. The felt on the pool tables was red, not the usual green Andi was used to. The place was more like a restaurant than a bar, and Andi relaxed a little.
A young blond woman who looked to be in her early twenties came to the table they had chosen at the end of the room closest to the last pool table.
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