by John Varley
"Cirocco," Chris said, "I can go find a new motor for this thing and rig up a way to make it run the film drive. Or ... " He gestured to her, then to the projector. "Do you think you can heal it?"
She gave him an odd look, then shrugged and walked to the workbench. She looked at the projector, put her hands on it, and frowned. Sparks crackled; Robin gasped, but Cirocco merely blinked. Something clattered briefly and then stopped. Cirocco leaned closer, oblivious to the blue Jacob's ladders that arced in the gaps between her fingers. Just for a second Conal saw a dreamy blurring of her eyes, then she straightened and put the tip of her thumb in her mouth.
"Bastard burned me," she muttered, sucking on it.
Chris raised an eyebrow, then punched the projector's power button. It stuttered, then ran as smoothly as such an old machine ever would. No one said anything. Conal fetched chairs as Chris threaded Cirocco's film through the projector. He had no take-up reel, but it hardly mattered, as he assumed no one would want to see this more than once.
Cirocco and Robin tacked a sheet over the far wall.
"Shouldn't we invite the Titanides?" Robin asked.
"Motion pictures upset them," Cirocco said.
"We're not sure what it is," Chris added, answering the question in Robin's eyes. "Their brains don't seem equipped to handle it. They get nauseous, like they were seasick."
He started the projector.
In a moment there was a retching sound from the doorway. Conal turned and saw Nova fleeing the images on the screen. He thought about going after her, but knew it was a silly notion. He turned back to the film.
Gaea bit the head off a second man. This one was dressed in an orange robe. The first had been in a traditional priest's collar and black vestments.
It was a warm-up for the match with Kong. The giant ape could be seen hovering in the background of some of the shots. The bolex who shot them had been more concerned with the eating of the holy men. Each shot was rock-steady and carefully framed.
The fight began. Gaea and Kong grappled. Kong went sailing over Gaea's head to land on his back. He seemed stunned as Gaea lumbered over and pinned him. Gaea was thrown off the great beast. He came after her. There was a gap, and Kong was down again. Gaea hovered over him, then pounced.
She seemed to be doing more than just pinning him this time. Conal couldn't figure it out. He stared at the screen, his mouth dry, fascinated and ashamed of it. Finally he had to look away. He studied Chris, Cirocco, Robin ... anything but the screen.
"I would have sworn he was asexual," Cirocco said at one point.
"It was well-hidden," Chris said. "She had to drag it out of him."
"Great Mother preserve us," Robin whispered.
Conal looked back. He hadn't thought it was possible for a female to force sex on a male. Perhaps it wouldn't have been, but Kong was badly injured. Blood gushed from a hole in his chest as Gaea straddled him. She washed herself in it.
"Turn it off," Conal pleaded. Cirocco glanced at him, her face stony, and shook her head. He could leave, or he could watch. He dragged his eyes back.
Gaea staggered, seeming drunk. She ran into the stone wall of the cave, and fell onto her side. The screen went black for an instant, then lit again. Gaea was on her side, still nude. The blood was drying on her face and hands. She rolled onto her back. She moaned. Her stomach was heaving up and down.
"She's giving birth," Chris said. "Yeah," Cirocco growled. "But giving birth to what?" The end of the film ran through the shutter mechanism and trailed down to the floor. The white screen flickered and lit three pale faces until Chris mercifully shut it off.
It was a camel, and it was dead.
The camel had been born alive and Gaea had caused it to be included in the entourage from Kong mountain to the current site of Pandemonium, trying to think of a use for it.
She had not planned on a camel. She didn't plan much of anything these days. She was enjoying chaos. It was a hell of a lot more fun than running the friggin' world.
Gaea gave birth to things simply because it seemed the proper function for a god. She was as surprised as anyone else at what came out. Her mind had fragmented into many parts, each independent, some crazier than the others, but all quite mad.
Mental note: Show The Three Faces of Eve one day soon.
The part of her that supervised her equivalent of a uterus didn't tell the rest of her what it was up to. She was satisfied with the arrangement. After three million years a surprise was worth something. Once a kilorev her body presented her with something new. In the past year she had borne a litter of dragons, a four-meter tiger, and a creature that was half Model-T and half octopus. Most of them did not live long, lacking such items as hearts or noses. The rest were mules. Her subconscious couldn't be bothered with the fine details.
But the camel was pretty good. It was a full-grown dromedary, mean as the welfare department, and now it was dead because she had decided what to do with it. She was going to put it through the eye of a needle.
It was a large needle, granted. There was a big funnel, and machinery to grind the camel fine.
With a hundred cameras rolling, Gaea mounted the scaffolding above the funnel and poured the first barrel of camel puree into it.
Three revs later, tired and peckish, she called a halt. About half the camel was through and the rest would just be a matter of tedious work.
Besides, the footage she had could be edited with shots she'd have taken of the funnel after it was cleaned out.
She settled in her chair to watch the day's double feature, which was Lawrence of Arabia and... she couldn't remember. She twisted and squirmed in her seat, impatient.
When was Cirocco going to get started?
Gaea was waiting for the Main Event.
FOUR
"Robin, wake up."
Robin was instantly alert. She saw Cirocco looming over her.
"Nothing's wrong. Don't be afraid."
"I'm not." She rubbed her eyes. "What time ... "
Cirocco smiled as she saw Robin remember where she was.
"You've been asleep for about seven hours. Is that enough?"
"Sure." Cirocco was still whispering, so Robin did, too. "But ... enough for what?"
"I want you to come with me," Cirocco said.
Nova kept her eyes closed and didn't move while her mother dressed. After Robin had left the room, shutting the door behind her, Nova sat up and crept to the door. She opened it a fraction of an inch, saw Cirocco and Robin talking quietly in the hallway. They moved out of her sight. She heard them going down the stairs to the first floor.
From the second-floor bannister she could see them in the main room, then heard the front door open and shut. She hurried back into the room she shared with her mother and Adam. She glanced to his crib, and was surprised to see he was gone. She knew Robin hadn't taken the little monster, so she assumed Cirocco had.
By leaning out the window she could see the far end of the suspension bridge. She leaned-then darted back in quickly. The two women were crossing it. Cirocco had the baby.
She was dressed, down the stairs, and had her hand on the door-stopped to think.
Nova had a fair idea of her own capacities. On her home ground it was just possible she might tail Cirocco without being discovered. But Cirocco was too good. She seemed to feel eyetracks on her skin, to sense a passing thought. That Nova could follow such a woman through a jungle she didn't know was beyond the realm of reason.
But Great Mother, she ached to be with her.
At first Robin had not realized they were following a path. It was not well-defined, but it was there. They had to duck some low branches and climb over fallen trees. Still, the trail was there. Robin searched her meager knowledge of the ways of wild animals, wondering if this was a game trail, then realized what little she knew applied to Earth, not Gaea. Who could tell why a Gaean animal behaved as it did?
"Do you trust me, Robin?"
"Trust you? Sure, I guess so.
Why?"
"Guessing isn't enough. Think it over."
Robin did, following along behind the woman she still thought of as the Wizard. She felt clumsy, weak, and very old. Ahead, Cirocco was lean, lithe, and seemed to grow from the ground under her feet.
Trust her? Robin could think of a lot of pro's and con's. The Wizard had been an alcoholic when Robin had known her. Did they ever get cured, really cured? Wasn't it possible that, when things got bad, she would dive back into the bottle?
Robin took another look. No, she wouldn't. She didn't know how she could be so sure, but she was. There had been a fundamental change in the woman.
"I trust you to keep your word. I believe that if you say you'll do something, I can count on it being done."
"It will, if I'm alive."
"I trust you to do what you think is right."
"Right for who? You, me, or everyone? It's not always the same."
Robin knew it wasn't, and gave it some more thought.
"For everyone. I think you'd tell me if you had to do something that you thought best, but was going to hurt me."
"I would."
They walked on in silence for a time, then Cirocco half-turned and gestured for Robin to walk beside her. The path was wide enough for two at that point. She took Robin's hand and they walked together.
"Do you trust me to keep a secret?"
"Sure."
"I didn't phrase that right. There are some things I have to keep secret from you. I can't tell you why. Part of it is the old golden rule of the so-called intelligence community. What you don't know, you can't tell."
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"I ain't playing games, kid. There's war here just as sure as there's war on Earth. In some ways, this one is just as ugly."
"Yeah, I trust you to do that. At least, until I know more."
"That's good enough." She stopped, and turned Robin to face her. "Just relax and look into my eyes,Robin. I want you to relax completely. Every muscle is loose, and you're starting to get sleepy."
Robin had been hypnotized before, but never so easily. Cirocco didn't talk a lot, didn't use any tools. She simply looked into Robin's eyes and her pupils grew big as the Phoebe Sea. She murmured quietly and touched her palms to Robin's cheeks, and Robin relaxed.
"Let your eyes close," Cirocco said, and Robin did. "You will sleep, but you don't need to go deep. You can feel things, smell things, and hear perfectly well, but you'll see nothing. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
Robin felt herself being lifted. It was nice. She heard a wind rustling through trees. There was a smell like over-ripe strawberries. She felt herself bounce as Cirocco jogged along the path. Then she was turning around. This went on for an immeasurable time, until all sense of direction was destroyed.
She didn't care. Mostly she felt Cirocco's strong arms beneath her back and under her legs, felt her hard stomach muscles against her hip, smelled the distinctive, slightly sweet odor she associated with the Wizard. Her mind built pleasant fantasies. It had been a long time without a lover.
She felt good. Better than she had since ... since those long-ago days sailing down the Ophion with seven companions toward an unknown destiny. There was something to be said for being swept off one's feet by forces-or Wizards-beyond one's control.
"Nova wasn't asleep when I came in to get you," Cirocco said.
"She wasn't?"
"No. She followed us down the stairs. Then she watched us out the window. I thought she was going to tail us, but she didn't."
"She's not a fool."
"I can see that. She's ... difficult."
Robin laughed. "If you'd been demoted from the Virgin Daughter to an outcast and a refugee, you might be difficult, too."
"Why did she come? She seems to hate you."
"Part of her does, I think. I failed so hugely, my fall was so great... it was like I did it to her, too." Robin stopped, wondering why she was saying these things with no pain, then remembered she was hypnotized. That was fine with her. They needed to be said.
"She came out of obedience? It doesn't sound like her style."
"You don't know the Coven. It was obligation ... and fear. I don't think my beloved sisters will make it. I think they're going to freeze out there. But by the time the question was put, I didn't have a vote. Nova didn't think they'd make it either.
"And... she didn't feel like she had a lot of choice. It was tough for us. For ninety days, after Adam was discovered, we didn't exist. My third Eye saved my life, but only just."
"Why did she have to go? You were the one with the child."
"Ah, it didn't matter. She was a freak, you see. She found out about Adam when he was six months old. She tried to kill him. I stopped her. Then both of us concealed him, but we knew it couldn't last. And it all came out in the end. It took every ounce of my former prestige to swear that he was a girl. No one looked, but they all knew."
"What do you mean, Nova was a freak?"
"The only child in the Coven with a brother. Guilt by association with me, the great sinner." She sighed. "Aren't people wonderful?"
"They're about the same everywhere."
Cirocco said nothing for a while. Robin had an odd thought. Where was Adam? Cirocco had been carrying him when they started out. Now she was carrying her, and it took both hands.
She didn't worry about it. She did trust Cirocco.
"She was also suspiciously tall. That didn't matter when we were riding high. Later on, there were whispers of acts better not described. And there was love."
"Love?"
"She loves me. She doesn't show it much these days, but she does."
"I could see that."
"She loves you, too. In a quite different way."
"I see that, too."
Cirocco finally set her down. Robin's senses were deliriously sharp. She felt soft, damp soil under her bare feet. (What had happened to her shoes? It didn't matter.) There was an aromatic vapor in the air. She felt a trickle of sweat run down her back. She stood there in the dark and waited. Cirocco's voice came from in front of her.
"You can sit down now, Robin, and open your eyes."
Robin did. She saw Cirocco kneeling in front of her. Her eyes were deep, fascinating pools. She glanced to her left and saw Chris, also kneeling, holding Adam wrapped in his pink blanket. He smiled at her, then Cirocco touched her chin with a fingertip and turned Robin's head forward.
"Don't look at him. Look at me."
"All right."
"I want you to go a little deeper. You can keep your eyes open if you want to, but don't pay any attention to what you see. The sound of my voice is the only important thing."
"All right."
"How deep are you?"
Robin thought it over earnestly.
"About three feet."
"Give it another foot."
Robin did. Her eyes were open. All she really noticed were swirling clouds of steam. Cirocco was no longer in front of her, but she couldn't have said just what was out there. She felt a light pressure on the top of her head. It was Cirocco's hand.
"Why did you let Adam live, Robin?"
She heard her own voice come from far away. She had a brief glimpse of the three of them, seen from above: a big, half-hairy man, a strong woman; a tiny, helpless, pitiful ...
That thought was shut off quickly.
"I had a dream."
"What was the dream about?"
"Adam." Smiling. Pink. Delicate tiny toes. The smell of her own milk and his wet diaper. "Gaby." Black and peeling. Crispy skin. A ruined eye. A sweet smell.
"You dreamed of Gaby?"
"She sat with me. She helped deliver him. She held him up, all bloody and awful. Then she kissed me and I cried."
"In the dream?"
"Yes." Robin frowned. "No. She was better. Not burned."
"In the dream?"
"No. Yes... I don't remember waking up. I remember ... going to sleep after the dream. Adam w
as nursing."
"What did Gaby say?"
"She said I must find it in my heart to keep him. She said the world was going to be destroyed. The Earth, the Coven ... maybe Gaea. She said he was important. I had to bring him here. She said Chris was his father. I said two virgin births was one too many. She said Gaea had done it, Gaea had used magic to ... keep a part of Chris inside me. Tiny time capsules, she called them. Then she went away."
"She vanished?"
Robin was surprised. "No, she went out the door."
Cirocco didn't say anything for a while, and Robin didn't mind. She was waiting for more questions. Instead, the pressure of Cirocco's hand on her head went away, then came back. This time it wasn't her palm, but the heel of her fist. It touched lightly, but Robin felt she could almost read the ridges and whorls through her scalp. There was a tiny voice.
"Let go of me, you ancient cunt."
Robin had never heard anyone speak to Cirocco that way. The voice went on in that vein for a time. Robin felt the fist tense, and the little voice squealed.
"I'll report you to the fucking SPCA, you vomit bag. I'll fuck you in your big hairy ears, and I've got syphilis, I've got things they haven't even named yet, I'll-"
Again the squeeze, followed by a sharper scream.
"I command you to speak," Cirocco said. Robin said nothing. Somehow she knew the command wasn't for her.
"Gaea's gonna piss kerosene and shit napalm when she hears-"
"Speak!"
"I know my rights, I want a goddam LAAAAAWYER! I want-"
"Speak!"
"Aaaaaaah! Aaah! Okay, okay, okay, I'll speak!"
"Is the hand of Gaea on this child? I command you to answer."
"I can't, I can't, I can't see ... see ... I think maybe-"
"Speak!"
"No, no, no! Gaea touched her long ago. Gaea knows she is here. Gaea planned the child's family, but did not touch them. Gaea's hand is not on this child."
And suddenly, neither was Cirocco's. Robin sat, blinking, feeling somehow that a terrible weight had been lifted from her head.