by Moira Rogers
He felt it this time. Something bright and sparking, intangible but undeniably real. Like the whisper of the moon in his blood, like the moment just before he shifted, when his body ached with unfulfilled promise.
She wanted him. Fuck, did she want him. All of the human parts of her, and maybe the wolf, too. But the wolf wasn't sure she needed him, and mating was forever. Wanting would never be enough.
So she slipped from his grasp, leaving him clutching at empty air, shaking at the loss.
Chapter Five
She was so warm.
Ashley snuggled closer to Blake's bare shoulder, deeper into the soft blanket he'd wrapped around her. She was vaguely aware of the dip and sway of his steps as he climbed the stairs, but not curious enough to open her eyes. He was taking her to either her room or his—it didn't matter which, as long as their destination involved exhausted, sated cuddling.
'You still with me?" he murmured as he turned to edge through a door.
"Mmm." She smiled against his skin. "Just don't make me walk."
He chuckled softly. "How about sitting up? A nice warm bath, and then a whole lot of blankets for both of us."
"And sleep. So much sleep."
"All the sleep you want." The world dipped, and the water in her tub sluiced on. Blake settled on the edge of the stone, still holding her against his chest. "And a big damn breakfast tomorrow."
She didn't care about food. All she could think about was the delicious ache in her muscles every time she stretched. A gentle, hopeful peace had enveloped her, a serenity she hadn't felt since the first time the moon had stirred her.
Blake didn't talk again until the tub was full and he was leaning to turn off the faucet. "Come on, sweetheart. In with you."
She caught his hand. "Join me?"
He smiled and lifted their joined hands to his lips. "Anything you want."
Her heart stuttered. Ashley dropped the blanket and climbed into the steaming water. Blake slid in behind her, drawing her close to his chest, his arms wrapping around her. It felt like a stolen moment, the two of them alone in the world.
But they weren't alone. "When will the envoy from the Great Lakes pack be here?"
"Tomorrow afternoon." He settled one hand on her chest, his thumb tracing along her collarbone gently. "I'll probably have to drive out in the morning to meet them. As Lucas's second."
A cold knot formed in her stomach. "You're leaving again?"
"Not for long. Trust me, I'd rather be here, but it's..." He sighed. "Politics, I guess. It has to be me."
Because he hadn't gone out to meet them last time. "I know." She squeezed his hand. "You wouldn't go if you had any other choice."
'Nope. But with something like this, everyone in the pack has a job." He reached for a washcloth, his sudden unease evident in his taut muscles. "Even you."
She kept her voice even. "Oh?"
"They'll bring the girl. They can't leave her unguarded." He hesitated, his hand rubbing soapy, absent circles on Ashley's upper arm. "We don't know anything for sure. But if anything seems off—if she seems scared or upset..."
It sounded so ominous that she twisted in his arms and searched his face, trying to decipher the tension there, whether it was mild worry...or something more alarming. "You think the pack might be holding her against her will?"
"Mac was uneasy." He lifted one shoulder and shook his head. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything. Mac's uneasy around everyone but Connor. And you."
And yet, worry tinged his every word. "Blake, I'm not delicate. You don't have to lie to me."
"All right." He set the washcloth aside and wrapped his arms around her again. "I trust Mac's instincts. If something bothered him, then there's something wrong. That's the only reason we're letting them come here at all."
Ashley sat up straight, sloshing water against the high sides of the tub. She'd been curious about the woman they'd spoken of, that there might be someone else out there just like her, but Blake's revelation turned her curiosity into mounting consternation. "She might be in trouble, and no one's gone to help her yet?"
"It's not that kind of trouble. They won't risk—" He cut off abruptly, his lips pressing into a tight line. "If they have her, it's because they're hoping she'll accept one of them, and you can't force that. So we have time, and it's better to lure them here and take care of it."
"Take care of it how?"
"If she's in trouble?" His eyes were tight now, too. Hard. "However keeps the two of you safest."
"You mean killing them." She barely managed to choke out the words because her throat was so thick with horror and—was that satisfaction?
No, not quite. Peace of mind, maybe, in the knowledge that her pack would do anything to keep them out of harm's way. That they cared about her, of course, but also about the well-being of a stranger who might be in danger.
Blake cupped her cheek, his damp fingers catching on the tangled strands of her wet hair. "We wouldn't let them within a hundred damn miles of you if we weren't ready to kill them if necessary. Doing it here just means less chance of humans fucking it up, or one of us getting hurt."
The possibility hadn't occurred to her, but now the cold knot in her belly shattered, scattering ice through her. "Blake..."
"No, hey." One tug, and he had her back within his embrace. He ignored the water splashing against the side of the tub to fold his arms around her. "Connor's the least dominant one of us, and he's scary in a fight. Jud might as well be a damn assassin, and Mac..." He huffed and held her tighter. "Nothing's going to happen to any of us. We know what we're doing."
She squeezed her eyes shut and let the warmth of his body soothe the roughest edges of her fear. "You can't stop me from worrying."
"Don't make that a challenge," he rumbled, teasing his fingertips down her side. "I won't be able to back down and then we'll die in this tub, having fucked ourselves unconscious."
A joke, meant to make her laugh, but she couldn't. "I'd still worry." She swept her fingers up his arm, trying to memorize the enticing flex of muscle beneath skin. "Especially about you."
"I know."
His words were soft, almost shy. A perfect reflection of the emotion churning inside her. "Do you?"
He was silent for a long time. His fingers kept up their slow caresses, and, bit by bit, he relaxed behind her. "I wish we'd found you sooner, sweetheart, before you went into heat. It's a lot to expect—falling in love in so many different ways, with so many different parts of yourself. Your wolf's barely had a chance to stretch her legs. I'm not surprised she's still running."
It was the closest they'd come to sentimental declarations, and Ashley ached. "If it were up to me—a conscious decision, I mean—"
"Shh." He pressed a warm kiss to her temple. "She'll make the right choice for you, when she's ready. I'm not getting impatient. And I'm not..."
"Not worried?" she teased wistfully.
He chuckled hoarsely. "Mostly, no. You need to explore. You need to know I'm the only one you want forever before you choose. I get it."
"But?"
"But I'm not very good at letting you explore."
She choked on a giggle. "If I had explored any more tonight, I wouldn't be able to stand up for days."
Blake huffed against the back of her neck. "Fine. I'm not good at letting you explore on your own."
"Maybe." But her humor faded all too quickly. "Do you think my wolf is waiting for Lucas?"
"I don't know. I don't even know if it's that simple. You've been with Mac and Connor..." He trailed off, his voice coming back softer. "Maybe you need to give Jud an honest chance."
No cold knot formed this time. Pain spiked in her midsection, razor-sharp and scalding. She turned in Blake's arms, but his expression was inscrutable. "What?"
"Not if you don't want to," he said, each word so crisp and slow that he had to be picking them with care. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But you don't have to deny yourself for me, either."
He nodded once. "Jud steps aside when I'm around. Holds back."
"And you think he might be the one."
"I think he's a good enough man and a strong enough wolf that not knowing for sure might make your choice harder."
Jud couldn't be her mate. He was a lovely man—kind, smart, ruggedly attractive—but he wasn't Blake. "You're right. It wouldn't be fair to any of us to not know."
"If you want," Blake repeated firmly, but in the next heartbeat he was smiling somehow, making it easier for her as he teased his thumb over her tender lips. "Don't forget how much fun you had telling me all the dirty things Connor and Mac did to you. I like knowing they're taking care of you when I can't."
A blush heated her cheeks. "Will Jud be here while you're gone?"
"Mmm." He leaned in, and his kiss was soft. Sweet. Just the brush of his lips over hers, lingering as they traded breaths. "Let him take care of you while I'm gone, Ashley. And then I'll be back. I'll always come back."
And she'd be waiting. "Always."
Chapter Six
Jud adored Ashley. He liked her smiles, her laughter, her eager curiosity. And he loved watching someone get the best of serious, stern-faced Blake, especially now that his friend's scowls seemed more and more rare.
He enjoyed damn near everything about the newest addition to their pack.
Damn near.
The familiar nightmare drove him out of bed just after dawn. His skin itched with the need to shift, to run, but he couldn't. Not today, when Blake might already be gone—and returning all too soon with potential enemies.
Instead, he retreated downstairs to the sadly neglected gym in the lodge's basement. In the early days, they'd spent plenty of time here training. Not to win fights, but to learn how to win them carefully. It took precision and control to take down a human opponent without ripping pieces off him, and they had all needed practice in holding their tempers and pulling their punches.
Not anymore. The fights were few these days, more about relieving tension than money, and a windowless concrete room couldn't tempt them for casual exercise when the woods beckoned. It had been weeks since Jud had set foot across the threshold, and even longer since he'd spent any considerable amount of time working out his frustrations on the heavy bag.
Don't leave, not like this.
Memories of Ellie drove him forward. He'd buried them deep in his subconscious and, for the last few years, they'd stayed hidden. Weeks had gone by without regrets intruding. Months, sometimes. He'd started to believe his own easy smiles and charming deflection.
Stupid. Never fall for your own con.
He ignored the weights and the punching bags and went straight to the chin-up bar. Mindless, repetitive exertion wasn't a cure, but it helped sometimes.
Okay, fine. If you've gotta go, take me with you.
He'd started to dream about her the second night after Ashley's arrival. Nightmares, really, twisted with memories and guilt and secret fears he'd never allowed himself to consider, because he needed to believe he'd made the right choice. That he'd been good.
And maybe he had. That was the hell of it.
Watching Blake with Ashley had ground home a harsh truth, one Jud should have learned after a decade of gleeful thieving. Sometimes the right choice was really the safe choice. And sometimes being good meant risking yourself for someone else.
Jud had no doubts about how far Blake would go to spare Ashley the slightest hurt. He'd sacrifice himself, his safety, his peace of mind. Maybe even his pack. He would shoulder the censure of his closest friends and every last member of his species.
What happens to me after you split?
For Ellie, all Jud would have had to risk was a little temptation, and he hadn't been able to do it. A big, tough wolf...scared off by a desperate girl with a crush.
He was a fucking joke. The kind that wasn't funny.
"Jud?"
A joke haunted by the voice of a girl who didn't even exist anymore.
The door to the gym slammed. "Are you busy?"
Jud froze, mid pull-up, and looked over. Ashley stood there, leaning against the door, watching him.
Shit.
His muscles burned with the effort of lowering himself slowly to the floor. "Sorry. I didn't hear you come in."
"It's okay." She smiled gently, just one corner of her mouth tilting up. "You must have been in another world."
"The past, maybe." He crossed to the shelf full of neatly folded towels—Blake's doing, because he kept things orderly even when no one was using the damn room—grabbed one, and wiped his face. "Did you need something, darling?"
"Just to talk. When you have a minute," she added quickly. "It's not vital, or anything. No big deal."
She was nervous, her words all but tripping over one another, so Jud exhaled slowly and did his best to lock down his own inner turmoil. "I have a minute. I've got all the minutes you want."
She mirrored him, taking a deep breath of her own, her chest rising and falling as she nodded slowly. "Blake said—I mean, he thought it might be good for us to discuss some things."
Goddamn it, Blake. This was a good reminder. Yeah, Blake might do whatever it took to give Ashley what she needed, but he wasn't perfect, either.
He could make mistakes.
Jud looped the towel over his neck and gripped the ends to keep from reaching for her. She was still too skittish—here by choice, maybe, but uncertain and maybe even unhappy about it. "Let me guess. He wants you to cuddle up to me and see if that makes your wolf purr."
Ashley arched one eyebrow. "I'm not here to do what Blake wants. I'm here because he said something that I'm starting to think is true."
"And what's that?"
She took a single step forward, sliding both hands into her back pockets. "You've been holding back. To be honest, I can't tell if you want me or not. My wolf can't tell. And I think maybe that's a problem."
What happens to me after you split?
He gripped the towel harder, and admitted the cowardly truth—he wasn't protecting Ashley right now, but himself. "It's more complicated than just wanting you, honey. Of course I want you."
"It would be okay if you didn't," she whispered. "Mac doesn't. I mean, he does, but he doesn't want a mate."
An escape from his trap presented itself, and he snatched at it without the slightest bit of guilt, only a silent apology to Mac for throwing him under the bus. "Has anyone told you why?"
She blinked. "I didn't think he needed a reason."
"Mating is a pretty strong drive, honey. Wouldn't you need a reason not to give in?"
"I don't know." Ashley shrugged helplessly. "If something doesn't feel right, that's not anyone's fault. It just is."
Jud tossed aside the towel and reached for her. He settled one hand at the small of her back and led her to the benches along one wall. She felt right—sweet and strong, tough and eager. She still whispered to him as compellingly as she had the first time he'd laid hands on her, tempting him with the pleasure to be found in exploring her submission. In all the ways she'd force him to earn it.
He was holding back, but not because it felt wrong, and not out of fear. Not like Mac. "We found another girl before you. Her name was Serena."
"Was?" she echoed, her hand trembling in his.
The story was still painful for all of them. It was no wonder no one had mentioned it to Ashley, even now, when there was no danger of her following Serena's path.
He wrapped his arm around her and tucked her close against his side. "She'd been hurt. She didn't tell us how much, and we didn't understand, not at first..." He closed his eyes, but that only made it easier for the heartbreaking memories to resurface. "She went through her firs
t heat locked in a room. Like you were, only someone was keeping her there on purpose. For weeks, she just...needed. Alone."
Ashley's brow furrowed, and she shook her head. "That's horrible. How could someone survive that?"
They couldn't—not intact. But that had been the half-baked plan, from what Jud had gathered before killing the wolf who kept Serena imprisoned. To wear her down, to make her so desperate she would eventually accept him as a mate.
Instead, she'd shattered into a hundred deadly pieces. "She didn't, in the end. She was...fuck. She was broken. Feral. She almost killed Connor more than once, and tried to kill herself every time she got free."
"What—" A shudder broke through the words, and Ashley wrapped her arms around herself. "What happened to her?"
"She begged for peace. And Mac..." He had been the only one willing to give it to her. It should have been Lucas or Blake, but Mac was the one who recognized her pain and her fear. He was the one who'd already been forced to contemplate that terrible choice every time Connor started to fracture.
"Oh. Oh God." Ashley stood abruptly, clutching her stomach, pain vibrating off her in waves. "Oh my God, poor Mac."
Jud snagged her around the waist and pulled her down, across his lap this time. "I know."
"No one should have to do that, Jud. It isn't fair, and it's not right."
"I know," he said again, burying his face in her hair. Serena's screams had given him a different sort of nightmare. All the failure of not helping her twisted with the guilt of wondering what had happened to Ellie. The first girl he hadn't saved. "What happened to Serena wasn't fair. What happened to you and Connor wasn't, either. The fact that we're dying out and turning into...this. It isn't fair."
"Mac makes a lot more sense to me now." She sniffled, and when she looked at Jud, her eyes were wet and bright. "Thank you for telling me."
Her tears shredded at him. "Mac still worries about Connor, and we worry about them both. But Blake..." He cupped her cheek. "When he found you, maybe it made him think about Serena and how scared she was. He would carve his heart out of his chest and set it on fire before he trapped you."