He followed, his boots rapping on the stone. “Briar Rose.”
She paused by a stone merlon and turned her face into the wind. It blew strands of hair into her face and she shut her eyes, glad of the chance to hide her brimming tears.
Leather rasped against her cheek as he eased the hair away.
Her eyes fluttered open to find Ash staring down at her. The sadness in his gaze caused a painful pressure to gather within her. “Ash—”
“I wish I could touch you,” he whispered. “Rip off this damned leather and really touch you. I remember the softness of your skin. ’Tis like the finest goose down. And the silk of your hair… ’Tis like the most expensive cloth.”
“If you remove your gloves—”
“Never.”
“Why not? Your scars are marks of honor.”
“I cannot—”
“Ash, you got your wounds while fighting for the King. They are proof of your life’s experiences, and part of who you are now. They are naught to be ashamed of.”
Wariness and pain etched his features. “You would not know. You have not seen my hands.”
“I want to see them. Truly I do. I need…”
“Need?” The huskiness of his tone made her tremble inside. “What do you need, Briar Rose?”
You, the way you were before, when love between us was as natural as breathing.
“I want to at least understand why you are the man you have become.” The words sounded awkward, strained, but at least she’d finally said them.
He stared out into the night, his demeanor unyielding.
Lowering her voice, she said, “I know there are things you cannot tell me, because of what you do for the crown. Yet, every time you speak of Edric—”
Ash cursed.
“See? You get angry.”
“As is my right.”
“Why? What happened between you two? I simply do not—”
“Understand?” Such hatred flashed in Ash’s eyes: anger not for what she’d asked, but for what he knew and she didn’t.
“Aye,” she said softly.
“If I tell you the truth, you will not believe me.”
“Ash!”
He leaned in closer in the darkness, his breath rasping across her brow. “In regards to what happened? I cannot even prove the truth to you or anyone else. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Knowing the truth while others are oblivious to it… ’Tis a terrible burden to carry on your own.”
His eyes flared with surprise, and then he averted his gaze.
“I want the truth,” she insisted. “I do not care how difficult it might be to hear.”
His expression bleak, Ash said, “Once I have said the words, I cannot take them back.”
“I know.”
Anguish shivered across his face. His voice like grating stone, he said, “My forehead and hands were cut by an enemy sword. However, I was not wounded while battling a Saracen.”
Confusion rippled through her. “Then how—?”
“I was attacked by a man I trusted and loved as a brother.”
“You cannot mean—”
“Aye, Briar Rose. Edric used the weapon on me.”
Chapter Eleven
Horror lashed through Rosetta; it broke from her in a low, despairing cry ripped from her soul. “Edric attacked you?”
“Aye.”
A violent tremor rippled through Rosetta. Her legs suddenly went weak, and she turned to lean back against the nearest stone merlon, glad of its solid strength to hold her upright. “W-why would he do such an awful thing?”
“Because…” Ash sighed, the sound ragged. “He did not want me to have you.”
The tears Rosetta had fought so hard to hold back filled her eyes. “Oh, Ash—”
“He had always been jealous of our love. While he and I journeyed to the East, he teased me about having to end my relationship with you in order to go on Crusade. He called it the choice between my maiden and my King.”
Tears trailed down her cheeks.
“Edric vowed that since I had broken your heart, you were forever lost to me. When he returned from Crusade, he intended to ask your father for your hand in marriage.”
“Ash,” she moaned. She’d been aware of Edric’s jealousy, but had never paid it too much heed.
“I tolerated Edric’s teasing because, in many other ways, he was a fine, loyal friend. ’Twas more than likely we would both die while fighting the Saracens or from wounds inflicted in battle, so his teasing held no substance. Moreover, in my heart, I knew that you deserved a better man than me. If we did survive to return to England, Edric belonged to a high-ranking family, and he would one day inherit his sire’s rich estate. He had so much more to offer you than I did.”
“Ash!” Oh, God, how could he have believed himself unworthy of her?
“I know you and I had once talked about running away and getting married, but after I committed to going on Crusade, I realized ’twould not be right to bind you to me, when I might be killed. ’Tis why I…let you go. During our journey to the eastern lands, though, especially on the long and lonely nights, I could not help thinking about my life if I did manage to return to England. I missed you so much. I ached for you, and—”
A sob welled in her throat. She’d felt the same way about him.
“—and I vowed I would fight for your love. For our love. I decided to speak with your father as soon as I got back to Warwickshire. I did not want to live without you, Briar Rose.”
Oh, Ash. She wanted to crumple to the stones at his feet and weep, but she must be strong, to hear all that he had to say. Trembling, she asked, “Did you tell Edric of your decision?”
“Not at first. One night, though, a few days into the battle to reclaim Acre, he and some other soldiers had drunk too much. While we sat around the fire, sharing stories, he taunted me. He was relentless. Fed up, I told him that he would never have you, that you loved me and not him, and that I intended to marry you.”
“Is that when he wounded you?” Rosetta asked.
“Nay. Not that night. He was furious, and you and I both know he has a strong temper. I half-expected him to start a fight with me, but he did not. He just strode away. The next morning, he seemed to be his usual self. He said no more about what I had told him, and so I thought the disagreement was over. ’Twas one of my mistakes.”
“Go on,” she urged, dreading what she would hear but needing to know all.
Ash’s shoulders tensed. The rigidity of his posture spoke of tremendous inner torment. “Two days later, we were engaged in a skirmish with Saracens. During the battle, Edric and I pursued one particularly brutal enemy warrior who tried to flee. We followed him for some distance, until he turned on us. Together, we fought him. He cut my leg, but I battled through my pain, and Edric and I slew him. As I lowered my weapon, congratulating Edric on our fine fight, he grabbed the fallen Saracen’s sword. He turned the weapon on me.”
“Oh, God,” Rosetta whispered.
“I did not anticipate the attack. He cut my face on his first strike. His eyes glittering with hatred, he said no woman—especially you—would ever find me handsome again. He said you would not be able to bear to look at me.”
“Nay,” she rasped. “Nay!”
“With blood streaming into my eyes, I defended myself, but my injured leg gave out. I fell, unable to stand, and he kicked away my sword. He…slashed my hands, vowing that I would never touch you again, would never be able to…caress you.”
Unable to hold back her sobs, Rosetta wept.
“He made sure you would never desire me as your husband.”
She pressed her arms over her stomach, tasting bile at the back of her mouth. Edric had deliberately hurt Ash, given him disfiguring scars, because of Ash’s love for her. She was responsible for what had happened to him.
“I am sorry,” she said, her heart breaking into thousands of tiny, bloody, painful shards. “Oh, God, I am sorry.”
Ash
touched her shoulder. “’Tis not your fault.”
“It is! Oh, Ash—”
He exhaled a ragged breath, and then he pulled her into his arms, holding her head against his chest. His familiar, masculine scent filled her senses, sharpening her anguish, interweaving the present turmoil with memories of their past together. On instinct, her arms went around him, as she’d held him in the past, and she sobbed into his tunic.
He let her cry, whispering soothing words while she wept. After long moments, when she had no more tears to shed, he tipped her face up and placed a tender kiss on her brow.
Shuddering, her eyes stinging, she said, “I am so glad you survived.”
A muscle ticked in Ash’s jaw. “So am I.” He handed her a handkerchief which she used to dry her eyes and nose.
“Tell me the rest. Please.”
As she spoke, she sensed him retreating emotionally. She could not let him go, not now.
“Please. What happened after he wounded you? Did someone else see him attack you, or—?”
“No one else was around, so there were no witnesses. Edric made sure to remind me of that before he threw aside the sword and walked away, leaving me lying on the ground along with the dead Saracen. Edric no doubt hoped that I would bleed to death. If anyone found me, they would believe I had died from wounds inflicted while I fought the enemy warrior. I shouted for help, hoping someone would hear me. I yelled until my voice gave out, until I had lost all hope…and then, some Crusaders found me.”
“Thank God,” she whispered.
“I had lost a lot of blood. I was barely conscious when they pushed me onto a horse and took me first to my superior officers, and then to the Knights Hospitaller. It took me many months to heal, but I vowed I would get well enough to journey back to England.”
Frowning, she said, “Did you tell the other Crusaders what happened to you?”
“I tried. I told my friends, and asked them to relay my account to the King. However, Edric denied all, saying he had not wounded me; the Saracen had. It did not help that I soon fell into a fever that lasted for many days. My account of Edric’s assault was quickly dismissed as delirium.”
“You had no way to prove he was the one responsible,” Rosetta murmured. “No proof, as you said earlier.”
“Exactly. Even if I had not been feverish, I doubt what I said would have been believed. My wounds, after all, were cut by a foreign weapon. Edric was also an outstanding warrior. He and I were among the first to have been knighted on the battlefield.”
Mother Mary. What he had been through was more than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime. “I am sorry about your scars, Ash, so very sorry—”
“Hush,” he whispered, kissing her brow again. “You have no reason to apologize.”
“I do! Edric attacked you because of me.”
Ash shook his head. “Edric is solely to blame for his wickedness. You, Briar Rose, are the reason I am alive.”
“Me? But—”
A smile touched his mouth. “The love we shared gave me the will to live. Edric might have damaged me physically, but he could never destroy my love for you. It gave me the strength to heal, and to return to make you mine.”
***
Rosetta trembled in Ash’s arms. Ah, God, it felt so right to hold her, to be the one she leaned on when she wept. Ash longed to kiss her, to ease some of the remaining torment that must still churn within her, its strength diminished through her weeping but not completely gone.
How curious that his heart felt lighter now that he had told her the truth about his scars. She hadn’t tried to pull away from him. She hadn’t called him a liar, as he had dreaded. She also hadn’t said she did not want to be his—which gave him hope that she’d love him as she had before.
“Our love has given me strength, too,” Rosetta said, her words spoken as though she had chosen them with care. “Yet, I do not know how we can be together again.”
An icy chill plowed through Ash. “What do you mean? We are together right now. You never have to leave Damsley Keep if you do not want to.”
Concern gleamed in her eyes. “I am promised to Edric.”
“I do not care.”
“My marriage to him was approved by the crown. The banns have already been announced three times in Clipston’s church—”
“I will never let him wed you.”
“Ash—”
“If he was able to wound me without the slightest remorse, what might he dare to do to you?” The iciness within Ash spread to encompass his soul. “I would never forgive myself if he hurt you out of jealousy or anger.”
Her lips curved into a sad, shaky smile. Reaching up, she drew her fingertips down his cheek. He closed his eyes, savoring the pleasure of her touch. “As a man of honor,” she said softly, “you know the importance of fulfilling a commitment to the crown. ’Tis my duty to marry Edric, my duty to my parents as well as to the King.”
Ash suppressed a harsh cry of fury. Damnation, but she was right. “There must be a way to break your betrothal, one that would be accepted by your family and the crown.”
“I do not know of one.” Blinking hard, she looked away into the darkness, as if battling the fresh onslaught of tears.
He caught her free hand and kissed it. “We will find a way.”
Her attention returned to him; her gaze glimmered with uncertainty.
“We will.” He pressed their joined fingers over his heart, where his love for her would always lie, regardless of what happened in the coming days. “No matter how difficult it might be, we must not stop searching until we have figured out what to do.”
“Mayhap if we met with my parents, and you told them what you told me tonight—”
“I sent a missive to your father this afternoon,” Ash gently pressed her fingers. “I told him that you were safe and my honored guest. I meant to tell you earlier.”
Gratitude shone in her eyes, but then her worry returned. “By now, he will know I have been kidnapped. He will bring his men-at-arms to your front gates.”
“Aye. I expect him to be here on the morrow.”
“Edric will no doubt be with him. Oh, Ash—”
“Neither your father nor Edric will know that I abducted you. Edric will suspect, but will not have any proof.”
Fear touched her features. “Do you mean to challenge Edric? Is that why you want my father there, to be a witness?”
She was clever, his Briar Rose: clever and also correct. His first impulse had indeed been to confront Edric and draw him into a deadly fight—something Ash couldn’t have done before his wounds had mostly healed and he could once again grip a weapon. “’Tis what I would like to do—”
“’Tis too dangerous a plan, especially if he is as good a warrior as you say he is.”
“I am a skilled fighter myself.”
“Even with the injuries to your hands?”
Her soft inquiry brushed over every thread of doubt in his mind.
“Do you still have the strength in your hands that you had before? I have only held a broadsword once, and ’twas very heavy. I cannot imagine wielding such a weapon, when—”
“I may be disfigured,” Ash ground out, “but I am not helpless.”
“I did not say that you were.” Her stubborn gaze held his. “My concern is that ’twill not be a fair fight.”
Ash laughed, the sound bitter. “Briar Rose—”
“—and I will not stand by and see you wounded again by Edric…or killed.” Her eyes blazed, even as a tear slipped down her cheek.
He stared back, humbled and captivated by the passion in her gaze. That passion came from her feelings for him: from the purest, truest love.
“I must confront Edric,” Ash said quietly, wiping away her tear. “He must answer for what he did to me. Moreover, he must accept that you will never be his wife.”
“Ash, a duel between you and Edric is not enough to release me from my marriage.”
“Even if I kill him?”
Ash said with a growl.
“Cease that kind of talk! If you did slay him without proving that he deliberately wounded you, then you would be guilty of murder. There would be no chance of us having a future together then.”
Ash squeezed her hand again. “By fighting him, I might be able to prove his dishonor, though—and that might be enough for the crown to reconsider your marriage.”
The faintest hope touched her expression. “What do you mean?”
“If I provoke him,” Ash continued, “I can make him angry. If he is enraged, he will not be as careful with his words. I might be able to goad him into confessing that he wounded me in the East.”
“And if he does not admit to what he did to you?”
Ash shrugged. “Then we are no further ahead than we were before.”
“You might be even more badly injured,” she said, shaking her head. “Nay, Ash. You cannot undertake such a reckless plan. I will not let you.”
Frustration coiled through him. “What do you suggest, then? That I do naught? That I simply stand by and let you leave with your sire and Edric?”
She studied him through the darkness and then nodded.
“What?! How in hellfire—?”
Before he guessed her intent, she rose up on tiptoes and kissed him. At the incredible shock of her lithe body gliding against his, followed by the light kiss, the rest of his words vanished.
“The wedding will have to be rescheduled,” she said evenly, lowering back down to standing. “That may take several weeks. In the meantime, I can start searching for further proof of Edric’s treachery. You said you have some evidence already—”
“I do. However, ’tis not a simple matter to get hold of it.” Indeed, the fragile tapestry of contacts and communications he’d established could be ripped asunder if he acted without carefully considering his actions. Informants could die. He did not want good men’s deaths on his conscience.
“’Tis why I must do what I can,” Rosetta insisted. “After Edric and I became betrothed, I spent more days at Wallensford Keep. If I continue to play the role of his future bride, no one will question my continued visits there. I will even try to go when he is away from the castle.”
A Knight's Desire--World of de Wolfe Pack Page 10