Meri answered it, her hair in a messy ponytail, no make-up, baby puke on her shirt and the offending puker, baby Mykahla, on her hip.
‘Hi,’ Gabby said, smiling, making an effort to save her wrath for Cam. She waved at Mykahla and gave her a huge smile. ‘Hello, gorgeous girl.’
‘Gabby,’ Meri said, surprised, looking over Gabby’s shoulder as though searching for the kids. ‘What are you doing over this way?’ She was cautious but not hostile.
‘I know it’s poor form to drop over unannounced, but I really need to talk to Cam,’ Gabby said. ‘It’s about the kids. Specifically, about missing Charlie’s birthday this morning.’
‘Right,’ Meri said, moving Mykahla to sit on her other hip. The baby frowned and beat her fist on Meri’s chest in protest.
‘Is he home?’ Gabby persisted.
‘Um, yes, come in,’ Meri said, standing out of the way of the door. ‘He’s just having a lie-down.’
‘Oh?’ Gabby was taken aback. ‘Is he sick?’
‘No,’ Meri said, distracted, putting Mykahla down on the brightly coloured mat beneath the play station arching above her. The baby immediately began swinging at the hanging stuffed animals with glee. At least Mykahla was in a good mood. ‘I’ll just get him.’
Meri disappeared through the lounge towards the bedrooms, and Gabby cooed at Mykahla and cast her eyes around at the mound of unfolded washing on the dining table, the line of ants crawling across the kitchen bench, the highchair, bouncer and playpen taking up valuable space in the small house. All in all, perfectly normal for a home with a baby.
Meri reappeared. ‘He’ll be out soon. Would you like a tea?’
‘No, thanks. I’m all good.’
Meri eyed the washing and hurried to fold towels.
‘Here, let me help you,’ Gabby said, picking up a sheet and flicking it out to fold it. ‘Trust me, I remember only too well what these early months are like.’
‘I’d like to refuse, but I’m just too tired,’ Meri said, and gave her a thin smile.
‘How is everything going?’ Gabby asked, as casually as possible. ‘Are you missing work?’
Meri scoffed. ‘Gosh, no.’ Her most recent posting had been within the state’s foster care system, placing children in homes and providing reports on their progress and the birth parents’ ability to have the child back in their care. It must have been a terribly stressful role. ‘The only thing I miss is sleep.’
‘Yeah. It’s a killer.’ Gabby placed the folded sheet on the table and picked up a towel. ‘And what about Cam? How’s he coping, really?’
Meri shot her a look. Gabby knew that this was a line they couldn’t easily cross, but she was getting desperate. Meri opened her mouth to speak, just as Cam entered the room.
‘Gabs, hi.’ He stood in shorts and a tee, his hair too long and messed up, his face unshaven. His shorts hung off his hips and she could see the hollows in his cheeks.
‘Hi,’ she said. His appearance shocked her. But then anger shot through her. The only time she’d ever seen him look this bad was when he’d been at his worst smoking pot. She’d thought it had all stopped once Meri was on the scene, but it looked as if the arrival of Mykahla had sent him back to his old ways.
‘What are you doing here?’ He smiled and waved at Mykahla and blew a raspberry at her, and she grinned in delight and rolled onto her tummy, kicking her legs out behind her like a frog.
‘She’ll be crawling any minute,’ Gabby said.
The three of them watched Mykahla for a few moments while the baby tried to work out how to roll the other way, till she began to complain and Cam helped her return onto her back where she could see the dangling animals once more.
‘I have news,’ Gabby said, drawing his attention back to her.
He stood up. ‘Hm?’
‘It looks like Pippa and Harvey are breaking up.’
‘Huh.’ He didn’t sound shocked.
She stared at him, waiting for more. But his eyes were empty, his mind not even here. Clearly he’d been smoking today, and that was what had kept him from Charlie’s breakfast, the selfish prick.
‘It’s obviously sad for them,’ Gabby went on, narrowing her eyes at Cam. ‘But it’s more than that, isn’t it? Pippa and Harvey were my – were our – backup plan to take care of the kids if I die.’ She said it bluntly; she’d meant to. She wanted to shock him. Behind her, Meri had stopped folding washing and was standing still.
‘And?’
‘What do you mean, and? This obviously makes me very anxious because you have been ignoring our children –’
‘I’m not ignoring them.’
‘– and you couldn’t even pull yourself together long enough to come to your son’s sixteenth birthday!’
Cam sighed, petulant. ‘Jesus, Gabs, I’m taking a break.’
‘See, that, right there, that is what I don’t get. Charlie’s turning into a man and he needs a role model. He needs you now more than ever. You’re not done yet. You can’t take a break from your children!’ She was shrill. She took a deep breath. Behind her, she was aware that Meri had picked up Mykahla and taken her away. She would feel bad later, she knew, for having a go at Cam in front of the baby, and would have to apologise, but right now she needed him to talk and tell her what was going on.
Cam screwed up his fists and rubbed at his eyes. ‘Yes, I can!’ he shouted. ‘And I have to, or I’ll …’
‘What? What?’ Gabby was furious. ‘What, Cam? What will you do? Hit them?’
‘No! I would never hurt them.’
‘Yell at them?’
‘I just can’t do it right now.’
‘These effing drugs,’ she said, shaking her head in disgust. ‘Look at you! This is how you looked when you were at your worst. Does Meri know? Of course she knows. She’s a flipping social worker, she couldn’t not know.’ And she was probably mortified, Gabby realised, distraught that she couldn’t stop her husband from descending into the gutter, embarrassed that this had happened on her watch. ‘Are you going to meetings? Have you spoken to your doctor?’
Cam collapsed into a chair and put his head in his hands.
She wanted to hit him, throw something at him, shake him till his teeth rattled. He didn’t get the luxury of doing this now, not to her and their kids, and certainly not to Meri and Mykahla. Selfish bastard.
Still, she felt a small, grudging amount of respect for the fact that he knew he was unfit to be caring for the kids. It was far from ideal, but she would rather the kids were with her than with him right now.
‘Clean yourself up,’ she said, finding stern calm. ‘Both of your families need you and none of us has time to wait.’
18
About five minutes before Gabby was due to arrive, Krystal had to physically stop herself from messaging her to call the whole thing off. The only way she’d managed to do that was to down two quick shots of vodka.
Under what circumstances had she ever imagined she could deal with the woman who had her husband’s heart coming here, to their home? It felt sordid, like Gabby was the other woman in a twisted threesome. Gabby’s presence here might take something away from what Krystal and Evan had, leave a stain on their love story.
But then, what sort of love story was it if he’d been able to lie to her so easily and convincingly?
Off to work, gorgeous. The restaurant’s fully booked so it’ll be a late one. Don’t wait up. He’d leaned over the back of the couch, his black jacket slung over his shoulder, and kissed her on the cheek.
Bye, she’d sung through a mouthful of toast, while the boys played with pots and pans on the floor.
Bye, boys. Be good for Mama. He waved at them. Then he was gone.
Now, with her own heart thumping obtrusively in her chest and Gabby moments away, that memory burned.
He’d betrayed her.
She threw her hairbrush across the bathroom, where it banged against the yellow wall, denting the plaster, then clattered to the ground
and spun across the blue and white tiles. She leaned on the basin, biting down fury.
In a cruel twist of fate, the only way she could discover the truth about his actions that night was to seek the help of the stranger she’d never wanted to have his heart in the first place. Gabby’s revelation that she could see some of Evan’s memories had left her in deep shock. Then that dense, pleasantly numbing fog – like emotional anaesthetic – had worn off, leaving throbbing pain in its wake. She could see why people turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with pain, and almost felt something akin to empathy towards her own mother. That numbness was such bliss, such respite.
There was a quiet knock at the door.
She was here.
Not only did Gabby have Evan’s heart, she had his memories too. His memories! The one thing that should have been exclusive to Krystal was her memories of Evan and of their lives away from his interfering family or his toffy friends or even the friends they’d shared at the restaurant. The one thing she had to offer her children were memories. And now a stranger – another woman – could lay claim to them.
Krystal paused in the hallway and stared at a photo of Evan at the botanic gardens, sitting on a picnic blanket, holding baby Olly in the crook of his left arm, his right arm wrapped around Jasper’s waist, both Evan and Jasper laughing. Such joy. If she’d known it would be mere months before he was gone, she’d have done something. Anything. Put them on a plane and gone to live in New Zealand, maybe. Anything to make sure he wasn’t in Sydney that night.
It was grossly unfair and she should never have been in this position, and yet she wanted those memories. She’d do anything for them.
Knock-knock-knock.
‘Coming!’ Krystal called. She arranged her features into something she hoped conveyed gratitude rather than misery, and opened the door to see Gabby standing self-consciously hugging an enormous bunch of dark red gerberas wrapped in sepia-coloured paper. She smiled when she saw Krystal, and thrust the rustling bundle towards her.
‘Hi! These are for you.’
Krystal stared at the flowers.
‘I just wanted to say thank you,’ Gabby said, still holding them out.
‘W-what for?’
Gabby laughed nervously. ‘For saving my life!’ Her voice faltered on the last word.
Krystal still hadn’t reached for the flowers. She knew she should, but she was stuck. Stuck in a time warp.
‘Is something wrong?’ Gabby withdrew the offering. ‘Are you allergic?’
‘How did you know?’
‘Know what?’
‘Evan always gave me gerberas.’
‘Oh.’ Gabby seemed taken by surprise.
Krystal took the flowers and stepped aside for Gabby to come in. She picked up her rusty red, flowing skirt as she crossed the threshold, even though she didn’t need to. Krystal was rattled by the gerberas and took a moment to pull out a drawer in the kitchen to find a vase. With shaking hands, she cut the string holding the stems together and arranged them in the wide-mouthed green vase, then placed it on the dining table.
Gabby was staring at the photos in the hallway.
‘Would it help if you looked at them?’ Krystal asked.
‘Would you mind?’ Gabby asked, tentatively, obviously feeling as out of her depth as Krystal did.
‘Go ahead.’
Gabby approached the photos, her arms crossed over her white button-down shirt. ‘He’s handsome,’ she said, turning to smile at Krystal.
Krystal joined her in the hall. ‘Yes.’
‘And I can see how much he loved the boys,’ Gabby said, her voice tightening. She waved a hand near her face. ‘Sorry.’
Krystal felt her own throat tighten. ‘He was a great dad.’
Gabby turned away, her face crumpled, and went back towards the dining table. She took a deep breath and touched the gerberas. ‘Did Evan like hotdogs?’
Krystal stared into Gabby’s green eyes. ‘He loved them. Why?’
Gabby smiled, first at Krystal and then at the photos of Evan. ‘After the surgery, I kept smelling hotdogs. I thought it was coming from somewhere in the hospital to begin with, then realised it was inside me, but it wasn’t my sense memory. It was someone else’s.’
Krystal felt a curious mix of dread and excitement. ‘They were his guilty pleasure,’ she said. ‘His family are such snobs. They wouldn’t dream of eating something as low-class as a hotdog. Evan did still have high-class tastes but he said he’d always “go to the dark side” for a hotdog.’
‘I wonder why hotdogs were the first thing that came to me.’
‘Maybe he’d eaten one just before he died,’ Krystal said, but the idea raised more questions than it answered.
‘Maybe.’
They were silent a moment and Krystal’s mind went to all the things she wanted to know. She forced herself to be patient. ‘Would you like a tea or coffee? I’m afraid I’ve only got supermarket teabags and powdered coffee mixes.’ She went to the kitchen and pulled out her stash of packets. ‘I’ve got instant cappuccinos, hot chocolates – oh, there’s a coffee bag from somewhere, I can’t remember where that came from.’
‘A cappuccino would be great.’
‘It’s ridiculous offering you – a boutique coffee roaster – a powdered cappuccino. I mean, they’re rubbish, obviously.’
‘Really, it’s fine.’
Reluctantly, Krystal tipped the packet mix into a mug and poured boiling water into it, stirred it and handed it to Gabby. She made herself a tea with milk and they sat at the dining table, the gerberas standing tall beside them.
‘It’s a great location you’re in,’ Gabby said, making conversation.
‘Thanks. We moved here to be near work.’ Krystal told Gabby how she and Evan had met. ‘He’d been a lawyer but then he had what he called a “clean change”, as opposed to a sea change or tree change, taking a straightforward, honest job doing something he loved.’
‘As a waiter at the restaurant?’ Gabby asked, sipping her drink.
‘No, as a sommelier.’
Gabby choked on her coffee, hurrying to get her mug to the table. She spluttered disconcertingly for a few moments, her eyes watering.
Krystal waited, poised to leap up and slap her on the back if necessary, and imagined what an awful thing it would be to have Gabby die right here in front of her, Evan’s heart failing on the floor at her feet.
‘Sorry,’ Gabby squeaked. ‘That went down the wrong way.’ She gave a final cough and cleared her throat. ‘Well, how wonderful for him that he found something he loved so much.’
‘Yes, it was. He made life as a lawyer sound like a soul-destroying death march through bleak, snow-filled trenches.’
That was why the photo Cordelia-Aurora had chosen for the ‘party’ was so inappropriate. If she’d really understood her brother at all she’d have seen that the true ecstasy he’d felt that day was knowing he’d been released from the prison he was in, not because it had been the pinnacle of his career before he’d thrown it all away on a fanciful job with wine and a girl from the sticks.
‘I think I’ve had a “bean change”,’ Gabby said. ‘Everyone else in my transplant group went off coffee after their operation. They couldn’t even look at it, let alone smell it. But I was the total opposite. Suddenly, I couldn’t get enough of the stuff.’
‘Evan was a bit of a coffee snob, too,’ Krystal said, watching Gabby.
Gabby raised her eyebrows and smiled.
‘So, what should we do now?’
‘Do?’ Gabby toyed with the fob watch on a long gold chain around her neck. Her dangly crescent-moon earrings swung daintily when she cocked her head in query.
‘To … retrieve his memories,’ Krystal said, trying to keep her tone light, though each word stung. She was asking another woman how she could get close to her own husband.
‘Oh.’
‘How does it work?’ Krystal pulled at the loose cotton threads on her ripped jeans. ‘You said that I
had triggered something in you the day you saw me at the cafe. Was it something I did, specifically?’
Gabby looked crestfallen. ‘I have no idea, I’m sorry. Things just happen, without me trying. Or he comes to me in dreams.’
Krystal stiffened.
‘I’m sorry,’ Gabby said, and briefly put her hand on Krystal’s. ‘This must be so difficult for you. I wish I could give you more definitive answers. I really want to help you and I was hoping that perhaps just being here with you, talking to you for a while …’ she trailed off and looked around, ‘… or that if I were in Evan’s home he might make an appearance.’
‘But there’s nothing at all,’ Krystal said, dismally.
‘Not yet,’ Gabby said, sounding hopeful. She pushed her mug away. ‘But, look, this is already crazy enough so I might as well go ahead and say it …’
‘What?’
‘What if I close my eyes and you … talk to me?’
‘As if you were Evan?’
‘Yes.’
Krystal stared at Gabby, not having a clue how to respond. There was no handbook for this.
‘Sorry!’ Gabby held up a hand in apology. ‘That’s super weird, isn’t it?’ She laughed hollowly. ‘Forget it. It’s probably stupid.’
‘No.’ Krystal took a deep breath. She wanted this to be over. She wanted answers from Evan. ‘It’s not stupid. I mean, there’s nothing to lose, right?’ Except perhaps her sanity, dignity and self-respect. ‘It’s the best idea we’ve got right now.’
Gabby smiled gratefully. ‘Okay.’ She settled herself on the chair, closed her eyes and folded her hands in her lap, almost as if in meditation or prayer.
Krystal waited, aware now of the ever-present sound of the ducted air conditioning, the heavy thump of a door closing down the hall and the ting of the elevator a moment later. She wondered how long she’d have to wait for Gabby to do whatever it was she was doing. She chewed on a nail to distract herself.
A moment later: ‘All right,’ Gabby said quietly.
Krystal stopped chewing her nail and dropped her hand to her lap. She studied Gabby’s face. It was calm, her ginger eyelashes resting above her freckled cheeks. Her breathing was gentle. She didn’t look like Evan. Obviously, she didn’t expect that Gabby would disappear and Evan would zoom into her place as though he’d just stepped through a portal or anything. She’d wondered if she would be able to see some sort of shimmer or aura, but there was nothing.
The Gift of Life Page 17