by Alexa Land
“Did you see him last night?”
I grinned broadly, a donut raised partway to my mouth. “I did. He knew I’d need cheering up, so he cooked me a big, carby pasta dinner. And he’d stocked his freezer with every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s for me – literally all of them. We ate ourselves silly, and then we curled up in bed and watched Lord of the Rings. He tried to convince me he speaks Elvish. Thank God he was kidding.”
Jess raised an eyebrow at me. “Wow. I sincerely apologize. If I was this much of a lovesick dork when I first got together with Fernando, then I must have been truly insufferable.”
“You’re still a lovesick dork, Jess, and it’s been years,” I pointed out.
“Ok, maybe. But you’re taking lovesickness to a whole new level, my friend.” She shot me a look then and asked, “So, did he do anything else to cheer you up? Or did you have a strictly G-rated night?”
I grinned and said, “We messed around a bit. But we didn’t have sex again, if that’s what you’re subtly asking.”
“No?”
“He knew I was kind of fragile last night after my family put me through an emotional meat grinder. I could tell he was holding off until I was on a little more of an even keel.”
“It’s good that he’s taking care of you.”
“You like Dmitri, don’t you? Despite yourself.”
She took a sip of coffee, then admitted, “Yeah. And wow, did I not want to. I still don’t trust him. But it’s kind of hard not to like him, especially after seeing the two of you together.”
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?’
“Well, yeah. But what matters is that he really cares about you. It’s totally obvious.”
“So, spill. What did he whisper to you that brought you down from DEFCON One yesterday?”
“He didn’t tell you?” she asked.
“Nope. He said it was a secret.”
“So why do you think I’d tell you?”
I shot her a huge smile. “Because you love me.”
Jess rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t think you can sweet-talk me into telling you, especially if he won’t.” Then she said, “So where are those clothes you bought? And did you save the receipts like I told you to?”
“You’re usually smoother at changing the subject,” I said as I trailed after her into the living room, a donut in one hand and my coffee in the other.
“I really am dying to see what you bought. And these bags better not be full of cargo shorts.” She shot me a look. “Have you ever asked yourself why you wear cargo shorts, by the way? Are you actually assuming that at some point, you’ll need those giant, unflattering pockets to literally carry cargo around with you?”
“No shorts, promise. Here, look.” I set my coffee down and started to reach for one of the bags.
Jess lightly smacked my hand away and said, “Back off, powdered sugar fingers.” She reached for the bag herself and dumped the contents onto the couch, and then said, “Ok. Cautiously optimistic.”
“I did good. Admit it.”
“Maybe.” She dumped out the rest of the bags and started to put outfits together, draping them over every available surface in my living room. Then she stood back and assessed what I’d purchased, and smiled as she said, “Why Jamie, you finally own a pair of big boy pants.”
I laughed at that and finished licking the sugar off my fingers. “Well, you’ve seen Dmitri. He looks that pulled together all the time. I didn’t want to look like his pool boy. Though let’s face it, I’m still not exactly in his league. I mean, even his t-shirts are designer.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. This is awesome.”
“Wow, you’re actually saying nice things about my wardrobe. Alert the media!”
“You’ve put up with my fashion critiques since we were five, and you finally listened. You deserve some praise.”
“Not to burst your bubble,” I said, “but everything you’ve ever said about clothes sounded to me like the adults talking in a Charlie Brown cartoon – wah wa wa wahhh. This is all Justin’s doing.”
“Who’s Justin?”
“The highly enthusiastic sales dude at Stonestown Galleria.”
“Remind me to send him a gift basket,” Jess said, checking the care label on a white polo shirt. “I still can’t believe you willingly went to a mall. I would have paid to see that.”
“That’s why it was the perfect hideout from my family. No one would ever in a million years look for me there.”
“Speaking of your family, do they want to meet Dmitri?”
“Yeah. They’re expecting me to bring him over on Sunday.”
“Are you going to do that?”
I pushed some clothes aside and sunk down on the couch. “I don’t know yet. On one hand, I want them to meet him and see for themselves that he’s a really good guy. But on the other hand, they’re going to be completely awful to him. I mean, my dad’s going to literally interrogate Dmitri. How can I subject him to that?”
Jess looked up from the dark blue dress shirt she was holding and said, “Have you ever actually asked Dmitri if he’s guilty of the things everyone assumes he’s done? If he really does smuggle heroin into the country? Or if he really is in the Russian mafia?”
“No.”
“Why not? Don’t you think there’s even a chance he’s guilty?”
I looked down at my hands, which were fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt. “Ok, the drug thing? There’s no way he’s messed up in something like that. But the mafia…I know who some of his associates are, and what they do. So I guess I do kind of wonder. I know for a fact though that he’d never do anything violent, he’d never hurt anyone. He’s a good person, no matter what he’s tangled up in.”
“So even if he really is a criminal, you don’t care.”
“I love him Jess, plain and simple. I hope to God he really is innocent. But if he’s not, that doesn’t cancel out how I feel about him.”
“What are you going to do about your job?” she asked, moving some clothes aside to sit beside me on the couch. “If you really are dating a felon, your career’s over.”
“Actually, regardless of Dmitri’s guilt or innocence, I think I’m going to leave the force. I was never cut out for police work. You know that the only reason I became a cop was because I couldn’t think of anything else to do when I got out of school. So maybe this is the excuse I needed to quit and figure out what to do with my life.”
Jess nodded. “It was never a great fit for you. But the fact is, you’re part of a cop family. And half the people you know are cops. Even if you quit, there’s still going to be a huge conflict. Your world and Dmitri’s can never really fit together.”
“I know. And that’s ok. I only get a few months with him anyway. He’s getting married, remember? After he’s out of my life, I can patch things up with my family. It’ll be fine.” I cleared my throat as a lump rose up.
Jess pulled me into a hug. “Christ, Jamie, none of this is fine. What the fuck is he doing marrying someone else when he’s–” she stopped talking abruptly.
I pulled back and looked at her. “When he’s what?”
“Obviously crazy about you,” she hedged.
“He’s doing the same thing Charlie was doing. He wants a wife and kids, a straight lifestyle.”
“Think so? Dmitri flaunts the fact that he’s gay. From what I’ve heard about what he does at his club, he couldn’t be more blatant about his sexuality.”
“What have you heard?”
“That he takes different men home every night, sometimes in multiples, right under the nose of his family. Liam’s buddy Scott used to tend bar there, so I heard all about it.” She saw my reaction and said, “Though clearly, that’s not the case anymore. You two have been inseparable since you met, he’s not sleeping around now.”
I considered this for a while, then said, “I kind of wonder what he’s doing with me. I mean obviously, the man could have anyone. Ow!” I yelled as Jess poked me
in the head. “What was that for?”
“For thinking even for a minute that you’re not good enough for him.”
“But Jess, look at him. And look at me.”
“Is that why you bought all these new clothes? Because you’re trying to be good enough for him?” she asked quietly.
“Isn’t it obvious? He’s only three years older than me, but I look like a teenager next to him. I never really cared before how I came across to other people, but now I do. I don’t want to drive Dmitri away by being an unsophisticated clod. I get precious little time with him as it is.”
“Jamie, if I in any way contributed to this lack of self-esteem, I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t, Jess. Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m forever picking on your wardrobe. Which, ok, is atrocious. But that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re an amazing person. You’re sweet and kind and funny and gorgeous. And Dmitri Teplov is one lucky bastard to get to be with you.”
“Oh God,” I said. “Now I feel like you’re staging an intervention, a self-esteem one this time. Everyone I know seems to think I need an ungodly amount of support.”
“We all love you. No one wants to see you get hurt.”
“It’s more than that with my parents. They’re trying to save me from myself. They think I’m too stupid to make good decisions on my own.”
“You know that’s not it. It’s just that no matter how old you get, you’re still their baby. That’s just how parents are. Mine are no different.”
“I guess.”
Jess glanced at her watch and sighed. “Fuck. I have the opening shift at the shop today. I have to get going.”
“Ok, go to work. And for God’s sake, check your phone. You must have twenty messages from Fernando by now,” I said with a grin. “How’s he doing, by the way?”
She stood up and grinned, too. “He’s good. He misses me. And he’s sick of the ducks. I mean –”
“Ah ha!” I yelled, jumping to my feet. “See? They are ducks! And you kept trying to make them out to be something exotic!”
Jess rolled her eyes. “I misspoke. They’re not ducks. They’re just…something like ducks.”
I chuckled gleefully as I followed her to the door.
Once Jess went to work and I was left to my own devices, I began to wonder what the hell I was going to do with this week off. I reached for my phone and texted Dmitri. Hi. I have donuts. Want to come over?
He replied right away. Luring me with fried dough? As if I’d need coaxing to come and see you.
So you’ll come then?
I wish I could. But I’m working, was his answer.
I fidgeted with my phone for a minute, then shot the following message to Dmitri: Are you in the Russian mafia?
So much for assuming his innocence, right? I felt ashamed of myself for asking him that. Dmitri was no criminal. There was no way.
He sent back the following one word answer: Yes.
Chapter Seven
I had known there was a possibility. I’d always known that might be the case. But to see it actually spelled out for me felt like a kick to the gut.
Dmitri really was a criminal. I hadn’t wanted to believe it. But there it was, in black and white.
But how? He was so kind, so gentle. How could he be a ruthless, cold-blooded gangster? Was there some other side to him that I’d totally failed to see, because I was so love-struck?
My phone buzzed and I looked at the screen: But you already knew that, right?
I couldn’t answer him. I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I left my phone on the couch and went and sat on the steps outside my building, gulping fresh air.
Did it change the way I felt about him? Of course not. I loved Dmitri. I’d spend the rest of my life loving him, even after he went off and got married. Right now though, I just needed a minute to come to grips with this revelation.
A horn blared in the street, and I jumped as someone yelled, “Jamie!” My sister Maureen was leaning out the passenger window of our sister Erin’s minivan, waving at me. “We’ll be right there, we just need to find parking!” she yelled, and they pulled away to circle the crowded block.
Oh Christ. Apparently the intervention continued.
A couple minutes later Maureen and Erin came around the corner loaded down with stuff, Maureen’s yippy dog stuffed under her arm, each sister being towed along by one of Erin’s sons. Brody and Brennan were two and three, and complete terrors. I adored them. I smiled happily and went down the sidewalk to meet them, scooping both my nephews in my arms and planting big, sloppy kisses all over them.
“Ew! Quit it, Uncle Jamie!” Brennan yelled, and his brother echoed him. They squirmed wildly and I set them down, and then I grabbed some of the bags my sisters were carrying.
“Are you moving in?” I asked, noting the mountain of totes and shopping bags.
“Of course not. These are just some things for the kids – diaper bag, changing pad, snacks, toys, jackets, change of clothes,” Erin told me as she hung a couple bags off my shoulder.
Maureen adjusted her grip on her squirming dog and told me, “Carol wanted to come too, but she’s working. And you know she can’t miss work, what with Jeff unemployed and all.” Her construction worker husband had been struggling since the economy tanked.
I led the procession to my apartment and quickly scooped up my new clothes, throwing them on my bed and closing the bedroom door. In the two seconds I was gone, my nephews had started jumping on the couch, the dog yipping at them as he raced around the coffee table. I grabbed my phone after it bounced onto the floor and saw that Dmitri had called but hadn’t left a message. I needed to call him back, but right now I had a sister invasion to deal with.
I went into the kitchen and said, “Jess was just here,” as I stuck my phone on top of the fridge, out of nephew range.
“I know,” said Maureen. “She just texted me.”
“Not to sound ungrateful for your visit or anything, but what are you doing here?” I asked. Erin was pulling a couple mugs from the cupboard and pouring herself and Maureen coffee, right at home in my kitchen.
“We’re here to see how you’re doing after Dad tore you a new one yesterday,” Maureen said, tossing her long, strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder and settling on a barstool.
“You could have just called. But since you’re here, have a donut. Jess brought a dozen and then didn’t eat any.” I pushed the pink box toward them.
Erin dove in and Maureen hesitated, saying, “I won’t be able to zip my wedding dress if I eat that.” She eyed the box for a long moment, then said, “So I’ll do an extra Zumba class tomorrow,” and grabbed herself a chocolate cream-filled.
“We’re also here,” Erin said, “because no one could get a word in edgewise yesterday around Dad’s yelling, and we want to hear about this guy you’re seeing. Is he really a gangster?”
“Yup.” I sighed and poured myself a new mug of coffee, wondering where my original cup had gone.
Just then both my nephews raced into the kitchen. As soon as Brennan assessed the situation, he started screaming, “Donuts! We want donuts!”
And Brody echoed, “Nuts! Nuts!”
I laughed at that as Erin dug around in one of her bags. “Here, I brought you squeezie yogurt,” she told them, holding out a couple tubes.
“Nooooo! We want donuts!” Brennan screamed.
Brody was still chanting, “Nuts, nuts, nuts!”
Erin sighed in exasperation and handed both boys a donut, and they ran from the kitchen with delighted shrieks. I shot her a look, and she said, “Oh, don’t judge me. It quieted them down, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, but we’d better talk fast, before the sugar hits their systems and they detonate like tiny atom bombs,” I said.
Erin rolled her eyes, but Maureen, who knew I wasn’t kidding, asked quickly. “So, this guy. Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
; Both women beamed at me, and I felt myself blushing.
But then Erin remembered a key detail and asked, “Even though he’s a criminal?”
“Even though he’s a criminal,” I sighed.
“Well, crap,” Erin said, tucking her short light brown hair behind her ear. “This is even more messed up than your thing with Charlie.”
My eyes went wide. “My what?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Maureen exclaimed.