Rock Stars Don't Like Ugly Bras

by Ashton, Nikki

  “So, you’re not saying goodbye to yours then?” Amber asked still staring through the window, watching the long grass on the verges bend against the April winds. “Did you just leave them without a word?”

  “You have a really low opinion of me don’t you?”

  Amber didn’t answer him, but just stared at him and curled her lip.

  Jake sighed and shook his head. He really didn’t know what he’d done to upset Freckles, but she’d pretty much hated him from the first day that she’d arrived at Luke’s house. He guessed it was his womanising, but Tom was as bad as him and she didn’t treat him with disdain.

  Noah, Luke’s nephew, had gone to work at Luke’s record company to train in music production, so Luke had employed Hugo. When that ended in disaster, he asked Amber to step in. Apparently, she’d been going through a bad time, although Luke didn’t expand on why. He just said it was what she needed and as a trained PA she’d be an asset to the tour. And, she was. She seemed to know what they all needed before they did. Bottles of water appeared out of nowhere during rehearsals. When they appeared for more than one night in a town or city, they usually stayed in a hotel and on those nights, their favourite meals were always delivered to their rooms. Room Service usually knocked within half an hour of arriving, without anyone ever having to order it. Their laundry and dry cleaning were always done without having to ask, somehow she just knew when they all needed new underwear and socks buying and more importantly when Jake and Tom needed more supplies of condoms. The fact that Amber was around was also good for Stacey and Martha. It meant that they could look after their children and enjoy time with their husbands without some of the mundane stresses and strains of life on the road. She’d been a godsend to them all, but a bloody mean and angry godsend as far as Jake was concerned.

  As the gates at the bottom of the drive slowly opened, Amber let a smile touch her lips. She loved living here and despite the fact that Jake was around, she was actually glad to be back and able to sleep in her own bed tonight. At the top of the drive, she spotted Luke gently lifting Rocco’s car seat out of the back of his Range Rover. He’d had it driven over to the hotel so that they could travel home in it, wanting to pick Auntie Lucia up on the way back. She’d been staying with Gabriella, Luke’s sister, for a few weeks while they’d all been on tour. Amber’s heart warmed when she thought of her aunt and Luke, and how good they’d both been to her – Martha too. It had been Luke though who’d given her a job when things had gone sour for her back home. She’d needed to get away, and Auntie Lucia had suggested she stay with them for a while, but Luke had gone one better and offered her a permanent get away. That first day coming here she’d been nervous about what lay ahead. Okay, they were family, but she knew Luke wouldn’t give her an easy ride if she didn’t cut it, but as soon as she walked through the door, her worries ebbed away. Something clicked inside her head that told her she could do this and be good at it. The only fly in the ointment had been finding a bare arsed Jake taking a busty red head against the summer house wall, when she’d gone for a walk in the vast garden to have a look around. He didn’t even notice Amber. As she turned to rush away, she heard him tell the red head that time was almost up and she needed to hurry. He was obviously anxious to move on to his next conquest, Amber thought in disgust. From that moment, Amber decided he was a prick whom she would avoid at all costs, and he’d done nothing at all on tour to change that decision.

  After dinner, Luke and Jake decided to play pool while Martha and Amber cleared the dishes away. Lucia had gone up to her room to unpack and then go to bed as she was feeling tired after some late nights chatting with Gabriella and Dom, her son-in-law,

  “You going to be okay here with Jake?” Martha asked as she passed Amber a plate to dry.

  Amber shrugged. “I’ll have to be. He reckons Tom won’t be back for at least a month and is having his plumbing replaced at the house, so I can’t even ship him off there.”

  “He’s not that bad.” Martha sighed wondering when Amber would actually open her eyes to Jake. They’d be ideal for each other, if only they could both see it. “He’s a real sweetie underneath,” she added.

  “Hmm, if you say so.” Amber leaned against the cupboard and waited for Martha to finish with the dish that the lasagne had been cooked in. “He just irritates me beyond belief.”

  “Well,” Martha said with a smile. “You’ll have to get used to him, because he’s going to be your roomy for the next six weeks; well him and Ernie when Valerie drops him back tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know who’s the bigger dog though, Jake or Ernie.” Amber giggled. She was thankful that at least Martha’s Jack Russell would be around to take for walks and get her away from Jake. “Maybe if I ignore Jake he’ll go away,” she said nudging Martha.

  “Huh, I doubt that Amber, the more you ignore him, the more likely he is to want to hang around you. He’s like an annoying little brother.”

  “Great,” Amber huffed. “I finally get the sibling that I’ve always wanted.”

  “Yep, you do and he just happens to be Jake Hughes,” Martha chuckled as Amber heaved a heavy sigh.

  “So Luke, what is it with that cousin of yours?” Jake asked as he potted the black ball to win their game of pool. “Why can’t she stand the sight of me?”

  Luke laughed as he placed his pool cue back on the table. He moved over towards the sofa and as he passed Jake, slapped him on the back.

  “You don’t exactly endear yourself to her do you? I mean for fuck’s sake Jake, how many women has she actually caught you shagging in the last year?”

  Jake flopped down next to Luke and shook his head. “Well, a lot I suppose. But, she should knock. Anyway, she doesn’t hate Tom and he’s as bad as I am.”

  Luke pondered Jake’s comment and shrugged. “Maybe it’s because Tom doesn’t take the piss out of her at every opportunity.”

  “I don’t,” Jake snapped back at Luke. “It’s just banter, the same thing that I do with everybody.”

  “Yeah, but she obviously doesn’t find you as knicker wettingly funny as the rest of us.” Luke gave Jake a dig in the ribs with his elbow. “So just knock it off.”

  Jake tutted and shook his head. It wasn’t as though he laid it on any thicker with Freckles than he did with anyone else. In fact, she probably got off lightly, because if he was honest with himself, Jake was a little scared of her. She might look like an angel with her long blonde hair, turned up nose and freckles, but she had a smart mouth and an evil temper most of the time.

  “Anyway,” he said turning back to Luke. “What’s her story? She never talks about herself, or what she did before she came here. If I’ve ever asked she just tells me to mind my own business, but using slightly less friendly phrases.”

  Jake wasn’t being nosey, he was simply interested and trying to make conversation, but Freckles wasn’t giving anything up.

  Luke leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “All I can say is she had a shit time and her last job ended badly.” He turned his head towards Jake. “Don’t push her on it Jake, because if you upset her I’ll give you another set of black eyes.”

  Luke’s eyes were dark as he glared at Jake.

  “Christ, you Mahoney’s are nasty bastards when you want to be,” Jake cried as he shrank back from Luke’s gaze.

  “I’m just looking out for my cousin. I promised my Auntie Thelma that she’d be okay here.” Luke’s eyes softened as he placed a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to come across hard, but you know what us Italians are like about family.”

  “Yeah,” Jake said with a nod. “I’m likely to get a fucking horses head in my bed, I get it.”

  Luke began to laugh. “I don’t think so, mate. It’s just that she’s my papa’s brother’s daughter and when Uncle Eamon was dying Papa promised him, he’d look after Amber and Auntie Thelma. So, after Papa died I kinda felt responsible for them.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I get it, I do Luke. More than y
ou know.” Jake ran a hand through his hair, still finding its shortness strange. “I’ll leave her alone and won’t upset her while you’re away.”

  Jake wondered again what on earth Freckle’s problem with him was. He was a nice bloke, and he hated to think that someone couldn’t see that.

  “See that you don’t,” Luke said interrupting Jake’s thoughts. “And don’t even try and make her another one of your conquests. I will not be happy if you do.” Luke pointed a finger at him.

  “Shit Luke,” Jake cried. “She’d have my balls for earrings if I even puckered up near her, so that aint gonna happen.”

  “Yeah well, make sure it doesn’t. Now, let’s go back to the kitchen, because I’m sure I heard Martha say she’d defrosted some of her chocolate and lemon cake.”

  As Jake trailed after Luke he was determined to try and prove to Freckles that he wasn’t the creep she evidently thought that he was, but how, he had no idea.

  Chapter 4

  Amber and Jake had been alone in the house for a whole two hours before their first row broke out. Ernie had been dropped off by Valerie, the local shopkeeper, and he had been farting all day, producing smells so bad that both Amber and Jake were starting to gag.

  “What the hell has she been feeding him?” Jake asked as he staggered onto the patio to get away from the stench. “He stinks worse than that perfume you wear.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jake groaned. “Sorry, that was a joke.”

  It was too late though, Amber had already pulled her usually full, pouty lips into a pencil thin line, and her nostrils were flaring.

  “That happens to be extremely expensive perfume, you dick. But I guess the ladies that you’re used to... oh and I use the term ladies very loosely…” Amber said sharply. “Well, they probably think that a can of body spray that costs over two quid is the height of luxury.”

  Jake sighed and wished he had some sort of filter between his brain and his mouth. “Freckles, I was joking. I don’t mean it. I actually really like your perfume.” This was true. He had noticed Amber’s scent on more than one occasion. It was light and crisp and reminded him of happy summer days – it just didn’t seem appropriate for her mood most of the time.

  “Well, you’ve said it now, so joke or not you’ve upset me,” Amber said. She flounced into the utility room to collect Ernie’s lead from a hook on the wall.

  “Are you taking him for a walk?” Jake asked, leaning against the door frame watching Amber.

  Amber’s hand paused in mid-air. Was he trying to be funny, or was he genuinely stupid? Evidently Amber’s filter wasn’t working either because she formed those exact words out loud.

  “I’m just trying to make fucking conversation,” Jake replied, throwing his hands in the air. “Just give me a break will you?”

  Amber could see that from the fire in Jake’s eyes that he was genuinely aggrieved. “Yes,” she replied with a sigh, “I’m taking him for a walk.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Jake said, a huge grin appearing on his face, his anger quickly forgotten. “It’ll be nice to get some fresh air.”

  Amber swung around to face him. “There’s no need, I can go on my own. I’m quite capable.” She couldn’t think of anything worse that trying to make small talk with Jake while Ernie trotted along, emitting record breaking farts with every step.

  “I know that,” Jake said, his jaw clenching, “but I’d like to come.”

  “And I’d rather go alone.” Amber tightened her grip on Ernie’s lead.

  Jake watched her eyes darken and decided that he didn’t give a damn what Amber Mahoney wanted. He also didn’t care that he’d promised Luke not to wind her up; he was bloody well going for a walk with her whether she liked it or not. It’s the least she deserved for behaving like such a bitch all the time.

  “Tough!” he spat out. “I’m coming.”

  “You take him then.” Amber shoved the lead out towards Jake.

  He crossed his arms and shook his head. “Oh no Freckles, it was your idea. We both go together or not at all and suffer his stinky arse for the rest of the day.”

  Amber huffed and pushed past Jake. “Fine.”

  Jake chuckled to himself, and followed Amber out into the lounge, trying not to watch the sway of her backside in her skinny jeans.

  Outside the air was icy, but not because of the weather, Amber was striding along the country lanes pointedly ignoring Jake. Jake’s long legs meant that he could easily keep up with her without breaking sweat – something else to annoy Amber. She glared at him wondering how he managed to do everything with ease and finesse. God, she thought, he even took the piss out of her without effort; the words and jibes tripped off his tongue like treacle off the back of a hot spoon. She’d also watched him pulling women without exertion too. Many times she had seen he only had to wink at a woman and she was dropping her knickers and throwing them at him. As far as Amber was concerned, he was so infuriating in every way and typical of those men who had everything, and took even more without a care.

  “Hey Freckles, hang on,” Jake called from behind Amber. “I think Ernie needs to do his business, but he’s having a bit of trouble seeing as you’re dragging him along.”

  Amber turned her head as she carried on stalking. Poor Ernie was indeed running along in a stooping position, just waiting for the right moment to park himself and unload whatever monstrosity Valerie had fed him.

  “Oh, sorry Ernie,” Amber said, braking to a halt.

  Within seconds, Ernie had downloaded.

  “What the..?” Jake cried pulling his arm across his nose. “Christ Ernie, that stinks.”

  “Oh my God.” Amber screwed up her face. “That’s horrendous. What the hell did she feed him?”

  “I don’t know,” Jake groaned, “but whatever it was died over a century ago.”

  Amber reached into her jacket pocket and fished out a black ‘poo’ bag. Shaking it open, she flinched as she saw Ernie shift along a couple of feet to deposit even more.

  “Here, let me do it,” Jake said holding his hand out for the bag. “But I think we’ll need more than one.”

  Amber shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll do it.” She took out another bag and stepped towards the first pile that Ernie had left. “Shit!” she cried as the smell invaded her nostrils.

  “Yep, sure is.” Jake laughed. “Seriously Freckles, let me do it. Years of sharing a tour bus with the guys has trained my nostrils for something this heinous.”

  Amber hesitated and looked at Jake. His smile was kind, not mocking, and his eyes were appealing to let him help her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Honestly, it would be my pleasure.” Jake reached out to take a bag from Amber.

  “Thank you,” she said genuinely. “I really don’t think I could do it without puking.”

  “Right,” Jake said, pulling the bag over his hand like a glove. “I’m going in.”

  He pinched his nose with his finger and thumb, while his bagged hand stretched out to scoop up the large and potent pile of poo.

  “Are you okay, Jake?” Amber asked.

  “Hmm, think so,” he grunted. “God Ernie, who knew that you’d have this inside you, eh?”

  Amber giggled as Ernie let out a little bark in response. Jake’s head shot up at the sound of Amber’s tinkling laughter, and he gave her a wide grin. Amber’s eyes met Jake’s, and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. She also couldn’t help but admit that he was gorgeous as his blue eyes glinted like precious aquamarine jewels. He winked at her, his long, dark blonde lashes sweeping down seductively, almost in slow motion. Amber felt an extra pump in her heart and quickly looked away. She could kick herself; she’d let her guard down for a few seconds and he’d pulled out his secret weapons – a smile and a wink. Bastard!

  “Right,” Jake said as he tied up the second bag. “Let’s hope that’s the last of it.” He stooped down and scratched Ernie’s head. “That must have been awful little fella, car
rying that around all day. No wonder you were practically killing us with the smell.” He stretched back up and smiled at Amber. “Okay, let’s go and find a bin.”

  They carried on walking for another twenty minutes, and the whole time Jake had to carry the two bags of poop as no bins were in sight.

  Finally, after having made a full circle of the village, they approached the village shop. Jake started to laugh.

  “Hey, Freckles, what do you reckon we leave this for Valerie, seeing as she was the one who created it?” Jake started to walk towards the shop.

  “Jake, no! We can’t do that,” she cried, following Jake and dragging Ernie behind her.

  “I’m not going to post it through the letter box or anything,” Jake laughed. “No, I’m going to leave it on the step with a note. You got a pen in that bag of yours?”

  Despite not being sure whether they should leave Ernie’s deposits with Valerie, Amber searched through her messenger bag. Finally, she pulled out a pen and some post-it notes. Getting into the swing of the joke, she also produced a pink bow.

  “Here, put this on them as well.” She handed everything to Jake.

  “Why do you have a pink bow in your bag?” Jake asked with a smirk. “I know you women carry something for all occasions, but a bow?”

  Amber smiled. “It was off the top of a box of chocolates and it’s pretty. I thought I might use it on a present or something.”

  Jake laughed. “And that’s exactly what you’re doing,” he said. He quickly scribbled a message on a post-it, and then tied the two bags together with the bow before fixing the note to them.

  “What did you put?” Amber asked, looking over Jake’s shoulder and breathing in the musky smell of his aftershave.

  Jake lifted the note for Amber to read.