“Oh shit,” Amber groaned. “So what I said would’ve really hurt him.”
“I think it probably did,” Martha sighed. “Where is he now?”
“I’ve no idea.” Amber bit at her thumbnail feeling worse than ever. “I wanted to apologise to him and ask him to forgive me.”
“Why, because you feel bad, or because you do want to make a go of things with him?” Martha asked, direct and to the point as usual.
Amber hesitated, not because she wasn’t sure, but because she was still a little scared about voicing her feelings for Jake.
“Both,” she finally said. “I really misjudged him, Martha. He’s so kind and thoughtful and actually really funny. And I honestly wasn’t thinking when I said he’d just been nice to get me into bed. He didn’t even try.”
“Well, tell him that then.”
“I will tell him, when he gets home.” Amber replied gloomily.
“Tell me what?”
Amber spun around to see Jake standing in the doorway. He looked slightly green and his eyes were bloodshot. In fact, he looked terrible, not exactly the sexy rock star that his fans would recognise.
“Martha, Jake’s home. I’d better go,” Amber said, and hung up the phone.
She stood up and walked warily across the room towards him. “Where’ve you been?” she asked. “I’ve been worried about you. I sent you a text.”
“I’ve been over at the house, trying to sort out a problem with the electrician and my phone ran out of battery while I was there.” Jake bent down and fussed over Ernie, who had just come through the dog flap from the garden. “Hey, there Ernie.” Ernie gave Jake a lick and then trotted off to his basket for a nap.
Amber moved a step closer and immediately the smell of alcohol invaded her nostrils. “Blimey Jake, you stink. Did you spend the night under a bridge drinking white cider?”
“Gee thanks, but a full bottle of whiskey on an empty stomach kind of does that to you,” Jake muttered as he ran a hand down his face. “What were you going to tell me anyway?”
Amber looked down at her feet and took a deep breath. She wiped her clammy hands on her jeans, nervous at his reaction and hoping that he would accept her apology.
“I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday.” She looked up at him and gave a small smile. “I really didn’t mean it. I was being a total idiot.”
“Over what?” Jake asked as he leant against the doorframe for support as a wave of nausea swept over him. “Accusing me of play acting to get you into bed, or of saying I’d used a sob story for the exact same purpose?”
“For both. I know you weren’t just playing with me, and I know it must’ve taken a lot to talk about your mum.” Amber reached forward and placed her hand on Jake’s bicep, relishing the feel of his taught muscle under her fingertips. “I don’t think it was a sob story. It’s terribly sad and I can’t believe how together you are about it all.”
Jake looked down at Amber’s hand and then back to her face. “You need to talk to me, Freckles,” he replied moving over to the sofa and dropping down on it.
Amber’s heart stuttered at him calling her Freckles. Yesterday when he’d been angry she’d been Amber. She followed Jake and sat down next to him. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes; Jake with his head in his hands, and Amber watching him closely. Finally, Jake lifted his head and looked at Amber.
“So, go on talk.”
Amber wasn’t sure what he wanted her to talk about, but guessed it was her reaction yesterday. “I got everything out of proportion and reacted badly…”
“Yeah, I know that,” Jake said interrupting her. “But what I want to know is why? Who hurt you so badly that you can’t trust my feelings for you?”
“What makes you think someone did?” Amber looked away from Jake’s searching eyes, not wanting him to see the hurt that was in her own.
“Because despite what you may think, I’m not such a caveman that I don’t understand emotions. Anyway, Luke said that you’d had a bad time and needed a new start, so add that to your blow out yesterday and even a piss taking guitarist can figure it out.” Jake folded his arms firmly across his chest, so that Amber was under no illusion that he wanted the truth.
Amber took in Jake’s determined stare and knew that it was now or never. She really should tell him what had happened; she had to if they were ever going to move forward. Hugging a cushion to her chest, Amber took in a deep breath and started to talk.
“It was my boss,” she almost whispered. “We were in a relationship and I thought it was all going to end happily ever after.”
Amber paused, but Jake remained silent, nodding for her to continue.
“He told me he loved me, and wanted to marry me. We were going to do it all, a nice house, some kids, the lot.” Amber’s eyes fluttered with emotion as her memory wandered back to one of the worst times in her life.
“But it didn’t work out like that?” Jake took Amber’s hand and linked their fingers together. The moment that she’d opened her mouth, he saw the pain in her eyes and knew that being angry with her wouldn’t help her talk. She needed him to show her some tenderness and support.
Amber shook her head. “No, it didn’t. He failed to tell me was that he was already married.”
“Shit,” Jake hissed.
“Yes, how thick was I? I was his bloody P.A. and had no idea that he had a wife. That probably makes me the worse P.A. in the world, right?” Amber gave an empty laugh and marvelled at her own stupidity.
“How on earth did he manage to keep that little gem a secret?” Jake asked incredulously.
Amber shrugged. “She lives in Scotland and apparently usually only contacted him on his mobile.”
Jake puffed out his cheeks. “Did you not wonder where he was when he went home?”
“I thought that he was on business. We worked for Blake & Harrington, the acquisitions company, so he’d have meetings all over the world and at any time, and it appears that he always took her with him. Or he’d tell me that he’d be away longer than he actually was, and then go home to Scotland for a few days. I should’ve realised; who the hell doesn’t take their P.A. on a business trip?” Amber’s face coloured. When she said it aloud, it sounded ridiculous even to her, but she honestly had no idea. “He was always flying off somewhere. I’d book his flight, but he’d telephone the airline and change it or book another seat for her.” Amber laughed softly pushing the cushion that she’d been hugging to one side. “We even moved into an apartment together three weeks before I found out.”
“How did you find out?” Jake asked squeezing Amber’s fingers gently.
“One day he was in a meeting so his phone was on silent and his wife had been taken into hospital, so a neighbour rang the office and obviously as his P.A. I took the call.”
“And no one at the company ever told you?”
“No, we never socialised with anyone from the office, in fact I hardly ever spoke to anyone else other than the Managing Director’s P.A., and that was always about work.” Amber’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as she gave Jake a small smile. “I have no idea how he managed it, but I didn’t get one clue in the whole year that we were together.”
Jake ran a finger down Amber’s cheek. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighed. His heart constricted at the thought of the pain she must have endured.
Amber shook her head. “Don’t feel sorry for me Jake, it’s his wife who needs the pity. As soon as I put the call through to him I packed up my desk and left.”
“What, you didn’t talk to him about it?” Jake studied Amber’s face, his brow furrowed. “I can’t imagine you not taking the opportunity to take his balls and shove them somewhere that would bring a tear to his eye.”
Amber laughed quietly. “I was a coward, and believe it or not I hate confrontation.”
Jake couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry but I believe it - not,” he said.
Amber smiled. “Well, I don’t. Anyway, I knew it was true, I just didn�
�t want to hear the words coming from his mouth.”
“Yeah, but not to even speak to him, seriously it’s just not like you Freckles.” Jake reached up and caught a strand of Amber’s hair in his fingers. “You can’t wait to confront me at any opportunity.”
“Maybe I’ve changed,” Amber said, her voice almost a whisper. “Anyway, I did speak to him in the end, but wish I hadn’t.”
“What happened?”
“Oh, he came straight to the apartment and begged me not to leave. He said he’d leave her so that we could be together, and stupidly I fell for it. I should have known though what sort of man he was. His wife was in the hospital, but he didn’t go to her, the first thing he did was to try and calm down his bit on the side; probably in case I caused trouble for him at work. What sort of person would do that rather than go straight to their sick wife?”
“A shit, pissant, knob head by the sounds of it,” Jake huffed. “So what changed?”
Amber took in a deep breath, not sure whether she could carry on, but knew that she had to. “It was after he’d persuaded me to stay that I told him that I was pregnant. Now, that’s when I truly saw him for what he was,” she said with a humourless laugh.
“Oh my god, you were pregnant. Shit, Freckles.”
“Well your reaction was better than his,” Amber replied.
“He didn’t take it well,” Jake said more as a statement than a question.
“No, he didn’t. He told me that I was stupid to let it happen and that I had to get rid of it.”
Amber felt Jake’s fingers gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. She hadn’t realised that she was crying until she’d felt his touch. She’d held everything in for so long that she’d almost begun to think it was a dream, but now actually telling someone brought it all back. The pain and the anger were suddenly very real again.
“God, Freckles, I’m so sorry,” Jake said as he pulled Amber to him and gently stroked her hair. “What did you do, when he said that?”
“Well, then I did leave him,” she whispered as she looked up at Jake through her wet lashes. “I took nothing with me except a few photos of mum and dad and some clothes. He was welcome to everything else.”
Jake heaved a sigh and hugged Amber tightly to his chest. “What happened about the baby?” he asked, his voice tender and gentle.
Amber pulled in a shuddering breath and felt the grief wash over her again. As raw as though it were yesterday.
“I lost her Jake,” she sobbed. “I had her growing inside me for almost twenty weeks but when I went for a scan, there was no heartbeat.” Amber’s chin trembled as she looked up at Jake.
“Oh Freckles, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Jake said, though he knew it wasn’t enough. How could he possibly make her feel better about something so tragic with a few words? As Amber cried in his arms, Jake gently rocked her, whispering soothingly into her ear and kissing her hair. He didn’t want to let her go. All he wanted to do was prove to her that he was the sort of man that she could trust.
After a while, Amber’s sobs lessened and she looked up at Jake with red rimmed eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Amber said. “I think I’ve got snot all down your t-shirt.”
Jake looked down at his ancient, faded Rolling Stones tour t-shirt and laughed. “Well, that’ll please Skins. He hates this t-shirt, he can’t stand the Stones.”
“Ooh controversial,” Amber joked with a sniff, as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“I know, I usually only wear it to piss him off.” Jake lifted up the hem of the t-shirt and used it to wipe Amber’s nose and eyes. “There, is that better?”
Amber nodded. “Thank you, Jake. I’m so sorry for doubting you.”
Jake pulled Amber back to his chest and kissed the top of her head. “Listen, you need to know that I really, really like you, and despite my clumsy words I wasn’t pulling any moves.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“Everything that I say, or do, I mean. Even when I come out with crap, I usually mean it, apart from when I tell you I’ve used my best moves obviously,” Jake said jokingly. “I just haven’t figured out that thing that normal people do. You know, where you think before you speak?” He pushed Amber’s hair from her tear stained face with both his hands and smiled at her. “So, do you want to do this relationship thing?”
Amber nodded dropping her head against his chest. “Yes, I really do. It just happened a little quickly, going from being annoyed by you constantly, to finding out you’re actually very adorable and sweet.”
Jake pulled a face. “Ooh, adorable and sweet. I’m not sure that befits my status as a guitar legend.”
Amber giggled and kissed him gently. “Sorry, but you are.”
Jake cocked his head to one side and grinned. “Okay, I’ll take it. Sexy and manly would’ve been better, but adorable and sweet works for me.”
“Oh, you’re those as well,” Amber replied earnestly.
“As a matter of interest though, Freckles, why did I annoy you so much?”
Amber started to laugh. “You really don’t know?”
“Me, what do I ever do that is so annoying?” he asked, giving her waist a tickle. .
“That for a start,” Amber cried, pushing his hands away. “As well as your crude jokes, innuendos, and general piss taking.”
“All pretty endearing things if you ask me,” Jake replied with a wink.
Amber cupped Jake’s face and sighed as she gazed into his bright blue eyes. “I guess the biggest thing though was the women. I thought that you were like him, Daniel, my boss.”
Jake frowned. “I would never do what he did, and I may have had a lot of women but I’ve never disrespected any of them. Not even the groupies in the early days.”
Amber wondered how anyone could respect a woman who threw their knickers at you for a quick bout of hot, sweaty sex, but decided not to voice her thoughts for once. However, Jake had asked her a question, and she knew that she needed to answer it, honestly.
“Do you know when the first time I met you was?” Amber asked.
“Yeah, here in this house, just before the tour. I walked in and you pretty much hated me on sight.” Jake smiled, but he still wondered what he’d done to receive such hostility from her.
“Yes, and no. I saw you in the garden. You were having sex with a red head against the summer house.”
Jake pulled his head back and stared at Amber intently. Then light dawned. “Oh, Sadie.”
“I guess so,” Amber replied. “But what annoyed me was that I heard you tell her that her time was up and to hurry, and you didn’t even invite the poor girl in afterwards.”
Jake’s shoulder’s shook and his laughter filled the room.
“It’s not funny, Jake,” Amber protested poking him in his side. “That’s not really respecting someone, is it?”
“Oh Freckles, why didn’t you say something before?” He shook his head at Amber and pulled her into his chest. “We might’ve moved to third base by now if you had.”
“Eh?” Her response was muffled as Jake was holding her so tightly.
“Oh sorry.” Jake released Amber and held her away from him so that he could look into her eyes. He wanted her to see deep inside him, and to know that he really wasn’t that sort of man. “Sadie likes to role play. That day she was the lady of the house, and I was a gardener. We were pretending that her husband was on his way home and so we didn’t have long. Which was why I told her to hurry up.”
“Oh.” Amber looked up at Jake warily. “But why didn’t you invite her in?”
“Because she was actually on her way home when she dragged me down the garden. Sadie and I have been friends for a long time, years in fact. She’s the drummer in a band that supported us on a tour about seven years ago.”
Amber’s breath caught in her throat. “Are you still friends?” she asked quietly.
“Yes, we are. But,” he continued as Amber moved her gaze away f
rom him, “we won’t be intimate friends again. Not while I’m with you, okay?”
“Okay,” Amber whispered.
Jake pulled her closer to him, enjoying the feel of her cuddling against his chest. He was glad that they’d figured everything out because now he felt that they could move forward into that scary thing called a relationship.
“Just one thing though,” he said, suddenly perplexed. “Why didn’t you hate Tom? He’s had loads of women on the tour too.”
Amber shrugged against Jake’s chest. “I don’t know. I know I told you I thought he was handsome and sexy, but he doesn’t make me feel all hot and bothered.”
“What and I do?” Jake’s grin lit up his face. “Shit Freckles, you’d have never have guessed it the way you were always bawling me out.”
“It was very deep rooted, believe me,” Amber said with a grin. “However, much as I hated myself for it, I always thought that you were hot. Hot and irritating.”
Jake laughed. “I can understand your feelings,” he replied airily. “Some women think Tom’s dark, brooding eyes, and black hair are attractive, but I think that blondes with blue eyes are definitely the prettiest.”
Amber started to giggle. She suddenly felt a lot lighter having told Jake. Finally, she’d shared her pain with someone else - only her mum knew about the baby, she hadn’t even told Luke.
They sat in a relaxed silence for a few minutes until Jake shifted towards her and dropped a kiss onto her nose. .
“Okay Freckles,” he said, “you sit here and I’ll go and make us some lunch. I think even I can manage a sandwich.”
Just at that moment Jake’s phone started to ring. He took it from his pocket and glanced at the display with a frown.
“You get that,” Amber said, pushing herself up from the sofa. “I’ll make lunch.”
Jake shook his head and rejected the call. “Not a chance, I’ll call them back. Today your boyfriend is going to wait on you. Is that okay?”
Amber’s breath caught in her throat as Jake’s words sunk in.
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