Designing Hearts

  Joel chuckled. “Whatever you do to our house, please don’t enhance fertility.”

  Chapter Nine

  At nine o’clock the next morning, Jill rang the doorbell of Joel and Diana Foster’s home, an older two-story fieldstone house situated about a mile off a winding, wooded road. A dog’s rumbling bark announced Jill’s arrival. Joel appeared at the door, carrying a blonde, wispy-haired cherub, thumb planted firmly in her mouth. She was wearing pink footie pajamas with a grape juice stain on the front.

  “Jill, please come in. This is Zoe.”

  Jill smiled at Zoe, who had her father’s remarkable teal eyes. The sober, mature expression on her baby face didn’t change as Jill touched her soft, dimpled fingers. But then Zoe hid her face in Joel’s shirt, glanced back at Jill, and smiled playfully. “Peek-a-boo,” Jill said, laughing.

  “And this is Jack, our dog.” Jack was a smelly chocolate Labrador with matted fur.

  “Animals are a wonderful part of a healthy home,” Jill said, avoiding Jack’s drooling mouth as she followed Joel inside. “They keep energy moving throughout the house.” She resisted the temptation to make another comment about the importance of keeping an animal well-groomed, since it was obvious that Zoe was enough of a challenge.

  Joel put Zoe down, and she took off, toddling into another room. “Look, if you just tell me what to do, I’ll do it. I don’t know much about feng shui. I’m a physicist—materials science, actually—but I’ve started to read about research going on in the science of mind.”

  “What have you been reading?”

  “Well, this stuff isn’t new, I guess, but there are actually experiments going on around the world. Scientists are trying to explain things that people have been trying to figure out for centuries—why prayer seems to work, for one thing. It all seems to point in the same direction—that thoughts have the power to create through energy. What we believe actually can become real through focus and the power of our emotions. Diana believes she’s getting well. After what you and I talked about last night, I’m thinking that maybe I’m the one who needs feng shui. I need to change my thoughts so they can be stronger on her behalf.”

  “That’s certainly the right attitude,” Jill agreed. “The success of feng shui depends on the intention of the person making the changes. I think it’s important that you try as hard as you can to believe that the love you feel for Diana and how much you want her healthy again can, in fact, make a positive difference. Believe for Diana and for Zoe.”

  Jill turned and her eyes widened as Zoe returned, carrying a round, clear sack in her arm and a security blanket over her shoulder. “Is that what I think it is?”

  Joel sprang forward in an attempt to dislodge the object from Zoe’s hand. “It’s her mother’s prosthesis. Diana was nursing Zoe one evening, right after she was born, when she found the first lump. Her doctor ordered an immediate biopsy, and we learned it was stage four cancer. Obviously, breastfeeding had to be stopped, and Diana lost her right breast. One night, Zoe reached for the prosthesis while Diana was reading to her, and Diana just gave it to her to hold. Now, Zoe is fascinated by her mom’s fake boob.” He wrestled it away from Zoe and placed it on top of a bookshelf, handing her another toy as a diversionary tactic.

  He shrugged and offered a half smile, but only succeeded in looking young, vulnerable, and scared. “I don’t know whether it’s a good idea or not to let her hold that thing all the time, but since there aren’t any rules for how to help a baby when she can’t have her mother, I try to let go of judgment about what’s good or bad.”

  Jill had never experienced tragedy on this scale. Her heart ached for the frightened father who was helpless to protect his wife, the sick young mother who might not live to see her baby daughter grow up, and the confused toddler who had literally lost her place at her mother’s breast. Jill’s eyes fell on a photo on the bookshelf of Diana, a stunning young woman with blonde hair the color of corn silk, a smile worthy of a toothpaste ad, and deep dimples. She looked carefree—a woman in the peak of good health, her entire future ahead of her.

  “See that photo?” She pointed to it. “That’s the Diana we’re working for.”

  She pulled out a chart with some ideas for the health area of the bagua. “This curving staircase is a problem, so let’s concentrate on fixing that.”

  “What’s so bad about a curving staircase? I thought it was the fact that it’s made of wood that we needed to fix.”

  “Do you remember when we talked about chi in class? Chi is energy, and energy needs to move freely. Chi doesn’t move as well in a spiral situation. This staircase isn’t exactly a spiral, but the energy could lose its force as it turns up and around. The first thing we can do is hang a mirror on the wall near where the staircase turns to redirect chi. The other problem is that there is so much wood in this area, and wood uproots earth. The earth element is what we want to enhance, along with fire.”

  Jill slowly turned around as she surveyed the entire area, frowning slightly. “Let’s get that big snake plant out of this area by the stairs. A few small leafy plants won’t hurt anything, but we don’t want a lot of green in this area, since they represent trees and wood, and certainly not a spiky green plant this large. The clay pot is beautiful, but I’d put that snake plant with its sword-like leaves in the reputation area of the house instead. If anyone messes with you, that warrior plant will take care of them!”

  “I like that.” Joel grinned.

  Jill walked around assessing the health area and taking notes. She thought about ways to keep the energy in the circular wooden stairway from interfering with the energy balance. “Fire warms up the health area. We need to introduce some red in here, but I want it to be beautiful and enhance the décor, not stick out like a fire hydrant.”

  Joel stood nearby, biting his lower lip. “Maybe you can suggest something we can buy when Diana is feeling better. I don’t trust myself to pick things without her.”

  Jill paused. “The color on the walls is ‘sand dunes,’ am I right? It’s nice and earthy, and it looks great in an area like this. It’s a nice color choice because there are so many other colors you can coordinate with it.”

  Joel nodded. “You know your paint colors.”

  Jill walked around the room, her finger resting against her chin. “It would be nice to have the fireplace in this area, but it’s not really close enough to help, so let’s think of another way to introduce more red into the health area. As a designer, I prefer not to fix problems using symbols if I can enhance the area with a feature that actually adds value to the home.”

  She went to her briefcase and pulled out a fan of carpet samples. “We’re obviously not going to paint the stairway red. But I have something you could add to the stairs that not only would be a strong fire element, but also aesthetically pleasing. Would you consider an oriental runner for these stairs in a rich burgundy?”

  Joel shrugged. “I guess so. I’m not very good at visualizing stuff. Diana is the creative one.”

  “The pattern I have in mind also hides dirt well and cleans up easily with a vacuum. That’s a big deal when you have small children.” She showed Joel a sample of what she had in mind. “I’m going to leave this for you to share with Diana. If she doesn’t like the idea or you’d rather not make a decision now, we’ll figure out something else.”

  Joel dropped a pair of Zoe’s shoes and some books on steps already littered with Fisher Price toys, a laundry basket, and a pile of athletic shoes. “Sorry about the mess,” he said. “I can’t seem to keep things straightened up.”

  “Just do the best you can to keep this area in good order,” Jill advised. “It’s important to keep these stairs clean and free of clutter. Oh, and avoid decorating with anything green in this area. Green is wood, and wood uproots earth. If you want another decorative item, select a painting for the wall in the stairwell—something with mountains, I think. Peaks or points are important in the health area. Mountains are an earth symbol.�
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  Joel wearily rubbed a day’s growth of stubble on his chin. He looked confused and overwhelmed. “I doubt I could pick anything suitable. I might need you to point me in the right direction.”

  Jill smiled. “I think we’ve got you covered on anything you need,” she said, pulling out her tape measure. “For now, let me measure the area on these stairs and see how much runner is needed.” She measured carefully, tapping numbers into her phone.

  “Actually, there is enough of this pattern left over from another project that I’m sure I’ll have what you’ll need,” she said. “And I know someone who can do the installation for free.” She winked. “If you help me, that is.”

  “Helping out is the least I can do. Thank you, Jill. The Oriental runner is a nice idea,” Joel said. “I’ll pick up Diana in a little while and tell her what you said. Frankly, I don’t think she’ll care one way or another. She feels terrible after chemo. She’ll probably say, ‘Just do it.’ ”

  “It’s very important that she’s happy with whatever you decide, so please wait until she feels better so she can be clear-headed about the decision. I’ll leave this sample for you to show her.”

  Joel picked up Zoe, who was beginning to fuss. “I wish I had as much faith as you do in something as simple as moving things around to change a bad situation,” he said. “I’ve always put my entire faith in science. We thought the surgery would get all the cancer, but it showed up in her other breast. None of the treatments have worked so far, and she got depressed when she lost her hair. That’s when I got really scared for her; I thought she’d give up. No matter what happens, everything just seems to get worse, and yet, she still believes she’ll recover.”

  Jill placed her hand on his arm and squeezed it. “It means so much that you support her, and that you’re here with Zoe when Diana can’t be.”

  Joel’s face darkened. “Every time she starts another round of chemo, I get angry at what she has to go through. I’m not sure I’d have her courage if the situation were reversed.” He shook his head. “This feng shui … well, Diana is a big believer in the power of her mind to heal her body. I guess I’m not as comfortable with what I can’t explain.”

  He shifted Zoe to the other side and kissed her rosy cheek. “I’m willing to try anything, believe anything, if it helps Diana. Zoe needs her, and so do I.”

  “I’ll hold all of you close in my thoughts. Zoe, be a good girl for your daddy,” she said stroking the baby’s chubby cheek. Zoe flashed another mischievous, toothy grin and hid her face against Joel’s chest.

  “Thank you,” Joel said wearily. “I’m glad I decided to take your class. I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.” The tension in his jaw had lessened somewhat, but Jill could still see the despair in his face—the deepening lines of tension and the striking eyes dulled by exhaustion and shaded by dark circles.

  “I’m happy to help. Give me a call or let me know next week in class what you want to do about the carpet runner. This will be an easy fix; I promise.”

  She got into her car and backed out of the driveway. As she looked into her rearview mirror, she saw Joel standing with Zoe, cradling her head against his chest. She thought of Zoe carrying around the soft plastic prosthesis next to her heart and swallowed hard.

  “This just has to work,” she said as she drove back to the office, forgetting for the first time in ages about her own problems.

  After working late that day, Jill parked her car in the garage and entered the house through the kitchen. The house was silent, except for the tick-tock of the grandfather clock in the hallway. The kitchen still smelled faintly of stale breakfast coffee and toast. She rummaged through the refrigerator and found a wedge of sharp white-cheddar cheese that she paired with Triscuits and a bunch of red grapes.

  Then she poured a glass of chardonnay and took her snack to the den, where she turned on an episode of House Calls, a show that helped homeowners improve the look and value of their homes. She wondered if the producers of Home and Hearth Television would ever consider a show that taught people the principles of feng shui. As the idea took root, she resolved to give it more thought. Now that she no longer feared public speaking as much, she thought it might even be fun.

  The phone rang and Jill leaned over to pick it up. “Hello?” she asked absently.

  “Jill, it’s me,” David said impatiently. “I’ve been calling for hours. Check the machine.”

  “Oh, hi,” she said and popped a grape into her mouth. “I just got home. Things have been extra busy since I started teaching this class.”

  “Well, I guess that’s good,” David said in an offhand way. “You asked where to send mail. I’m staying at an apartment in Manhattan near the studio. Can you take down the address?”

  Jill pulled out a pencil and pad of paper. “Go ahead.” She wrote down the address David gave her, wondering whether he was staying with someone else, and if that someone was a woman.

  “I’ll probably be there for a while, until we decide on the next step. I mean, whether I come home or … you know.”

  Jill swallowed. There was an awkward moment of silence. “David, now that we’re legally separated, I know the house is an issue. We can work out the details. I’m not planning to do anything with it until I get used to all the changes in my life.”

  “So you’re still just as angry.” David let out a long sigh.

  “I don’t feel as angry anymore, no, but the past couple of weeks have convinced me that I want to look toward the future.”

  “And when you look there, you don’t see a future with me.”

  “I can’t imagine that right now, no.”

  “It hasn’t been but a few weeks since this all happened, Jill. Of course you have a right to lick your wounds.”

  Jill sat up straighter, instantly incensed. “ ‘Lick my wounds’? I’m not a cat, David. And, actually, it was an entire year that you were involved with someone else, not just a few weeks. You hurt me, and I’ll probably never understand why. Was it just sex? Because you know, David, you’ve never told me why. If it was just about sex, I’m really confused because in my memory, there was never a shortage of that between us.”

  “I wish I could change what happened. You have no idea how much.” There was a long silence. “Let me know what you decide,” he said and hung up.

  She stared at the receiver, shaking her head. He still could not tell her what happened or why. Reaching into the drawer in the coffee table, she pulled out a stack of old photos. She shuffled through them until she found one of David and the boys taken on vacation fifteen years ago at Block Island off the coast of Rhode Island, one of her favorite places. As she remembered the good times they’d had together as a couple and with their sons, she was nostalgic, but not quite as sad. There was peace in the certainty that she had loved David and given him the best she had to offer. It was important to remember now that without David, she wouldn’t have Liam and Finn.

  After all the tears she had shed over the past few weeks, she was beginning to realize that she had arrived at a place that felt suspiciously like acceptance. She also had come to the conclusion that she couldn’t go back to life with David knowing, as she did now, that he could so easily break her trust. Even worse, their entire life over the past year had been built on a deception. David’s inability to apologize spoke to a deeper truth about his character. Was he sorry for what he had done? She believed that if he was, it was only because he had been caught.

  Although she had never pictured herself as a divorced woman, she began to feel hopeful that in time, she’d come to fully embrace this new beginning. The next several months wouldn’t be easy—of that she was quite sure. But it was possible, she was sure, to create a new life with family, friends, the design work she loved, and her new vocation teaching feng shui. Maybe she’d even fall in love and marry again. Did a middle-aged bride take her vows with the same starry-eyed enthusiasm to love, honor, and cherish?

  With a sigh, she had to admi
t she was grateful that she could still think of a man in a romantic way. Not surprisingly, her thoughts turned to Denny MacBride. She had never known a true Scotsman before, and this one was definitely intriguing. Nevertheless, the idea of dating anyone at this age seemed daunting. Although she’d had other boyfriends, David had been her only lover, and she wasn’t even sure what to expect with another man. She thought of Denny’s warm smile and those laughing brown eyes and looked forward to seeing him.

  “Life goes on,” she said, and raised both eyebrows in surprise at the sheer novelty of the idea. For the first night in weeks, she wiggled her toes over to David’s side of the bed, resolving to begin looking for new furniture to replace the bedroom furniture she had kept all these years for reasons of sentimentality rather than style.

  Ordering new furniture tomorrow would be the first step in her new life.

  Chapter Ten

  Before she left for class the following week, Jill was delighted when Joel called to say that Diana loved the idea of the carpet runner for the stairway in their home. “She thinks it’s worth doing. She said she’s glad the western world is starting to embrace things like acupuncture and feng shui that the Chinese have practiced for thousands of years.”

  “I totally agree. How’s she doing?” Jill leaned against the kitchen counter, listening intently.

  “Not good,” he admitted. “She’s struggling to keep anything down, even chicken broth, and she’s attached to an IV. The visiting nurse stops in twice a day, and her mother is here helping out with Zoe. Obviously, given the situation, I won’t be in class tonight. You probably won’t see me again until Diana feels better.”

  “Please give her my best wishes, and take good care of yourself, too. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help. Is it okay if I give the rest of the class an update?”