Designing Hearts

  The fame and reputation square of the bagua was the subject of the next feng shui class, a subject that Jill expected to result in a lively discussion. This area was located in the center of the top three squares of the bagua between prosperity and love and relationships. She planned to highlight Chris and his desire for a career as a singer/songwriter. She had asked him to bring a video of his performance on Stars so that the class could help him envision his next big move. His classmates were so enthused, in fact, that they were already planning a group outing on Saturday to hear him perform at a club.

  “This is the area of the home you want to improve if you want to build your business, gain self-confidence before embarking on a new career, and protect or enhance your career and reputation,” she told her students, who sat in a semicircle around the television.

  Jill popped Chris’s DVD into the machine and hit play. “If you want to become well-known for what you do, like Chris, the fame and reputation square is an easy way to get respect.”

  They watched in fascination as the host introduced Chris, and he stepped forward to sing his own arrangement of an Elton John song, “Harmony.” Chris’s tenor-baritone voice and singing style evoked a different kind of soulful feeling to the rock and roll classic. Jill felt her chest swell with pride as she watched Chris sing.

  “This is where I blow it,” he warned them with a grimace. “Watch how I turn and run like a deer in the headlights. I should’ve stepped forward, bowed to the audience, and then stood in front of the judges to get my scores. Instead, I turned to get the heck off stage before realizing I hadn’t yet heard what the judges had to say.” His face reddened at the memory.

  They watched as Chris finished the song, bowed, and took off stage right. The host called him back for the judges’ comments, which were mostly positive regarding his choice of music and performance. It was an awkward moment, but completely understandable and not nearly as bad as he described it.

  “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You were great, and anyone would be nervous being judged by anyone as harsh as that one woman,” Jill said. “She’s way too tough on people.”

  “I knew the song well, and it was perfect for my range. I think I clutched because I was afraid she’d pick apart my performance,” Chris said.

  “Jill’s right. That woman slams everyone,” Pam said. “That’s just what she does. It’s only natural that you’d worry. But her comments weren’t that bad, and everyone else thought your song was great.”

  “A little self-confidence can go a long way,” Jill said reassuringly. “We need to be able to see ourselves as others see us. So now, let’s look at the elements and important shapes and colors for fame and reputation. They include fire, wood, lights of any kind, the color red, triangles and rectangles, plants of any kind, and photos or symbols representing what you want to become or how you want to be viewed.”

  “Did you say triangles and rectangles?” Kristen looked confused. “Is one shape more powerful than another?”

  “I think triangles are the more powerful shape in this area because triangles are the shape of a flame, and fire is the most powerful element in this area. Rectangles are easy to introduce, too, through framed pictures or even a piece of rectangular furniture like a coffee table.”

  “What happens if your reputation has already suffered by something that you can’t go back and fix, like losing on Stars?” Chris asked anxiously.

  “Chris, I don’t believe your reputation has been hurt by not winning Stars. Only one person can win,” Jill pointed out. “The very fact that you made it onto the show is evidence of your ability. But if you’re worried about what people are saying, I recommend getting a cactus.”

  Chris looked amused. “A cactus?”

  “If you’ve got a cactus, it shouldn’t be placed anywhere in a home other than this area. Imagine that anyone who says anything negative about you is getting jagged by that cactus.”

  Pam laughed. “So that’s the problem. I guess it’s time to move the cactus out of my bedroom.”

  Kristen snorted. “I’m the one with all the bad dates. I’d better check to make sure I don’t have a cactus or any other dangerous object in my relationship corner. Maybe I should move my cuticle scissors, too, just to be safe.”

  Jill sat on the edge of the desk, dangling her feet as she waited to regain their attention. “It’s really important in the fame and reputation square to be careful of unintentional hazards. Obviously in an area where fire is important, you don’t want water or even pictures of water. Keep the fame and reputation area as clean as possible, for obvious reasons. You don’t want your reputation trashed.”

  As Jill and her students trooped out to their cars that night, they finalized plans to see Chris perform at a nearby club. Jill smiled her encouragement at him. “I’m really looking forward to hearing you sing. I’m bringing my son and daughter-in-law, too.”

  She had already made plans to spend that Saturday evening with Missy and Finn. Liam and Brian were going to Brian’s parents’ home in Vermont for a family reunion. Jill looked forward to an evening out with her students and a chance to get to know them better.

  “Thanks, everybody, for coming out Saturday night. With my mom gone, I never have any real fans in the audience,” Chris said.

  “I bet she’s still watching over you,” Pam said, reaching over to pat his hand. “Anyway, I feel just as proud as if you were my own son.”

  On Saturday evening, Jill picked up Finn and Missy from their apartment in Norwalk. The young couple’s two-bedroom apartment was small yet uncluttered, arranged carefully, and furnished with modern, colorful pieces, mostly from IKEA. Jill noted with pleasure that her feng shui suggestions to Missy had been heeded. As they walked out to Jill’s car, she also noticed that Finn put a protective arm around Missy as they made their way across the uneven sidewalk.

  “You sit in front, Missy,” Finn said, and opened the door for her, making sure she was belted in before getting in the back seat.

  Jill smiled, watching the gentlemanly way her son cared for his wife. Finn and Missy had been sweethearts throughout high school and college, and had married earlier that year. Having watched Missy grow up right along with Finn, Jill loved her like a daughter.

  On the drive over, Finn told Jill that David had invited him to play golf the following weekend. “I think he really wants to make it up to Liam and me,” he said. “Liam is ignoring him until he invites Brian, too. I don’t think that will happen anytime soon.”

  “Does that hurt Brian’s feelings, do you think?” Jill frowned.

  “Nah, Brian says he’s lived long enough as a gay man that he’s used to it. He thinks Liam needs to ‘man up’ and see Dad on his own.”

  “Liam has a lot to overcome where your dad is concerned. I just hope for Liam’s sake that it’s not too late for them to reestablish a relationship.”

  Finn was quiet for a few moments before saying, “I know this is none of my business, but where do things stand with you and Dad?”

  “It definitely is your business,” Jill said. “I won’t bore you with all the details, but your dad and I are legally separated at this point. The legal part was necessary because I asked him to leave our home. He isn’t fighting me on anything, which I appreciate, and he says he wants to do right by me. The house is an issue, of course, but we’ll work that out.”

  “He’s sorry for what happened, Mom, even if he can’t admit it.”

  “I’m sure he is.” Jill was silent for a moment. “But trust is important in a marriage. It’s a value that I uphold for myself. I don’t know how I’ll ever trust him again—not the way I once did. But I’m also realizing that I want more from marriage now. I’m different after finding out about his affair. I don’t know whether your dad is willing to recognize that or consider what our marriage can be from now on. I just don’t know.”

  Finn and Missy were subdued for the remainder of the drive. Jill was grateful that they didn’t press her
to consider letting David come home again. Although Liam was in favor of his mother’s decision to start legal proceedings, she knew that Finn and Missy, having so recently taken their own vows, had mixed feelings.

  As they entered the club where Chris was performing, they were greeted enthusiastically by Jill’s students, who sat together at two tables near the stage. Everyone was there, except Joel. When their server appeared, Jill said, “The first round’s on me.”

  “I’ll just take a seltzer with fresh lime,” Missy said. She looked pale as she sipped her water. Jill was immediately concerned. Missy hadn’t spoken much in the car.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, feeling Missy’s forehead, as Finn’s face broke into a grin. “You look a little bit queasy.”

  “She’s a little bit pregnant,” Finn said.

  Jill nearly dropped her glass of red wine as Trish, Amy, Joni, Kristen, Meredith, and Pam shrieked in unison. Shelly’s eyes were wistful, her congratulatory smile stiff as she watched the merriment around her. She took a sip of her iced tea and picked at the buttons on her sweater.

  “I had no idea! Hey, everybody, I’m going to be a grandmother!” Jill turned to Missy. “How far along are you?”

  “Not very,” Missy answered. “I found out for sure today. I thought I was coming down with something. It never occurred to me it might be a baby.”

  Jill chuckled. “I remember being stunned when I found out I was expecting the twins,” she said.

  “My daughter and her husband had their first child last year,” Pam said as she leaned across the table. “With all these new early home pregnancy tests, it seems like they announced she was pregnant as soon as they crawled out of bed.”

  Fortified by wine, the group was in high spirits as they waited for Chris to appear onstage. A few minutes later, he walked out from stage right to loud applause from his biggest fans down in front. His band of four musicians on bass guitar, keyboards, saxophone, and drums were already in place.

  “Good evening,” he said, bowing stiffly. “Thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight. It means a lot to see so many familiar faces in the audience.” He shielded his eyes with one hand and grinned at his friends from class.

  Taking the microphone in his hand, he said, “My first song tonight is one I wrote a few years ago called ‘First Time for Everything.’ It’s a song about the amazing power of love, even when we believe we’re past the point of amazement. Love is always new.”

  Chris closed his eyes and uttered the first notes of a song that brought a catch to Jill’s throat. As she listened to the words he had written, she knew it was a love song for all ages, a song that had the potential to become a wedding classic. Chris’s voice was inspiring in its depth and range as he sang the romantic lyrics. He didn’t move around the stage much, but connected well with the audience, using his eyes and hands to reach out to them.

  “I don’t understand why he isn’t already a big star,” Jill said to Missy when the song was over and the audience clapped its approval. “He really is that good.”

  “He probably needs to understand that himself,” Missy replied. “Can’t you work your feng shui magic on him?”

  “The real magic of feng shui is that we’re each capable of achieving what we want on our own.” Jill squeezed Missy’s hand, feeling overcome with happy emotions. “I can’t imagine a more wonderful evening than this. I’m overwhelmed—so proud of Chris, so happy that Finn will be a father, and so glad you’re the mother of my first grandchild.”

  Missy’s fingers returned the squeeze. “Finn was worried that we didn’t have enough money saved and that we’re still in an apartment. We might be rushing things.” She smiled and shrugged.

  “It’s true that babies always mean new expenses and lots of changes, but they’re reassurance that life goes on. That’s what our family needs—a new start.”

  From the look on Finn’s face, Jill knew everything was right with his world. Yet she experienced a pang, thinking about how she and David had always seemed to be such a stable, loving couple. What sort of message was she sending to Finn and Missy if she divorced him without trying to save the marriage? She resolved to strengthen the family area of her home to support her wishes for a happy family life—whatever that meant.

  Chapter Twelve

  Early Sunday afternoon, Jill drove to Chris’s rental home in an older working-class neighborhood. After seeing him perform, she knew he was already well on his way to fulfilling his dream of success in show business, but that he needed a boost of self-confidence. As soon as she caught sight of his rundown house, she knew she had her work cut out for her. It was a tract house in a development of two-bedroom homes built after the war for returning veterans. Over the years, as owners remodeled to add value and individuality, each home had taken on a more distinctive appearance. But they were still quite small, often drab, and built too close together. Chris’s house was nondescript—painted a dingy white with faded, peeling black shutters. In place of a porch, two cement blocks served as the entrance to the front door. A peeling wrought-iron front door cried out for a fresh coat of black paint, and the lawn was patchy, with more dirt and weeds than grass.

  “Hey, welcome to my not-so-sweet home,” Chris said in his jovial way. “You’ll probably never see a place as un-feng shuied as this one.”

  “Now, now,” Jill said, patting his arm, “every home has its charm and potential.”

  In response, Chris just laughed and shook his head. “I think you’re about to find the exception.”

  Chris’s house was decorated in what Jill could only describe as early bachelor, with bookshelves made of plywood planks stacked on concrete blocks, a grungy black futon sofa piled high with blankets and pillows, and an extensive collection of microbrew bottles lined up on a corner shelf as decoration. Stereo equipment, an electric piano, guitar, a drum set, and TV trays took up much of the space in the living room.

  The fame and reputation area of Chris’s home turned out to be a dining room overlooking a slab patio with an unsavory view of an old strip mall and gas station. Dead potted plants surrounded the perimeter, and more empty beer bottles were lined up near the two resin chairs outside. Chris’s dining room table by the window was stacked so high with clutter, it was no wonder he ate on a tray in the living room.

  “Balancing the energy and enhancing this general area will be easy, Chris,” Jill assured him, hands on her hips. “First, it’s really important to keep it clean and orderly. You don’t want people trashing you, right?”

  Chris laughed. “I never thought of it that way.”

  “We want to be known for how we present ourselves to the world. Plants are great, but get rid of the dead ones and those empty beer bottles on the patio, too.”

  Jill pushed open the back door and went out onto the patio. “Remember that the fame and reputation area needs fire, so a really easy fix is to move that red charcoal grill, which is a great fire symbol, into this area to represent the fire element. And that little black table? Spray-paint it green to match those plastic chairs. Black isn’t a good color for this area because black represents water, and water puts out fire. Green is an important color in this area because it represents wood. It’s also good that you have a big healthy tree, but try to keep the leaves raked.”

  “Doesn’t fire burn wood? Wouldn’t that be a destructive element?” Chris asked, scratching his head.

  “Fire and wood are complementary in this area because wood feeds fire. Let’s picture the creative and destructive cycle. In feng shui, we view wood as creative for fire, but destructive to earth because trees uproot soil.”

  Jill continued to survey the area with a critical eye. She knew Chris didn’t have a lot of spare cash, so she had already promised to work with existing items. “Since you use this area for entertaining, you could add some lights. The porch has an overhead light, so turn it on!”

  “I have some chili pepper lights I could hang around the back porch door,” Chris chimed in helpfull
y. “The red hot peppers would be like a double dose of fire, right?”

  Jill grinned. “Now you’re getting the idea. I also want you to have something in this area that relates to your reputation as a singer. You want to display items that pertain to what you want to enhance in your life.”

  “I’ve got music awards I could hang on the wall. I could also move posters of my favorite musicians into the dining room—the ones that inspire me.”

  Jill clapped her hands together. “That’s perfect. In feng shui, your intent is what matters most. Anything you can do to remind yourself of how good you are as a singer and where you want to go in your career will push you in the right direction. Have confidence in your dreams.”

  Chris looked thoughtful. “When I got eliminated from Stars, I thought I’d really blown my big shot at fame and fortune, even though I knew something about me must have caught the judges’ attention in the first place. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been picked to be on the show. Now I wake up every morning and picture myself on the stage performing and hearing the applause. I see myself jumping up in the air and high-fiving the other contestants because I’ve made it to the next round. Unfortunately, I can’t go back on Stars.”

  “Maybe not, but I think it’s great that you can still envision that scene, which in a way is like changing the outcome. You’re very, very good, Chris. I mean that. The more you create a mental movie of what you want to happen in your career, the better your chances are of achieving it.”