by Jenika Snow
Could he feel the scars?
Chapter Fourteen
“Brea?” Adrian stilled his movements at the feel of her tensing above him. What they had just shared was incredible, more than incredible, but now there was something very wrong. Her breathing had changed from the ecstatic quick pants of a female well loved, to the erratic rhythm of someone in fear. He knew what was wrong, but he didn’t want to show it on the exterior. The raised skin on her back almost had him cursing and gripping her tighter. What the fuck had that asshole done to her?
When she tried to climb off of him he wanted to hold her tighter, but he knew she needed her space. It was the last thing he wanted to do, let her go, but she needed this.
“Baby?” She rolled off of him but kept her back away from his view. “Talk to me. Please.” It didn’t matter that the desperation in his voice was thicker than honey. This small, fragile female before him, the woman that he realized he loved more than his own life, had suffered something so horrible all he could think about was causing pain of his own to the first asshole that was sorry enough to cross his path. What he wouldn’t give to be in the octagon right now, beating the living shit out of someone and imagining it was that prick ex-boyfriend of hers.
“Look at me, pretty girl.” He used the endearment because he meant it, but she was so much more to him. He wanted to see her face, without streaks of drying tears or residue of fear. He wanted her looking at him with only happiness and pleasure. He wanted to erase all of her bad memories and replace them with ones that she could smile to when she looked back.
It seemed like ages, but she finally lifted her head and stared at him. There was no fear, no sadness, but there was a desperation and shame that covered her like a second skin. The light strands of her hair created a curtain, partially shielding her from view.
“I disgust you, don’t I?” Goddamn but she sounded so lost. It ate at his soul. What could he do to make things better? To make her feel safe with him.
He wanted to touch her, but he didn’t know if it would be welcome. “Brea, there is nothing you can say or do, nothing in this world that would make me feel anything but love for you.” He hadn’t meant to tell her, hadn’t meant to reveal how he felt. It seemed too soon, and if the shocked look on her face was anything to go by she thought it was too soon as well. Damn it! He couldn’t help how he felt, didn’t want to stop the feelings inside of him.
“You can trust me.” Bringing his hand to cup her cheek, he waited until her eyes met his before he continued. “You can trust me. Completely.” A shadow of doubt crossed her features and he didn’t think she would speak again, that she would stay closed off, but when she took a deep breath he held his, waiting for what she might say.
“I want to tell you, but…” Her pause made him anxious. She wanted to tell him and he took pride in that knowledge. She might seem hesitant, but there was a part of her that trusted him. It was his mission to never have her doubt that trust.
“I don’t want you looking at me differently. I don’t want what Cameron did to me to make you feel differently about me.”
“Not possible.” He said it instantly and with as much conviction as he felt inside.
As if she were steeling herself, she took another shuddering breath and said, “Cameron liked to cause pain. A lot of it.” She flicked her eyes toward his for a brief moment before averting her gaze. “The first time he beat me with his belt it left welts. I remember he would run his hands over the raised flesh, murmuring how beautiful I looked with his marks on me. Even if he hadn’t tied me up to hurt me, I can admit that I was a coward. I would just lay there and take it. I was so frightened of what he would do if I didn’t give him what he wanted.” A slight shiver wracked her tiny frame and he pulled her onto his lap, cradling her body as she shivered in his arms. God, he hated this, and there was a part of him that didn’t want her to say another word because he felt like this time her pain was caused by him. She continued before he could tell her he couldn’t bear anymore.
“He kept me in the house a lot unless he needed me on his arm at a function. I hid myself well, putting on the persona of a madly in-love woman. To this day I wish I would have said something, anything to a passing stranger.” Her head was against his chest and she murmured lightly. “He upgraded from the belt to knife play, and that’s when the cuts got less superficial and started leaving scars.” Her little body curled into him further and he rested his chin atop her head, staring at the framed sand dollars and coral-colored shells lining the far wall.
“I know what I look like, Adrian. I’ve counted the scars, know exactly where they are. For those precious moments that I was with you, I didn’t think about them, didn’t remember that horrible, puckered flesh covers my back. When I felt your hands, though, I knew you had to feel them. I’m shamed by them.”
He was at a loss for words. The pain he heard reflected in her voice was a tangible element. It sliced through him, leaving him raw, vulnerable. Since Addie had died he hadn’t felt that kind of vulnerability. The feel of her tears on his chest alerted him to the fact that she was crying. He held her tighter with one arm and reached for the blankets with the other, pulling them up and covering them. He kept her on his lap, against his chest because he couldn’t live with the thought of letting her go.
“I’m sorry.” Although the words didn’t seem to come close to what he really wanted to say, it was all that his wounded soul could come up with. They were silent for so long that he felt her body start to relax into him and knew she was falling asleep. He reached over, careful not to rouse her, and shut off the light, dousing the room in darkness and holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world. Which she was.
They slept like that, curled together, their hearts beating the same steady rhythm.
Chapter Fifteen
The smell of his expensive cologne had her eyes snapping open and her heart racing. It had been almost a year since she smelled it, and just the stench of it had her stomach clenching. The room was dark, and the disorientation had her throwing the covers off, scrambling to escape. Reaching out blindly, she realized she was alone in bed. Where is Adrian?
Her hair kept brushing against her face, reminding her of the way Cameron used to touch her, caress her. It was a horrid feeling and she shoved the strands away, crying out as her fear mounted.
“I told you I would find you. There isn’t anywhere on this planet that you can hide from me, Brea.”
Oh God. That voice, haunting and devious. There was nothing that frightened her more, nothing that had everything inside of her cramping in pain. Not even when he hurt her did she fear him as much as hearing his calm, dark voice. It was that voice that nightmares were made of. She needed to escape, needed to get to her purse where she had her stun gun and pepper spray. If she could get to them, use them, it would buy her enough time to escape. The bed sheets tangled around her thighs like his arms pinning her down, refusing her escape. A sob broke free when she felt hands grip her abdomen and make their way up her body. She shook, paralyzed as her past slammed into her, making her remember what she so desperately wanted to forget.
“Brea,” Cameron whispered against her lips, that sickly, cloying cologne strangling her, causing her to gasp for air. Instinct took over and she swung her arms out, trying desperately to hurt him like he hurt her.
“God dammit, Brea, wake up!” Hands grabbed her shoulders and shook her with a force that had her teeth chattering. “Sweetheart, wake up.”
Light filled the room and she blinked against its brightness. It took her a moment to realize where she was. The nautical-themed room filled her vision and she turned to look at Adrian. A look of concern covered his face as his fingers stroked over the bare flesh of her shoulders. He was nude, the same as her, but at that moment she felt more naked than just the absence of clothing. Gripping the sheets, she pulled them over her chest.
“God, baby.” He let out a breath and removed his hands from her. He ran a hand over h
is short hair as he stared at her. “Are you okay? You were having a nightmare.”
Tears threatened to spill from her but she forced them back. She had cried too much already, showed too much weakness. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had one in a while. I guess talking about Cameron brought him to the forefront of my mind.” She could still smell his cologne. It had been the thing she sensed first before he came for her. She associated it with the precursor for her descent into hell.
“Christ, Brea. You were thrashing around, crying out. It scared the shit out of me.”
Cheeks heating with embarrassment, all she wanted to do was leave. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, not knowing how in the hell she thought she could have a normal relationship.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Fuck, baby.” He reached for her but thought better of it and dropped his hand. “I wish I could take away your pain.” The compassion and truth in his words had her closing her eyes and absorbing it. It was exactly what she needed to hear.
There was so much she wanted to tell him, so much more than she had already told him. She could never reveal that her time here was limited, that when she finally had enough saved up she was going to disappear. The intense pain that settled in her heart at the thought of never seeing Adrian again was like a hot poker. It was hard to breathe, hard to focus. Her feelings for him might have been fast and taken her by surprise, but the danger that she put in his life by just associating with him made wanting to be with him a selfish desire. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind Adrian could handle himself against anyone, but he didn’t know Cameron. Her ex was a classic sadist, a textbook psychopath that could manipulate and have everyone and anyone eating out of the palm of his hand right before he slit their throat. He had no remorse, no sympathy. He lived in this world for the sole purpose of inflicting pain on others. She had learned the hard way, and she was not going to bring that kind of horror on the man she loved.
Yes, she loved him.
Loving him brought warmth into her, made her feel safe, protected. God, she wished they could run away together, just vanish into thin air. The idea of actually asking him to leave with her had jumped into her mind, but only momentarily. She couldn’t ask him to give up everything for her. He might have said he loved her, but did he really? If he knew that the very devil himself was after her, intent on destroying anything she held dear, his idea that he loved her would go out into the ocean with the rolling waves.
“Come here, baby. Let me hold you. Please.”
Brea curled against him. She remembered falling asleep in his arms, but during the night their embrace had broken, just like everything else in her life. She wanted to feel Adrian pressed against her, feel his warmth, the love she so desperately needed. When his arms wrapped around hers, she sagged into his big, hard body. She didn’t think she would be able to sleep after the nightmare she just had, but smelling Adrian’s clean, masculine scent pushed out the sickening stench of Cameron, had her eyes growing heavy. In Adrian’s arms she felt safe and protected. Like nothing evil could touch her. She just wished it would last.
Chapter Sixteen
Adrian was right. The way the sun looked as it peeked over the horizon, bathing the water in light early-morning hues, was something of beauty. They sat at a little coffee shop that opened before the sun rose and shared a cup of coffee as they stared at the beach, with its calm, serene waves.
“It’s so beautiful.” Brea kept her attention toward the water and brought her cup to her mouth, taking a sip of the warm, vanilla-flavored drink.
“Yes, it is.” The way Adrian said it had Brea looking at him. He wasn’t staring at the sunrise, but at her instead. He brought his own cup to his lips, taking a long sip while he watched her over the rim. Cheeks heating from his comment that was obviously directed at her, she had to look away from his intense stare.
“You want a muffin?” The B&B had a breakfast spread, but they had woken up before the sun had risen and her appetite had still been sleeping.
Right now his suggestion had a loud rumble coming from said stomach. “Sure, that would be great. Anything besides blueberry, please.”
The sound of the crashing waves had her turning her attention away from Adrian’s retreating form and looking back at the water.
“Business or pleasure?”
The voice was behind her and she looked over her shoulder, seeing a thirty-something man wearing dark aviator glasses and a worn brown leather jacket. “Excuse me?”
“You.” He lifted a cigarette to his lips and brought his lighter up to the end, inhaling deeply as the tip glowed a bright orange. “Come here for business or pleasure?” He inhaled again, holding in the smoke for several long seconds before exhaling in her direction. The stench from the smoke had her nose wrinkling in distaste.
Right away warning bells went off. She hadn’t lasted this long away from Cameron with giving away precious information to strangers, especially when those strangers looked like ex-cons. “Just visiting.” She might be wary, but she also didn’t want to draw anymore unwanted attention to herself by being a bitch, so she smiled at him before turning her attention forward again.
“Yeah, me, too. Just passing through. The scenery was too good to pass up, though.” The way he said the latter had the hair on the back of her neck rising.
“Yeah.” Hurry up, Adrian.
“Know any good places to stay overnight? Maybe a good bed and breakfast?”
She shifted in her seat, growing more and more uneasy with each passing second. Had Cameron found her? Was he having her followed?
“Me and my old lady are looking for a quiet place to lay low for a while. Just got hitched and are on our way north.”
She turned around then, taking in his appearance again. Maybe she was just being paranoid? “Your wife?”
Flicking the ash from his cigarette, he took his sunglasses off and stared at her with black eyes. He lifted up his left hand, showing her a thin gold band around his ring finger. “Yeah, she saw a T-shirt stand down the boardwalk and wanted to get a few souvenirs.”
“Oh.” She cleared her throat and brought her cup to her lips, taking a long drink of her now-lukewarm coffee. “Well, I can’t really help you out, but when my boyfriend gets back I’ll be sure to ask him if he can recommend a place.” When he didn’t say anything she looked over her shoulder, seeing him watch her with an emotionless expression, his cigarette hanging from his lips.
When he grinned after several long, uncomfortable minutes, her palms became clammy. Ever since she had started seeing Adrian, the fear of Cameron had grown. It was bad enough that he threatened her life, but the thought that he could hurt Adrian, too, made it that much worse. Claiming him as her boyfriend. to this stranger, a man that had warning flags rising, was a stupid, stupid move on her part.
“I’d appreciate it, thanks.” Hands scuffed up and fingers with grimy fingernails lifted up and pulled his cigarette out of his mouth and snubbed it out.
“They had cinnamon, sweetheart. I hope that’s okay.” When she heard Adrian’s voice she immediately felt at ease. He walked out of the coffee shop and her attention was right on him, watching his big body move like a lethal weapon. When he was seated in front of her he slid her muffin across to her.
“Thank you. This guy wants a recommendation on what’s a good place to spend the night. I told him I didn’t know but maybe you did.” Please don’t recommend where we are. This guy most likely was completely innocent, but she didn’t take anything at face value. She always had to be on alert.
“Guy?” The confused look on his face had her looking over her shoulder. An empty table and chair greeted her, and the only lingering thing that solidified his presence was the smell of cigarette smoke and his snubbed-out butt.
Brea couldn’t stop herself from standing and looking down the boardwalk. There was no sign of him in either direction, and panic started to swell inside of her.
“What’s wrong?” Adrian was right beside her, his hands o
n her shoulders, turning her toward him and looking down at her with concern. “What is it, baby?”
Lips suddenly dry, she looked left then right again. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” It had to be nothing, because if she let herself even entertain the idea that she was being followed, that Cameron had found her, she might as well flee right now. The feel of Adrian’s fingers flexing on her flesh drew her back to the present. No, she was fine. They were fine. Her overactive imagination and fear were trying to drive a bigger wedge in her life and she wouldn’t allow it. The man hadn’t seemed overly suspicious, aside from his rough exterior. If Cameron knew where she was there was no doubt in her mind that he would have already gotten to her.
She looked into Adrian’s eyes, saw the crease of worry between his brows, and lifted her hand up to smooth it away with her finger. “I’m fine, really.” She hoped the smile on her face was reassuring.
“You would tell me if you weren’t, right?”
“Absolutely.” After a long moment he exhaled and nodded, and led her back to the table so they could finish their breakfast.
After their breakfast he threw away their trash and stood. “Come on. I want to show you something.” His hand was stretched out and she didn’t hesitate on taking it. They walked hand-in-hand down the boardwalk, the smell of salt in the air growing more intense as the sun continued its ascent. He led them onto the beach where people were already setting up umbrellas and beach towels. It was still fairly early, but she had no doubt the beach would fill up quickly, especially with the temperature forecasted to reach in the seventies.
They must have walked for ten minutes, the twists and turns he took causing her curiosity to grow. The silence between them was comfortable and it gave her time to think about last night. He had been very comforting and understanding when she had told him about her past. There was a small part of her that regretted opening up her mouth and showing the ugly side of her, because it would make what she had to do in the end that much harder.