def Definitely, when constrained on time to say entire word.
distressing So hawt it’s painful. See EGB.
E
EGB Eighth Grade Boyfriend. Possibly the most significant person in a person’s life. Candidates have been evaluated for at least one year prior and agreed upon by at least two impartial parties. Must respect you for you.
East Alcove The social doughnut hole of the lunchroom. See West Alcove.
enterdrained A state of prolonged unconsciousness brought on by severely underwhelming entertainment; i.e., the yearly “Welcome Back, Wallingford Students” address. syn: Comatastic.
exqueez-ay moi (French pronunciation.) Excuse me.
F
fabulouz (French pronunciation.) Fabulous.
Facebook limbo The time and space between accepting and rejecting (or being accepted as or rejected as) a Facebook Friend. Either by mistake, see backblogged, or on purpose, see Stalkbooking.
H
the Hairy Eyeball The double axel, triple salchow of all facial expressions: skill, practice, and flawless execution required to avoid fatalities.
hairy nip fit A psychological condition of extreme upset-ness—the common conniption fit (nip fit), only hairier. (Entirely unrelated to the Hairy Eyeball.)
Hawaiian Trops The state of maximum tanness.
hello 1. Phone greeting. Hello!? 2. Unbelievableness. Hello!? 3. Can anyone hear me. Hello!? 4. Excuse me, I was talking. Hello!? 5. You are so unbelievably right. Hello!?
Hollywood Hair Bumpit Hair enlargement device. Twice the volume of regular Bumpit.
Hyphenators Those for whom one last name simply does not communicate it all; as in Cosima Adrianzen-Fonseca and Emily Crawford-Green.
I
insultosurus from Latin, insultinos insulting + Greek, -osaurus person.
“I yove you” “I love you” while wearing super glossy lipstick.
L
La Coppa Coffee The center of the universe.
ledge Legend without that pesky second syllable.
Lylas Love You Like a Sister. Also: L.Y.L.A.S. syn: Lyla.
M
moi (French pronunciation.) Me.
N
noblesse oblige The moral obligation of those of a higher standing, powerful auditorium seating, more adept use of ceramic flat iron, etc., to act with honor, kindness, generosity, etc., etc.
noof 1. New person. 2. The painful state of newness. 3. The transferred student. 4. The worst thing a person can be.
O
Obsessive Repulsive Disorder (ORD) Mental disorder characterized by recurrent hair flips, laughter, and more hair flips all while totally pretending not to be doing it on purpose.
OMG Last year’s OMG.
OMGasp This year’s OMG.
P
populadder The unseen hierarchical system of popularity, the bottom two-thirds of which don’t count. Awareness of its existence is the key to being on it.
populartunity A singular appropriate or favorable time or occasion as for populadder advancement. May never come again.
prepsicle 1. Head to toe prepsterness. 2. Cute-preppy. 3. The real deal. ant: Polo-poser, Abercrombie Zombie.
Preptobismol Taking the pink clothing thing way too far.
S
SABS See and Be Seen. See West Alcove.
schnuggly 1. An item of clothing so cozy and old it must be banned from public use. 2. Things that are so cute they make you nauseated.
sitch (British pronunciation.) Situation.
Stalkbooking When a person spends an unhealthy amount of time stalking another person’s Facebook profile instead of actually getting a life.
T
tanorexia Tanorexia Nervoso. A mental disorder such that the person thinks that no matter how tan they are, they’re never tan enough; often acquired during or immediately following vacation breaks.
the Terminator Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton sent back from the future to destroy the world, aka Ms. Hotchkiss.
totally An agreement reached by all; e.g., You: Tribb is distressingly fit. Us: Totally.
Twittervention An orchestrated confrontation at La Coppa Coffee (without lattes or cranberry scones) to forcibly disarm Twitter account and get person to admit they need professional help or, at the very least, a fresh mani-pedi.
U
underpopular Not-popular through no fault of one’s own; suffering from unpopularness. See noblesse oblige.
V
vous (French pronunciation.) You.
W
Wally 1. A Wallingford Academy student. 2. slang. A non-Aristobrat.
way An exclamation of moreness. Can be preceded by so, an exclamation of more more-ness; e.g., Wally 1: Those new jeans are way great. Wally 2: So way great.
West Alcove The only place to eat your lunch. See East Alcove.
whinge-binge 1. Excessive indulgence in complaining; often revolving around “nothing to wear.” 2. An acceptable form of exercise.
Acknowledgments
To Jennifer Joel, Daniel Ehrenhaft, Niki Castle, Dominique Raccah, Kelly Barrales-Saylor, Kay Mitchell, Paul Samuelson, Kristin Zelazko, Danielle Trejo, Dawn Pope, Mallory Kaster, and Sarah Cardillo for their tireless faith, work, and support. To Tommy Jacoby, who makes my magic happen, and to Griffin Musser and Tallulah Musser, who inspire me every day. To Nan, Don, and Jordan Solow, whose palpable love of each other and of me has made me who I am. To my lifelong friends, Karen Goldberg, Sharon Reidbord, and Juditta Musette. And to my newer lifelong friends, John Scott, Iole Taddei, and Nona and Randy Daron. To my board of advisors, Zoe Goldberg, Damon Jacoby, Ethan Jacoby, and Allen Meyer. To Winchester-Thurston, where this story was born, to Mill Valley Middle School, where the blanks were filled in, and to Shadyside Academy, who provided the boys when there were none.
About the Author
Jennifer Solow once attended an exclusive private school where her spot on the populadder wavered depending on whatever haircut she had at the time (long: good, short: not so good) and where the idea for this book began. Soon after, Jennifer moved to Manhattan, where she was an advertising creative director, wore a lot of cool clothes, and worked with a few famous guys named Spike. She now lives in Mill Valley with her husband and two children, where she is working on the next Aristobrats.
Visit her at www.jennifersolow.com, and find out more about the Aristobrats at www.thearistobrats.com.
The Aristobrats Page 17