“Ladies first,” he says, then makes a sweeping motion with his hand. I’m about to ask if it’s safe, but the smile he has on his face, a smile that appears like it’s full of pride, has me biting my tongue.
This should be the part where I say that the shack is so much better on the inside, but that, sadly, isn’t true. It may even be worse. I look around and the first thing I see is a long wooden countertop. Behind it is a wall and one closed door.
Like I said before, this is my first date, so I’m new to this scene, but I know enough to know that this isn’t really a first date place. This isn’t even a one-hundredth date place.
“Where are we?” I ask slowly, trying as hard as I can to not let my anger and disappointment show.
“We are at the building I just bought this morning. This is where I’m opening my surf school.” I’ve seen Kulani smile a lot, but the smile on his lips now is one bursting with pride, excitement, and happiness.
Just from the few conversations we’ve had about this, I know how much this means to him. Opening this school is his dream, and the fact he’s one step closer to achieving it makes all my feelings of disappointment vanish.
“That’s amazing, Kulani. I’m so happy for you!”
I launch myself at him for an embrace. Tingles run down my spine when I feel him place a wet kiss on my neck.
“Thanks, baby.” He breathes into my neck, then snakes his hand down the back of my legs and lifts me up. I laugh when he carries me to the wooden counter and sits me down on top of it.
After quickly kissing the top of my nose, he spends the next forty-five minutes telling me all the ideas he has for the small shack: the colors he wants to paint, where everything is going to go, even what his office will look like. By the time he’s done talking, I no longer see just a little shack. I see Kulani’s dream.
“I’m proud of you. It takes a lot to accomplish a dream like this.” I swear, the more I get to know about Kulani, the more I’m attracted to him. I came to Hawaii thinking that I would be just as miserable here as I was in New York but, instead of having just an aching heart, I’ll have a broken one.
I never thought I would fall for a man like Kulani, a man so pure and kind, down to his soul. He’s the opposite of everything I’m used to. He has so much life and light. When I’m with him, I can’t help but fall a little more.
That’s what I’m doing. Like Alice down the rabbit hole, I’m falling, only I never want to stop falling. I know my time in Wonderland is limited, that eventually Aria will cease to exist and I will have to come clean about my shameful life. I just hope that Kulani will understand.
“You know…” Kulani starts. I break away from my thoughts and put all my focus back on him, and when I do, my heart pounds, my core clenches, and the mood in the room completely changes.
Kulani is no longer looking at me with excitement about this shack. His eyes have darkened with hunger, lust, want, and I know that my eyes are showing the same needs.
“I was trying to wait to do this…” I almost whimper when Kulani stops speaking long enough to stick out the tip of his tongue and lick his bottom lip. “Fuck it,” he groans.
In a flash he’s cradling my face in both of his hands.
“Kulani,” I whisper.
His lips come crashing down on mine. This kiss is bursting with passion and want. For the first time, I take charge. I place my hands on his neck to deepen the kiss and suck his tongue into my mouth. As soon as I do this, Kulani lets out a lust-filled groan. He moves his hands up my knees, causing my core to spasm again.
He doesn’t stop moving his hands until they reach their destination—my ass. Kulani squeezes my ass with both hands, then jerks me forward on the counter until my pussy is pressed tight against his unmistakable erection.
My mind is lost. I’m letting my body lead my actions. With each small thrust, a pleasure I’ve never felt shoots through me, leaving me needing to feel his thrusts again and wanting so much more.
My hands leave his neck and go to his waist, where they sneak up and under the navy blue t-shirt he’s wearing. I don’t stop until I reach his pecks, and it’s then that I dig my nails into his tan skin. Not hard enough to where it hurts, but he feels it. And, judging by how hard his next thrust his, and how hard he squeezes my butt, he likes it.
All the sensual cloudiness in my head clears rapidly when Kulani reaches to undo my bra. How I forgot I am a virgin is completely beyond me, but now that I remember, I need to put space between Kulani and me…fast.
My hands leave his stomach and go to his shoulders, where I push him away with too much force. He trips over an old board that isn’t nailed down all the way and falls on his ass.
“Oh my god!” I yell, mortified, and cover my mouth with my hand. Kulani doesn’t say anything, just gives me a shocked look.
“I’m so sorry!” I jump down from the counter. I’m so embarrassed, hot tears are welling in my eyes.
Kulani snaps out of his shocked state. “I’m fine,” he says gently. I know he’s trying not to make me feel worse, but it’s no use. I look away and blink, trying to get rid of my tears.
“Hey,” Kulani calls softly and grabs my hand. I look at him and he smiles. I finally start to relax.
He pulls me to him and uses his thumbs to wipe the little bit of tears that escaped. “What are the tears for? It’s not like that was the first time you kicked my ass.” He laughs.
I smile and bury my head in his chest. “Are you ever going to let that go?” I groan.
“Hell no! My girl has some serious skills, especially if you can take me down. I’m telling everybody!”
I don’t respond. I mean, what do you say to that? Instead, I focus on calming myself down by smelling Kulani and his amazing cologne.
“Want to tell me what that was about?” he asks cautiously. I rack my brain for any excuse that will get me out of having to tell him the truth.
“Um…There was a bug?”
Kulani pulls away enough to give me a doubtful look. “A bug?”
“Yeah. Big one. Huge.”
“Yeah, I’m not believing that for a second, baby. Try again.”
Damn. I’m about to give him another ridiculous excuse that he’s not going to believe when I decide better of it. I’m going to have to tell him eventually because I do plan on sleeping with him.
“I’m a virgin,” I mumble so incoherently I know he doesn’t understand a word I just said.
“What?”
“I’m a virgin!” I blurt loudly. I can feel my face heat. “I mean, I want to do that with you, like now would be good, but I’ve never done it before and I freaked,” I say in one breath.
That shocked look Kulani had earlier is back. Without a word, he grabs my hand and leads me out of the small shack. My whole body is tight with nerves, and I’m deflated when I see him leading us to his van.
He still hasn’t said anything when he opens my door and helps me into his van. I look back at him when I don’t hear him close my door.
“Just to be clear,” he begins as soon as our eyes meet, “I want you. I’m fucking ecstatic no other man has been inside you. That means it will only ever be me. I had to get you out of there because you telling me that not only are you untouched, but that you want me was doing shit to me. If I would have stayed, the gentleman in me would have snapped because I fucking crave being inside of you. You deserve a hell of a lot more than your first time being on a dirty floor of a shack. You get me?”
I think I just died. “I got you.”
After a smile, he closes the door. Everything he just said was amazing, but it’s leaving me with one problem. I now want him a million times more than I did ten minutes ago.
After thirty minutes of driving, I’m surprised when we pull up to the beach. He chuckles. “You didn’t honestly think I would just take you to the shack for an hour and then take you home? Hell, I’ve been trying to get a date with you for what feels like forever. I’m keeping you as long as I can
.” Hopefully forever.
We jump out after Kulani parks his van on the sand. “Normally, this would be where I would spread the blanket on the sand and we would stare at the stars all romantic and stuff, but I forgot the blanket. I don’t want sand in my ass, so we will improvise.”
He stands on the side of the van, pulls me in front of him, grabs my waist, and hoists me up.
“Climb on,” he says. I grab the bars on the roof and hoist myself the rest of the way. One big jump and Kulani is right behind me.
When we lay on our backs next to each other, I’m awestruck by the millions of stars and immediately think of my mother. “I grew up in a city,” I say. “With all the lights, you couldn’t see the stars like this. They are so big and beautiful.”
For a moment, I forget to lie about my life. I’m caught up in a memory. “My momma loved the stars. She grew up on a little farm and she said would watch them any chance she got. I was little when she started taking me on short trips outside of the city so we could see them. We’d sit outside for hours, star gazing. She never called them stars, though. She would say, ‘Look at all those wishes.’ She would tell me what a shame it was that we couldn’t see them from our house because it was a great way to tell the weather. If there were stars in the sky, that meant there would be no rain the next day. ‘It may not be pretty, amare, but at least it won’t rain.’” I smile through the tears. I can almost hear Momma saying that to me.
“She sounds wise,” Kulani says. I jump because I honestly forgot he was here.
“She was…I mean, is,” I stumble. I pray that Kulani doesn’t catch on to my mistake and ask questions. I relax when he wraps an arm around me and pulls me so that my head is lying on his chest.
“Tell me more,” he says softly. So I do. I spend the entire night wrapped in his arms, reliving every single good memory I’ve had with my mom. For that one night, it doesn’t feel like she’s gone. Everything feels perfect.
Chapter Eleven
In That Time, I Fell In Love
“So, you guys have been dating for a few weeks and in that time, you haven’t had sex and you haven’t been to his house?” Layla asks me slowly as we lay out on the sand.
“Yes,” I answer. Nervousness takes root in my stomach. Like Layla said, it’s been a few weeks since my first date with Kulani. In that time, I fell in love with him.
I don’t know exactly when it happened. I can’t name the exact time—somewhere between the late night talks and the passionate kisses—but it happened. It could have been during the scorching glances or the time he danced with me on the beach while he sang in my ear. It may have happened one of the many times he made me laugh or during the night he snuck into my room and held me while I fell asleep. All I know is, at some point, I fell for him.
I should be scared. I should be running for the hills, but I’m not. In the last few weeks, a different ‘me’ has been shining through. At first I thought it was a new me, but that’s not true. It’s just me, the girl I was always supposed to be. I’m happy, I’m healthy, and, with the exception of my mom, I have everything I’ve ever wished for: friends that are like family and a man I’m head over heels for.
Despite all of this, there is a feeling nagging at me. I need to come clean to Kulani about who I am and why I’m here. I don’t know how he’s going to take it. I fear he’ll look at me differently when he sees the kind of filth I came from. And, on top of that, there’s a very real chance I could be putting him in danger if I tell him. Despite that, he needs to know the truth. He deserves to know.
I’ve made plans to talk to Kendrick when he comes to Hawaii for Camille’s birthday party. I want his permission to tell Kulani the truth. I have to leave with Kendrick to testify in the trial and I don’t know how else I’ll explain my leaving to Kulani.
“So, what’s the problem?” Layla asks, effectively bringing my other worry to the forefront of my mind.
“I want tonight to be the night.”
Over the past month, Layla and I have become even closer. I didn’t think it was possible, but we have, which is why she knows exactly what I mean when I say ‘the night.’ Tonight is the night I want to give my virginity to Kulani.
Since telling Kulani about how inexperienced I was, he’s never tried to pressure me. We’ve done things below the waist, but every time we start to take it further, he stops. I know it’s because he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to sleep with him. At first, I was okay and comfortable with that because, in truth, I wasn’t ready.
Now that I am ready, I want to smack him every time he stops us from going further, so when he asked if I wanted to come to his house—a place he’s never invited me to for reasons I don’t understand—I knew that I wanted my first time to happen tonight.
Now I’m lying on a towel with a red face, about to ask Layla for help and advice.
She sits up and faces me in a flash. “You mean?”
I blush harder and nod.
I laugh and sit up when Layla squeals and claps her hands. “That’s exciting! Are you sure you’re ready?” she asks with a serious look. I look back at the ocean and replay all my memories of the past weeks with Kulani.
I don’t know if he feels the same way about me as I feel about him and I can’t read the future. I don’t know what will happen to us in the coming weeks or, hell, even tomorrow, and our future is made cloudier by my past. But I know, in this moment, that I want Kulani in the best way. I would never regret giving that part of myself to him.
“I’m sure.”
“Holy shit! There are so many things I want to know. What are you wearing?”
Layla spends the next sixty seconds firing any question she can think of at me before I finally cut her off.
“I actually have no idea,” I admit quietly.
Layla beams at this admission and I know it’s because she sees another opportunity to play dress up. “Well, any of the dresses you bought on the last shopping trip will do just fine. What we need to focus on is what’s going to be under the dress.” With a wink, she stands up and brushes the sand off her butt.
“Where are we going?” I ask when she grabs my hand and hauls me to my feet.
“A little store called Sweet Sensations.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m standing in a store with not only sexy lingerie, but also multiple sex toys. What have I gotten myself into?
***
Kulani knocks on the door at the same time Layla and Pika walk out of her room. “Why are you just staring at the door?” Layla asks as she comes to stand next to me, quiet enough so only I can hear her.
I look at her with what I’m sure is a look full of panic. “I don’t know if I can do this,” I whisper.
“Then don’t.” She shrugs.
“But I want to!”
“Then do it.” She shrugs again.
I glare. “You’re not helping.”
“I’m being very helpful. You’re just missing the point.” She grabs my upper arms and turns me toward her.
“If you want to, you do it. If you don’t, you don’t. You have all the power here. Take your time and make a decision you’re comfortable with. I’ve seen Kulani and you together. I even see what you don’t. The way he looks at you? Trust me that man would wait forever. Just relax and have fun.”
She’s right. I release a ragged breath, look at the door, and square my shoulders. I chant, I have all the power, in my head to give me courage, but my stomach coils into a big ball of nerves again when he knocks again, this time more impatiently.
I look at Layla, pleading for her to make a decision for me. She grabs my arm and drags me to the front door. She swings it open just as Kulani is about to knock again.
Wasting no time, Layla shoos me out the door. “Have fun,” she says. Then she shuts the door in both of our faces.
“What was that about?” Kulani asks, suspicion in his tone.
“Nothing,” I blurt.
“Okay, babe. You ready?” I nod and grab
the hand he held out for me.
It’s only a two minute drive to his house, a small, one story that sits on the ocean. The inside is exactly what I imagined it to be—a complete bachelor pad. There’s hardly any decoration, but he has the best gaming system on the market. After a tour of his house, he leads me to the kitchen.
I giggle when he lifts me up and sits me on the counter. My giggle is caught in my throat when Kulani runs his hands up my bare legs in a slow, sensual motion. “Are you thirsty?” he asks.
My throat is dry, but it has nothing to with being thirsty and everything to do with how much I want him. “No,” I whisper.
I lick my dry lips, a movement Kulani tracks. I can see the lust clouding his eyes, and his dick is so close to my core that I can feel his erection growing.
Just when I’m about to say screw it and throw caution to the wind, he takes a step back and tries to adjust himself inconspicuously. “Want to watch a movie?” he asks.
I deflate. I know he’s not rejecting me, but it feels that way. I can’t help but obsess over what could be so wrong with me that he wouldn’t want me or why he’s fighting so hard not to take us any further. Maybe he’s having second thoughts?
I smile the best I can. “Sure.” But that’s all I can manage. I ignore his offer to help me down and walk past him to the living room. I can feel him watching me, but I don’t turn around.
It’s only when I sit on the couch that he walks in the living room behind me. “What do you want to watch?”
“Anything is fine. I’m not picky.”
Once he pops the movie in, he sits next to me and pulls me to his side. Despite my feelings, I let him because next to him is one of the best places to be on earth.
Of course he picked a movie that has stuff blowing up in the first five minutes, but I don’t mind. I have too much on my mind to focus on a movie right now.
I stew over my insecurities before I finally can’t take it. I turn to Kulani and blurt out a question that’s been bothering me for a while now. “Why haven’t you ever brought me to your house before tonight?”
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