“Fine,” she replied.
A long silence separated us for a few moments, but they were nothing to the endless chasm of pain she’d caused. That gap could never be closed. “Mother?”
“Yes. How are things with Matthew?” she asked as if we talked every day, making conversation about my love life.
I drained more wine from the glass and rubbed my lips together. This was fast turning into a two bottle night. “I’m not with Matthew anymore.”
“I got a strange phone call from him earlier today.”
The wine almost flew back up my throat and on to my lap. Why on earth would Matthew call my criminal mother? The only reason could be to try to control or manipulate me in some way. “Why the hell would Matthew call you in prison?”
Maybe I could get a damn restraining order.
“He told me that you broke up with him because of your inability to have children. Why didn’t you ever tell me about that, Ally? I feel so horrible that I wasn’t there for you when those test results came in.”
You were never there for anything.
“Yeah, it’s a pity,” I quipped, unable to resist a shot at her. “Probably all the vodka, pot and cigarettes while I was in the womb. I’m surprised I’m not an addict now.” I looked at the half empty bottle of wine in disgust and pushed it away from me.
“I never smoked when I was pregnant with you,” she replied in a low whine. I didn’t believe her. The only words that came out of her treacherous mouth were lies.
“Matthew’s talking shit. Not that it matters. The only truthful part of that conversation was the fact that we broke up. He left me. And he wasn’t nice about it. He hasn’t been nice about it since.”
“Ally, Matthew’s a good guy. A police officer. He could have protected you and given you the safe and stable life you’d always wanted.”
The one you should have given me.
I grasped the edge of the counter with one hand and slammed the wine glass down with the other. “Are you kidding me? Matthew was a douche bag. Abusive. Mean. He was addicted to pornography and video games. And you know what, Mom? Know what else about your golden boy? He was cheap. He only took me to fast food and matinee movies. He only kept Two-Buck Chuck in the fridge and Miller High Life. If that’s what safety and stability mean, then maybe I don’t really want it!”
Because I wanted chemistry. And excitement. And kisses that curled my toes into little balls of unclenching desire.
What did Matthew really want by involving my mom? He’d always viewed her as the scum on the bottom of his shoe, like the criminals he arrested each and every day. He stopped me every time I tried to help her. Convinced me to shut her completely out of my life.
She was a person who’d done some despicable acts, but she was still a person. She was still my mother.
“He wants you two to go away together. See if you can work it out.”
“We went to brunch the other day,” I said, trying to explain with my tone because words were failing.
Mom’s voice deepened. “Can’t you give him another chance, honey?”
I wonder what she’d do if I told her that the last time Matthew had mentioned her, he’d called her an Easter egg who belonged in the slammer.
“Why should I care what Matthew wants? Why should you?” I asked, grasping the stem of the wine glass again, then letting it go.
She blew out a breath that crackled on my side of the phone. “Because if you don’t go away with him, he’ll tell the district attorney that I’ve been dealing on the inside.”
My stomach sank. “Are you?”
“I can’t believe you could even ask me that question,” she whispered. But I could still hear her. I wouldn’t allow her to guilt me into spending one more moment with Matthew. I toyed with the idea of turning him into internal affairs.
Matthew knew how far I’d gone in the past to help my mother. He knew that I’d do anything to keep her out of trouble in prison because I didn’t want anything horrible to happen to her in there. I didn’t want her to die inside a metal cage. Now, he was taking advantage of his inside knowledge of me. Everything I’d shared with him because I thought we’d be together forever. I squeezed my eyes shut.
This was a choice. Mom had made her own choices.
“Goodbye, Mom,” I said, then hung up.
I caved in, grasped the bottle and the glass and went through to my bedroom, because standing in the kitchen reminded me too much of Gabe and what I’d lost.
Chapter 35
Ally
“You have got to be kidding me,” Kelly said, slamming her palms onto my coffee table and leaning forward to glare at me. “He did that? He used your mother against you? This is seriously grounds for a restraining order. This guy is out of his fucking mind.”
“I still don’t know what my options are. I think I need to talk to a lawyer.”
“You’re never going to see him again,” Kelly replied, folding her arms like that brought an end to the issue for good. “Please assure me you’ll never see him again. If not, I’m going to have to lock you in the bakery.”
“Don’t worry, Kelly. I’m never going near that sleazebag again.”
Kelly nodded her satisfaction, then settled back on my sofa. She grabbed a cushion and pulled it onto her lap, then started picking at the threads sticking out of the seam. “And what about Gabe?”
“I don’t know.” I walked around the coffee table and sank down beside her. “He seems to evoke every emotion I possess, even though I’d wish it were otherwise. The minute I think we might have something special, lies get in the way. Or Faith. It’s like the Universe is telling me it’s not right for Gabe and me to stay together.”
She patted my hand, then took it between hers, like she was trying to warm me from my cold thoughts. “I think you both just need to sit down some place quiet and uninterrupted for a few hours and hash it out. You haven’t tried that yet. You’re both running away.”
“If I’m running, I have no idea what I’m running from. Maybe what’s between Gabe and me just isn’t meant to be.” My gut wrenched at the thought of never seeing him again. Never touching his fevered skin or inhaling his unique scent. Or, his weight pressing me into the mattress. Skin to skin. Desperate to give me pleasure and take his own.
I shivered as if Gabe’s actual hand had just stroked across my skin. “I don’t know, Kelly, I just can’t take all this drama. I want to focus on the bakery, just like you said, but it’s as if a three ring circus has come to town and popped the big top right in the middle of my life.”
“Then let the fat lady sing.” Kelly let me go and tugged at the threads furiously now as she held my gaze. “You obviously want nothing to do with Matthew, so tell him to take a hike.”
“I’d like nothing better than to put him in his place and tell him his twisted game is over. But I can’t help feeling guilty about my mom. What if he actually dummies up some false evidence against her? With her sordid past and inability to pay for a decent lawyer, she’d get the book thrown at her again. How could I live with myself if she left the prison in a pine box?”
“Ally, your mother made her own bed when she decided to traffic drugs. It’s not your job to continue to save her,” Kelly was using her no-nonsense tone again. The one she used when she was right. And she knew it. “Kind of like a role reversal. You’re so used to taking care of her that it feels normal to you. It’s not normal.”
I gave a bitter laugh. “You’re talking like they’re people I can just box and sort out. I might be able to ignore my mom and Matthew, but I don’t know what to do about Gabe. He won’t even say more than a few random sentences to me.”
“Hmm,” Kelly said, then sighed. “Hmm.” She picked at more threads, fueled by her nervous energy so I snatched the cushion out of her hands and playfully bonked her on the head with it.
“Ally! You’ll give my hair static cling, you silly goose.” My phone buzzed to life and I jumped. “Hold that thought,” I said as
my voice deepened. This couldn’t be anything good. I wasn’t expecting anyone and the bakery was closed.
“Oh god, what now?” Kelly groaned and went back to worrying my cushion. “It’s like watching a story line in The Bold and the Beautiful.”
“Through the sands of the hourglass so are the days of our lives,” I joked as I rose and hurried over to the phone. I picked it up and showed her the name on the screen. “It’s Matthew.”
“Answer it,” Kelly said, narrowing her eyes and pushing her lips out. “Yeah, give that tool a piece of your mind.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Answer it, Ally.”
I answered the phone and squared my shoulders. “What do you want, Matthew?” I spit out the words, pissed that I hadn’t thought to remove him from my contacts and block him.
“I take it you were expecting my call, sexy,” Matthew crooned into the phone. “I’ve been waiting all day to call you. I couldn’t wait any longer. I love hearing your name on my lips, just like back in the day when I had my cock buried between your legs.”
Fuck you.
“I only answered because I have caller ID and I have something I want to say to you.” I rubbed my eye with one hand then steeled myself for the smack down. And subsequent fall-out. I had no idea what lengths Matthew would go to get his way. What he was capable of doing to me.
Kelly gave me a double thumbs up.
“Missed me already? Gabe not getting it done?”
Don’t you even mention Gabe’s name.
“I want you to stop contacting me, Matthew. No texts. No calls. No in-person visits. Stay away from me and my bakery or I’ll lawyer up.”
He laughed. A long, drawn out laugh that resembled a howl in some places. “What do you think your cut-rate lawyer could do to me?” He laughed again. “I’m law enforcement, Ally. Union. Untouchable. And don’t even think about calling internal affairs. I already paid a visit to the Chief of Police to tell her some crazy bitch was making crazy accusations against me. I’ve been a valued member of the force for years. Hell, I have a medal of valor.”
“Maybe they won’t believe me, but Kelly is sitting right here and you’re on speaker. I also got a call from my mom today. You think internal affairs would discount three witnesses all giving the same story? Two of them being respected business owners and members of the Chamber of Commerce. Not to mention what Gabe might have to say about you.”
An extended silence was the only indication that I’d hit a nerve. He hadn’t thought his diabolical plan through very well. “What did your mom say?”
“That you’re trying to control me by threatening her. That you’re trying to keep me away from Gabe even though you don’t really want me for yourself.” I needed him to admit it.
“Oh?” He sounded genuinely surprised, probably that I hadn’t caved and started kissing his ass. I was stronger now. Braver.
I tapped my foot twice and the anger inside me built up momentum. “Seriously, who the fuck do you think you are? You come over here and tell me that you cheated on me, try to ruin what I have with Gabe, then bully my incarcerated mother? Don’t you think her life is shitty enough?”
“Baby, it’s because —”
I raised a finger along with my voice, even though he couldn’t see me. “Don’t call me baby, Matthew. I am not and never will be your baby. I don’t think I ever was and I am damn glad to be free of you. You’re sick. You don’t understand what love is.”
“You’d better slow down or I’ll —”
“Or what?” I half-shrieked it, then moderated my tone at Kelly’s frantic gestures. “Or what? What’s next on your perverted list of things to do to me? Rape? Murder? Just how far are you willing to go?” I couldn’t stop firing the questions. Questions without answers.
“I’ll go as far as I need to. As far as you push me. Ally … we belong together,” he replied, and his tone was sullen. Like a fat kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Well, I was done catching him with his hand anywhere. “I know I was the one who threw it all away, but I’ve had a change of heart. What I did was wrong. Let me make it up to you.”
“And I’ll report your sorry ass to your superiors if you don’t back the fuck off,” I replied, then took a measured breath and forced a smile, “Goodbye, Matthew. Don’t contact me again.” Then I hung up.
Kelly leaped off the couch and pumped her fist in the air. “Yes! That was perfect. I loved the part about me hearing the conversation and being willing to back you up. I am, you know. I’ll always be here for you, bestie.”
I put my phone down and took a step towards her, then stopped. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I couldn’t stop at this, I had to finish it somehow. So I could move on with my life.
I grabbed my phone and walked for the door.
“Where are you going?” Kelly called out. She followed me to the front door and stopped. “Ally, where are you going?”
“I’m going to talk to Gabe. I have a feeling that he and Matthew’s rift goes deeper than either one of them are letting on.”
“Really?” Kelly asked as she grabbed her phone.
“Are you coming with me, or not?” I asked.
She slid her purse off the counter by the strap and shouldered it. “You bet your ass I am.”
Chapter 36
Ally
“Are you really ready? What if you find out something you don’t like?” Kelly asked, turning in the passenger seat to stare at me.
I gripped the wheel with both hands and swallowed. The lump in my throat had started at my apartment and only grown larger with each passing mile. My newfound bravery was starting to dissipate and I thought about turning back. Had I been alone, I would have. Kelly’s presence and support worked as a calming influence
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. No matter what I find out, I can face it and work through it. Look at everything I’ve endured in my life and I’m still standing. Neither one of these guys has the ability to break me. Gabe’s either going to come clean or he isn’t. He’s either going to move on with me or reject me. I won’t die from it.”
The word ‘reject’ was like a knife to the heart.
“He’s crazy about you, from what I’ve seen and heard, he really is. He won’t reject you. You heard him out when the whole Faith thing came out.”
I wiggled my head from side to side and steered right. “Maybe. I’m not sure about anything anymore. Even our physical attraction to each other. It seems to have cooled.”
“Stop,” Kelly said, then reached over and squeezed my arm. “Stop beating yourself up about this. Let’s leave the past in the past. Now is the time for action.” She gave another thumbs up in a gesture of solidarity.
“Right, so I can do this. It’s totally fine. Totally fine,” I murmured, then repeated that a couple times. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. “I’m not crazy. Even though I’m repeating myself. I guess if I start sucking my thumb and drooling, you should worry.”
Kelly threw back her head and laughed.
The streets were pretty empty at this time of night, and the snow came down slowly, coating the sides of the road. My car made tracks through it and a red light allowed me time to catch my breath. And consider turning around again.
“You know this will all be okay,” Kelly said, leaning towards me. She peered up into my face and smiled. “I swear, everything’s going to turn out just fine.”
“Thanks, Kel, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. God, I’m still not sure I’m even ready for a relationship or whatever the hell this thing with Gabe is.”
I accelerated when the light turned green and crawled through the snow-covered streets. Every second brought Gabe’s apartment closer. Any minute now I’d walk up to his door, knock and see him again. For the first time since Matthew had burst into the kitchen and ruined it all.
I turned the corner onto his road and stopped a few feet behind a gorgeous silver Bentley.
“That looks out
of place for the neighborhood,” Kelly said, squinting at the luxury car. “I’m surprised it still has its rims.”
“You’re not suggesting people steal in the downtown area, are you?” It wasn’t a serious question, but we always joke around this way when times were tense.
“Of course not,” Kelly winked. “Do you have a crowbar or know how to hotwire a car?”
“Sorry, I left the crowbar in my assault kit at home. The hotwiring, yeah, no, I don’t think that’s gonna happen either.” I plumped my lips, then grabbed my bag from Kelly’s lap and brought out my mirror. I stared at my reflection and grimaced. “I probably should’ve brushed my teeth.”
“You’re stalling.”
“Busted.” I took out a tube of lipstick and put some pink on, then studied my reflection again. It was marginally better. Not that he’d care much if he was about to slam the door in my face.
Butterflies battered the lining of my stomach and I gripped the arm rest. This was it. I nodded to Kelly then reached for the door handle.
“Wait,” she hissed.
I froze and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”
She pointed at the Bentley in front of us, then slumped down to avoid notice. I followed the line of her finger and gasped. Faith stood beneath a street light, looking ready to pop and a man stood beside her. Gabe.
I grappled with the handle and hit the power window about an inch. Bits of their conversation drifted through the gently falling snow to my ears.
“Just give me the car keys, Faith.”
“I’m pregnant, not a cripple,” she replied, then patted him on the cheek. Embarrassment and rage washed over me. So, they were back together after all. I’d been played.
“Maybe it’s not what it looks like,” Kelly whispered, but I could tell from her mortified look that she didn’t believe it either.
“I’m taking them, whether you like it or not.” Gabe grabbed the keys from her hand and unlocked the car. He walked Faith around to the other side, then helped her in and closed the door.
“Okay, maybe it’s exactly what it looks like,” Kelly murmured, then covered her mouth with her hand.
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