by Ho, Jo
“Sorry, bud, just have a lot on my mind, you know?”
He woofed once. Yes, I know I translated his answer, sure that was what he meant even without the iPad. One of the perks of living in a small town was how everyone knew one another. At first, this had made me super nervous of being here. I just wasn’t used to people knowing my name or my business but, it did have its positives, like being allowed to bring Bandit inside the grocery store, even though the owners knew he wasn’t a service dog. Zeb had been shopping here close to forty years now, and the owners were old friends. I was pretty relieved. The last few times I’d had to fake anything it hadn’t gone down too well.
Unbidden, a painful memory surfaced from six months ago.
It was during our visit to Atlantic City when Sully was treating us to the biggest feast I’d ever had at Caesar’s Palace. It was a buffet about a block long and would’ve been the best day in my life if Bandit hadn’t suffered his first seizure there. Seeing his eyes roll into the back of his head and his mouth foaming, I had to fight to stave off a shudder. Even though I knew he was fine now, just remembering that moment had me feeling all kinds of terror.
As if he could feel it (which, I’m sure he could — probably smelt it on me or something), Bandit took hold of my sleeve in his mouth and gingerly started leading me to the bread aisle. That’s right, we needed bread. I found a loaf then scanned through my list and started grabbing the items. Ten or so minutes and a bagful of groceries later, I checked out and was walking towards the exit when one of the owners, a man with a bad comb-over and puffy cheeks stopped me. Despite his lack of a clue on all things concerning appearance, Mr. Wellis was a nice guy and never had a bad word to say about anyone.
“Hey, Chase.” He stooped down to pat Bandit on the head before slipping him a dog biscuit that he kept in his pocket for such occasions. Bandit took it gratefully and gave him a lick of thanks.
“Hi, Mr. Wellis.” I hoisted the heavy shopping bag up against my stomach, wondering briefly if I’d maybe bought too much to fit onto my bike.
“Did you manage to find your friend?” he asked.
I blinked at him, confused. “No, what friend?”
“Oh. A lady. She was asking about you. You must have just missed her.”
My mind was a jumble of confusion. I couldn’t think who he meant.
“You’re sure she was asking for me and not someone else?” I asked. We pretty much knew the same people, so this was pretty weird. I felt a slight twinge of apprehension but quickly shook it off. Mr. Wellis wasn’t exactly great at getting facts right. Trying to get him to pass on a message was like playing Chinese Whispers. A couple of weeks ago, I’d asked him to let me know when the chorizo was back in stock (Sully was a big fan), but when he’d finally found me to let me know, he’d lead me to avocado section. Not sure how chorizo had become avocado in his head, but there you go.
Mr. Wellis shook his head. “No, she was definitely asking for you. Wonder where she could have gotten to?” He stared out the window, out into the street but couldn’t find her. My apprehension suddenly grew into the beginnings of panic. Who could be looking for me when no one knew I was here?
“I gotta get going, this bag’s getting kinda heavy.” I wasn’t exactly lying either, the bag had suddenly become a dead weight in my arms. Beside me, Bandit didn’t make a sound, but he shifted his weight between his legs back and forth, a clear sign of his agitation.
Mr. Wellis stepped out of my way. “Sure. If I see her again, I’ll let her know I spoke to you. You want me to give her Zeb’s number?”
“Um, no, can you just take down hers? I can always call her back.” Once a suspicious New Yorker, always a suspicious New Yorker, even if I had lived there less than a year.
“No problem, see you tomorrow. You too, Bandit.” He patted him on the head once more then went back to work. I shot Bandit a look and inclined my head to him, telling him to follow me outside. He came immediately, staying close, intelligent eyes scanning the street for signs of this mysterious woman. We arrived at my bike. I swung the bag up, trying to set it into the front basket when someone CRASHED into me. The bag was knocked clean from my hands and food went rolling every which way.
“Oh jeez,” I said, looking at the loaf of fresh bread, now lying dirty on the ground.
“Chase! I didn’t see you there,” came a voice from behind me. It was a familiar voice, made husky from the many cigarettes she smoked on a daily basis, and one I didn’t think I’d ever hear again in my life.
I spun around to see the woman standing before me.
“Mom,” I gasped, unable to believe my eyes.
33
Chase
She hadn’t changed at all.
Her bleached blonde hair was still dry and tucked into an untidy ponytail, and her eyes were heavy with the thick layers of mascara she liked to wear. She was dressed in jeans and a cheap blouse that she had buttoned up wrong. I wasn’t sure what it was about that fact that almost undid me.
How had she found me?
“What’re you doing here?” I gasped. Hearing the shakiness in my voice, Bandit pressed against me, looking at her, not understanding the situation but prepared to support me all the same.
“I came to find you,” she said. Her eyes started watering with tears and she reached out to hug me but I stepped away from her. Bandit whined, unsure what to do.
“But how did you know where I was?”
“Does it matter, Chase? Don’t you care how far I’ve come to find you?” she asked, somewhat desperately.
“I don’t know why you’re here or who told you, but I don’t want anything to do with you,” I said harshly. “Go home.” She flinched, but I didn’t care.
“Come on, can’t we just talk? Let me buy you a root beer float. They have ‘em in the diner across the road. I know how much you love them.” She touched my arm, but I shook her off.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I hate root beer, mom. Always have. It’s coke floats I like.”
She blinked, confused for a moment. I could see her literally racking her brain.
“You’re sure? Could’ve sworn that’s what you liked…”
“I guess that’s too much for you to remember isn’t it, what with you always so focused on pleasing Tubs.” I spat the words out, relieved I was finally able to say the things to her that I never could before. Not if I didn’t want to be beaten for it. Saying his name caused a flicker of fear to rise through me. I suddenly realized she might not have come alone. My eyes scanned the street left and right, looking for any sign of his hulking shape. Bandit moved in front of me, ready to protect me from the danger he could sense I was fearing. Despite everything else, I felt a surge of love towards him. My buddy would never let me down. Not like Mom.
Realizing I was looking for him, she spoke. “I came alone. He doesn’t know I’m here.”
“Well, that’s one smart thing you’ve managed to do in your life. Congratulations.”
I didn’t care that I might sound like a jerk right now to anyone passing by. They had no idea what life was like with this woman. What I’d had to put up with in the last few years. Shooting her a look of disgust, I picked up whatever groceries I could salvage off the ground. Sensing I wasn’t in any immediate danger, Bandit grabbed a can of soup, carrying it gently between his teeth. His action caught her attention and she must have finally noticed him as she gave him a look of disgust.
“You got a dog.”
She’d never liked animals, and I’d only been lucky enough to get a baby duckling from her after she’d been given it from a neighbor who worked on a farm. I figured I didn’t have to answer to her anymore, so I chose not to answer that question. She didn’t deserve to know anything about me, and I was furious that she was even here.
“It’s none of your business, what I do and don’t have. Just go away and leave me alone.” I shoved the groceries into the basket, taking the can from Bandit. She grabbed my arm, trying to get my attention
.
“Please, let’s just talk…” she began, but I’d already had enough of her being here. I shook her off again and grabbed hold of my bike.
“GO AWAY!” I yelled, suddenly having lost all control. My voice carried out into the street causing startled faces to look my way in concern. Mr. Wellis came out of the store then, and for the first time since I’ve known him, he wasn’t smiling. He called over to me.
“You OK, Chase? Is there a problem here?”
Though his words were directed at me, he was looking at her, and by his stance, I could see that he just needed the word and he would come deal with her himself. I felt so overwhelmed by his support, I felt tears prick at the edges of my eyes.
Mom must have seen he meant business too as she raised both hands in front of her and backed off. “No, no. No problem here. I’m going,” she said, walking briskly away.
Angrily, I wiped the tears from my eyes as Mr. Wellis’ expression turned sympathetic. “You want to come inside, tell me what she wanted? I can call Sully or Sam for you?”
I shook my head, mad at myself for letting her get to me. “No, I’m good. I’m just gonna head to Warrey’s to see Gideon. Thanks, Mr. Wellis, thanks for helping.”
“You’re welcome, Chase. You take care now.”
I took off on my bike, Bandit following close behind. Once I was a little distance away, I tossed a look over my shoulder but she was long gone.
34
Chase
I reached Warrey’s in five minutes flat.
I knew I could have gone home, but it was a longer ride and I felt I would be safer in town, with Gid, rather than out in the fields on my own. I didn’t know what my mom wanted, or whether it was true that she was here without Tubs. The whole thing was bizarre and not in a fun way.
Luckily Warrey wasn’t around, but I could see Gideon’s head peeking out from behind the wheel of a 4x4. Without Warrey around, the radio was tuned to a local station, and the volume was low as Gid didn’t really have it on to listen to. He was just never able to deal with silence despite living in the middle of nowhere.
Hearing my tires crunch onto the gravel drive, he looked up, surprised to see me. I guess I wasn’t able to hide how I was feeling as he knew immediately that something had gone down. Throwing down a wrench, he marched towards me.
“What’s wrong?”
I told him quickly, trying all the while not to give in to my panic. When I was done, his eyes looked as wide as mine. Wiping the grease stains onto his jeans, he took out his phone.
“We need to tell Sully.”
I nodded in agreement. I’d actually wanted to call Sully immediately but I couldn’t do it in front of Mr. Wellis or my mom. Now we were safely away from prying eyes, I was desperate to hear Sully’s take on it. He would know what to do. I rested my hand on Bandit’s head, getting comfort from the feel of him there. He leaned against me, tongue snaking out to lick my hand now and then.
Gideon put his phone on speaker and he called Sully. The call rang and rang but he didn’t pick up. When it cut to voicemail, Gideon spoke into the phone. “Sul, it’s Gid. We’ve got a big problem. Can you call me when you get this?” He hung up and looked at me. “How did she find you? Did she say?”
“No,” I replied miserably. An unwanted thought was beginning to creep up on me and it was one I didn’t want to face or own up to, but I knew I had to. “But… I did call her.”
“What? When?” he demanded, arms folded across his chest.
I stared down at the ground. “When we were in Connecticut. But I called them from Sully’s clinic and I didn’t say a word! So she can’t have known it was me, can she?” My eyes grew round at the possibility.
“That doesn’t make any sense. Even if she figured out it was you and looked up the area code, it would have led her there, not here. She must’ve found you another way, but how?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did she say what she wanted?”
“To talk. But I didn’t give her a chance,” I said. And suddenly I felt so stupid. Here we were, trying to second guess her appearance when if I hadn’t been acting like an emo kid, I could’ve just asked her what she wanted. Neither of us had the answers but one thing was clear: I wasn’t getting a good feeling about any of this.
Where was Sully?
Why didn’t he call us back?
35
Sully
I could see my destination just ahead of me.
All morning I had run around town, grabbing basic items we’d need for Pixie. It was clear that her distrust of Bandit wasn’t going to go anytime soon, so it was double of everything, not just food bowls and a bed, but also brushes and blankets. Pixie wouldn’t like anything that would smell of him.
As I sped through my to-do list eager to have it done with so I could get onto what I really came out here for, I realized it felt good to be on my own. All night, I had struggled with my “problem” as I was fast calling it. Sam was a trooper, but she clearly didn’t believe me and I honestly couldn’t blame her. I’d racked my brain until it was ready to explode but I was still to find a logical explanation; how had that text vanished into thin air? While the others thought I was suffering from stress — and it was entirely possible that I was — I was convinced that the message had been real. I knew I had received it which meant someone had sent it to me.
And I was determined to find out who.
I pulled into the parking lot of the wood-clad building and killed the engine. As I climbed out of the truck, my phone started vibrating in my pocket, but I had already drawn the attention of the man in front of me, who was approaching with a friendly wave. Around my age and fit from the many days spent patrolling the area on foot, he wore an olive green shirt, the same style as Sam’s though, being a higher rank, her uniform usually consisted of a white shirt — which she was happy about since the green clashed with her hair apparently (I wouldn’t know as she looked pretty fantastic in anything, but I had it on her good authority that was the case and I had learned long ago not to argue with the women in my life).
I glanced down at the phone to see “Gideon calling” flashing up on the display. If I answered, I’d run the risk that he’d hear Brad’s greeting. It was best if I just called him back later so he couldn’t figure out where I was. The last thing I needed were more skeptical faces staring at me. I flipped the phone to silent, slipped it back into my pocket, and forced a smile.
“Hey, Brad, how’re you?”
“Good, good. Wife tried a new recipe last night, her Asian style, secret recipe beef. No idea what was in it, if that’s the real name or just something she made up, but that may have been the best steak I’ve ever had in my life.” He patted his stomach fondly, happy from the memory of his dinner.
“Nice. Sam’ll have to see if she can pry it from your wife,” I said, only half my attention on the conversation. Though I knew what I was about to do wasn’t bad per se, my heart raced and I felt like I was going behind Sam’s back.
“She can try, but I’m guessing she’ll get no joy. Woman seems to think she’s going to bottle and sell it.” He inclined his head inside. “Sam’s out on patrol right now, you want me to radio her?”
I already knew she was out, having discreetly enquired as to her schedule today. It wasn’t Sam I needed to see.
What I was about to do, I didn’t want her to know about.
“Actually, Brad, I’m hoping you might be able to help me out with something.”
36
Sully
Brad looked at me curiously.
“Sure thing, Sully. You wanna go inside?” he asked.
I nodded and followed him into the reception area. Lana, a blonde with a neat updo, smiled at me over her glasses as she tapped into a computer with brightly painted nails.
“Hey, Sul,” she greeted me.
“Lana,” I nodded at her, careful not to ask how she was. Lana loved to talk and needed only the slightest encouragement before torturing h
er victim with an intricate blow-by-blow of her day which usually began with a description of her latest ailment. As I didn’t want to run the risk of Sam getting back while I was still here, I averted my eyes and walked quickly past her station. Even without looking at her directly, I could sense her shoulders slump in disappointment and knew I had made a quick escape.
Brad walked over to a drinks station and grabbed a mug. “Coffee?” he asked, but I shook my head, keen to get moving. He must have sensed this as he set the mug down and moved into his office. I followed him inside.
I’d been here a few times before, though always while Sam was around. Usually, we’d shoot the breeze while I waited for her to finish her shift. Today was different, however, and I found myself taking in the room with new eyes. Framed photographs lined every surface. There was Brad with his missus and their five kids, ranging from toddler to surly teenager. And another of their wedding day. Then one of each kid as they went through kindergarten through to middle school where the oldest ones now were. Brad was quite the family man it seemed. I wasn’t sure if that bode well for me.
“Brad, this is a bit of a delicate matter, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about this to anyone else, not even Sam,” I began. What the hell, might as well go in guns blazing.
His eyes went a little wider, but other than that, he kept his face stoic though I noticed he now clasped his hands on the desk in front of him. It was probably a position he took when dealing with the public, and it was very possible he didn’t realize he had subtly shifted his stance with me. “Oh,” he said. “How can I help?”