by Diana Palmer
Bett almost fainted when she read it. The article was full of praise for the idea, preconceived it seemed, of having a pregnant girl play the role. The reporter went on to speculate that when Bett delivered, her understudy could handle the role while she was out having the baby. Of course he didn’t mention the baby’s parentage, tastefully leaving it as part of the mystery.
Although Bett was furious, David wasn’t. He thought it was terrific.
“Besides,” he said, while the three of them lounged at a sidewalk café and sipped coffee. “It’s giving us some great publicity. And it keeps you from pushing yourself too hard.”
“How could I manage to do that?” Bett asked with a sour face. “Everybody in the cast hounds me to rest.”
“You’re looking great,” David grinned. “All creamy and smooth and healthy.”
Janet looked at the slightly rosier, healthy face and giggled. “Very healthy,” she added.
“Just because I can’t zip up my slacks or button my normal blouses is no reason to call me fat,” she told them, and defiantly ordered a cream puff for dessert.
Nobody had heard from Cul. The first two weeks were over, a roaring success, and it was nice to have this Monday off, to breathe. Bett finished the cream puff and dusted off her fingers.
“Too much of that isn’t good for you,” Janet mentioned.
“And you need to walk more,” David agreed.
“Well, I’ll stop eating cream puffs, and I’ll walk right now,” she promised, holding up a hand when they tried to rise. “I’m a big girl, and no puns, I can walk alone. See you all later.”
“We’re coming for supper,” Janet reminded her.
“By all means, we’ll have pickles and yogurt mixed with mashed potatoes,” she said, grinning.
Janet quickly sipped her coffee, and David groaned. Bett left them sitting there. The two of them looked so right together, she thought, glancing back. Maybe that might work out one day. She shuffled along from window to window, enjoying the luxury of free time. The last week of dress rehearsal had meant twenty-hour days, and she’d been tired already. Now she was picking up, feeling healthy. The doctor had given her tablets for the morning sickness. Although she didn’t take many of them, she found that the occasional one made it easier for her to get around. And one of those multiple vitamins he’d prescribed made her feel capable of lifting a truck.
She was already feeling heavy, despite the fact that she hadn’t started to show at all. Her pants had stretchy waistbands, so they weren’t too tight, and she wore bigger bras and looser blouses. The one she had on today looked just right for early spring. It was white cotton, with a V neck, and felt lacy and feminine. She wore blue slacks with it, and left her hair long around her shoulders. She felt young, and full of hope. Despite the fact that Cul had almost dealt her a death blow, she was coming slowly back to life. People around her were kind, especially since the article. And although nobody really knew who the father was, most people agreed that it was a toss-up between David and Cul. Considering their respective behaviors, they’d narrowed the choice to David. He was so attentive and proud, who else could the father be? Bett only smiled. She was happy with her pregnancy. She hadn’t told her parents yet, but she felt that she’d be able to make them understand. And since she was living in a city the size of New York, hardly anyone would notice the lack of a husband. Her parents could tell their small circle of friends what they liked.
She walked around the corner to her apartment and stopped dead when she saw the black Porsche sitting in front of the building. There was nobody in it, but she knew whose it was. Her eyes went up the wall to her apartment.
For a minute she debated whether or not to go up. She wanted to see him, needed to see him, to feed her starving heart. But wouldn’t it only make it worse?
Picture
She stood indecisively.
The apartment house door opened and Cul walked out. His blond hair was ruffled by the wind, and he was wearing beige slacks with a white turtleneck sweater under a tweed jacket. He stopped, spotting her instantly, and then started down the steps toward her.
She didn’t run. She stood quietly with her hands in the pockets of her sweater and waited, very calmly.
He came to a stop just in front of her, his eyes involuntarily going down to the front of her loose blouse.
“Who leaked that story?” he asked curtly.
“I didn’t, in case that’s why you’ve come looking for me,” she returned with equal frigidity. “I have enough troubles without broadcasting my condition. I’ve worried every night that my parents might somehow get a copy of that paper.”
He stopped just in front of her, his face quiet and curious, his eyes bleak. “You don’t look well, Bett.”
“I’m pregnant,” she reminded him haughtily. “The early stages are uncomfortable for some women.”
He drew in a slow breath and stuck his hands in his pockets. “You’re going to keep it?”
“Of course,” she said quietly.
“Is Hadison pleased?”
It was an offensive, sarcastic thing to say. But from his point of view, probably justified, she thought miserably. He was sure that it wasn’t his. A doctor had told him he couldn’t father children. Probably the doctor didn’t believe in miracles, but Bett did. She was carrying one.
“David isn’t the father of my child,” she told him.
“Then who is?” He asked mockingly. “The milkman?”
“My baby is none of your business,” she said with cool pride. “I’m being taken care of by just about everyone except the baby’s father.”
“Didn’t he want it?” he asked curtly.
“It’s yours, Cul,” she replied with venom in her whole look. “You can deny it until hell freezes over, but it won’t change facts! I’m sorry you won’t believe it, but it’s the truth!”
“Didn’t you hear what I told you?” he demanded hotly. “I said, I’m sterile, Elisabet. Don’t you understand? I couldn’t father a child, no matter how hard I tried! That baby you’re carrying isn’t mine!”
“Then whose is it, since you’re the only man I’ve ever slept with?” she threw back.
“Hadison’s,” he said cuttingly. “He’s been hanging around you ever since we began production.”
“He’s my friend, and I like him very much, but I’ve never slept with him. I never could.”
He laughed disbelievingly. “Sure.”
“Is it so impossible for you to accept that your doctor could make a mistake?” she asked furiously. “We’re all human! The lab that did the tests could have inadvertently switched them, or a technician could have read them wrong!”
“I never made any other woman pregnant,” he said shortly.
“Most of the women you hang around with are on the pill,” she shot back, “and you know it. How many of them were unprotected?” She laughed up at him. “You and your women. How many do you have now, Cul? You must keep scorecards, so that you don’t lose track of them!”
“You’re one to talk about scorecards, you tramp,” he bit off, stung by the contempt in her voice into striking back.
She slapped him as hard as she could, watching fascinated as the red imprint of her hand burned on his hard cheek. He didn’t even flinch. He just stared at her.
“There was no one except you,” she said in a shaking tone. “Never anyone except you. I loved you!”
His eyelids flinched, just a shadow of movement. “Did you?” he taunted. “Then why take a lover on the side?”
“I didn’t,” she said fervently, trying to make him believe. But it was hopeless. She could see it in his face. “Oh, why won’t you believe me?”
“I wish I could,” he said quietly. “You don’t know how much I want children, Bett, or what I’d give to have fathered that child you’re carrying. But I don’t believe in miracles. You should have accused someone less cynical than me.”
“Have I ever lied to you?” she asked sadly.
/> He shrugged. “How would I know? You’re an actress, darling.”
“This isn’t acting,” she told him, touching her belly. She searched his face, but there was nothing there. He was adept at hiding his emotions, if he even had any. She’d never felt more helpless. “Well,” she said after a minute, “you were looking for a way to get rid of me, weren’t you? This just helped you along.”
“Are you sure of that?” he asked, his eyes level and unblinking. “How do you know what I feel?”
“No one does. You hide it very well, don’t you?” she asked bitterly. “I’m not quite that experienced yet. I was a pushover. I’d wanted you for so long. I was foolish enough to think that you had some feeling for me. But you never did, did you? It was all just physical with you, from the beginning.”
“Not quite,” he said through his teeth. His eyes went down to her belly and narrowed. “I was on the verge of a proposal. I missed you those weeks I was away.” Missed her, he mused bitterly. Ached for her! “I was just inches away from falling in love with you.”
“Was that before or after Cherrie and Tammy?” she asked politely. “You can accuse me of running around on you, but you’re the one with the entanglements. A new woman every night. Amazing, that I lasted so long!”
“Don’t,” he said gruffly, turning his eyes toward the street. “Don’t make it sound cheap.”
“Wasn’t it? You were just passing time. I was nothing more than an outlet for your needs, and I was too besotted to know it. Well, at least I won’t spend the rest of my life agonizing over you, Cul. It’s rather a blessing that this happened.”
“I’d hardly call unwed parenthood a blessing,” he returned.
“But then, you don’t need any stability,” she told him. “I do. I need love.”
“Did you love the baby’s father?”
“As a matter of fact, I did,” she sighed, smiling wistfully up at him. “Idiot though you are.”
“It isn’t mine, and wishing won’t make it so,” he said coldly.
“That’s what they say, all right.” She pulled her sweater closer around her, feeling the chill of the wind right through her. “Well, I’m sure you must have a woman waiting somewhere, and I’m not supposed to get chilled. So I’ll say goodbye.”
“Give my regards to your other lover.”
She turned on him, her eyes wide and dark and accusing. “Have those tests run again. I dare you.”
“I don’t need to.”
“You’ll wish you had,” she promised him, eyes flashing. “One day you’ll realize that I was telling you the truth, but it will be too late. And that will be the biggest irony of all. You’ll have a child that you’ll never know. You’ll have denied the one thing in your life you profess to want the most!”
And she turned and walked away, oblivious to the tautness of his body, the harsh lines in his face. At that moment, she didn’t care if she never saw him again.
Six
The confrontation worked on Bett’s emotions like cold water. She went through the motions of living, but she felt nothing. Cul’s words had cut like a knife. How could he be so blind? she wondered. How could he profess to care for her, and then refuse to believe her when she told him the truth?
Her appetite was the first casualty of the upset. David noticed that she wasn’t eating and one night after the performance he took her out to an all-night eatery and tempted her with eggs and toast.
The timing was just right. She closed her eyes, savoring the smells, as outside the dark sky was pelting rain.
“Feel okay?” David asked softly, smiling at her from the stool next to hers at the deserted counter.
“Just fine, now,” she agreed, digging heartily into the eggs. “I hadn’t even realized I was hungry.”
He chuckled, finishing off his toast. “It was a good night, though, wasn’t it? We must be doing something right, the crowds are still pouring in.”
“I almost blew it when I tripped, though.” She groaned. “That stupid long gown does it to me every time. Thanks for catching me.”
“My pleasure. I suppose they thought it was part of the act,” he added dryly. “Nobody laughed.”
“It isn’t that kind of play.” She sipped her coffee and her eyes were bitter. “I suppose Cul’s gone back down to the Bahamas to see his playmate. Did you notice her at opening night? A knockout. Very uptown.”
“No. I was too busy with my own few admirers,” he replied. He leaned forward, pinning her with a dark, steady gaze. “Marry me, Bett,” he said unexpectedly. “We’ll raise the baby together.”
She drew in a steadying breath and put down her fork slowly. “David, I can’t,” she told him sadly. “You’re my friend, and I’m very fond of you. But I don’t feel that way. I’m a one-man woman, despite the fact that the man in question is a solid-gold jackass who’s totally blind.”
“I won’t ask for much,” he persisted.
“You wouldn’t get much, is the thing.” She traced patterns in the icy fog on her glass of Coca-Cola. “No. Thank you, but no. It’s my problem.”
“It’s everybody’s problem,” he argued. “Janet is worried about you, too. She’s afraid for you, being in that apartment alone.”
“Why?” she laughed. “I have good neighbors.”
“You don’t even know their names!”
“I know Mr. Bartholomew,” she argued. “He’s the gentleman who sings off-key. He looks like that big opera star, but he’s not quite so generously proportioned.”
“Or so talented,” he mused.
“Anyway, he’s always around, watching, when I come in at night. He said I needed a papa, and since I didn’t have one of my own, he’d have to do.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Honest to goodness, David, people have been so kind to me….”
“Don’t.” He touched her hand lightly with his. “Bett, don’t. Look, suppose I go and talk to him? Tell him how it is with us?”
“Do you think he’d believe you?” she asked bitterly. “He said he loved me, David, but he doesn’t think the baby is his. That’s his misfortune, because of all the things he’s ever wanted in his life, a baby was first priority.”
“Then why didn’t he get married and have one?” David asked simply.
She couldn’t tell him that. She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of being obligated to stay with one woman.” Her eyes clouded. “Heaven knows, he got tired of me pretty quick, didn’t he?”
“Bett,” he groaned. His fingers tightened.
“It’s all right,” she said tautly. “We live and learn. I just feel so stupid. So cheap.”
“You’re not cheap.”
“Yes, I am,” she moaned. “I didn’t even put up a fight. Oh, David, my parents tried so hard to give me the kind of values that would last me all my life. I always thought I’d get married and have children, I never dreamed I’d throw it all away on an illusion. Look at me now. Pregnant and alone…and how am I going to tell my mother and father? They live in a small suburb of Atlanta, they’re respected in the community, they’re good church-going people.” She hid her face in her hands. “How can I expect them to live with the disgrace?”
“Bett, listen to me,” he said quickly. “We can get married. They’ll never have to know. I can give the baby a name, at least.”
“But it wouldn’t be fair to you, can’t you see that?” she asked miserably. “David, I don’t love you! And committing two wrongs won’t make a right!”
He sighed angrily. “God, are you stubborn!”
“No, I’m stupid,” she returned, drying her eyes. “And this is no time for self-pity. I’ve got to pull myself together.”
He watched her impatiently. “How will you manage by yourself?” he grumbled.
“I’m not by myself,” she replied. “I have you and Janet to cry on.”
He smiled gently. “Yes, I suppose so. How long have you known Janet?”
“Forever,” she told him. She reached for her mi
lk and sipped it. “She and I started out in acting together. But she decided that security was better and got a job as an assistant fashion designer. She loves it, and she’s very good at it.” She grinned. “Someday she’s going to be as famous as Halston and Bill Blass.”
“I’d like to see some of her work,” he murmured.
“Interested in dresses, are you?” she murmured back with a wicked grin.
He chuckled. “Only in what’s in them, actually.” He looked thoughtful. “But Janet looks pretty good, whatever she wears.”
“Indeed she does,” she agreed.
“Does she go with anyone?”
“No. She hates men.”
“How interesting.” He leaned back in his chair. “Why?”
“Ask her sometime.” She checked her watch. “David, this was delicious, but it’s late and tomorrow’s going to be another long day. The matinee…”
“Yes, I know.” He sighed and got up to pay the bill. “How are you going to hold up?”
She stood, too. “I’m tough,” she assured him, smiling. “Besides, it isn’t like work to me. It’s great fun. And my doctor, your friend, said that as long as I got plenty of rest it won’t hurt me to stay active. He thinks it might actually help when I deliver.”
“Did he tell you what it’s going to be?” he teased.
“I wouldn’t let him if he knew,” she said firmly. “I want it to be a surprise. Ready to go?”
“Whenever you are, lady.”
The apartment was very quiet when David left. She paced around, more concerned for her parents than she was for herself. She hadn’t even considered them until today. It would hurt her mother so much….
She hugged herself, wondering why she hadn’t thought of the consequences when she and Cul were together. She’d been so much in love that she’d been dazed, irresponsible. But now she was paying for that lapse, and despite the fact that she wanted the baby and would love it desperately, her life was in a horrible mess. All because of the new wave of permissive living, she had joined the ranks.