by Nicole Reed
“Yes,” I answer, not hesitating for a second.
“You brought him to me, didn’t you? You knew he was living with guilt that wasn’t his.”
Again, I answer, “Yes.”
“He’s lucky to have you. I can only imagine that his lifestyle is magnified ten times over from when I knew him. The drugs, the booze, the women. You have to be a strong woman to stand beside someone who is immersed in that world, not to mention the demons they already carry.” I just nod my head, not knowing where she is going with this. “Thank you, Syn. That guy that you love saved me in so many ways. I owe him my life. So, please don’t give up. He deserves someone that will stand by him and help fight what he carries inside.” Looking out the window at her husband, she continues, “I was lucky enough to find that person, and it has made all the difference in my life,” she says, looking back at me with a smile.
Her words give me hope that there could be a future for us, together, beyond Rhye’s pain.
Patting my hand, she whispers, “He’s coming back.” Jay smiles at me and mouths, “Thank you.”
I nod and smile back at her.
“Okay, you guys like hamburgers and hotdogs?” she asks, turning to get something from her kitchen cabinet.
“Sounds great,” I reply loudly.
“What sounds great?” Rhye says, coming back to sit down beside me.
“Food. I’m starving,” I answer, smiling at him.
“So, Rhye. Are you still living in L.A.?” Jay asks while fixing a huge salad. She slices a couple cucumbers, laying them on a small plate and placing them in front of me with a sweet grin.
He begins to tell her that we are both writing and recording our new albums in Nashville. Of course, he leaves out anything about his addiction and us. It makes me think that he’s embarrassed of the drugs instead of not giving a damn. I’d much rather he be embarrassed. You can try to help that. Once someone doesn’t give a damn, I’m finding it’s hard to change that perception. She talks to him about his music, keeping the conversation light for his sake. He even laughs when she says something about her awesome singing voice providing backup vocals. Must be an inside joke for them.
As I sit here next to the man I love and in front of the woman he used to love, I should feel some type of insecure jealousy, but what I’m really feelings is a sense of coming full circle. This is where Rhye needed to be so we could move forward. Again, I’m amazed at the lengths I will go to for this boy. Ends of the earth kind of stuff. I can’t help but think, “Does he know? Does he even care?” I look over to hear him ask her if she’s in college.
“Yes. I’m finishing up my Bachelor of Science in Psychology so I can become a high school guidance counselor,” she says, pride in her voice.
He nods at her. “Good for you, Jay. I know you will make a great one.”
She gives him a sad smile before glancing back down at the salad, but not before I see the sheen of tears in her eyes.
Clearing her throat, she starts to speak when I hear a loud yell for her from the front of the house. A set of good looking guys come walking in, and one walks right over to plant a big kiss on her cheek. “I’ve got a new one for you,” he says, handing Jay different bottles of salad dressing out of the bag he brought. “Why did the tomato turn red?”
“God, no!” she says, groaning and shaking her head.
“It saw the salad dressing,” he says, dying laughing. “Get it? It saw the salad dressing.”
“You are embarrassing yourself. Turn around and see who sits, witnessing your idiocy.”
The guy turns around and looks at Rhye first, saying, “Hey, Rhye.” Rhye gives him a flip wave before he turns to me. His eyes go round like saucers, and his mouth drops wide open.
“Eli, meet Syn Landry. I think you know who she is. In fact, I’m pretty sure you went on for days and days after the concert about how awesome her voice is.”
He is just too cute with his University of Georgia Bulldog hat and matching sweatshirt. I smile, loving his reaction. It’s so sweet. “Hey, Eli. Nice to meet you.”
“I’m a huge fan of you and country music, unlike some uncool people that I know,” he says, nudging Jay. “You killed the stage when we saw you in Atlanta. I have your entire last album on iTunes and listen to it in my truck all the time.”
“Thank you. That is amazing to hear.”
“He’s got some mad guitar skills. I tell him he should have been a country music artist all the time, but instead, he’s in school to be an architect,” Jay says, looking lovingly at Eli.
“Don’t listen to her; she’s tone deaf,” Eli says jokingly.
“That’s for damn sure,” Rhye pipes up.
“Guys!” Jay yells, throwing pieces of lettuce at each of them.
“Rhye and Syn, meet my boyfriend Danny,” Eli says, motioning towards the guy standing on the other side of Rhye.
“Hey, man,” Rhye says, shaking Danny’s offered hand.
“Nice to meet you,” I smile.
Shaking his head, Eli looks at Rhye now. “Man, I bet Kane had a fit when he saw you.”
“You have no idea,” Jay mutters.
“I better go check on my boy,” he says, walking outside with Danny.
Feeling the need for the restroom, I stand. “Excuse me, Jay. Which way was the restroom again?”
“Down the hallway,” she says.
I head that way and find an elegantly decorated half bath. After peeing, I wash my hands and try to fix myself up the best I can. At least I have my lip gloss, which I use. Walking back to the kitchen, I hear Jay talking to Rhye and slow down.
“She seems pretty special if you ask me. I’m sure they’re hundreds of things she could have been doing other than bringing your sorry ass to talk to me, but she knew you well enough to know what you needed.”
“I’m not good for her, Jay. Do you know what that’s like? Knowing you’re not good enough for the girl you love? I’ve already been down that road, and it hurts like a bitch. At least I didn’t have to be around to watch you marry that steroid freak.”
“Hey! He doesn’t use steroids. He works out for that body. And yes, I do know. Hello, remember I gave JT up in the first place because I didn’t believe I was good enough for him. Listen to me, Rhye. The only hope you have in beating your demons is somebody by your side that you love, and someone that is willing not to fight your battles for you but next to you. Someone who won’t run at the first sign of trouble because your problems won’t just disappear. I still see a therapist, I still take meds for my depression, and I still have days where there isn’t enough alcohol or drugs in this world to drive my demons away. My only salvation is Kane’s love. Doesn’t mean he’s perfect and we don’t fight. Being with someone is always a struggle; however, it’s knowing that they are there for you no matter what.”
“I don’t want to hurt her,” he says softly.
“Then don’t. Just love her,” Jay replies.
I swallow back the emotions swamping me. Does he love me? He didn’t say he did. I can’t stand in the hallway forever. Walking in, I put a smile on my face and notice a girl with long, beautiful red hair walking into the kitchen.
“Jay, girl. Where do you want me to put the fruit?” She freezes, looking at Rhye then at me. “What are Rhye Clark and Syn Landry doing in your kitchen, Jay?”
“They are just a figments of your imagination, Mols,” Jay says, shaking her head. “Syn, meet my best friend, Molly. Rhye, I believe you know her already.”
“Hi,” I say, waving at her.
“Hey. Love your music,” she says to me. “Rhye, still looking rough as ever. Still living the hard life I see.”
Rhye’s answer is his middle finger and a swig of his beer.
“Be nice you two,” Jays warns.
“I bet Kane is loving life right now. What does Kane bench press these days? Wasn’t it hundred pound rockers?” Molly asks sarcastically.
I’m getting the impression that Molly and Rhye have
never gotten along.
“Take the meat out to Kane, please,” Jay says, handing a plate to Molly and kissing her cheek. “Troublemaker.”
“You love me anyway.”
After she walks out, Rhye looks at Jay. “Is she still with that same guy from high school?”
Jay shakes her head. “Reed has been living up North, attending art school. They still love each other, but who knows if it will ever work out for them.”
“Anyone else coming for this happy little fucked up reunion?” Rhye asks, getting up to get another beer. I guess we’ve all made ourselves at home.
“No, Cal would be the only one left, and he spends every waking hour that he’s not at school with his new girlfriend. He’s doing really great, Rhye. Don’t worry about him.”
Rhye nods his head and walks out the backdoor.
“Did you hear my conversation earlier?” Jay asks, looking directly at me. “I meant for you to. I knew you were standing there.”
“Why?” I ask her.
“Because you need to keep fighting, and I wanted you to know it wasn’t for nothing. He’s trying to work everything out in his head. This seemingly heartless guy has the biggest heart of them all. He just doesn’t know it. Grab those salad dressing bottles,” she tells me and heads for outside.
Everyone, including Josh, is sitting around this huge patio table with a drink. Kane stands up to check the grill every couple minutes. You can tell that this group of friends are close knit. They are comfortable in each other. The love is evident in the way they unabashedly show affection and laughter. I find myself smiling and talking through most of the meal. Rhye even smiles when they remember times from high school. It amazes me that this is the same girl Rhye spoke of and I read about. She’s probably one of the strongest women I will ever meet, and I know, within hours, that she is a friend I want in my life.
When the sun sets, I know it’s time to hit the road. I excuse us, telling them we are due back in the studio first thing tomorrow. Josh says his goodbyes and heads out to the truck. Rhye and I do the same thing, but Jay walks us out. At the front door, we stop and turn around to face her.
“Rhye Clark, I have your cellphone number now, and I will be using it. Remember that love is an action. It is not a feeling or fleeting emotion, and it requires hard work and perseverance. Make sure you recognize it before it’s gone,” she says, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “Fight for it.”
Turning towards me, she places her hands gently on either side of my face. “Please take care of him. He’s very fragile, though he’ll never admit it,” she says, cutting her eyes to Rhye and back to me. “Don’t give up easily and remember that anyone who is worth your love is worth waiting for.” Letting me go, she kisses me lightly on both cheeks and stands back. “See what years of therapy gets you? Call me Dr. Phil and pay me millions,” she says, jokingly. “Drive safely, and Syn, I’ll call you next week.”
“Please do,” I reply as we walk back to the truck.
Once we are on the road, with Josh sitting in the passenger seat and Rhye in the middle, I feel a peace that I didn’t yesterday. For most of the ride, we all stay silent. The only movement is the touch of Rhye’s warm hand as he grasp my free one, linking them.
“Try that other slow beat with the acoustic guitar solo in the middle,” I tell Mel as we sit, working in the studio. He rotates some knobs on the intricate sound board and brings in the other track that I was asking for.
“Yeah, I agree. That’s the one. Your bandmates should be back any minute, and we will lay it down. See if it sounds close enough,” Mel replies, bouncing his head to the beat of the music.
I nod in agreement. We’ve been in the studio for the past week recording all the new material with the band. Jared and Ian arrived on Monday. It was fucking hard at first being around those guys. I didn’t know what attitude Jared was going to come at me with, but it seems I’m not the only one that’s chilled. We decided to let the past rest and carry on in Chris’s remembrance. Of course, they ask about my drug situation. I didn’t make any false promises, but told them, as of right now, I’m clean. That’s all I can fucking say at this point.
I’m finally feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, and that’s the goddamn truth. Talking with Jay helped. I still know that I’m responsible for some of the shit that went down, but I wasn’t the only one. Lately, I’ve also thought about that night with Chris. If I could have stopped him from pulling the trigger, I would have. Fuck, I rather it had been me, but the reality is, it wasn’t. I’m the one stuck living here, dealing with the bloody aftermath.
Josh and I were talking the other day, and the bastard actually said something that I get. He said, “Rhye, you can live on your knees, down in the dumps, begging for the scraps that life throws at you, or you can live standing as tall as you can, reaching for the stars.” When he first said it, I called him a pansy ass pussy, but days later, here I am thinking about it. The drugs make my life heaven for about two seconds, while the down could cost me a lifetime. A lifetime of singing, a lifetime of playing the guitar, a lifetime with Syn.
Syn. She fucking drove my sorry ass to Jay. I’m still tore up inside about what she did for me this past weekend. She offered me a piece of her world by taking me to her home and giving me shelter, not just from the outside but from life. Then the girl really listened to me when I even didn’t know what I was saying, bleeding out my pain. She tried to heal me the only way she knew how. And fuck, I can’t say it worked, but seeing Jay, yeah, it gave me some closure. Jay. Part of me still loved and wanted her, but then I would look at Syn and those feelings were nothing compared to the desperate aching wonder I have for that girl. She’s so goddamn beautiful on the inside and out. I didn’t know that purity of the soul still existed in this shitty world. When we returned that night, everyone was half asleep, especially her from driving all day. I kissed her cheek, wanting her so bad my teeth hurt, but I let her walk into her apartment. Alone.
This week, I’ve been busy with my band and she with hers. I’ve hardly seen her. After the first twenty-four hours, I convinced myself it’s for the best. She doesn’t need my shit, and maybe she’s realizing it. I even went straight back to the apartment the first two nights after recording while the other guys hit up the bars. I kept telling myself she would come over, she’d check on me, but only Josh showed up. It’s for the fucking best. She deserves so much better. Someone that can give her what I can’t, words she deserves to hear. So, these past two nights, I went out with the band, not getting home until late, drinking some beer, but saying “no” to anything else. I’m hard up for some pussy, that’s for damn sure, but I can’t think of being with anyone but Syn.
“What up, man?” Jared says, walking in the studio with Ian after grabbing some lunch. They both come over to give me a bro hug.
“You guys need to hear this shit. See if we can come close to playing it,” I say as they sit in the chairs behind Mel and me.
The door opens again, and I look up to see Ryan. “Hey, Rhye. You got a minute?” he says, nodding for me to follow him out the door. When we are both in the hallway, he says, “Listen, I need you and Syn to get on that duet today. The record label is pushing pretty hard for it. They want it recorded by the end of the week. If they like what they hear and feel like it’s going to be a hot hit, they may have a slot for you both to sing at the Grammys coming up.”
I nod, realizing what a big deal this is for both Syn and myself.
“Look, Julie already has a couple of back up tracks ready to go with it. I need words, and I’d like to see what you two come up with. If not, then we’ll pull somebody else’s lyrics in. Are you where you can work with her right now? Her band is recording sound today, and if your guys are in the same place, let’s get on this right now. You with me?”
“Yeah. If Syn is okay with it?” I answer, fishing to see what she said.
“She is. Let’s do this then,” he says, slapping me on the arm. “Studio C is open. Grab y
our stuff, and I’ll tell Syn to meet you there.” Ryan turns to walk down the hall.
I head back to the studio to let the guys know where I’ll be for the next couple of hours. Grabbing my guitar, I head over to the studio. I’m the first to arrive, so I sit in one of the thick leather chairs and grab a piece of paper and pen. Personally, the lyrics are not coming to me because of a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach at seeing Syn. My knee bounces uncontrollably, and it’s fucking hot in here. I freeze at the sound of the door opening.
Her curly blonde hair falls around those delicate shoulders of hers, emphasizing the wicked-colored eyes I like. Today, she has on a yellow t-shirt with a little tan skirt and those damn cowboy boots. They look better than a pair of ten inch fuck-me-heels, and I get an instant hard on for her.
“Hey,” she says, smiling at me. Walking to the chair beside me, she sits her notebook down followed by that sweet ass of hers.
“Hey,” I stupidly reply back. What. The. Fuck. I tap the pencil against the paper, staring at her.
“So, I guess they want us to get this song together today,” she says, staring back at me like she’s waiting for something.
“Yeah. I guess. Whatever.” I look down, feeling stupid. Where is this weirdness coming from? I go from knowing her to not knowing what the hell she wants.
She looks down at her notebook, and I look at mine. Minutes later, I hear the sound of her pencil, scribbling across her page, and it’s about to drive me fucking crazy. I lean my head back to stretch my neck and close my eyes. Her sweet smell invades my nostrils, making my already blue balls black, if that’s even possible. I just fucking…want…her.
“What is your problem?” she jumps up yelling, while turning towards me. “One minute you’re you, then you’re the good you, and then we are back to this self-centered egotistic asshole you, which seems to be the you that ignores me and pretends that I don’t matter. And I love and miss all the yous, and after not seeing you for days, this is the you I get?”