by G. A. Hauser
“Okay…” He assumed there’d be more to her reply.
“On The Ties that Bind I had to convince our viewers that the two main characters were into bondage. So that meant they couldn’t be seen in their Sunday best at bible study.”
“Charlotte,” Keith shook his head in admonishment, “give us a break.”
She continued, “No, I won’t. Listen to me, you two. The show’s demographics are women and gay men. Got it? If all those women out there see you two as happy straight couples, they will turn off you. And don’t even get me started on what the gay viewers will think. They’ll be miffed, and that’s putting it politely.”
“Charlotte…” Carl wanted to speak in their defense.
She held up her hand to stop him. “You want this show to be ended by this season? Fine. Show the world you're madly in love with two boney fashion models. You’ll be looking for work by summer.”
“That’s crap and you know it.” Carl hated being in this position. “You want me to list the actors who have previously acted in gay roles, but are straight? It did nothing to cancel the show. Will and Grace? Hello? Two straight men playing gay guys. Eight years, Charlotte. Eight years that show ran.”
“Don’t talk to me about Will and Grace,” she scoffed. “One cliché gay character and another who never had a steady boyfriend? That show did nothing for gay men.”
“What?” Keith objected, “Nothing for gay men? Are you kidding me? Every person who watched that show wanted to believe that gay guys were okay in their book.”
Charlotte glared at Keith. “They were sterile depictions of cartoon gay men. Don’t get me started.” She checked her watch. “We have to get taping. I just want you two to think long and hard about what you’re doing. Do some research, will you? Stop listening to the money-grubbing advice of your agents and imagine awards coming from every corner, including the GLAAD media awards.”
“The what?” Carl tilted his head curiously.
“The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.”
“Where does she come up with this shit?” Keith asked Carl incredulously.
“Enough.” Charlotte waved her hand in annoyance. “Get ready. We have a show to do.”
Carl nudged Keith and headed to the wardrobe area.
Keith murmured, “We can’t fucking win.”
“I know.” Carl greeted Melvin and started changing his clothing.
“How are you boys doing this morning?” Mel asked, hanging their clothing selections on two racks.
“Good. How are you, Mel?” Carl replied, taking off his shirt.
“I’m just fine and dandy. Did you enjoy your night of dancing with the boys?”
Carl jerked his head to Keith who appeared pale and panic-stricken. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carl pulled a shirt off of a hanger and slid it on.
“Don’t worry. I’ll never tell.” Mel helped Carl with his collar and buttons.
“Were you there?” Keith whispered.
“No. But many of my friends were.”
“We’re dead.” Keith’s mouth tightened to a straight line.
“Not necessarily,” Mel asserted. “Listen to me, boys. Personally, I think what you did in that club will boost your ratings. Look, gay men aren’t stupid. They know damn well you have to play the straight game.”
Carl stepped out of his jeans and into a pair of black slacks. “Do we?” Carl asked seriously. “Do we really have to play it?”
“I am so confused my head hurts.” Keith tucked his shirt in as he stepped into leather loafers.
“There are no easy answers.” Melvin fixed Keith’s shirt collar.
“Oh no,” Carl replied sarcastically, “there are plenty of easy answers, just no sane ones.”
When they had finished dressing, Melvin drew both of their attention. “Follow your heart.”
“And lose your career,” Carl added.
“Maybe not. Carl, it’s becoming a new trend in Hollywood. Men are braving the backlash and stepping up to the plate.”
Carl glanced at Keith for his response.
“And,” Mel announced, “the more men there are who do come out? The easier it will get.”
“I’m no sacrificial lamb,” Carl argued. “Let someone else risk life and limb.”
Mel shrugged. “It’s your decision. No one can make it but you.” Before they headed to Ken for their make-up, Mel prompted, “But if you think having headlines in the tabloids about your fake women is helping your popularity? Think again.”
Thanking Mel under his breath, Carl walked beside Keith to a waiting Ken. Silent as they were powdered and their hair was brushed, Carl couldn’t rid the sinking feeling in his gut. Maybe this should never have happened in the first place. He and Keith should have remained friends and never crossed the line from make-believe to reality. It was a mistake. The ruin to their careers was looming like a thundercloud over a picnic.
Finally, on their way to the set and a waiting Charlotte and crew, Carl tried to remember his lines. With the distraction of the outside world beating him down, acting was becoming as difficult as lying to himself.
Seeing Charlotte’s tired expression, Carl knew the decisions he and Keith were making affected everything around them, including their performance and the longevity of their hit show.
“Okay,” Charlotte stated, certainly not with her usual zeal, “we’ll do a camera rehearsal. Go get in place.”
Carl moved to his spot on the set, shaking his body to loosen it up as if he were about to sprint in a race. He forced himself to get into character.
Keith was devastated. He thought Adam knew the right thing to do for his career, and Keith was positive Adam was looking out for his future. But…at what expense? If he was exposed as a fraud to the public wasn’t that worse than just coming out?
Struggling to remember his lines for the upcoming scene, Keith had to stop thinking about the problems they had and focus.
“Living room scene. Camera rehearsal. Action!”
Spinning around, Keith gazed at Carl. “It’s not my fault! Blame your meddling mother!”
“My mother? You’re the one who outted us at the party, Dennis. I told you it was risky to kiss anywhere that wasn’t private.”
Keith’s expression softened. He closed the gap between them and held Carl’s hands. “I couldn’t help it, Troy. Do you know how hard it is to pretend I don’t love you?”
“I know, Dennis.” Carl withdrew one hand so he could caress Keith’s cheek.
Keith embraced Carl, connecting their hips. “I hate lying. I hate pretending we’re not a couple.”
“Me too. I just don’t see a way out of this alive, Dennis.”
Just the contact of their bodies sent Keith’s cock vertical. He couldn’t prevent the love and attraction he and Carl shared. Why should he try to stop loving him? Wanting him?
“I do.” Keith pressed his dick against Carl, craving him to feel how hard he had gotten. “Let’s just bare ourselves in public. Throw caution to the wind. Other men have done it, other men have survived.”
“That’s easier said than done.” Carl rubbed his erection against Keith’s, obviously knowing Keith yearned for the turn on.
“No. It’s easier done.”
Carl cradled the back of Keith’s head and drew him to his lips.
The touch of their mouths sent shivers all over Keith’s body. Taking their time, making it count, Keith made damn sure their tongue kiss was visible for the camera. Parting after a long moment, Keith whispered, “We have nothing to be ashamed of, Troy. How can love be wrong or embarrassing?”
“You’re so brave, Dennis. I don’t know if I can do it.”
Keith smoothed his hand down Carl’s back to his ass, cupping it affectionately. “Do it with me.”
Carl swung Keith up into his arms, holding him like a baby. Keith wrapped around Carl’s neck, sucking at his mouth as Carl dipped them sensually. When they parted lips, Carl hissed, “For you,
I would do anything.”
“Good. Then it’s settled.”
Carl carried Keith to their bedroom set.
“Cut!”
Once the scene ended, Carl set Keith on his feet. The moment he did, Keith looked back at the cameras to see Charlotte’s reaction. “Carl. Who are those men?”
Carl spun to look. “Shit. The producer, Derek Dixon, and co-producer, Will Markham.” Carl reached back and gave Keith’s hand a quick squeeze in support.
Charlotte went over some corrections for the cameras as the men waited. Keith didn’t catch eyes with either of the big wigs. He’d never seen them at a taping before and had a feeling their presence was a direct reaction to the tabloids running the story of his and Carl’s new model girlfriends. Charlotte’s warning rang out in his head.
“Okay. Again. Get into position.”
Seeing Charlotte’s pinched expression, Keith knew he and Carl weren’t the only ones under pressure. The buck stopped with Charlotte.
“Living room scene. First taping. Take one. Action!”
After two more attempts they had completed the scene to Charlotte’s satisfaction. Keith followed Carl to the refreshment table before anyone could say anything to them. Charlotte was having a private conversation with the two producers behind the cameras.
“You realize we’re in for another lecture.” Carl sipped from a bottle of water.
“I do. Carl, you tell me what the right thing to do is.”
“I have no clue.”
“I want to come out. I honestly do, Carl. I want us to be able to go to the awards ceremonies hand in hand. I want us to go to gay bars if we want to. I also want to show our support for the gay community. But.”
“But.” Carl knew, Keith didn’t have to reiterate it.
“Gentlemen?”
Keith spun around. The imposing producers of their show were standing behind them.
Immediately, Carl reached out his hand for a shake. “Mr. Dixon, Mr. Markham, so nice to see you.”
Keith had never met them before but he certainly knew them by their reputation. “Sir.” He extended his hand and repeated to each, “Nice to finally meet you.”
“Can we have a word?” Derek gestured to a private room off of the set.
Gulping the rest of his juice to get rid of the glass, Keith’s nerves kick in. It felt like a reprimand at school and he was about to get scolded by the principal.
Carl opened a door to a room Keith had never entered previously. It was pitch dark until Carl lit the overhead light. A table surrounded by chairs filled the space. Once the four of them had entered, Will closed the door for complete privacy.
“Sit.” Derek gestured.
Instinctively, Carl and Keith sat next to each other opposite the two older men.
Derek opened the button of his suit jacket. He was the only one in a business suit. Will wore casual jeans and a cotton shirt.
“Charlotte told me she’s spoken to you already.” Derek rested his elbows on the table, his hands pressed together as if he were praying.
“Yes, sir.” Carl nodded.
Keith knew these men held his and Carl’s acting fates in their hands. He reached for Carl under the table and curled his fingers around Carl’s.
“We realize when a career is new, a young man will be cautious before being open about his sexuality.”
Keith kept his mouth sealed shut. He knew what they were going to say. Charlotte already had. Perhaps their director thought they needed more persuasion from the big guns.
“And neither myself or Will want to tell you what to do.”
Keith doubted that very much. He felt Carl’s grip tighten on his hand.
“But saying that,” Derek lowered his tone and allowed his arms to relax on the table in front of him. “Our ratings depend upon perceptions. And I totally understand if you don’t want to come out as gay men. Again, this is your personal decision. My concern is in the overt heterosexual display orchestrated for the tabloids.”
The grasp on his fingers became painful, but Keith knew this conversation would be murder.
Will Markham spoke up. “We would prefer it if you didn’t play the tabloid game. Perhaps you could just refrain from verifying their suspicions without flaunting a fake heterosexual relationship in the media.”
Keith felt the pause in conversation like pain. What did they want him and Carl to say? Yes? Out me? Give you the ratings you deserve at the expense of…what?
Again Derek expressed, “Do you see where we’re coming from? We have been told by an inside source that this show may be getting six Emmy nominations, and that includes best actor and best supporting actor in a drama series.” He paused before he pointed. “You two.”
The thrill of a nomination made Keith feel like screaming in joy. Instead he chewed his lip nervously.
“But,” Derek continued, “public perception can ruin your chances. You could easily sabotage your own careers by rubbing out the sweet reputations you now have with the label of liar. Or fraud.”
It was obvious to Keith suddenly that both of their producers knew they were a gay couple. There was no getting around that fact.
Keith looked into the stern expression on Will Markham’s face. The man was very good looking, possibly in his forties, with no wedding ring on his finger. Gay? Keith could only assume. Conservatively dressed and groomed, fifty-something, Derek Dixon wore a gold band. Keith guessed he was married with children.
“If you come across as dishonest, we will lose out on those awards, and in turn the series will not be as long lived as we would like it to be.” Derek set his gaze on Carl.
Keith felt Carl’s body tremble under the scrutiny. What these men were asking of them seemed monumental.
Will cleared his throat to get their attention. “Derek and I hoped to run this series, at the very least, for five years, eager for eight or nine. The kudos we’re getting for our depiction of real gay men has been overwhelming. Think of the contradiction in the media if it comes out you two are faking straight relationships…” he paused as if for effect, then stressed, “and are lovers in real life.”
A trickle of sweat ran down Keith’s temple in the stuffy room. He dabbed at it discreetly.
Another protracted pause engulfed them. Finally, seemingly irritated by the silence, Derek asked directly, “Don’t either of you have anything to say for yourselves? Or do all your lines have to be written for you?”
“Ouch!” Keith choked in surprise. “That’s not very nice.”
“Then say something. Don’t just sit there like pretty mannequins.” Derek reclined in his chair.
Keith disengaged his hand from Carl’s and placed his forearms on the table in front of him. “I understand everything you are saying. Both Carl and I do. Do you have any idea how long we have agonized over this?”
Neither man answered, obviously allowing Keith his chance to vent.
“We each have agents representing us.” Keith glanced at Carl whose face was stern. “Adam Lewis and Cole Rossi. Both of our agents warned us about coming out to the public. Adam said very clearly that if we did, after your—our show either ended or is cancelled, we’d be left out in the cold.”
Again Keith didn’t get a response. He looked to Carl for some back up.
And Carl replied, “Name me one leading man in the film industry that has come out as gay.”
Keith waited. No one named anyone.
Derek sighed deeply before he answered. “We’re not asking you to come out.”
“In a way you are.” Keith leaned closer to them over the table. “If we don’t deny we’re gay, be seen with women, then by default, because of the characters we play, people will assume we are gay.”
“Nonsense,” Will scoffed.
“Are you gay?” Keith asked him boldly.
“Yes.” Will’s eyes became raw as he glared at them.
“Is that common knowledge?” Carl replied.
Derek grew angry. “What the heck does W
ill’s sexuality have to do with this? He’s not in front of the camera, you are. Stop changing the topic.”
“Are you out?” Keith insisted.
“Yes.” Will grimaced slightly at the declaration.
It took the wind out of Keith’s righteous sails. The point was moot suddenly. Rubbing his tired eyes, Keith stated, “Carl, it’s no use.”
Derek held their attention once again. “Do you want this show to remain on the air?”
“Yes,” both Keith and Carl answered in stereo.
“Fine. If you want Forever Young to be long lasting, and for Troy Wright and Dennis Jason to continue loving and showing the world that gay men are not something to shun, then all we ask is that you drop the het act. I’ll repeat, we don’t expect you to come out and declare yourselves gay. No one would expect that of you. Just stop pretending you have plastic women in your life. Go about your business as usual. Work, socialize, play, just stop manufacturing a relationship that doesn’t exist.”
Will maintained, “You’re not fooling anyone. On the contrary, you look foolish. It gives you both a ring of deceit that we don’t want tainting a number one show.”
“Are you guaranteeing we will be in the show until its conclusion?” Keith wanted some reassurances of work. The last thing he needed was to be branded a gay pariah and exiled to the washed-up actor’s unemployment line at the meager age of twenty-six.
“Yes.” Both Derek and Will nodded confidently. “You two make the damn show. If we cut either one of you, it’s finished. While this show runs, you will have work. Period. No question. We did a Neilson poll and by those stats you two as the gay couple Troy and Dennis are the all-time favorite in nighttime drama. The number was overwhelming.”
“Wow.” Keith sat back to digest it.
“Don’t either of you look at the fan sites?” Will asked.
“We checked out a few. Including that YouTube thing.” Carl adjusted his position on his chair so his leg was against Keith’s.
“Oh, that.” Will smiled impishly.
Will’s smug expression gave Keith a sinking sensation. “Did you sanction that clip?”
Derek and Will exchanged cheeky glances.