From the moment they sat down in the carriage, Caeru knew that a different kind of tension had arisen between them. Cal wasn't stupid. He knew all the games. He might be wondering which one Caeru was playing.
'Serpent Sapphire' was situated on that part of the harbour frequented by the high ranking families who lived on Immanion's fabled hills. If was surrounded by exclusive bazaars, which stayed open into the night and sold unusual items from around the world. The club itself was affronted by the floor-to-ceiling window doors, which were all thrown wide, so that patrons could sit there to smell the sea and listen to the waves. An awning, from which ornamentals serpents dangled, extended over the walkway outside. Beyond the first bar was a series of dim lit rooms, with different snaky themes. There was no sign of damage to the building, so repairs must have been undertaken very quickly. Although it was relatively early in the evening, several parties were already sitting at the tables in the bar, presumably having dined there on snake meat.
This was a club where the high society of Immanion met to dance, get drunk and behave disgracefully in relative privacy. Exotic hara from the most obscure the tribes around the world acted as valets and escorts. The club's proprietors had delved deep to the darkest corners to find the most unusual hara, whose skins and hair were strange colours, or who were physically abnormal to some degree. In the wake of the initial great inception, many isolated tribes had developed in peculiar ways, which were often influenced by questionable magical practices that had soaked them in strange subtle energies. Such energies caused interesting mutations.
The first group of socialising hara Caeru noticed included the General of the Gelaming military forces, Ashmael Aldebaran, who was also a member of the Hegemony and a close confidant of Pellaz. Caeru knew that Ashmael had already accepted Cal completely, which Caeru had taken personally and found extremely insulting. Never once had General Aldebaran shown any support for the Tigrina. He'd made no public statement, but everyhar knew he shared Pell's view at Caeru was a scheming and manipulative adventurer. Therefore, it was hardly surprising that when Ashmael caught sight of Caeru and Cal together, his expression was eloquent in the extreme. He appeared shocked and puzzled but also intrigued.
"Oh look, a friend of yours," Caeru said. "Would you like to join him?"
Cal groaned in what Caeru supposed was a kind of mild despair and said, "Do we have a choice? Won't it look odd if we don't?"
"Let's see," Caeru replied. "What would appear worse? Should we sit alone at a table, with the obvious implications, or join a party who are eager to discover why you, Pell's soul mate, are out on the town with me, the dark stain in Pell's life?”
“Did you plan this?”
“No. I would never plan to be in the same room with Ashmael Aldebaran.”
Even as they were speaking, Ashmael beckoned them over. He would be considering the fact that it could be no coincidence Cal and Caeru were out together while Pellaz was away from the city. Caeru could sense Cal's discomfort. He knew Cal felt he was being disloyal to Pellaz and also that he couldn't understand why he should feel that way. A small part of him resented it too. Caeru moved to take hold of Cal's arm, but Cal jerked away before he could make contact.
“Relax,” Caeru said to Cal. “You have to get used to this. I'm Tigrina, remember, and you are Tigron. We are supposed to be seen together.”
“I remember,” Cal muttered. This had never been part of his vision of reunion with Pellaz.
A har with pearly-scaled skin swooped to Caeru's side, clearly having recognised him immediately. He stared at Cal askance and asked how he might be of service. Caeru said they would like to be conducted to General Aldebaran's party, and then ordered the most expensive liquor the premises could offer. No mention of currency was made, but Caeru knew that later an outrageous bill would be sent to Phaonica, to be handled by the Tigron's office.
As they approached Ashmael's table, the general stood up, but this could hardly have been a gesture of respect. There was a hard edge to his voice as he uttered a greeting. He gave Caeru a particularly chilling glance. “It isn't often we see the Tigrina out in the city at night,” he said.
“It isn't often I get the chance,” Caeru responded, more from instinct than sense. He generally avoided Pell's friends, who all frequented establishments of this type.
“Now you have an escort,” Ashmael said. “How charming and convenient. Are you fulfilling the role adequately, Cal?”
Cal directed a single dark glance at Ashmael and sat down. Caeru realised that if Ashmael continued to snipe in this manner, Cal would be lost to him by the end of the evening. “I thought Cal should see more of what his colleagues get up to when they're playing,” Caeru said. “If I hadn't persuaded him to come here, he'd have been working on his own all night.”
“Can't have that,” Ashmael said, raising his glass.
Cal ducked his head. “I was forced into it.”
“You don't say!” Ashmael said, grinning.
Everyhar in the club was discretely observing Ashmael's table. By morning, the scandal of Cal daring to escort the Tigrina to a club would be all over Immanion.
Music pulsed out into the perfect Almagabran evening, spilling out of the open shutters along with sensual perfume that had been scalded by the hot dancing bodies. Cal appeared to enter into the spirit of the evening. He drank, though not to excess, and danced a few times, but Caeru could feel his wariness, an animal instinct that was teetering towards the imperative to flee. He hadn't come this far, nor gone through so much, to risk offending Pellaz.
In a way, we are married, Caeru thought, and that is bizarre. He thinks so too. I know he does.
After midnight, more hara came to the club, expanding its clientèle to the point where it was no longer comfortable. It was impossible to talk, because the music was so loud. Caeru realised he could achieve nothing more in this place. He yelled into Cal's ear: “I want to leave now. Do you want to stay or will you come back to Phaonica with me?”
“I'll come with you,” Cal said, on his feet before he'd finished speaking.
They sat in silence in the carriage, while Caeru paid more attention than was necessary to the passing sights. This hadn't worked out how he'd planned, but then, how had he planned it anyway? He sighed. “This hasn't worked, has it?”
Cal stared at him unflinchingly. “What were you expecting?”
“I don't know. Something new. Is he always going to be at your shoulder? If so, that's a shame. I dared to think we might be friends, given all the effort you've put into charming me. It was an act, wasn't it? You never thought you'd reach me. Now I'm being nice and you're running scared.”
Cal raised his hands. “Your feud with Pell is big and it had been going on for a long time before I got here. Don't try to involve me in it.”
“But you are involved. You're here. Didn't you take magical training or something to transform yourself into a good har? If you want the job of Tigron, you have to take all of it on. You have to take me on, because I don't let you do otherwise.”
Cal rubbed at his face. “Back off, Rue. You've had your fun.”
Caeru relented. “I'm sorry. I really am. I wanted this to be different, but I can't help going for the jugular. I hope you understand why.”
“Yeah.”
The carriage ascended the curving driveway to the palace. Mellow lights gleamed out from a hundred windows. “Your home,” Caeru said. “Isn't it beautiful?”
“You are astounding,” Cal said. “You could have just said, “don't set foot in my apartment again”. Believe it or not, that would have worked. You didn't need to go to all this bother.”
“Strangely enough, that was not my intention.”
Cal grimaced. “Pell's not wrong about you.”
Caeru laughed. “Thanks. I said I was sorry. Come and have a nightcap.”
“No.”
“Please.” Caeru stared into Cal's eyes, searching for some spark, some glimmer of complicity. “I took your pla
ce. You took mine. Somehow, we have to let that go. Both of us.”
Cal sighed deeply. “All right. We'll talk. But the minute you start yapping like a bitch, I'm out of there.”
Caeru's staff had thoughtfully lit a fire in his sitting-room, because the evening warmth had slipped away to chill. A decanter of brandy and two glasses stood waiting on a table. Caeru detected Velaxis' hand in that. He poured himself a glass and drank it quickly while Cal was still padding around trying to find a comfortable place to sit.
“Brandy?” Caeru asked, offering Cal a glass. “The best, imported from Thaine.”
Cal shifted in his seat, took the glass and sniffed it. “Reminds me of Saltrock,”
“Once the home of your erstwhile friend, Seel, of course,” Caeru said. “Another of my great admirers. And yours too, now, from what I've heard.”
Cal cast him a glance and Caeru raised a hand, "Sorry, I promised, I know. I'll not say anything."
"It's in your blood."
"No it's not. It's in my mouth. I can't stop myself."
Cal laughed, an unexpected sound. "This is insane."
Caeru walked behind Cal's chair and watched the back of his head as he drank. "I'm not always like this. It's you. It's fear, maybe, or something..."
Cal glanced round at him. " I'm not always like this either. Usually, I could take you out with a single well-aimed word."
"So, here we are, tongue-tied, spitting out inappropriate knots."
"Too much alike, maybe..."
"They say Pell seduced me initially because I looked a little like you. Not that I do, of course. It's just the hair, but, who knows?"
Cal grinned. "You'll never be as wondrous as me, Rue."
"I know that."
"Aha, a concession! One point to me."
Caeru smiled, and leaned forward. He didn't mean to do it, but somehow he was compelled to put his mouth against Cal's own. He felt the sudden sigh of breath, saw a vague flurry of images. He could feel how Cal's neck pained him, twisted as it was, and saw how he had been waiting for this to happen all night, from the moment he'd agreed to go to the club. Underneath the sparring, all the time, had been this. Cal didn't pull away for a good half minute.
“Rue, no...”
Caeru ran his fingers through Cal's hair. “Why not?”
"It's not a good idea. You know it isn't."
"What are you afraid of? Didn't Pell once say to you that all he owned was yours? He did say that, didn't he?"
"He didn't mean this. He didn't mean you scheming to get me while he was away, so that you could act out your own private vengeance plan. If you are mine and I am yours, then Pell should be part of it too."
"I cannot imagine a greater abomination."
"I'm sure you can."
Caeru leaned on the back of the chair. Cal's neck was still twisted. He must be in agony by now. "It's not anything like vengeance," Caeru said. "The truth is that I want to know why I've suffered all these years. I want to find out for myself. And you are curious to know, because I am the har with whom Pell conceived a child. You never did that together, and you know how powerful aruna has to be to achieve such a thing, because you've been a hostling yourself. You want me too, Cal. Admit it."
"Yes, I want you. Who wouldn't? You know your assets, I'm sure. We should talk about this, and then I should talk with Pell."
Caeru laughed. "You must still be insane after all, Calanthe. Pellaz can't stand the sight of me. I was supposed to be nothing more than a one-night stand. He abused me. He made me trust him enough to let him do that unspeakable thing to me. Then he left me. When are you going to wake up? Pellaz is not the fantasy you have in your head. Pellaz died. He never came back. Can't you understand that? The har who lives now is something other than the human boy you stole away from home. You can never have him back."
It was clear that Cal had now heard more than enough. He uttered a growl, leapt to his feet and wheeled round, so swiftly and aggressively that Caeru instinctively took a few steps back. "I could justify wringing your scrawny neck, if I thought about it long enough," Cal said in a chilly tone. "You know I'm capable."
"Get out," Caeru said. His voice was calm, but inside he was terrified. He know exactly how capable of murder Cal was. He could almost see himself lying dead and broken on the carpet.
"Why?" Cal laughed. "This is wonderful. Can't you take what you dish out? You want to truth? You came here with your son – an eminently suitable excuse – because you craved some of what Pell had got. And oh, how much of that you've greedily taken. Did you really expect him to welcome you with open arms? Would he have left you in Ferelithia if he hadn't bitterly regretted what he'd in ignorance? You are no innocent, Rue. Inside, you are still a singer in a two-bit band with a lust for power and possessions. You always will be, whatever jewels you drape on your body and however well you play act at being royalty. What a performer! Your son must be proud."
"I said get out," Caeru said.
"Why? We've only just started. We haven't even reached the interesting stage yet. Let's share breath again. Let's really show each other the truth inside."
"Do I have to call somehar to throw you out?"
"Can't cope with what you invoked?" Cal enquired. "How disappointing."
"Go," Caeru said. "This is finished."
"No, it hasn't. Don't you understand? You've won. But maybe it doesn't feel like victory now."
"Victory?"
“Here I am,” Cal said coldly, opening his arms. “Come, drink, taste. Sate yourself. We are the rulers of all Wraeththu: flawed, magnificent and vain. We deserve each other.”
Cal was only a few steps away, yet it seemed like a vast distance. He was in pain. Caeru could see that so clearly. He mustered all of his courage and crossed the distance between them. He took Cal's face in his hands. “The hatred has to stop,” he said. “It has to.”
Cal's breath tasted of brandy and incense and burning candles. His hands were hot on Caeru's skin, sizzling with energy. He was hungry for contact, drawing the breath Caeru's chest, from the depths of his belly. Aruna with Pellaz must be terrifying for him. He needed this. He needed grounding.
They sank to their knees on the carpet, struggling with clothes, clawing flesh. There was a sound like the ocean in Caeru's head and it was the seethe of hot blood. This savage union was a vortex of chaos, of insatiable need, a desire to end all pain. Frustration, bitterness, fear and resentment: they were all there – site guardians of Phaonica. Caeru fell back and hit his head sharply against the floor. Cal was on top of him. Caeru could feel Cal's heart banging against his ribs. Then, in the midst of madness, Cal became still. It was as if time itself had stopped. Caeru became aware of a gentle but insistent pressure between his legs, where it felt as if his soume-lam was gasping for breath. Aruna with Cal was going to happen. It really was. They had both just realised what they were doing.
“This is what Pell felt, the first time ever,” Caeru murmured. “He felt you, like this.”
“And this is what he saw,” Cal said, “that night in Ferelithia. He saw what I'm seeing now.”
“In this way, we are one.”
Cal uttered a cry that was almost grief, and Caeru's body arched in pain. It was like fighting history.
Chapter Three
Caeru could barely get through the day. Now, he wanted to talk to Cal. They had to establish some kind of order. Last night had been vicious. It mustn't happen again. Caeru planned everything he intended to say. He would show Cal his tender side and build up his trust. The time for snarling was over. Pellaz was due to return to Immanion in a couple of days.
That Cal did not show up at the usual time. Caeru couldn't eat anything. He sat on the terrace, wrapped in bewildered numbness, considering that Cal was going to treat him in exactly the same way Pellaz had. The only positive aspect was that this time there had been no conception.
At nine o'clock, Caeru sent one of his staff to Cal's apartments, but the Tigron was not in residence. Caeru
drink himself into a stupor because it was the only way he could sleep and he could no longer stand to be awake. His back hurt so much the pain invaded all his dreams, most of which were hideous.
The following morning, Velaxis appeared, brimming with disgusting eagerness to hear more lurid stories. Caeru told him what had happened, or rather what hadn't happened.
"Go to his apartment today," Velaxis said. "Go yourself."
"I can't do that. It's too humiliating."
"I think you should. Cal's confused. He's probably frightened."
"I don't think he's ever that."
"Clean yourself up and go. Pride is pointless now and only an impediment to progress."
The Shades of Time and Memory Page 4