Ember wanted Moon to return to the Firedog clan house with him for the evening mean, but Moon made up a lie about how Snake had told him he must eat with himself and Terez that night.
“Will the other one be there?” Ember asked sharply.
“How should I know?” Moon replied. “He's been wandering around on his own all day.”
These words only kindled a desire in Ember for more aruna. At this point, Moon had to shake him off. “I have to get back. It's late.”
“Do you love me, Moon?”
“What? Oh please, Ember, don't do this. Don't claw at me like this.”
“I guess that's my answer, then.”
“All right. I love you. Do you feel better now?”
“I don't know. Those are just words.”
“Exactly. We've been together for months. Doesn't that say enough?”
This seemed to satisfy Ember, because his mood improved. On the way home, he chattered on about plans for the future, which were not big plans, but involved trips out to various landmarks near the city. Perhaps they could sail south on a boat and visit an Unneah community. Moon complied with all suggestions to keep the peace. Privately, he was thinking, Tyson will leave soon. I just need to get through this. Then everything will go back to how it was before. I can't let him go without touching him, but then it will be over. Just once. Is that so bad? I couldn't live if he left here and we'd never touched.
It was like an infection, and it had been getting more vicious as the day progressed. Now, Moon was feverish. He was sure he'd soon be hallucinating.
Tyson was not at the Reliquary. Moon's crushing disappointment about this meant that he could barely take an interest in the fact that Snake and his brother appeared to be getting on very well. Snake had got his liquor out and by the time Moon joined them to eat, both Terez and Snake were on the way to being drunk. Now, their memories of the past conjured laughter rather than bitterness. Terez appeared happy to join in with Snake's often spiteful recollections of Pellaz's childhood indiscretions. Moon had never seen this side of his father before. He was more at ease than Moon had ever seen him. He reached out to touch Terez a lot, squeezing his shoulder, patting his hands.
“Where have you been all day?” Snake asked Moon.
“Out with Ember. He wanted some time alone with me. I don't know what's got into him. He's jealous of Tyson.”
Moon noticed Terez direct a sharp glance in his direction. The atmosphere condensed a little. Terez took a drink from his glass with one eyebrow raised. Moon wondered what he'd said wrong. “Is Tyson here?”
Terez shook his head. “No. It's probably for the best. You shouldn't upset your friend.”
“I didn't,” Moon protested. “He upset himself.”
Terez put down his glass. He appeared to be about to say something significant, then clearly changed his mind. “I brought hot pork from the food market. Are you hungry?”
Moon wasn't, but forced himself to eat. He wanted to ask where Tyson was, but sensed that would be a bad idea. He managed to endure an hour of his father and hura's company, then fled for the open air. He went to sit at the edge of the lake, where a road of moonlight slid over the water. The air was chill, so he'd thrown on a huge woollen sweater full of holes that smelled of mouse droppings. He rested his cheek on his knees, breathing in the rank scent of the wool and wondered if it was possible to have a clear mind. What had happened to him? It felt like sickness, worse than the time when feybraiha had come upon him.
“Find me,” he said aloud. “Find me.”
He called upon the magic of the stars and the moon, he called upon it with all his strength. He projected every ounce of will and intention he possessed into the call. Find me, Tyson.
And he did.
Moon heard the footsteps approach and could tell that whoever they belonged to was sauntering in reality, but running in their heart. He didn't raise his head. He closed his eyes. It was impossible for it to be anyhar by Tyson.
Somehar hunkered down beside him and Moon opened his eyes. Tyson was staring out over the water, then he threw a stone. “Have a good day?” he asked.
“No. Hell.”
“Oh dear. I've been very bored. You are cruel to abandon me.”
“I didn't have a choice. Ember threw a hissy fit.”
Tyson laughed. “That must have been a sight. Did he grow whiskers and a hairless tail?” He mimicked a rat's teeth and twitching nose.
Moon gasped in both shock and delight. “That's not nice! He's jealous of you.”
“There's no reason for him to be.”
“I know that. He doesn't, though.”
Tyson threw another stone into the water, then sat back on his heels, his hands dangling between his knees. His fingers looked pure white in the moonlight.
“Ember thinks you and Terez are going to take Snake and me away. Is that going to happen?”
Tyson shrugged. “Who knows? Terez wants Snake to meet with Pell, but what happens to you is between you and your father. He might make you stay here.”
“You said I should go to Immanion.”
“That's just my opinion. I'm not your guardian, Moon. I have no say in it.”
“I'd like to see Galhea, where you live.”
Tyson sighed and scraped both hands through his hair. “I'd like you to see it too. But...”
“But what?”
“OK, I'll be straight with you. I've been warned off, subtly. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
“I think so.”
“You're still a harling, Moon. Nohar should take advantage of that.”
“I'm not a harling! Who said that to you?”
“Nohar. It just is.” Tyson shook his head slowly. “I'm sorry. You don't know how much.”
Moon was silent for a moment, then gathered all his courage. “Nohar need know, Ty. You'll be gone soon. Nohar will know.”
Tyson turned and blinked at him. “I presume this is some kind of wild dream and in a moment I'll wake up.”
“No. You heard me right. I'm stuck here in the back of beyond and probably always will be. I want a taste of something. Is that so bad?”
Tyson rubbed his face. “I don't know. I don't know. Things can get out of hand...” He sighed again. “By Aghama, you are temptation itself.”
“Cal didn't think twice, did he?”
“I am not him, and you are not Pell. I knew it was a bad idea to tell you that story!”
Moon got to his feet. He wondered what would happen if he just jumped into the water. Tyson's head was lowered. Moon could see his neck where his hair parted and fell over his shoulders. He wanted to touch the knuckle of spine there.
Tyson looked up at him and Moon held his gaze for long seconds. Then Tyson stood up. He made a sound of distress and rubbed Moon's arms with his hands.
Do it! Moon thought loudly.
When they finally shared breath, Moon felt as if he turned into a silver liquid, which slipped down through Tyson's arms and ran all over the ground at their feet. There were no physical sensations and hardly any images, just this quicksilver feeling of being set free. We could walk the road of light to the moon. We could keep on walking.
Moon couldn't see properly once Tyson released him. His mouth was numb. His jaw ached. He could feel Tyson's fingers digging deep into his upper arms.
“I have to go,” Tyson said. “Moon, I have to.”
Moon pulled him close, pressed his face against Tyson's shirt. “No. Don't. Please.”
He felt Tyson's arms curl around his back, Tyson's lips against his hair. They stood like that for what seemed hours. Then a piercing whistle startled them and they jumped apart.
Somehar called: “Ty!”
Moon recognised Terez's voice.
“Fuck,” Tyson said in a low voice. He turned and waved. Terez was standing on the Reliquary steps, hands on hips.
“Now, I really have to go,” Tyson said.
“I'll see you tomorrow. Ember can just go throw himse
lf in the lake.”
Tyson said nothing to this. He touched Moon's cheek briefly with his fingers, then ran towards Terez.
Terez didn't mention what he'd seen until they'd nearly reached the inn, but his silence was excruciating.
“Have you won Snake round now?” Tyson asked.
“Almost.”
“He'll come to Immanion?”
“Galhea might be better.”
“Good idea. Have you communicated with Pell?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
Terez stopped walking and stared at Tyson for some moments. Tyson returned his gaze. He would not flinch.
“OK, what exactly were you doing by the lake?” Terez asked.
“Nothing. You saw. Moon needed reassurance. He's scared.”
“Right. Well, I have one thing to say to you and it is this: no. Got that?”
“No what?”
“Tyson, you are a predator as your illustrious hostling is a predator. You're gorgeous and no doubt every young har in this forsaken place is panting to get near you. But Moon is my sori, the son of my brother, and this is a delicate situation and you will keep your paws off. Be sure you don't want to cross me on this.”
Terez started to walk off, but Tyson grabbed hold of his arm. “If we're speaking so plainly, then it's my turn. Why, Terez? What business is it of yours?”
“It's my business if Snake is offended and, trust me, he will be offended by you. He remembers what Cal did to our family.”
“That's insane. If it wasn't for Cal, Pell would have ended up Uigenna.”
“Which Snake is. Think about it. Just don't go stepping into this territory. There's too much history attached to it. Also, I'm concerned for Moon. He doesn't need his head or his feelings scrunched up into a little ball to be thrown away by you.”
“Excuse me! You've no right to say that. I've no intention of hurting him.”
“I'm sure Cal had the same feeling for all of his casualties too.”
“I can't help who my hostling is!”
“Of course you can't. How sad. Back off, Ty. I mean it.”
“If you had a heart instead of that black piece of coal in your chest, you might not be so draconian.”
“Oh, is your heart involved? Surely, it's too early for that. I imagine it's more to do with the throbbing collection of sex organs that currently have a gun pointed at your head. Heart indeed!”
“It is possible, Terez. Normal hara feel that way sometimes, you know.”
“I'm sure they do. If you really feel that way, you can wait, can't you?”
“You're asking me to prove my intentions are honourable? We're not human, Terez. Moon and I are second generation. Don't go dumping your ancient history shit all over us.”
“I don't care what you think. If you touch that har again, you will regret it deeply. I have nothing else to say on the matter.”
Terez, in fact, had nothing else to say at all. That night, he and Tyson lay side by side in simmering silence. Tyson couldn't get to sleep. He felt angry, exhilarated, joyous and bereft. He knew Terez was right: if anything happened between him and Moon it could upset the delicate negotiations with Snake. But it was so difficult to ignore his instincts. Try, he told himself. Use a political solution, as Pellaz would. Organise it so that Moon comes to Galhea with his father.
Perhaps that calm affirmation was a prayer in itself. Perhaps something heard it.
Chapter Sixteen
The following morning, Moon was again woken early, but this time by Snake. It must have challenged him to negotiate al the stairs and galleries to reach Moon's room, even though he'd used a walking stick. He was quite out of breath when he sat down heavily on the end of the bed.
Moon, instantly awake, dreaded that Snake was about to say something concerning Tyson. “Son, we must talk,” he said.
Moon sat up and nodded. It was beyond him to speak.
“Raven has returned,” Snake said.
Was that all?
“I have also come to a decision,” Snake continued. “Terez will not take no for an answer. All he wants me to do is meet with Pellaz. He assures me I will be made to do nothing against my will, and I'm inclined to believe him. It's been good having him around these past few days...”
Snake's voice trailed off and his gaze became unfocused. Moon wondered whether he was thinking about his childhood, in the days when his body had been whole.
“Will you go to Immanion?” Moon asked, juggling scripts for how he might include himself on such a trip.
“No, to a place called Galhea. It was the Varrish stronghold, years ago.” His tone became disapproving. “Terzian's family is very close to the Tigron. Both Terez and I consider it would be best if Pell and I met on neutral territory – or as neutral as it can get in Galhea.”
“Can I come with you?” Moon asked, bracing himself for an argument.
Snake stared at him for some moments. His Eye was uncovered and Moon was sure it could see right into his soul. “I wouldn't feel happy leaving you here alone.”
Moon dampened the spontaneous desire to shriek with joy. “What about Raven?” he managed to ask in a level tone.
Snake shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “He is my protection. I'll not travel without him, and this is where a slight problem lies.”
“He hates Gelaming.”
“It's rather more than that. I've asked Terez and Tyson to come here mid-morning. I want Raven to meet them. I'm not sure how this will end, but it is a bridge to be crossed before we can even think about travelling.”
Moon paused a moment, then said, “Snake, you were so afraid before Terez came. Were you wrong to feel that way? I didn't think it would be this easy for him to persuade you.”
Snake smiled and reached out to touch his son's face, in exactly the same place where Tyson had touched it before leaving the previous evening. “Nothing has changed. Well, except for one thing. I did not anticipate the happiness I'd feel at being reunited with my brother. I'd forgotten so much. That alone is a strong persuasive factor. Now that I've found him, I realise I'm reluctant to lose him again.”
“I understand,” Moon said earnestly.
“There may be storms ahead,” Snake said. “There will be danger, of that I have no doubt. But a new realization has come to me: we will not face these dangers alone. We cannot avoid them, because as Terez has made clear to me, we are part of the web of destiny. The Cevarros are no ordinary family, Moon. It is no coincidence we have ended up as we are. You are part of that. It is time for you to become acquainted with your own destiny.”
Moon scrambled over the bed and hugged his father. Snake felt fragile and when Moon drew away, his face looked so young. Moon stroked it with both hands. He was Snake was weeping. “Why are you sad?” Moon asked.
“Pellaz will see me as I am,” Snake answered. “I can't bear what I'll see on his face. It'll be what I saw on Terez's face when he first came here, or perhaps worse, because Pell was always so vain.”
“You are beautiful,” Moon said, “as beautiful as your brothers could ever be.”
“I'm not meant to be alive,” Snake said. “That is the truth of it. That is why I've hidden here for so long, denying you a life.”
Moon had experienced many 'firsts' with Snake recently, but this was a confidence he would never have dreamed of hearing. He had no idea Snake worried about his disabilities. He'd always assumed his father was above such things.
“I'll be with you,” Moon said. “Let Pellaz be frightened of your differences. Why should you care? It'll only be for a short time. Once hara get used to the way you look, they don't even notice. Remember Ember? He was obsessed with your Eye until he saw it. He's never mentioned it since.”
“The gods blessed me with you,” Snake said. “And it is only because of this threat to our routine that we've started to get to know one another.” He used his stick to haul himself to his feet. “Help me back to my rooms,” he said. “Raven will pre
pare us breakfast. Say nothing to him about the Gelaming. I want to speak to Terez before Raven finds out about them.”
Snake organised it so that Raven was out attending to the animals when Terez and Tyson arrived. Moon was already installed in his father's room, his heart beating in such an erratic way it felt life-threatening. He glanced once at Tyson, and that was too much. It was as if the room was full of electricity.
The Shades of Time and Memory Page 20