by Emma Woods
It was my turn to help with supper. Rosa, who was taking Jill’s turn, and I made a chicken dish with potatoes au gratin and a big fruit salad. I always liked working with Rosa. She was like the quirky, put-together older sister I never had. I didn’t open up to her about Ty, but she asked some poignant questions about work that got me thinking.
“What’s your favorite place to work at the ranch?” she asked, sliding a baking dish into the oven. “If you could choose to do any job there, what would you pick?”
Well, these days I’d pick the office, of course. But that wasn’t what Rosa meant, and I didn’t want to explain that answer.
“I like teaching classes a lot. It’s fun to see kids get on a horse for the first time or master posting a trot after working at it.” I paused in my fruit peeling, knife in the air. “I suppose that’s why I like working at Donna’s so much. I really love helping people learn to dance.”
“Sounds like you’re a born teacher,” Rosa speculated.
I shrugged. “Right now, I’m needed in the stables. I do really like the work. It’s hard, but the other guys there are a lot of fun. I enjoy getting to do lots of different jobs.”
Rosa eyed me and bit into an apple slice snitched from the bowl in front of me. “Have you ever talked to your brother about what jobs you prefer?”
“No,” I said with a snort. Then I looked up in surprise at my reaction. Rosa was rarely judgmental, which was one of the reasons that talking to her was so comfortable. If I opened up about my frustrations at work, she wouldn’t pass any of it on. “Luke and Heather need me to be flexible. It’s just sort of understood. They were generous enough to hire me on when I came back from school, and helping in different areas is how I thank them.”
From the lifting of Rosa’s eyebrows, I knew my words had revealed a lot.
I scrambled. “That came out wrong.” I paused and tried to think through what I’d said and what I’d meant.
“I think it came out right. I think you put up with a lot from Luke out of a sense of gratitude. But you’ve been there for almost two years, right? He doesn’t seem to appreciate what a great employee he has in you.” Rosa took a step closer, her eyes kind. “I don’t mean to criticize your brother, Rosemarie. He has a big job, and it’s easy to take people for granted.”
“But he does take me for granted,” I said slowly, saying it aloud for the first time. “I’m not just an employee, I’m a member of the family. A lot of times, it doesn’t feel that way,” I admitted.
Rosa gave me an understanding smile. “I’ll be praying that you get a chance to talk to him about that.”
I was thoughtful through supper and ended up on the front porch, wrapped in a blanket and drinking some more of Matt’s awesome decaf. Now that I had words for how I felt about Luke’s and Heather’s treatment of me, what should I do about it? Did I even need to do anything? I wasn’t sure.
When a flash of headlights on the drive announced someone’s arrival, I looked up. Was that Ty’s car pulling up? It was! I felt my stomach contract happily as he strode up the walk, his hands in his pockets.
“Geez, it’s cold,” he said as way of a greeting.
“You’ve been living in Minnesota. This can’t be a surprise,” I pointed out.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Nope. There are more blankets under the loveseat.”
Ty busied himself pulling out a blanket, wrapping himself in it, and then sitting in the Adirondack chair next to mine.
“I should have told you there’s coffee in the kitchen before you got settled,” I said as I sipped from my mug.
“It’s fine. How was your day?”
“It was good. I really like the guys in the stables, so that makes the hard work easier.”
Ty was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed. “I don’t like it when you aren’t in the office. I’m always afraid that Heather is taking notes every time she thinks I’m not working.”
I laughed. “She is pretty intense.”
“Well…?” he prompted.
“Well, what?” I asked, totally lost.
“You’re supposed to say how much you miss working in the office with me.”
I did miss him, but I wasn’t about to admit it. “What if I don’t miss being in the office?” I teased.
He clutched at his chest. “That hurts, Rosemarie, that hurts.”
“Besides, I’m tired of writing notes about all the times you’re not working. My hand was getting tired.”
Ty let out a bark of laughter and I smiled to myself, glad I’d made him laugh.
“Seriously, though, are you always planning on working at the ranch?” he pressed.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what else I would do. The ranch has been a part of my life ever since I was little. It’s hard to imagine doing something else.” Why was everyone interested in talking about my future career today?
“Why didn’t you become a professional dancer? It’s what you went to school for, isn’t it?”
I groaned inwardly. I hated that question. “I did go to school for dance, but I realized along the way that it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life.”
“Why not? You’re great at it,” Ty pressed, meaning well.
“I love dancing for myself. When I’m at the studio and master some new choreography, it’s the best feeling in the world. But when I have to dance in front of an audience, all the joy drains away. All I can think of is how I must put on the best show, or else everyone will be disappointed. When I get done, I go over the routines in my mind and look for mistakes. I hate that part. Being a professional dancer would mean that all I did was criticize my performances for the rest of my career. That’s not how I want to live my life.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. When I saw you dance during your recitals, I always thought you were the best one up there. You are really something special.”
I tried to hear the compliment in Ty’s words. However, at that moment, all my mind could latch onto was the fact that he wasn’t hearing me. I sighed in frustration.
“And while you went home and didn’t give it another thought, I went home and couldn’t sleep because I was sure I’d ruined the recital for everyone. It’s just not worth that kind of anxiety,” I insisted. I really, really wanted him to understand me.
Ty shook his head. “I’ll bet if you talked with a counselor, you could get over that.” He caught me rolling my eyes in frustration. “It’s just that I hate the thought of you being a temp at the ranch all the days of your life. I doubt that’s what you want for yourself.”
I looked away, uncomfortable. He wasn’t wrong. “Luke and Heather need my help right now. I’m glad to give it. This is my family’s business, and I want to support it. If that means I have to be a ‘temp,’ then that’s okay. Maybe down the road, I’ll find a more permanent position there, but for now this is fine.”
Ty was clearly not buying it. “Come on. I watch how Luke and Heather talk to you. It bugs you, I know it does. I love Luke, but he has never seen you as an equal. You’re never going to get ahead in life if you let him keep walking all over you.”
“I happen to be very happy with my life.” My words were bursting out now. “Maybe it seems like it isn’t enough for you, but it is for me. I love living here at Bumblebee House. I have wonderful friends. My work matters because I help my family keep their business working smoothly. I get to teach dance at the studio. I don’t need a fancy sports car or trendy clothes.
“And to tell the truth,” I was on a roll now, “the Ty Dondero I knew as a kid didn’t need those things, either. He was perfectly happy with who he was. It’s one of the things I always liked best about you. You liked everyone, regardless of how cool they were. You treated me like your friend instead of your friend’s kid sister.”
“I haven’t changed,” Ty said, clearly wounded.
I took a breath and tried to calm down. “No, you’re right. You’re still that guy, just wrapped in a
shiny package that isn’t you at all. This is who I am. I don’t want to be a professional dancer, Ty. I don’t know what I want to be, but I don’t want that. We can’t all have your ambition.”
Silence swelled, and I felt tears prick my eyes.
“Yeah, well that ambition didn’t work out so great for me,” he finally said quietly. “I’m sorry I pushed you about dancing.”
“It’s okay.”
“I think I’ll head home. See you tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
And he got up, folded his blanket, and walked back to his car, his shoulders slumped. I bit my lip and let the tears flow. Had I been too hard on him? Why couldn’t Ty understand about my not wanting to dance? When my tears grew cold on my cheeks, I wiped them away with the blanket before folding it and heading into the warmth of the house.
I put on my warmest pajamas and curled up in my bed, running my fingers over the pattern sewn into the quilt on top. Despite my words to Ty, I wasn’t completely happy with my life. I didn’t like how Heather and Luke took me for granted. I didn’t like that I had no idea what career path I should take. I didn’t like that Ty didn’t seem interested in dating me after all.
My mental grumblings pushed me toward prayer, and I fell asleep telling God all about my frustrations.
12
By the next morning, I was dying to talk to Ty. I knew I needed to apologize and see if our friendship could be repaired. Sure, he hadn’t understood where I was coming from on the not performing thing, but I’d been too harsh about his changed appearance.
Unfortunately, I was busy filling in for one of our education specialists. We had classes from local schools booked both for the morning and afternoon. As soon as the first group left, all of us who’d been helping rushed for the cafeteria, determined to get a good lunch before the next bus arrived and spewed wiggly kids.
Ty was sitting alone at our special table. I took my lunch over and stood awkwardly next to the chair opposite him.
“Is it okay if I join you?” I asked apprehensively.
He looked up, surprised. “Of course you can join me!”
I pulled out the chair and slid into it gratefully.
“Where are you working today?” he asked.
“I’m in the education barn. We had a group of middle school kids all morning, and there’s a busload of third graders coming before too long.”
“Middle school kids. Yikes.” Ty took a bite of his sandwich and chewed for a moment. Then his dark eyes shyly found mine. “Rosie, I need to apologize about last night. I’m sorry I pushed you. You have your reasons for not wanting to dance in public, and I should have listened to you. I was thinking about what you said, and I realized you’ve been telling me that for a long time.”
My eyes widened. “I’m the one who should apologize. I was unkind about your new choices, and I shouldn’t have been so judgmental.”
“No, you were right.” He put down his sandwich and sighed heavily. “When I went to St. Paul, I had all these hopes for making it big. I guess I wanted to prove that I was the typical Chinese kid. You know, smart and ambitious.”
“I didn’t know that being a ‘typical Chinese kid’ mattered to you, since you’re adopted.” I tried to phrase it sensitively but was suddenly too curious not to ask.
He shrugged. “It’s just what everyone assumes when they meet me. Other Chinese people expect me to be a huge success in my field, and non-Chinese people have similar stereotypes. I guess I got tired of disappointing everyone and went after the whole climbing-the-corporate-ladder thing.”
I ran a spoon through my almost-empty cup of yogurt and nodded along.
“For a while, I had it all. I was a huge success in my company. I had a fancy car, a cool apartment, and a fianceé who knew exactly what to do to make me appear like the guy I wanted to be.” He smiled ruefully. “And then, one day, I realized how empty all of that was. I went back to church the next Sunday and I felt like I was coming home. After that, I started making a lot of little changes. I stopped working insane hours in order to beat everyone else. I began to do things I enjoyed. I got involved in a small group through church.
“Of course,” he continued, “that wasn’t the kind of guy Jenna wanted to marry. When she saw that I wasn’t going to make partner by the time I was thirty, she decided our relationship was over. Man, that really hurt. I guess I’d deluded myself about how she felt about me. Jenna was everything I thought I wanted: successful, well connected, and always super popular.”
Well, that certainly wasn’t me, I sighed inwardly.
“But once I was out from under her thumb, I started to reconnect to my true self. So, now I’m a whole lot dorkier than I used to be, but I think I’m happier these days.” He gave me a wistful half-smile as though there was still the slightest possibility that he might have chosen wrong.
My brow wrinkled. “Are you kidding me? Ty, you were fine just the way you were way back when we were kids. Geez, you were more than fine!”
His eyes turned hopeful. “You really think so?”
“Remember the homecoming dance when I was a freshman?”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
“My dumb date ditched me for his ex-girlfriend, and I was left stranded in the no-date zone. Then you showed up and asked me to dance. You were my hero,” I added a bit shyly.
Ty sat up a little straighter. “Seriously? I felt like such a total idiot dancing with you. I mean, you knew what you were doing and had all these graceful moves, but I just flopped around out of sync with the music.”
“But that’s what made it so great! You saw that I’d been ditched and, even though you weren’t a dancer, asked me to join you. You let yourself be embarrassed so I wouldn’t have to be. Ty, that meant the world to me. I mean, Luke was at that dance, but didn’t even notice what had happened to me.”
His eyes took on that thoughtful watchfulness that was his signature. I knew he was really listening and likely hearing more than I was saying.
“So, I was a better big brother to you than Luke?” Ty asked carefully.
I shook my head adamantly. “No! I mean, over the years, yes, you often were a better big brother. But at that dance, I didn’t see you as a brother.” I looked down and flushed, not believing I was about to say this to Ty. “Actually, I stopped thinking of you that way a few years before that.”
He glanced around, checking that no one overheard us, and leaned forward. “Rosemarie, are you saying that you had a crush on me?”
Oh, for goodness sake! He had actually come right out and asked it. I couldn’t let myself look him in the eyes as my face burned ever hotter, and I nodded.
What if he laughed? What if he teased me? What if he told Luke? I would be devastated!
“When did you get over your crush?” he pressed, just above a whisper.
It took all my willpower to force my eyes up to his as I replied, “I never did get over it.”
Ty blinked at me, processing what I’d said. I waited, not breathing, terrified of what he’d say next.
“All this time, I told myself that you just thought of me as another brother,” he sat back, stunned.
I blinked at him. What did that mean?
“You really had a crush on me back then?”
I nodded dumbly.
Ty chuckled in a self-deprecating way. “Well, I was an idiot. I never even let myself imagine asking you out because - well, because of Luke - but also because I assumed you would never have feelings for me. It didn’t even cross my mind that you might.”
“Why not?” I wondered.
“I mean, I was this huge nerd and you were the prettiest girl in school. And the sweetest.”
“You weren’t a huge nerd! And I was definitely not the prettiest girl.” I shook my head. “Ty, everyone always likes you because you are smart and funny. You treat people kindly. It doesn’t matter at all what you wear or how many video games you play.
“Besides, you always stood up for me against Lu
ke and Matt. You never teased me for being the slowest. You asked me thoughtful questions about my life. Of course I had a crush on you!”
Ty’s eyes were wide, and he smiled shyly. “If I asked you to go out on a date with me, would you say yes?”
I swear my heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” I choked.
“I want to be clear: I’m not asking you as a friend. I want to take you out on a romantic date.”
Were those angels I heard singing? Had the sun burst from behind a cloud all of a sudden?
I realized I was grinning stupidly and nodding with far too much enthusiasm.
But then, Ty was smiling pretty stupidly, too. “Are you free this Friday? Nick Alexander didn’t suddenly come to his senses and realize what he was passing up, did he?”
“Stop,” I laughed. “I’m free Friday. What do you have in mind?”
His brow furrowed. “I’ll have to do some research. But prepare yourself to be blown out of the water by the romance bomb I’m about to drop.”
I snorted. “On that note, I’m kind of glad to say that I have to get back to the education barn. I’ll brace myself for Friday’s romance explosion.”
“It’s going to be epic! You might want to bring a helmet,” Ty called after me as I left the table.
I floated through the afternoon. There was a permanent smile on my face, even through the usually irritating parts of the afternoon. A child threw up and the bleachers needed to be hosed down. I changed into my waterproof overshoes and cheerfully manned the hose. Two kids bickered about what horse was the best, both getting the horses’ names wrong, and I just laughed. I even walked next to a frightened girl while she rode and cried for more than half an hour. Then she cried when we said she had to get down. Through it all, I couldn’t keep the corners of my mouth from lifting happily.
Ty made a point of finding an excuse to visit me in the stables the next day. We both grinned goofily at each other.