Heavy (Heavy Hearts Book 1)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  Ayden hisses, “Fuck!” His pained eyes meet mine in the mirror.

  “Don’t think about it, Ayden, just take the picture. Pretend it isn’t real.”

  “But it is real.” His whisper is laced with the same pain that his eyes reveal.

  Another tear escapes, rolling down my face, “Please just take the picture.”

  Ayden nods, lining up the shot, and takes a few pictures, holding the phone up to show me when he’s done.

  “Thank you,” I nod, pleased that he was able to get the shot I couldn’t. My back looks bad. I couldn’t see the full extent of it in the mirror, but the pictures show me everything. It could have been worse, though. Bones could have been broken, so I’m thankful it’s just bruised.

  Turning, I pull the phone from his grip and email them to myself and Abbey from Ayden’s email account. Abbey is going to freak out, so I add a note that I’m okay and safe now and that I will call her tomorrow, asking her not to tell anyone that I’m with Ayden.

  After hitting send, I hand Ayden’s phone back to him, “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to keep thanking me.”

  “Yes, I do, Ayden. I am so thankful. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for saving me from...” I can’t finish the sentence, but he understands what I’m trying to say.

  He pulls me to his chest, gathering up the blanket that had fallen to reveal my back, being the gentleman that he is. Who knew they still existed? We stand and hug each other for a long time. A few times, he loosens his grip to break it, but I squeeze tighter, silently telling him I’m not ready to let go yet. When I finally let him go, he returns to his room, and I do the excruciating task of showering and washing my battered body.

  The water tints red as I wash away the blood, the evidence swirling on the shower floor before disappearing down the drain. I cry as I wash, mostly from the pain of the wound on my head where some of my hair has been torn from my scalp. I watch strands of my hair slide down my body and pool over the drain. At first, there are only a few, but more joins them, and my scalp stings unbearably from the raw patch that is left.

  When I can’t take the pain any longer, I turn off the shower and bend to pick up the clump of hair that used to be on my head. I’m going to need to take another picture of my head now that the dried blood is gone, but that can wait for tomorrow. Right now, I just want to go to bed.

  Returning to Ayden’s room after showering and changing, I find him hunched over, sitting on the side of the bed. The room is so quiet, and he’s so still that I wonder if he may be asleep. With his elbows on his knees and his hands entwined in his hair, he doesn’t hear me approach. It’s only when my feet stop in front of him that he looks up to me. His anguished expression softens when his eyes meet mine, and a small smile tugs at his lips.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I smile back, knowing part of my face resembles a monster just like the man who made it that way.

  Taking my hand in his, he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms gently around my waist and resting his head on my tummy and chest. I still for a moment, mostly because I’m waiting for something to hurt, but when it doesn’t, I relax and run my fingers through his silky hair.

  I’ve never run my hands through a guy’s hair before. It’s something I never did with Nathan. Now that I think about it, there was never any real affection or passion with Nathan. Ayden, however, is a different story. This guy makes me want to reveal all of my secrets and let down all of my walls.

  It seems strange in a way that we are so drawn to each other. Whatever this relationship is between us seems more like two people who have known each other for years rather than a few days. I don’t even know what this is between us, but I know it’s more than a friendship, and the pull Ayden has on me is real.

  “Will you sleep with me?” I still at Ayden’s quiet question, and he peers up at me through his dark lashes, smirking, “I should probably rephrase that.”

  I can’t hide my amusement and raise my right brow in question.

  “Will you sleep in my bed with me? Just sleep. I just…” he hesitates, contemplating his words, “I just really need to hold you and know that you are safe.”

  I smile, “Well, how can a girl refuse that?”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Just like the last time, Ayden spoons me close, holding my hand throughout the night. I’d been apprehensive that thoughts of the day would stop me from being able to sleep, but I was wrong. In Ayden’s arms, I sleep all night. No dreams, good or bad, just simple nothingness, which is a welcome respite for my brain.

  I want to stay asleep in his arms until the end of time, but voices slowly drag me awake and back to reality. Keeping my eyes closed, I listen to the quiet voices that come from somewhere in the room. Voices that don’t belong to Ayden, who is still embracing me in his warmth.

  “Peter, I understand that he cares for this girl, and I feel for what she has been through, but this level of stress could send him over the edge again. He could relapse.”

  Relapse? What?

  “He’s been fine, Andrea. He handled everything pretty well and didn’t do anything rash.”

  “You don’t call this situation rash? Taking his cousin's car even though he promised us he wouldn’t drive is rash, Peter. Not to mention running off to the city with a girl who has experienced violence. It’s not normal behaviour.”

  “Calm down, Andrea.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down! I moved him away to avoid things like this. I haven’t even unpacked properly yet, and he has already gotten himself in over his head.”

  I hear Peter sigh at the same moment I feel Ayden’s thumb stroking the back of my hand. He’s awake too.

  “Look, the situation isn’t ideal, but I’m proud of him. He could have run off and gone into hiding with the girl and not reached out for help. But he did reach out. He came straight to me and asked for my help. The old Ayden would never have done that.”

  “I guess you’re right. I just worry about him, Peter.”

  “I don’t suppose you could go worry somewhere else?” Ayden’s voice cuts through his parent’s conversation, and my eyes shoot open in surprise. I hear Peter curse, and Ayden shifts behind me in the bed, but he doesn’t let go. He pulls me closer, snuggling his face into my neck. The bed shifts in front of me, and now I’m face to face with Ayden’s mum. I try to smile, but it hurts, causing me to wince.

  “Oh my goodness,” Andrea hisses and reaches out to lower the blanket from my chin, her eyes instantly glassing over. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Alexis.”

  “It’s Lexi.” Ayden corrects, and his mum nods.

  “Oh, okay, sorry.” Reaching over, she lifts strands of my unruly hair off my face, assessing the damage, “We should get ice on this, sweetheart.”

  I nod, feeling a little taken back by her empathy. A minute ago, she wasn’t happy about Ayden helping me, but now she looks genuinely concerned and wants to help.

  “How old are you, Lexi?”

  “Does it matter, mum?” Ayden props himself up on his arm to look at her, and I instantly miss the feel of his breath on my neck.

  “Well… yes, it does, Ayden. You are in bed with a girl.”

  “Are you serious right now? I’m eighteen!” Ayden sounds pissed, and I kind of think it’s funny.

  “Yes, but Lexi looks a lot younger than eighteen.”

  “I’m seventeen.” My voice is still hoarse, and I try to clear my throat. “I can see if my ID is in my bag.”

  “No, no, it’s fine, Lexi. I’m sorry, I’m just a big worrywart.”

  Ayden scoffs, “That’s an understatement.”

  “Ayden!” Peter growls from across the room, and Ayden mutters an apology to his mum.

  Andrea moves off the bed, “Lexi, I understand that you have been through a lot and that you spoke to Peter about it last night, but if it’s okay, I would like to look over your injuries and make sure we don’t need to take you to a hospital.”

>   “Okay,” I nod.

  “Later, mum. Give Lex some time to wake up properly first, please?”

  Andrea nods and smiles lovingly at her son, “Oh yes, of course. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

  Ayden’s mum walks to the door, and I watch Peter reach out and cup her face before he leans in, kissing her. When they leave the room, closing the door behind them, I painfully roll over to face Ayden.

  “I’m confused.”

  “About what?” Ayden frowns, lifting his hand from under the covers to stroke a stray hair off my face.

  “Your parents don’t act like they’re divorced or separated.”

  He smiles, “That’s because they aren’t.”

  “Now, I’m even more confused.” Why would Ayden’s parents live apart if they weren’t separated or divorced?

  Ayden chuckles at my frown, “They’re still happily married.”

  “Then why did your mum move to Fox Pines?”

  Ayden is quiet for a beat. His eyes roam my face, bruises and all, “Mum moved me there.”

  He’s vague, and it annoys me. I know it isn’t any of my business, but I have this pesky need to want to know everything about him.

  “Why did she move you there?”

  Again, he’s quiet. Maybe I’ve overstepped, and I’m being too nosey.

  “They thought it would be better for me to live somewhere that I was less likely to get into trouble, so mum lined up a new job in the Fox Pines District Hospital and told me I was moving there with her.”

  Studying his face, I can tell he’s hiding something from me. Who am I to judge, though, given the secrets I’ve kept for so long? He certainly knows a hell of a lot more about me than anyone else, but there are still things he doesn’t know, and I’m not sure I want him to.

  “What sort of trouble is she worried about you getting into?”

  “Oh, you know. Just normal boy stuff.”

  No, I don’t really know what normal boy stuff is, and he’s still being annoyingly vague. Something his mum said earlier is bothering me, though, and if I’m going to trust him, I’m going to need to know who he is. I still can’t be sure that I’m not in the bed of a serial killer.

  “What did your mum mean when she said she is worried about you relapsing?”

  “You caught that, huh?” He doesn’t seem annoyed by my question, but I can tell he hoped I didn’t pick up on what his mum said.

  “I also caught that she thinks I may send you over the edge. Care to explain?”

  He screws his nose up, “Not really.”

  I glare at him, “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugs, his expression impassive.

  His response pisses me off. I guess it’s none of my business, but the fact that he pushed his way into my shit show of a life and knows personal things about me, yet won’t reveal any secrets about himself, just makes me want to slam my walls back up and flee. Loneliness slithers into my chest even though I’m not alone sitting with Ayden in his bed. It’s confusing to feel this way when he is right here with me, but doubts whisper in my ear, and I’m suddenly unsure if Ayden is someone I can or should have trusted with my dark secrets. The burn of angry tears forces me to look away from his blue gaze, and I nod, letting him know that I have accepted his response as I slip out of his bed.

  Last night Ayden had insisted I wear his hoodie again, and I didn’t refuse. Now, however, I need to get it off me, and I need to get out of here.

  I disregard the fact that I only have my knickers and bra on underneath the hoodie and slip it off, dropping it to the floor beside the bed. Ignoring Ayden’s sharp intake of breath, I force my aching body to move faster as I open my bag to find something to wear. I really hope Marcus used his brain when he packed for me.

  “What are you doing?” I see Ayden sit up in his bed in my peripheral vision, but I’m too exasperated to answer him right now.

  “Lex?”

  Jesus Marcus, what did you pack? Nothing matches. It’s going to be impossible to pull a decent outfit together with the random clothes he threw in. I guess I should be thankful that I have anything, so I continue to rummage until I find a pair of skinny blue jeans and an old Slipknot t-shirt that’s probably too small for me now.

  The rustling of blankets alerts me to Ayden moving out of the bed before his body heat warms my back, sending anxiety to stiffen my spine, “Lex, what’s going on?”

  “I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.”

  “What? No!” Ayden gently snags my hand as I try to put my foot in the leg of my jeans, causing me to almost tumble over.

  “Yes!” I snap, instantly regretting it when I see the hurt on his face. Shit!

  “No, Lexi. What’s going on? Talk to me, please.” Leaning down, he pulls the jeans out of my grip, tossing them on the bed behind him, leaving me standing in front of him with barely a scrap of fabric to cover my body.

  I didn’t think this through, did I?

  “Please, Lexi, talk to me.”

  I want to yell at him, but I also want to kiss him, which is confusing as fuck, and I struggle to understand how I can refuse him? His face is creased with worry and confusion, but damn him, he still looks adorable with messy bed hair and the way his grey t-shirt hugs his sculpted body. I’m so screwed when it comes to Ayden Mitchell. I feel like I may just give him anything he wants, repercussions be damned.

  “You don’t trust me.” My words are a whisper, but he hears them, a frown creasing his brow.

  “What do you mean? Of course, I trust you.”

  “No, you don’t, Ayden. If you did, you would tell me what your mum was referring to, and the real reason why you moved to Fox Pines. I have trusted you with the darkest part of my life, and I kind of thought it would be reciprocated.”

  He sighs, looking a little helpless, “Lex, it’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s more because…” I can see the internal battle he is struggling with written across his expression. I take his hand in mine, stroking my thumb over the back of his hand just like he’s done to mine so many times, while I wait for him to continue. “I’m ashamed.” Hanging his head, he avoids my eyes. I can see the shame on his face, twisting his expression. It’s a feeling I know all too well.

  “What are you ashamed of?” I wait a beat for him to respond, and when I’m just about to give up, he looks up to me, revealing the torment swimming in his eyes.

  “My past, Lex. If I tell you, then you’ll think differently about me, and I don’t think I can bear that.”

  I step up to him then, no longer caring about my mostly naked body, and I cup his face. The skin on his jaw is a combination of soft and scratchy, with the short stubble looking a little longer than it was yesterday. I’ve never touched a guy’s face like this. At first, I feel like I should drop my hold, but when he leans his head into my hand, I know I’m a goner, and I never want to let go.

  “I won’t think differently about you, Ayden. We all have a past. I know you know how hard it’s been for me to open up about the burdens I bear. There are still things you don’t know about me, too, things that aren’t good, but I hope that if you ever find out about them, you won’t hate me or judge me too harshly. I carry so much shame for the vile secrets I’ve been keeping, so I get it, I really do. I’d still like to know you, though, Ayden. All of you. The good and the bad.”

  His eyes are so intense as they look deeply into mine while he takes in my words. Giving me one of his adorable grins, he places his hand over the one I have cupping his face and licks his lips taking a deep breath.

  “Lexi, I’m having a little trouble concentrating right now.” I frown in confusion, and he continues, “You do know that you are practically naked, right?”

  I can’t control the laugh that escapes, and when I go to pull away from him, he holds me in place.

  “Uh-uh. If I have to tell you about my past, then you have to stay just like that.” His words are light and teasing, but his eyes are dark and determined, send
ing a shiver up my spine.

  “Cold?” He knows I’m not, and I could wipe that stupid grin off his face by putting clothes on, but I don’t.

  I have a brief moment where I feel a flicker of fear at Ayden’s demand, reminding me of the way Mike ordered me around in the shower. I swallow the dread down, working hard to push anything related to that arsehole to the deep dark depths of my mind, not wanting to allow him to taint my life any further. I want Ayden to tell me about his past, which is what I tell myself is the reason why I continue to stand nearly naked in front of him, and that it has nothing to do with how much I like his eyes on me even though I’m battered and bruised.

  “Fine! I’m not getting dressed, so you better spill, Mr!”

  He laughs at me, playfully, “You drive a hard bargain, Lexi West.”

  I shrug, trying to smile past my split lip and my increasingly painful cheek. Stepping back to the bed, Ayden tugs me along with him, sitting on the edge so we can face each other. He’s quiet for a few moments, his eyes trained on where our fingers are linked. Just as I’d seen last night, this version of Ayden lacks the usual cocky confidence he typically shows the world. It’s hard to see him like this, and even though part of me wants to tell him not to worry about telling me, I don’t because I feel that even though he won’t admit it, he needs to tell me his truth too.

  Exhaling, Ayden clears his throat and begins.

  “Back when I was in tenth grade, I got involved with this girl…” he looks up at me briefly before returning his gaze to our hands, “Her name was Daniella. She was wild and fun, and every guy wanted to be with her, but she chose me. I thought I was the luckiest guy, special somehow. She introduced me to a whole new world that I didn’t even know existed. In the beginning, I thought it was the shit ya’ know. Dani had endless connections. There were parties nearly every night of the week, and the people I met through her were, well… let’s just say I was star-struck.”