Make Me Weak (Make Me #1)

by Megan Noelle

  One thing at a time.

  “Let me get dressed and I’ll take you.”

  “No way, Onyx.” My hand pressed against his chest in the same place I placed a kiss. “I told you before, everything involving seeing Daisy is incognito. I have to be careful in the neighborhood and then sneak in and out of her room. You can’t just drive me there with your big noisy chopper and wave merrily goodbye. Everything about this situation is fucked up but I’m going to do what I have to in order to see her.”

  “Let me at least drive you close to there. I’ll wait in that spot for you to come back and I won’t even force you to bring your cell phone along. Please just…let me do this.” Onyx needed to bring me almost as much as I needed to go. Something about me and Daisy struck a chord deep in Onyx’s heart, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever understand the magnitude of it all. But I was never going to turn it away.

  “Okay.” I said, removing my hand for him to walk past. As he did I yanked the towel from his waist and gave his sexy ass a good smack. “But you better get dressed quick—I’m getting antsy.” Onyx flipped his hand in the air to insure me he heard me but I could hear him chuckling the entire time.

  Twenty minutes later Onyx cut off his bike and planted his feet on the ground for me to climb off. I gave his waist an extra tight squeeze while I leaned up to speak into his ear.

  “I promise I won’t be long.”

  “Take all the time you need, love. I’ll be here waiting when you return.” I swung my leg over, took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply. I wanted to tell him just how much I appreciated what he has done for me but there simply weren’t words. Never in my life had I met someone like Onyx and I wanted to do everything in my power to express what I couldn’t say.

  Pulling back from the kiss I smiled and looked into these deep loving pools. “Thank you.”

  “Go see your daughter. Oh, but real quick…I have something for you and her.” He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and brought out a white envelope folded in half. Onyx handed it to me and clearly the quizzical look in my eyes was enough to make him explain.

  “It’s a letter for her. I’m not sure if you want to tell her about me now or ever but if you do—that’s for you to give to her. Or read it to her, if you’d prefer. I’m honored that you let me know about Daisy at all so never feel that you have to share anything about me. However, if you’d like to, that’s where this comes in.”

  “Onyx…” I couldn’t breathe out another word as the overwhelming emotion shook me all over.

  He sealed my thoughts with a swift kiss. “Go see your daughter, Alexandria. I’ll be waiting.”

  There was so much more I wanted to say but I knew my window of time to see Daisy was closing up. I needed to get to her soon or another night could go unseen and I wasn’t sure I could take that. Without another word I ran off into the night missing Onyx instantly but praying Daisy’s window was left open for me.

  Before I knew it I was entering the backyard and my eyes instantly darted to the window. Last time I almost scaled the tree and threw myself into her room without even looking twice. This time I wasn’t going to make that mistake. As my eyes scanned frantically over the back wall with a sudden gust of wind the soft curtains of Daisy’s room fluttered out. My heart about burst from my chest and flew up to her on its own. Without wasting another second I ran to the tree, climbed it faster than I ever have and propelled myself into the bedroom.

  I about jumped out of my skin when I saw Daisy sitting up in bed, leaning against her pillows reading a book. A soft glow from the lamp next to her bed illuminated the lines and growing smile of her face. It wasn’t until now did I realize how empty I felt without her. Each time it became harder to leave and almost more challenging to come back because this was why. Every new visit there was something about her that was different. She was a little bit older, a little more grown up and I got to see none of that until I randomly showed up. This wasn’t the type of mother I wanted to be and that was what made my return so wearing on my soul. I just wanted to be a family with my little girl but it wasn’t that simple.

  “Daisy.” I whispered in a mix of motherly disapproval for her being up so late as well as excitement to see her again.

  “Mom!” She squealed out a little louder than I hoped.

  I held up my hand to silence her for a moment to make sure the noise didn’t wake my grandmother. When I heard nothing I lowered my senses and ran to her. After one big, never-ending hug I crawled into bed next to her.

  “What are you doing awake?”

  She shrugged her shoulders, leaning into my side. “Couldn’t sleep. I was hoping you’d come tonight. You have been gone so long.”

  “Honey I’m sorry about that. I did try to see you not too long ago though but the window wasn’t open.”

  “Hmph!” Daisy crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her bottom lip out to pout. “A couple nights grandma came into my room after I thought she was asleep and closed it. She said it wasn’t safe to have it open.”

  Every sense in me went off and I knew something wasn’t right. After all these years my grandmother suddenly closing Daisy’s windows for safety didn’t add up.

  “Daisy, have you said anything to her about me? Have your teachers seen the drawings you’ve made for me?”

  Her head shook back and forth so fast it was making me dizzy. “No mama, I swear I haven’t told. You said I needed to keep it a secret and I did.”

  “What about in your closet where you keep the money and stuff from me?”

  Daisy flew from the bed and into her closet to dig into her secret spot. She re-emerged moments later with a little pink gift bag that looked like it had been used countless times over the years. It was tattered and torn but it looked full.

  “This is where I keep it all. It was right where I left it.”

  She handed me the worn down bag and I opened it slowly to keep it from falling apart. Every note I wrote to her, all the money I ever gave and even the first baby picture of the two of us in the hospital. Looking back I still remember one of my kind nurses coming in with an old disposable camera. She had snapped this picture while we were lost in each other. The smile on my face was wider than it ever had been before and even from afar the light and love in Daisy’s eyes was clearly visible.

  I looked into her face and even with how much she has grown and changed, she still looked at me with the same beautiful gaze. It was one I didn’t deserve but would never stop cherishing.

  “I love this photo of us, Dais.” She beamed her stunning smile up to me.

  “Our very first picture.”

  Fresh tears stung my eyes and burned my throat. This wasn’t just our first, but our only. No one ever cared to photograph those moments and not long after my Daisy was born, I left her in my grandmother’s care.

  “We’ll take many more pictures in the future, Daisy. I promise. I don’t want grandma to discover this after so long of keeping it secret. Can I bring it all with me for safe keeping? I promise you’ll get it back.”

  “It’s okay, you can take it. I don’t want gramma to find it and keep us apart.” I grabbed Daisy by her shoulders and hugged her tight.

  “She won’t. I won’t let her.”

  As I rocked us back and forth in my arms Onyx’s note began to burn a hole in my pocket. I wasn’t just curious to know the contents but there was a part of me that was desperate for Daisy to understand that she was more than someone to visit late at night. She was my daughter now, always, forever. There would never come a day where she wasn’t a part of me.

  “I have something to show you, Daisy.”

  “What?”

  “Well, recently I let someone into my life and my heart. I truly care for him and I shared with him who you are. He wrote you a letter.”

  “He did, why?”

  I shrugged but couldn’t hold back my smile. “Because that’s the sort of person he is. He’s amazing and I think you would really like him.”


  “If you do, I do.”

  My heart was about to burst. Thinking of Onyx, holding Daisy, and even in a way bringing my worlds together.

  “Would you like me to read you what he wrote?”

  “Yes please!”

  I pulled the envelope out of my pocket and then the lined pages from the envelope.

  “My dearest Daisy,” I began, praying dearly for the strength to make it through this letter before losing it.

  My Dearest Daisy,

  I’m not sure when you will be reading this letter. I left this in your mother’s care to discuss me as she is ready. Maybe it will be never and these words will remain lost and restricted to the paper I wrote them on. Either way, every word I say I mean and it doesn’t matter if they remain unread.

  I want to start by saying I was beyond honored to know about you. You should know Daisy, your mother loves you very much. She never stops working to provide for a better life and she protects you more than anyone other mother I know. You may not be together right now but I know that will change soon. You’re destined to live a full happy life with your extraordinary mom.

  There is something I’d like to tell you that I have not told anyone before. I am in love with your mother. She is inspirational to me, someone who lights up my world, and is so full of life. I imagine you are talented like her and just as beautiful. I wanted to tell you before I told anyone else because you are the one person in this world that has always had a place in her heart. If anyone else is to become a piece of her world they would need the permission of her little girl.

  You may not know me, Daisy but I will do everything in my power to help you come home. With your mother—right where you belong.

  Love,

  Onyx Ramsey

  My tears dripped onto the pages as I clung to every single word Onyx wrote. He loved me. There were plenty of suspicions that he did but to read the words were different. A whole new world seemed to open up around me. Everything felt better and more magical. I wished more than anything that I could hold Daisy and Onyx in my arms and feel just how much love surrounded me. This was the first time in my fucked up world that I found myself wanting a family. Not just any family but this one.

  “Mommy?”

  I looked through my tears to Daisy’s beautiful little face. “Yes baby?”

  “It’s okay for you to love him. He makes you happy.”

  “He does.” I confirmed. “I love you too, Daisy. I’ll be back soon.”

  I shoved the letter and her torn up bag into my hoodie pocket. Gave Daisy one final hug and kiss goodbye and shimmied down the tree. I made my way through the neighborhood until I saw the silhouette of my dark knight on his bike, waiting for me to return. I burst into a run, Onyx maneuvered onto the pavement and I jumped into his arms. Our lips sealed together instantly and all that love I felt while reading the letter was magnified.

  His fingers dug into my shirt as I caressed his face. He backed away a bit but only to speak and that didn’t stop my lips from continuing to kiss his mouth repeatedly.

  “I take it you read the letter?”

  I nodded, sealing one more kiss before answering. “You love me?”

  “I do, Alexandria. I may have loved you the moment I watched you crawl across the table toward me. You are fiercely sexy, incredibly talented, and one of the strongest people I have ever known. How could I not be in love with you?”

  “I’m not all those things.”

  “You are and you’re more.”

  My heart beat quicker than a humming bird as a tingling sensation raced through my bloodstream. Everything was heightened and intensified—this must be what it feels like to be in love.

  “I love you, Onyx Ramsey.”

  With a final kiss I felt for the first time everything was going to work out. With Onyx in my grasp and Daisy in my future. For once I no longer felt like the weak little girl—scared and lost. I felt this undeniable strength that I couldn’t recall ever feeling before. I believe it to be true that life is darkest just before the dawn and sometimes you need to be at your weakest in order to be strong. You need to feel pain and hurt before you can feel love. You need to have faith before you can have forever. And there is no better place to start than right here with the only man I have ever truly loved.

  Three Months Later

  It was hard to believe in just a few months my life could change so much. My days were no longer spent in my own bubble, hating my past, and fearful of my future. A few nights a week I danced at the club but those were rare occurrences as I wanted to spend all my time with Onyx. Not long ago I thought staying the night at a man’s house was crossing a line but that was nothing compared to my current predicament. After revealing all to Onyx he took it upon himself to pack up my life and move me from my rundown place into his home. I put up a minor stink because well, that’s just what I do. Truthfully though, the thought of living with Onyx was something I only pictured in my wildest fantasies.

  Waking up in his arms each morning and falling asleep next to him each night was a dream come true. We spent our days making music, painting, and everything in between. We were inseparable and no matter what I couldn’t get enough of him. Onyx was the best inspiration, my confidant, and without a doubt my best friend. Well, one of them. I could never forget Kayne. After I first moved in with Onyx, Kayne made a point of it to ignore us both. We didn’t talk about Kayne’s absence too much but there was no doubt how much we missed him.

  A few weeks after the move in Kayne came by and everything felt right. The three of us would go to the beach, out to the bar, and everywhere in between. It was surreal, in all honesty. There was just one thing missing—Daisy. I’ve gone by to see her a couple more times but something isn’t right—I feel it. I’m scared I’ll lose her and I don’t know how to make it better.

  On a beautiful Sunday morning I was doing one of the most domestic things I’ve ever done—cooking breakfast for Onyx. Fast asleep in bed still and after staring at his peaceful sleeping face I became inspired to do something special for him. The sun was peeking over the horizon and as I cooked up eggs and pancakes I became lost in my thoughts. I hated the gut wrenching feeling that something bad was coming especially when all I wanted to do was revel in the good.

  Out of nowhere Onyx wound his arms around my waist, pressing his face into my back. It was almost instant that the bad feelings slipped away I let my eyes close to feel the warmth of him spread throughout me.

  “I was hoping to bring you breakfast in bed.” I whispered.

  “That would have been lovely.” His sleep laced voice was thick and raspy. I doubted he even had his morning cigarette before stumbling into the kitchen to see me. “But your thoughts were so loud they woke me.”

  I snorted. “What are you talking about?”

  “I sensed something was wrong, love.”

  I switched off the stove and slowly twisted in his arms to get a look at him. There was more scruff on his face than usual and his eyes were hooded with the sleep that hadn’t shaken off yet.

  “But you were asleep.”

  “Alexandria, do you think I need to be awake and looking at you to know when something isn’t right? I love you, I’m in tune to you. I sense when there are burdens you feel or terrors that haunt you. That was why I never let you slip away from me before.”

  My fingers slid down the side of his face. There was a reason I never knew real love before, it was because I had never met Onyx. I have never met another person so intuitive and caring especially of me.

  “I love you.”

  “And I you, love. Now tell me, what’s troubling you?”

  “There’s something wrong with Daisy. I’m not really certain what it is but I have a feeling there is something going on.”

  “Do you think she is sick?”

  “No, nothing like that. Daisy herself is fine, but I can’t explain it.”

  Onyx thought about it for a moment, letting his fingers curl around the ends of my ha
ir. “Then maybe what you need is to back away for a bit. We need to start planning a way to get your daughter back. You have been lucky when it comes to her, love. You cannot expect to continue this sneaking in bit for much longer. One night someone is going to see you and this whole charade will be up. It will be that much harder to get Daisy back too if a judge knows you’ve been breaking in to see her.”

  “I know you’re right but I don’t want to just leave Daisy behind.”

  “Darling, I know you hate your grandmother but so far it seems that Daisy has at least been safe. I have no doubt she would have told you if she was in danger. Take comfort in that. I think in the back of your grandma’s mind she knows that if she did anything to that little girl she’d lose her. As screwed up as the old woman sounds, something tells me she’d never do anything to hurt her.”

  Despite every part of me hating my grandmother I knew he was right. If she hated Daisy she would have pawned her off on me a long time ago. Onyx was right about everything I just didn’t want to believe that what was best would require leaving her alone. I needed to get her back and the only way to do that was through the legal system.

  “It’s not going to be possible to be without her.” My bottom lip began to quiver but before anything could break free, Onyx pulled me into his arms. I buried my face into his chest, breathing in the scent of Onyx I had grown to love.

  “You’ll get her back, love. She’ll be safe we both know it. But to take your mind off of it let’s take a month to travel a bit.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, pulling away from him.

  “Do you remember how I told you that me and my father would travel around together?”

  I nodded. “You said you played music together—anywhere you wanted.”

  “That’s right. Let’s do that again. I’ll play, you paint and we’ll make money to continue our journey. Just for a little bit to let this feeling of something being wrong settle in your heart. We’ll be together, live a little, and find a way to be happy. What do you say?”