‘Go home.’
‘No… I mean, over the next few days.’
‘Try to deal with my clients and to sort them a suitable replacement… if I’m really going to do this, that is. Make some serious decisions about my future. Start shopping for Christmas, which I’ll spend quietly with Dad. Visit Grandma some more.’ Weariness overwhelmed her. It all seemed insurmountable, challenging and exhausting.
A woman squealed then ran past them before flinging herself into the arms of a man in uniform. A soldier home for the holidays. They hugged then leant back and eyed each other, oblivious to everything else as he tenderly took her face in his hands and they kissed.
Frankie dragged her gaze away. Why was it that she was saying goodbye when other people were welcoming the people they cared about home?
The people they cared about…
She cared about Freya, of course she did, and now… it seemed that she cared about Jonas too.
‘Speak soon then.’ Jonas leant forwards and she moved into his embrace, lifting onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. She made to kiss his cheek but he turned his head and her lips brushed his instead. They both gasped and pulled away then gazed at each other. His pupils were large and dark, his lips parted. She wanted to kiss him again, to see if she’d really felt that powerful jolt of electricity, or if she’d imagined it. If it had been created by the friction between her soles and the airport tiles.
‘Jonas,’ she whispered.
He shook his head then took her hand and kissed it.
‘But…’
‘I can’t.’ He sighed. ‘I’m so sorry. I just can’t.’
‘Frankie?’ She turned to her mother and saw that she was holding hands with her father.
‘Yes?’
‘I’ll phone every day and we’ll get together very soon.’
Frankie nodded then embraced Freya, breathing in her floral perfume and hugging her tight. Her heart felt as though it had cracked and would shatter into a thousand pieces as soon as her mother let her go. She couldn’t let go…
‘Freya?’ It was Jonas. ‘We’d better check in now.’
‘Of course.’ Freya nodded then squeezed Frankie hard before releasing her. ‘I love you so much, my darling daughter. I am so proud of the beautiful, bright, strong woman you have become. I have always loved you and I always will. Look after your dad, won’t you?’ She kissed Frankie’s cheek then Hugo’s. ‘And you look after our baby girl.’
She went to say more, but her eyes glistened and she shook her head then mouthed Speak soon, before allowing Jonas to guide her away.
Hugo wrapped an arm around Frankie’s shoulder and they watched as Freya and Jonas were swallowed up by the airport, dragging their cases behind them.
‘Come on, Frankie. Let’s go home.’
She nodded, unable to reply, and when she met her father’s eyes, she saw that they were filled with tears too.
* * *
On the plane, Jonas flicked through his mobile, looking at the photographs he’d uploaded to his iCloud from his camera.
He’d told himself he was going to choose the best ones to show his friend with the boutique, but in reality, he needed to look at Frankie again. He came across the ones Freya had taken of him and Frankie as they fed the reindeer, and one in particular made his breath catch in his chest. Freya had captured them gazing at each other in the intense way that lovers might do. They’d only said goodbye a few hours ago but already he felt as though she was slipping away, that if he didn’t see the green sparkle of her eyes, the luminescence of her skin and the shine of her silky brown hair, he would lose her for ever.
And what had happened at the airport? They’d hugged, then accidentally kissed and something had shot through Jonas, something he was pretty certain he’d never felt before. Frankie had jolted his very core with a gentle brush of her lips. He’d yearned to pull her close and kiss her properly, to lift her into his arms and carry her off somewhere quiet so he could truly appreciate her and show her how wonderful he thought she was. But, of course, they’d been in a busy airport, not far from her parents, and he was about to check in for his flight home.
She’d tried to speak to him but he’d had to tell her he couldn’t. Couldn’t speak about it. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t allow himself to fall for her. Couldn’t vocalize the confusing mass of thoughts and emotions swirling around inside him. How was it even possible to feel this way about a woman he barely knew?
It had been a strange two weeks. Frankie had arrived in Oslo to find her mother, and Jonas had met her in the process. She’d seemed damaged, vulnerable and in need of tenderness and reassurance. At first, he’d thought she might just be rich and spoilt, and after seeing her enormous, and clearly expensive, home, as well as her wardrobe full of things, it would have been understandable if she had been shallow and self-centred. But she wasn’t. At all. She was sweet and funny, kind and caring. She worried about other people and clearly wanted to do her best to make them happy.
Yes, she was a bit of a fashionista; she loved clothes and shoes and fabrics and a good lifestyle. But there was nothing arrogant or horrid about Frankie at all. There was an inherent goodness, a desire to create and to express her love of the world around her through her creations. He could see it clearly now; she was an artist with a keen eye, just like him. She saw things that many others wouldn’t even notice, whether it was a shade of colour that matched another, or a texture that gave a garment an extra layer, an extra dimension. Frankie could, if she returned his fondness for her, give his existence another layer, another dimension.
And yet… Jonas lived a simple life. He could never offer her all the things she would want. Jonas took his pleasure from nature, from a beautiful sunset or a freshly fallen blanket of snow. There was purity in the natural world that humankind often lacked, and he wondered how far Frankie might have been corrupted by her affluent upbringing, innocent as she still seemed to be. Jonas knew that as much as he loved to travel, he would never want to leave Norway permanently. London was magnificent but it was so busy, so cosmopolitan and so far removed from what he needed on a daily basis to thrive. As fabulous as Frankie’s home was, he couldn’t live somewhere like that full time; it would suffocate him. He rarely spent more than a few weeks at his mother’s apartment, needing the open vastness of the Norwegian countryside, the endless plains and skies that allowed him to really breathe.
Frankie was a city girl. An English woman. Rich beyond his imaginings.
They were very different and even if there was an attraction between them, a meeting of minds, there could never be anything more permanent. Frankie had grown up wealthy and never wanted for anything material. All Jonas could ever offer her would be himself. How could that be enough? Sooner or later, a man from her set would come and turn her eye, steal her away and Jonas would be broken by that. Better not to let it begin…
He gazed at the photograph that he’d zoomed in on, of Frankie wearing the blue silk dress, and ran a finger over her face. What he wanted and what he could have were two very different things.
He switched his mobile off then tucked it into his shirt pocket.
‘You OK, Jonas?’ Freya asked from the seat next to him. He’d thought she was snoozing; her eyes had been closed when he’d pulled out his mobile. Had she seen him looking at photographs of her daughter?
‘Yeah, I guess so.’
‘She’s very special, isn’t she?’
He nodded.
‘You’d be good together.’
He turned to her and smiled.
‘How’re you? I thought I’d never manage to get you away from Hugo.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘That was tough. Almost as tough as leaving him the first time around. However, I now know that we’ll stay in touch and who knows…’
‘Who knows?’
‘What the future holds.’
She smiled then closed her eyes, signalling that it was OK for him to go back to his own musings.
He peered out the window at the bright white clouds. Freya had been through so much and yet emerged from it so positive. She’d suffered for years and lost not only her husband but also her child. And now… she’d reunited with them and there was a chance that there could be more for the three of them in the future.
Freya could have put a thousand genuine obstacles in the way of her and Hugo, easily prevented any sort of attachment from re-forming. But she hadn’t. She’d gone with the flow, allowed Hugo to explain, and even when his explanation had been about his guilt and what he saw as his weaknesses, Freya had not judged him. She was prepared to give him – to give them – a chance. At what, it wasn’t yet clear, but it seemed that she wasn’t ruling anything out.
Jonas, on the other hand, was repeating to himself all the reasons why he could never be with Frankie. Another one being the fact that Freya was his friend and if it didn’t work out with Frankie, then he might ruin things with Freya too. It wasn’t like him to be negative and to harden his heart to his desires, but his desires had never included a beautiful Englishwoman before. A woman who reached inside him and made his heart squeeze.
It hit him like a blow to the jaw.
Jonas was afraid.
He’d always analysed his feelings and behaviour, finding it fascinating to consider why he did what he did as well as why other people behaved as they did. When he allowed his mind to mull over things, he usually came to a conclusion that told him more about himself and others.
And now, it seemed, he was searching for reasons why he couldn’t be with Frankie. For reasons why he couldn’t pursue her as his heart wanted him to.
He needed to get back to Norway and to head out into the countryside.
Only then, when he was at one with nature, would he be able to free his mind and heart and to think clearly about what it was that he really wanted. Without hindrance, without excuses and without hesitation.
Chapter 29
Frankie entered the cafe and looked around. Jen waved at her from a booth, so she made her way over, carefully weaving between tables and chairs, trying not to fall over people’s shopping bags and small children.
‘It’s so busy!’ she said when she’d returned her friend’s hug.
‘Christmas is almost upon us, Frankie, what do you expect?’
Just over three weeks had passed since Freya and Jonas had returned to Norway. In that time, Frankie had moved her client list on to colleagues, tied up the loose ends from her business and dealt with all the paperwork with the bank and solicitors. It felt good to free herself from the career she’d never wanted, if terrifying letting go of the security it had given her.
Jen flicked her long blonde hair then ran her fingers though it before pulling it over her left shoulder. She was, as always, flawlessly made-up from her smoky-grey eyes to her plumped-up pink lips.
‘What is it? Why’re you staring? Have I got a rash from the threading?’ Jen’s eyes widened as she ran a long finger over her top lip, the tiny diamond on her manicured nail glinting in the light.
‘No, no rash.’ Frankie shook her head. ‘You look amazing, as always.’
Jen grinned. ‘I’m all ready for the holidays. I’m hoping Henry will surprise me with a sunshine break, to be honest. I’ve dropped enough hints and… just in case he does… I’ve been waxed, threaded, tanned and bleached, so I am bikini ready, baby!’ She flashed her pure white teeth and fluttered her fake eyelashes.
‘You’ve only just got back from Florida, Jen.’ Frankie laughed. They hadn’t been able to get together until now because Frankie had been so busy with sorting her life out and Jen had been away with her sister in America.
‘I know but this would be a holiday for Henry and me to have some alone time. We need to get working on our baby plans.’
‘Well, let’s hope Santa does leave you a break in the Bahamas in your stocking.’
Jen wrinkled her nose. ‘Oh God, don’t talk to me about stockings! That’s all Henry wants right now… you know… the full shebang.’
Frankie frowned.
‘You know… stockings, suspenders, basque. I don’t know what’s got into him.’
Frankie nodded, hoping the women at the next table had gone quiet because they were eating and not because they were eavesdropping.
‘Remember a few Christmases ago when I had a whole load of… leather gear under the tree because he’d seen me reading Fifty Shades and thought that was what I’d want?’ She rolled her eyes. ‘The last book I read was a Mary Berry cookbook, so am I going to find a white wig and apron in my stocking?’
‘Probably a new bakeware set.’
They laughed together then, causing one of the women at the other table to cast them a curious glance.
‘Ooh I’ve missed you, Frankie. How are you, darling?’
Frankie gave her a quick rundown about Freya and Jonas and their visit to London. She had spoken to Jen on the phone but not wanted to go into detail about everything because it still felt too raw. Watching them leave at the airport had cut her deeply.
‘How’re you feeling about everything? It must be amazing to meet your mother after all that time.’
‘It was. And she’s just so lovely, Jen. She’s sweet, kind and beautiful. She has her own art gallery and she’s doing really well. When she came back with me and was reunited with Dad… even though it was just for a few days… well, it was just better than I could have hoped for.’
‘Why? You don’t think they still have feelings for each other, do you?’
‘Without a doubt. What will come of it, I have no idea, but at least they can be civil.’
‘It must’ve been strange for them to see each other after all that time?’
‘I have no doubt that it was but they also seemed… really happy to be reunited.’
‘Wow. Just wow! What about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘Are you happy to see them like that? Will you see more of your mother now?’
Around them people chatted to friends and loved ones, children squealed, laughed and cried. The noise was comforting, it showed that life continued whatever was happening in Frankie’s world, that the emptiness inside her because she missed her mother – and, if she was being fully honest, because she missed Jonas – hadn’t affected anyone else. The familiar carols that drifted from the speakers and the hum from the cappuccino machine all added to this belief, and Frankie knew that whatever happened now, she would survive. She was a survivor. She had got this far and surely life looked a lot better now than it had before?
Frankie nodded. ‘Yes on both counts. It’s far too early to say if my parents have any romantic inclinations, and they have things to sort out – my mother said they need to do a lot of talking – but some contact is better than no contact. And they were just so natural together. I guess it helped that Grandma wasn’t around and Dad was more relaxed.’
‘It would be like one of those magazine stories if they got back together. You could give Hello a call.’
‘I doubt Hello would be interested in it and even if they were, I think my parents are both too private to want their lives splashed across the pages of a magazine.’
‘But you have to admit that it’s romantic.’
‘I guess so. Or it would be if it hadn’t all caused so much pain and sadness over the years.’
‘They have lost out on a lot of time, haven’t they?’
‘Thirty years when they could have been together, possibly had more children and when I could have had a mum.’
‘At least she’s in your life now.’ Jen squeezed her hand. ‘How’s your grandmother?’
Frankie winced. She hadn’t told Jen about her grandmother’s role in it all yet; she was still trying to process Grandma’s atrocious behaviour herself. ‘She’s OK. The doctor says she’s getting stronger every day but she looks so different in that hospital bed. It’s difficult visiting her because she’s not the old battleaxe I know so well.’
‘How was she about your mother being back?’
‘Well… see, she was partly… actually, mainly responsible for my mother leaving in the first place.’
‘What?’ Jen’s eyebrows shot to her hairline.
Frankie explained what had happened when her mother left and Jen listened carefully. When Frankie had finished, Jen’s eyes glistened with tears.
‘That’s so sad, Frankie. And yet… does it make you feel better to know that your mother didn’t walk out on you… because she didn’t love you?’
‘Oh yes, a lot better, obviously. But I feel so sorry for her because she was pushed into leaving.’
‘So, your grandmother really is a battleaxe.’
‘I was so angry when I first found out about it but my mother said I need to let it go. She has. She said that holding on to the grief and anger will just hurt me in the long run, and that even if I can’t forget, I need to put it to one side.’
‘And you’re back together now, so she’s probably right. Do you also feel angry towards your dad?’
‘For not standing up to Grandma?’
Jen nodded.
‘Yes. I wanted to scream at him and ask why he didn’t fight for his wife, but now… after seeing them together, I know there’s no point. Dad was compromised because Grandma made him believe that she’d take me away from him too. He was also afraid that if he went after my mother she wouldn’t want him and he couldn’t face that rejection, couldn’t cope alone with a young baby and the recriminations that would have followed from Grandma. He might have made the wrong decision but it was the one he thought was right at the time.’
‘Poor Hugo.’
‘He’s a good man but he made a mistake and he’s clearly punished himself over the years for it. He never even got divorced, let alone remarried, never even dated as far as I know, and I’m convinced it was because he loved my mother so much.’
‘I hope they get back together at some point. It sounds like they should.’
Frankie shrugged. ‘I’m just happy to know that they don’t hate each other and can be friends. That’s all I ever wanted growing up, and to know that my mother was there. I’m looking forward to spending more time with her.’
Love at the Northern Lights Page 21