At the beginning of the last hour it was my turn to dedicate a song to Nik. I choose a great little remake of “How Sweet It Is” by Julia Stone. My speech wasn’t as long as his – I was too choked up to get it all out – but I managed to let everyone there know he had really saved me instead of the other way around. I told them there wasn’t another man alive who could love me any better than he did, or another woman who could possibly love him more than me.
As soon as our dance ended, Leia got up on the stage and proceeded to crown us Prom King and Prom Queen. We got the whole shebang: crowns, banners, flowers, lots of applause, and pictures.
It truly was the best night I’ve ever had. I never wanted it to end, but of course Nik made sure it ended in the best way possible.
We rode home in the limo, making out from the time we got in till we forced ourselves out when we got home. Once we got inside the house, he took us straight to the shower.
He stripped, then slowly undressed me, kissing nearly every inch of my heated skin as he uncovered it. We washed each other carefully, paying special attention to special places. Finally, we made it to our bed and made love until we fell asleep in each other’s arms, happy and exhausted.
THE CONVERSATION
~
Nik
“Here’s the steak. You get it started and I’ll work on the peppers and onions as soon as I swap the laundry.”
“Sure thing, sweet cheeks.” I smile, taking the steak from her with a kiss to one cheek and a pat on another one much lower.
She rolls her eyes as she walks away, but she’s grinning. I pull out what I need to cut and cook the steak and get started on our lunch.
It’s been a month since our prom night and thankfully it’s been relatively stress free and happy.
The trial date has been set for January of next year, so that’s off our backs for a while. I’d much rather those bastards be dead, but rotting in jail will have to do.
We decided to hold off on our extended vacation till the end of the summer. I’m doing better emotionally with everything since talking to Vicky every week and we really need to stick around until my leg is healed – Dr. T and Tristan insisted. They also promised to do what they could to move that process along.
So, I’ve been doing even more physical therapy. Tristan’s not a bad dude. He knows his shit and he’s helping me get into better shape than I’ve ever been in. I’m almost back to normal with my upper body strength and the leg is coming along too. He’s really happy with my progress. I still have pain, especially in the mornings and when it rains, but it’s not horrible. Considering I could’ve died, I can handle some aches and pains.
Hopefully, after tomorrow I can get some relief from a few of them. Ellie and I are going to Dr. T’s first thing in the morning. I finally have the appointment to get my pins out, the external ones anyway. Fingers crossed, I’ll really be able to get back to normal after that.
I’m so fucking ready to get behind the wheel of my baby again. I have missed driving more than I ever thought I could. Taking Ellie out on a date this week is first on my agenda, I just haven’t decided where we’re going yet. Then I’d like a weekend away. Definitely to the beach – I want to see her in that bikini again – but up the coast or down, I’m not sure. I want it to be a nice long drive though. We can have the top down if we leave early enough in the day. It’s not too hot for that yet. I can already see her hair blowing everywhere and the smile on her face.
The two of us have settled into an easy routine. Like insanely easy. It was good before prom, but now I’m able to help her around the house instead of her waiting on me hand and foot. We’re equal partners now. We do everything together: cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, you name it.
I figured after being a bachelor for so long I wouldn’t like living with anyone. Also, I’m a bit of a neat freak. But she is too so there isn’t any fussing about clothes strewn everywhere or toothpaste all over the sink. I don’t think we’ve even had an argument yet. I’m sure we will eventually, but I also know we’ll be able to handle it. And I know it’s still early, but it seems like we’ve been doing this for years already. I don’t even really miss my place, mostly because she makes this one feel like the best home I could ever dream up.
We go on walks in the evenings, or sometimes in the mornings if it’s too hot. Those walks have become my favorite part of the day. We talk about everything and nothing, just holding hands and walking barefoot in the grass or sand. We’ve even been fishing a time or two. Not to mention we’ve watched a hell of a lot of Netflix and had more than our fair share of sex.
It’s been perfect in my book.
“Should I start packing up your stuff while you’re at therapy?” she asks, startling me.
I didn’t hear her come back into the kitchen.
And pack up my stuff? What the hell is she talking about? Maybe that first argument is already here.
Or maybe not.
She’s standing at the sink, head down and her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth. She drops the bell pepper she’s washing off, her hands shaking as she scrambles to pick it up again.
I push the pan off the hot eye and turn the stove off too. I know exactly what’s going on and I’m going to nip it in the bud right now. She has it in her silly head that since I’m getting my pins out it means I’m moving back to my house.
I don’t know what she’s been drinking, but...
I walk over to her and turn the water off while gently lifting her face towards mine. Her eyes squeeze shut and a tear escapes down her cheek. My chest gets that familiar but unwelcome ache. I pull her against me and wrap my arms around her. She starts sobbing just as I suspected she would, her wet hands cold on my bare skin.
While I’ve been doing better emotionally, her hormones – or at least that’s what she says it’s been – have had her out of sorts this week. She’s had two attacks, slept a lot more than usual, and even dissociated the other day. I hadn’t seen her do that in a while, so it was hard to see. And scary. She cried for a good thirty minutes after she came out of it. She’s cried a lot this week, including every time we’ve had sex, which I have to admit has been very disconcerting. She always asks me to keep going, begs me even, and I have, but I’ve done my best to be as attentive and gentle with her as possible. She’s even cried during every episode of Lost we’ve watched, not to mention the number of commercials that have gotten her teared up. She’s been really clingy too, not that I’ve minded that in the least.
I haven’t been able to get her to admit it’s been any more than hormones though. I’ve tried not to push her, though that never goes well.
I had a crazy mix of fear and excitement thinking she may be pregnant when I first realized she was acting different. But she assured me she’s not, must to my surprising disappointment.
I’ve tried not to think too much about how disappointed I was.
She swears she had mood swings like this the first two months as well. Somehow, I missed them. I figure I was too drugged on meds or love to notice till now. And things were so crazy for us too.
I rub circles over her shoulders and play with her hair as I shush her, swaying us back and forth, then hug her tighter and kiss the top of her pretty head. “Come sit with me.”
We get to the table and she tries to sit in the other chair. I reach out and hook an arm around her hips and pull her down on my lap. She doesn’t fight, but instead buries herself into my chest as far as she can. I just hold her and let her cry for a few more minutes. It’s better to just let her get it out.
When her sniffing starts to slow a bit, I grab a napkin or two off the table and hand them to her. She cleans up my wet chest first then blows her nose loudly making me smile.
She’s so damn cute.
“What are you smiling at?” she asks.
“I love the way you blow your nose,” I tell her, kissing it.
She snorts and rolls her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
&nb
sp; I shrug. “It’s cute and if you think about it, it should answer your question.”
Her brow wrinkles so I sit her up and get her to straddle my lap then brush her hair back off her face and shoulders. “Do you want me to move out?”
She bites her lip again, dropping her head and shaking it. “No. No, I don’t, but we haven’t talked about it and I just didn’t know if—”
I cup her face, making her look at me. “Good, because I wasn’t planning on going anywhere any time soon. Not unless you’re coming too.”
I can literally feel the relief wash over her. Her whole body relaxes and her eyes lose some of their sadness. Even her lips twitch a little.
The ability she has to break my heart knows no bounds.
I slide my fingers into her hair and pull her towards me for a kiss, keeping it soft and sweet. “I love you, Ellie. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
I shake my head. “No, I’m sorry. We should have talked about it before now. We’ve been so happy, I didn’t think it was necessary. But now’s probably a good idea, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.”
I decide to jump right in. “Do you remember our first night together?”
A sly smile blooms across her face, her eyes twinkling. I tickle up her thighs, grinning back at her. “Not those parts, dirty girl.”
She squirms and giggles. “But they were sooooooo memorable.”
“Yes, they definitely were,” I agree, pulling her closer and kissing her again. This time not so sweetly.
After a few minutes of that she pushes away, panting. “Talking. We were talking.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’ll behave.” I smooth her hair back down then rest my hands on her hips and get back on task. “I was talking about what I told you when you were worried I didn’t love you.”
“I remember. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.”
“Then why on earth would you think I’d want to leave?”
She shrugs, looking sheepish. “I don’t know. That was two months ago. And they’ve been amazing, but my stupid messed up brain starts thinking it’s all too good to be true, that I’m not enough, that you’ll get tired of me event—”
I grab her face. “Please stop. You know none of that is true, right?”
She sighs. “I want too, I really do, but you know how my brain works. I can’t help it.”
Sitting here looking at her like this, seeing her afraid again, I know once more I’ll do absolutely anything for her. Anything to free her of the pain and fears. No matter how crazy or impossible. And I won’t stop, however many times it takes I’ll keep going. I never want her to doubt herself or me again.
I rub my thumbs over her damp cheeks wishing it was as easy to wipe away her grief as it is her tears.
Gathering everything I feel for her I pour it into my eyes and words. “Bird, I meant it then and I mean it now. You are my home. Wherever you are, that’s home for me. And I don’t ever want to leave home again.”
She lets out this pitiful laughing sob and throws her arms around my neck. “I don’t want you to either.”
I hold her to me as tight as I can without hurting her. “I won’t, I swear it. I love you too damn much. You’ll have to chisel me loose if you ever decide to get rid of me, okay?” I promise, kissing her hair.
“I love you too. I’m sorry I’m such a wreck this week,” she whimpers.
I squeeze her tighter then rub her back. “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s not like it’s a job for me to tell you how much I love you. I’ll do it all day, everyday if that’s what you need.”
She does some more of the pitiful laughter and kisses my neck a few times.
I keep rubbing her back and peppering kisses over her shoulder. She’s wearing one of her sexy little dresses. There’s no straps holding it up so it leaves plenty of her soft skin for me to kiss.
It brings a memory to the surface, one that’s too relevant not to wonder about God and his mysterious ways. I can’t keep it to myself either.
“I remember my mom fussing at my dad one time that he didn’t say he loved her often enough. You know what he told her?”
“What?” she asks, sitting up again and wiping at her eyes. My heart swells seeing some of the shadows have left them.
I reach up and stroke her cheek with my knuckles. “He smiled at her and said, ‘Honey, I told you the day I married you I loved you. If I ever change my mind I’ll let you know. Until then, know that I do.’ Then he leaned over and kissed her shoulder before walking away like he’d been on stage and had just said the last poignant line of a play.”
She laughs a little. “I’m not sure if that’s sweet or not.”
I blow out a huff of air, giving her a wry grin. “Yeah, I wondered at first too. Mom had rolled her eyes at him, but when he walked away she got this smile. One I had never seen on her face before. She looked lighter, but also like she’d just figured out the key to everything. I was fifteen at the time, and had never given their marriage or their love a second’s thought. They were just my parents, you know? But I thought about it then because she looked happier than I’d ever seen her, than I’d ever seen anyone. I mean she’d always been a happy person, but right then she glowed. I stood there, leaning against the kitchen counter and couldn’t look away from her face. All I could think about was would I ever be able to make a girl smile that way.”
“Aww, sweetie,” she coos, leaning over and hugging me again.
I wrap my arms back around her, tucking my face into her warm neck and drawing in the smell that’s all her – coconut, jasmine, and something else I’ve never been able to pin down. Whatever it is, it never fails to ease my soul and stir my need for her. I press a kiss over her pulse. “I want to make you smile that way every day.”
“Nik,” she breathes out, her voice holding her heart in it.
I sit back and wrap my hands around her beautiful face. “Nothing would make me happier, El. So, I promise from here on out you’ll never have to doubt how I feel about you. I’ll tell you a thousand times a day if I need too. I love you. I don’t ever want to leave you. I don’t care where we live, whether that’s here, or my place, or back and forth between them. I’d even be fine if you wanted to sell ‘em both and buy some place that’s just ours.”
She pulls back and looks at me surprised. “You want to buy a house with me?”
That’s what she got out of all of that?
I smile and steal a kiss from her parted lips. “What part of, ‘I don’t ever want to leave you’ didn’t you get, silly? You’re it for me. I want to spend the rest of my life doing everything with you, Ellie.”
Her big blue eyes blink slowly, she swallows, starts to speak then stops.
Shit, that might have been too much of a declaration. Maybe she isn’t ready for that yet.
“Ellie, I’m…” I stop, seeing the scowl gathering on her pretty face.
“Did you just propose to me, Nik Jensen?”
Now I’m the one faltering because I have absolutely no clue if she’s mad or happy with me.
Does a scowl always equal mad? Maybe? Probably?
“No? Not really?” I try.
Her eyebrows go up as she sits further back and crosses her arms over her chest.
Shit.
“I plan to,” I rush out. “I guess you could say I was stating my intentions.”
She relaxes a little, her scowl disappearing. I take a risk and grab her hands, bringing them up to my lips and kissing her fingers. “I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife and I want to be your husband. I want it all with you, Bird. I’ve been thinking of asking you for almost two months now. And I will ask you – properly – when the time is right and I’m sure you’re ready.”
“Two months? You’ve only known me for three. Isn’t a month kinda fast?”
“Maybe. But think about it. We got forced together pretty damn quick, and we’ve spent practically every hour of the last th
ree months together, right? Not to mention everything we’ve been through. Lots of couples never go through the things we have.”
“That’s true.”
“Don’t you think we know each other better than people who have been together for three times that? Or six times? I mean, if you stretched it out we’re probably more like a couple that’s been together for a year or so. We may have moved quickly, but I for one don’t regret a minute of it. Even with everything we’ve been through, they’ve been the best three months I’ve ever had. Every week gets better than the last. I find something new to love about you every day too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone but you, Ellie. I know you’re the one. I feel in my bones.”
She stares at me for a minute, a multitude of emotions crossing her face. Finally she settles on a smirk. “Sappy much?”
I sniff, smiling back. “For you, yes. I can put the award for biggest sap next to my world’s greatest ass trophy,” I declare with a wink.
She laughs, running her fingers through my hair then cupping my face. “I think you could win all the awards, Mr. Jensen.”
I sigh dramatically, rolling my eyes towards the ceiling. “It’s such hard work, but I do try.”
Her giggles fill the room as she wraps herself around me. “I love you so much, you goof.”
I hold her to me and kiss forehead. “I love you too, beautiful. More than you can imagine.”
We sit there for a while just enjoying being held. And even though we’ve cleared the air a bit, I need it clearer. It’s not a conversation I want to have, but one we really need to.
“Ellie?”
“Hmmmm.”
“I want you to know that I’m not trying to rush you. I’ll understand if it’s too soon for you. If you’re never ready to marry again and just want to keep going like we are, I can handle that. Just because I’m already there doesn’t mean you are. You’ve been where I am before. I don’t know if it feels the same or isn’t as good as it was with him, but—”
Heal Me (Magnolia Series Book 2) Page 14