He shook his head. “Cara you have to stop this.”
“Am I bothering you?” She asked. “I don’t remember calling you or even asking you for anything, so you’re going to explain to me why you keep telling me I have to stop this. I don’t have to stop anything. I don’t have anything anymore. Don’t you get that?”
“You’re not the only person who lost someone. My parents are burying their son tomorrow and instead of being by their side, I’m searching the whole fucking town looking for you. I have to explain to a seven year old what heaven is and that she’ll never see her uncle again. And you’re sitting here drinking yourself into oblivion and wrecking Jake’s apartment.” He growled. His patience was being tested and he didn’t like it. “I will drag you out of here kicking and screaming if I have to. But I will not leave you here so that I have to come back and check if you killed yourself yet.”
“I’m not suicidal Jake…” She rolled her eyes not catching her own mix up.
“Luke. I am Luke not Jake.” He said sternly. She turned around, her eyes bore into his, and they were full of confusion. Sensing she had no idea why he said that, he reminded her. “You just called me Jake.”
She fell backwards onto the heaping pile of clothes that was piling on top of the couch. “Well, I didn’t realize it. I was just thinking how I wish Jake was here and not you.” She glared at him through her glassy eyes.
“I wish Jake was here too Cara. I don’t know how the hell he ever put up with you.” Luke spat back. At first he had tried to be patient and to console her, forgetting his own grief or that he had a family that was falling apart. He made her his number one priority out of respect and his promise to his brother. Luke was at the end of his rope. His patience was teetering on the edge. He wanted to shake her and beg her to snap the fuck out of it.
She stood, her eyes blazing with fury. In one fluid motion she stood in front of him and swung at him. Her fist connected with the end of his jaw.
“Fuck you, Luke!” She said through gritted teeth.
Luke didn’t flinch. He didn’t even react to her violent outburst, figuring he probably deserved it. Instead, he took hold of her wrists roughly, holding them in place as she tried to break free of his hold.
“Get your fucking hands off of me” She growled and Luke had no idea who the woman in front of him was. This wasn’t the sweet Cara that had wormed her way into the heart of each one of the Lanza’s. This wasn’t the woman Jake was hopelessly in love with. This woman was broken and it would take a small army to put back the pieces of her, either that or one patient son of a bitch.
Luke took a deep breath and searched her eyes. Hoping that in the depths of those green eyes there was a shred of the woman Jake left behind. “Jake’s service will be tomorrow. Don’t you want some sort of say on how that plays out? You’re his fiancée. You should make a decision as to what kind of flowers he has or where his resting spot will be.” He paused for a moment. “Wouldn’t it be nice if he was close to your mom?” He watched her eyes fill. “I can take you to the undertaker and we can pick out the plot.” He bent his knees so that their eyes were level. The dam broke and her tears fell. “You should have that say, Cara.” He spoke softly.
They were silent for a moment, and then between her sobs she nodded. “I want him close to my mom.”
“Okay.” He whispered. When her body began to tremble and she wept uncontrollably he released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her. She grabbed his shirt and cried into his chest. He sighed and glanced up towards his heavenly father, wondering if his brother was with him, and thanked them both for allowing him to win this battle.
* * * * * *
It was dark by the time Sam made her way back to her apartment that night. She was willing to spend the night at her parents, but they told her to go home and get some rest. She assumed they needed some time alone. She wouldn’t pretend to know what they were feeling. She opened her door, and stepped into her pitch black apartment. She threw her keys on the small table in her entryway and flicked the lights on. She took a quick look around. It was exactly as she had left it this morning, sans the discarded clothes trailing towards her bedroom.
She bit her lower lip and tried to block out the previous night. She tried not to remember Nick’s touch. Her house still had the faintest scent of his cologne and she knew once she lay in her bed, his scent would fill her. She would be consumed by the memories of their night together.
She walked into her bedroom, and headed to her closet. She removed her black dress from inside and hung it up on the back of her door, relief hit her that it was already ironed. She removed her earrings and went to place them on her nightstand when she noticed the note she had left for Nick. She placed the earrings alongside the note and lifted the two halves of the paper. Wondering why he chose to rip up the piece of paper. She stared at the torn paper for a moment longer before placing it back on her nightstand. She laid down on the bed, bringing the pillow Nick slept on the night before against her chest. She closed her eyes, letting the exhaustion caused by the whirlwind of emotions, consume her.
* * * * * *
Nick couldn’t sleep. He lay in his bed with his arms propped behind his head and he stared aimlessly at the ceiling. If he was back in Seattle he would fix his insomnia the only way he knew how. He’d pick up a woman and exhaust himself all night with her until he fell into a slumber or a coma from intoxication whichever happened first. Those days felt so long ago now, but they weren’t. The truth was he was beginning to think that maybe coming back to Riverdale was a mistake.
Did he really think that he could reclaim the life he left seven years ago? That he would just be able to pick up where he left as if time stood still in the small upstate town. He shook his head. He didn’t really know what he expected when he came back home, he just knew he was tired of living a life he pretended to enjoy and yearned for the one that Sam had been a part of.
What had happened to her? The girl he remembered wasn’t so cold and full of bitterness. The girl he left was a girl willing to go to the ends of the world to be with him. Now when she looked at him all he saw was hatred and pain. As much as Nick would like to blame Sam being the reason Riverdale wasn’t appealing to him anymore, he couldn’t. Everything and everyone were changing.
Jake was gone. Luke was falling apart at the seams and the scariest part of Luke unraveling was that he had never done that before. No one knew what to expect when Luke lost his grip on life because the man always held on firmly for the ride. The business was on Nick’s shoulders and that didn’t bother him, he’d done that before. He threw himself into work and forgot about the other parts of life. Sure, it was for his father’s business and not his own, but he still knew what it was like to live for the job and nothing else.
His phone vibrated on the table beside his bed. It was nearly two in the morning. Who could be calling him now? He reached over and grabbed the phone. He stared at the Caller Id and groaned. Seeing Erica’s number calling again from Seattle. She had called him twice today and much like now he ignored the last two calls, he declined the call and placed the phone back on the table.
He didn’t care to hear her voice. He didn’t care to listen to what she had to say. The fact that she was in Seattle, was making Riverdale look more like the better choice.
Chapter Eleven
There was something beautiful about a funeral procession. Sam couldn’t pinpoint one exact reason she thought it was beautiful, maybe it was watching all the people lining up in their cars to bid farewell to Jake. As she held her mother’s hand, escorting her to the limousine that would take them from the funeral parlor and to the church, she looked at the long line of cars that were stopping traffic on a Main Street. The line went down for blocks, until she couldn’t see any further. Parked directly in front of the funeral parlor was a hearse followed by the immediate family’s limousine and a flower truck. The flower truck was filled beyond its capacity. One of the Sam’s favorite displays sat at th
e very top of the collection of flowers, it was a piece designed to mimic Jake’s motorcycle, all made out of flowers. She was certain it would’ve been Jake’s favorite too.
The driver opened the door and helped Deb into the car. It surprised Sam that her mother was handling things so well thus far. . Sure, she broke down when she first saw Jake in the coffin, they all had. But she stopped crying and began to marvel at how peaceful he looked, and how in death, he looked much like he did when was alive. He looked as if he had simply been sleeping. They had decided not to have a viewing, and only keep the coffin open for a few moments so the immediate family could see Jake one final time.
Sam slid into the car after her mother, taking her sunglasses off to dab a tissue at her eyes. She couldn’t believe the outpouring of love this town had shown to her brother. For the two short hours people came to pay their respects, she had been kissed and offered condolences by what seemed like every person Jake had ever shook hands with or said hello to. People loved Jake and he would be missed not only by his family, but by everyone who knew him.
Sam glanced through the window and watched Luke walk out of the funeral parlor, walking closely next to a grief stricken Cara. Sam’s heart broke watching her kiss Jake goodbye, but surprisingly Cara too was holding it together. Well, better than she had been since Jake had passed. Luke held open the door, not saying a word to Cara and Sam noticed she didn’t look at him. Sam knew her brother, and knew he was trying his best to do what he thought Jake would want him to do, which was take care of Cara.
Luke had decided to send Ava to camp today, feeling a funeral was entirely too much for a seven year old to endure. So when the day was over they would take Ava to Jake’s favorite place and Ava would release lime green balloons to the sky and have her own goodbye with her uncle.
Sam looked over at Cara as she stared absent-mindedly out the window watching as the ball bearers carried Jake’s coffin out of the parlor. Luke, Nick and Joe stood outside of the car watching as they carried Jake to the hearse with the utmost care. Sam swung her arm over Cara’s shoulders and brought her closer to her. Cara wept silently and Sam ran her hand comforting down her auburn hair.
The other door of the limousine opened and when Jake had been tucked securely into the hearse Joe joined his wife followed by Luke and Leah. Sam glanced up as Nick slid into the limousine next to her. She let her eyes linger for a moment before she turned and focused on Cara. She sat up and patted Sam’s knee reassuring her that she was okay.
The limousine peeled out slowly and started to follow the hearse towards the church. The line of cars that stretched for blocks all followed at a slower pace with their headlights on. The church was only a few blocks away, so the ride wasn’t that long. When the procession parked in front of the church, Sam noticed there were dozens of motorcycles that lined the sidewalk and most of the church’s parking lot. The amount of bikers that were waiting surpassed the number of cars that followed them there. It was mind boggling and completely amazing, only affirming what Sam had known her whole life. Her brother was one in a million.
The chauffeur opened the limousine doors. Nick was the first one out of the limousine. He held out his hand to Sam, not saying a word to one another, she took his hand and allowed him to help her out of the car. He did the same with Cara. When Sam looked up at the church, that the three of them had received all their sacraments in, she noticed Mallory and Phillip standing outside to the left of the church. Tears sprung in her eyes as they mouthed their condolences to her. She blew them a kiss, thankful they were there.
She turned around and took notice of all the other people. Pete walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He had been a great friend to Jake, taking care of his business while he battled the cancer.
“Hey Sam, I’m sorry mama.” He said affectionately and wrapped his arms around her. Sam closed her eyes as she hugged him back.
“Thank you, Pete.” She pulled back slightly and pressed her hand to his heavily tattooed arm. “Thank you for being such a good friend to Jake.” She smiled through her tears. “I think I’m going to come visit you at the shop.”
Pete’s eyes widened and he smiled sadly. “Your brother always joked about the day you’d give in and get inked.”
“I’m sure he did.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I never had a reason for a tattoo until now and since he can’t do it, might as well have his right hand do it.” She said softly.
“I’d be happy too.” Pete said before giving her hand, one final squeeze and making his way to Cara. Sam lifted her gaze and her eyes fell upon Nick. His mouth was in a tight line and even though his eyes were shielded by dark sunglasses, she could feel him staring at her.
Nick, Luke and the rest of the pallbearers lifted Jake’s coffin up the steps of the church, the family following behind. When they reached the entrance the priest greeted them. Sam stood behind her parents watching as they hugged the man who had baptized each of their children. Joe turned around and reached for Cara. He took her hand and pulled her beside him.
As the church filled with the sweet sounds of Amazing Grace. Father Gallo led Jake’s journey to the altar. Joe walked behind his son’s coffin, with his wife on one side and the woman who would’ve been his daughter-in-law on the other. The altar was covered in beautiful flowers and in front there was an easel with Jake’s picture on it. Sam took her seat in the first pew beside Cara. Luke, Leah and Nick filled the rest of the pew. The choir continued their song as the church filled.
Once the song was finished the bells outside of the church sounded, while Father Gallo blessed Jake’s casket with holy water. Anxiety arose inside of Sam as her fingers clutched the folded piece of paper containing the eulogy she had prepared for her brother. Listening to the priest talk about Jake as a kid and how well he knew the family, made Sam question everything she had written on the piece of paper. Her emotions were getting the best of her and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to follow through with it.
Then her Aunt Joanne took the podium and launched into reading a passage from the bible, she knew her turn to speak would be next. Her palms began to sweat and she wiped them along the hem of her A-line dress. Her hands were trembling and she couldn’t will them to keep still. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. She felt a strong hand firmly hold her shaking one. She opened her eyes and looked down at Nick’s hand over hers, stopping her hand from shaking. When she looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, his attention on Aunt Joanne and not her.
She wondered if it would always be like that between them. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement that when she needed him, he’d find a way to be there for her, to take care of her. She wished things were different and he could be the man she needed him to be, the man she could be able to trust because no one quite knew how she operated better than he.
Aunt Joanne finished the reading, and stepped down from the altar. There was a brief silence before Father Gallo spoke.
“At this time, I believe Jake’s sister Samantha would like to say a few words.” The priest said as he turned his gaze towards her. He smiled somberly before taking his seat behind the altar. Sam drew in a deep breath as she gripped the paper that had the words she had written the night before on it. She could hear Jake’s voice in the back of her head, telling her she didn’t have to go through with it. She stood up and began to walk towards the podium, regretting she wore heels because she feared her nerves would cause her to fall in the shoes she was already wobbling unsteadily on.
She stood in front of the podium and stared at the sea of people that filled the church. Her eyes settled on Jake’s coffin and the reality of the situation sunk into her. She wasn’t about to say some ordinary speech, she was about to say goodbye to her brother. She bit her lower lip as she unfolded the piece of paper and stared down at her words. They didn’t seem adequate anymore, but nothing really would suffice would it?
“I had prepared a few words to say to you all. Words that described my
brother and the type of man he was. Words that would take you on a journey of memories I shared with Jake.” She paused, trying to figure what to say next. She looked at the people in the first row of the church. Her parents clung to one another as they listened to her. Cara sat with her sunglasses on, wiping at the tears that would not stop falling. Her brother, Luke, whose leg was shaking and she knew that could only mean he was about to flee. Lastly, her eyes settled on Nick as he stared up at her.
She kept her eyes firmly planted on his, for some reason the depths of those brown eyes gave her the courage she needed. She lifted her prepared eulogy and tore the piece of paper in two.
“But those memories are mine to keep sacred in my heart, just as the memories all of you have with Jake are yours and yours alone to keep sacred.” She took a deep breath. “There was a time in my life I thought saying goodbye was accepting things were over and I would find any excuse I could not to say it.” She said softly into the microphone as she remembered the time she was referring to.
* * * * * *
Nick watched Sam stare at him intently as she spoke and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was referencing to what he often thought about…
The cab driver looked over at him through the rear view mirror.
“Where you headed?” he asked.
“Seattle.” Nick responded numbly. He felt his phone vibrate and he fought to get it out of his jeans pocket. Looking down at his phone, he felt his heart clench at the text that appeared. It was from Sam.
Sam: Nick, I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye. I guess I was in denial, and thought you wouldn’t really leave. Have a safe trip. I will always wonder what if? Love you, Sam xoxo.
He stared at the message until the words looked blurry. His finger ran along the reply button, as he struggled with what he wanted to do and what he should do. He hit reply. He closed his eyes and there she was in his head, smiling up at him, her big blue eyes staring at him mischievously. He could still remember the way it felt to run his fingers through the length of her blonde hair. He couldn’t pinpoint when the youngest Lanza, grabbed his attention. It had happened too fast. One minute she was Luke and Jake’s rambunctious little sister, the next she was the leading lady in all his dreams. A part of him realized it years ago when he watched her go to bat for her brothers. They could do nothing wrong in her eyes. He remembered wanting to be on the receiving end of all that unconditional love, Sam radiated. It was one of the things that grabbed his attention early on. When she loved something, or someone, she loved them with everything in her. There was no turning it on and off.
Broken Pieces (Riverdale #2) Page 12