“Maybe I am.” But it was said in defiance, pure Gabe contrariness.
She tucked her arms around herself, stepped away. “You have to understand how hard this is for me.”
“Jesus, Peyton.” He swiped his hand over his hair, the gesture she’d seen when he was at his wits’ end. “It’s not supposed to be easy.”
She blinked, needing to get it out in the open, something he didn’t like. Only when she understood his true feelings could she figure out what to do.
She already knew what she wanted. “Is this something you want?”
He stepped closer, catching her arm. His eyes cut to the open motel room door. “I don’t know what you think of me, but this is not what I do, sleeping with the women on my crew. I want something more now.”
“I know.” She saw the truth in his eyes. “That makes it harder.”
“Peyton.”
He took her face in both his hands, his expression a longing matching her own, then released her and stepped back. What was he thinking? What did he want from her?
What was she willing to give him?
“Get your shoes on. We have to get going.”
The Aerial Fire Depot, where the smokejumpers were based, was on the west end of the Missoula airport, long low white buildings with red roofs. Gabe’s gut clenched a moment as he remembered the time he’d spent here, before the inner ear problem had ended his jumping days.
Maybe no one from that time was left. His emotions were tumultuous enough. Peyton had had the foresight to call them last night, and arrange this ahead of time so they didn’t have to talk their way into camp. They were expected.
Peyton had ridden beside him in silence during the short trip. What was going through her mind? He couldn’t think about it now. Too many other things needed his attention, and they had a long trip ahead of them before he went back up the mountain.
He parked the truck and turned to her. “Got your reporter hat on?”
And then he saw the man who strode out of the barracks toward them. Ah, hell. Mike Gordon. He’d been an asshole as long as Gabe had known him, and time had not mellowed him.
At least Gabe could keep him occupied as Peyton scanned the depot.
“Gabe Cooper. Reduced to running a reporter around, huh?” When Peyton slid out on the passenger side, Gordon’s eyes widened, and he grinned. “Don’t blame you. You must be Peyton Michaels.”
He ignored Gabe and walked around to shake Peyton’s hands, his eyes everywhere but her face. Gabe tensed, but was unwilling to give Gordon ammunition.
“Thank you for seeing us,” Peyton said in a tone he hadn’t heard before, professional to the point of chilly. “I know with the Bounty fire you’re very busy.”
“Someone has to keep an eye on the place while the others are playing hero. Right, Cooper?”
Gabe didn’t answer, and Peyton didn’t react.
“What is it I can help you with?” Gordon asked her.
“We have some questions about Doug Sheridan.”
“Ah.” Gordon eased back and assessed Gabe. “Now I understand why you’re here. He’s married to the honey who left you. I remember how tight the two of you were. Looking for some dirt on him, are you?”
“Actually, just some background kind of information, how he does his job, how he gets along with other smokejumpers, what he does in his spare time,” Peyton replied, taking out the spiral she’d refused to use with Gabe. Like she needed a barrier now and hadn’t wanted one then.
“Happy to. Want to get some coffee?”
“Sounds good.” Peyton sent Gabe a glance. Okay, change in plans. She would keep Gordon busy and he would snoop around. He hated leaving her in Gordon’s company, but she could handle herself. Hell, she’d charmed her way into his life, hadn’t she? And he was almost as big of an asshole as Gordon.
So he wandered. The camp was dead, most of the jumpers out on the fire, and he itched to be fighting it, too. Guilt that he wasn’t ate at him. Just a matter of hours and he’d be back.
Bringing his friends down the mountain for the last time.
He had to find out who set this fire, who killed those people.
He moved from the common room, through the room where unpacked parachutes hung from the rafters, into the area where a red-haired smokejumper sat at an industrial sewing machine, repairing a chute. Gabe relaxed marginally and smiled at Kim’s brother, Kevin.
“Hey, O’Doul.”
The young man glanced up, brows drawn together in suspicion, but smiled when he recognized Gabe.
“Hey, Cooper.”
He shut off the machine and stood, reached across to shake Gabe’s hand. He wasn’t much bigger than Kim, but like her, pure muscle.
“What are you doing here all by your lonesome? Everyone else out on a fire?”
A grimace twisted the boy’s face, and he reached down to tug up a pants leg, showing a nasty third-degree burn. Gabe sucked his breath in through his teeth in sympathy.
“I’m on medical leave for another week, then I can get out there and fight this monster.”
“Where’d it happen?”
“Out in California two weeks ago. Branch fell right where I was punching line. Didn’t even hear it.”
Gabe hitched a hip on the edge of the table. “Kim didn’t say anything about it.” Of course, he hadn’t exactly been listening to her these days.
The boy looked down. “No, I didn’t tell her, didn’t want her to worry. Don’t tell her, all right?”
Gabe considered a moment, then nodded. Weird. Kim had a burn on her palm about the same age, not severe enough to bench her, but bad enough to blister. Burns were common enough in this line of work, even with their protective gear. Odd thing was, the Bear Claws hadn’t been on a fire at the time. She’d said it was a baking accident at her mom’s, the hot oven door or something. She’d laughed that she emerged most summers unscathed, but couldn’t survive an hour in the kitchen.
“I’m not exactly one of her favorite people right now.”
Kevin grunted in agreement, as if he’d heard it from the source. “She said something about some reporter horning in on your crew and y’all being sidelined. Although I got the feeling she was more pissed about the reporter than the time off.”
“You know Kim, always standing up for me.”
“You could do worse.”
Gabe didn’t know how well he hid his surprise at Kevin’s suggestion. “Christ, she’s young enough to be my daughter.” If he’d started very young, but still.
Kevin leaned back, lifting a shoulder. “Doesn’t matter. You both love fighting the dragon, you work well together. She’d do anything for you.”
Okay, that was alarming. “That may sound good to young guys, but believe me. The last thing a man needs is a woman who does whatever he wants. He wants a woman who can challenge him.” His gaze drifted toward Peyton in the next room. He hadn’t realized quite how true it was.
“Kim can be quite the challenge, believe me.” Kevin laughed.
Gabe took advantage of the humor to laugh along, then change the subject. “We came”—he turned to indicate Peyton, still visible through the doorway to the common room—“to see what we could find out about Doug.”
O’Doul’s face twisted in distaste. “The asshole.”
“You think he did it?” Gabe was surprised by the vehemence. He’d expected to find support for Doug here.
“They arrested him, didn’t they?”
Just like a young guy to believe what he saw on the news. “They’ve arrested innocent people before, and they don’t have too much against him.”
“No? What would they need besides what they got?”
Gabe wove his fingers together, stretched them in front of him. “Motive. No one can figure out why he would do it.”
“Lots of reasons. He’s a firebug, he needed the money, he wanted to get his wife in command.”
Gabe shook his head. “None of those play for me.”
O’Do
ul’s eyebrows lifted. “You hate the guy.”
“Doesn’t mean I think he’s a killer.”
“What do you mean?”
“Four firefighters died yesterday. Whoever set this fire is a killer now.”
O’Doul swore and looked down.
“You hadn’t heard?” Gabe asked.
The young man shook his head. Gabe put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“You might not have known them. They were based out of California.”
“Doesn’t matter,” the boy said in a choked voice. “They’re on our team.”
“So is Doug. Tell me what you know about Doug.”
“What did Gordon tell you?” Gabe asked as he pulled the truck onto the highway toward Bounty.
Peyton folded her spiral shut and tucked it in her pack. “It would have been incredibly easy for someone with access to the base to set him up. But I don’t know who would. He doesn’t seem to have any enemies, according to Gordon.”
“If there was something bad to say about Doug, Gordon would say it,” Gabe said.
He wanted to ask what Gordon had said about him, but he did have his pride. Pride hadn’t stopped him from opening Peyton’s car door, putting his hand on her waist proprietarily with a glance over his shoulder at Gordon. Yeah, primitive, so what?
“So someone could have set up Doug, but we don’t know who.” She took a deep breath. “Gordon did say only smokejumpers are allowed to go back into the ready room where the equipment is, though.”
“And reporters.”
“I thought of that,” Peyton said, not upset as he expected. “There haven’t been any reporters back there this season. I think the T-shirt and jeans got me special privileges.”
“Yeah, he was staring pretty hard down your shirt. I wanted to break his nose.”
“I hear that’s your MO.”
Ah. Here it came. “I’m sure Gordon had a good time telling you about me.”
She waved a dismissive hand. “He’s just jealous.”
“What?” He damn near drove off the road at her assessment. “What does he have to be jealous about?”
“He’s a lonely, bitter man, and from what I can see, he doesn’t have the respect of his men. You’re both about the job, but he’s had to bully his way to get where he is. You worked. He wouldn’t be in his position without being an asshole.”
“How accurate are you, usually, with these analyses?” he asked, amused.
“Pretty damn.”
He grinned at the confidence in her voice.
“Who was the boy?” she asked.
“Kim’s brother Kevin. According to him, Doug could have done it.”
She sobered. “Did he change your mind?”
“Not—I don’t know.” He swiped his hand over his mouth, leaned his elbow on the window. “I don’t want to think he did, and Kevin knows about our history, so he may have been telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.”
“But he put doubts there.”
“Yeah.”
She settled back in the seat. “You’re one to trust your instincts, Gabe. And since you do, so do I.”
They rode in silence a bit before she asked the question he’d waited to hear. “So, why did you leave smokejumping?”
“No romantic reason. I had an inner ear problem that upset my balance, screwed up my jumps. I had to quit.”
“Did that bother you?”
“Not really. I mean, Hot Shots do the same job, they just get there in a less insane manner. At that point, flying was making me so sick, I didn’t do it anymore.”
“And when you made your last jump?”
Okay, he didn’t mind talking about the dizziness thing, or even the puking the imbalance caused. The stupidness thing was another matter. He didn’t answer. But he should have known by now she wouldn’t let it go.
“How did you jump if you weren’t on a smokejumping crew?”
“A buddy helped me out. I wanted to prove that I was as good as Doug, see. All I did was seriously screw up my leg when I smashed into a tree, then got caught in it. At least it wasn’t Doug who had to get me down.”
“So you really don’t like to fly.”
That wasn’t the point he thought she’d latch on to. Fine with him. “Nope.”
“I don’t blame you.” She tucked her pack between her body and the door.
She must really love him, if she could believe him to be a good man. He had to make her see he wasn’t all she made him out to be. He wanted her to see the man he was before this went any further.
“I talked to Jen yesterday,” he said, and while Peyton didn’t stiffen, he sensed her wariness. “She’s leaving the Forest Service.”
“What?” The wariness became outrage. “They aren’t firing her because of Doug, are they?”
“Hell no. If they were, I’d sic you on that story instead of giving you an interview.” He flashed her a smile to take the sting out. “No, she’s leaving on her own. She and Doug are having a baby.”
“Oh. Ow.” She sucked in her breath in sympathy. “I’m sorry. Had you ever—?”
“Wanted kids?” That he knew what she meant seemed to surprise her, if the lifted eyebrows were any indication. “No. I mean, not seriously. But then, nothing about our marriage was serious.”
“You loved her.”
He compared his memories to how he felt with Peyton, the power of his emotions around her. It could just be the newness, he was no fool, and Jen had destroyed most of their happy memories, so to compare the two relationships was foolish. Still. “I wonder if I did.”
“It’s hard to remember, because you have all the pain blocking your way, but you did. I can see it when you look at her.”
The sadness in her voice made him glance over. “He loved you, Peyton.”
“You don’t know that.” She was fighting tears, damn it.
He reached for her this time, took her hand to fold it in his, barely resisted lifting it to his lips. The action would reveal too much. “I know you. He’d be a damn fool not to love you.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Peyton said.
She sat on the tailgate of the truck and watched Gabe gear up, fighting the tearing sense of fear in her chest. While part of her was worried for Gabe’s physical safety, more of her worried about his mental state. Would he be the same man when he came down the mountain to her?
“I don’t want to go.” He kept his eyes averted while checking the straps on his pack.
“Then don’t. Someone else can do it.”
He lifted his head then and smiled, almost a real smile, before pulling her against the line of his body. “Knowing you’re here waiting for me will get me through.” He slipped his hand under her hair, curved his hand around the back of her head so she’d look at him. “You’re still waiting, right?”
Emotion threatened to strangle her, longing, terror, love, as she gazed into his eyes and prayed this wouldn’t be the last time she’d see him. “I’ll be waiting.”
He kissed her hard, igniting an ache in her, and strode off toward the waiting National Guard Humvee with half his crew.
Peyton went on alert when Kim stepped up beside her. The younger woman hadn’t exactly been friendly, and after she realized Peyton and Gabe were lovers, she’d been hostile. So why was she approaching her? Still, Peyton had to make peace if she wanted to be part of Gabe’s life.
“Why aren’t you going?”
“He didn’t want the whole crew. He chose not to take me.” Kim’s words were clipped.
“He didn’t want you to see it,” Peyton mused, understanding his desire to protect her. “It haunts him, Angel Ridge.”
“I know.”
Peyton wondered if she did. Kim probably saw him leaving her behind as rejection. If she understood, she’d see Gabe cared for her. Just not in the way Kim would like.
Uncomfortable discussing Gabe with the young woman who so clearly loved him, Peyton changed the subject, sitting again on the tailga
te. If she was going to break down barriers with Kim, she might be here awhile. “I met your brother.”
Kim snapped her attention to Peyton. “Yeah?”
“In Missoula. I didn’t know he was a smokejumper. Is that why you became a Hot Shot?”
Kim smiled, but her eyes were flat. “He’s my little brother. I’m the reason he became a smokejumper.”
“So why did you become a Hot Shot?” Peyton drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around them.
Kim blinked. “I don’t know. I’ve always been interested in the forest service, in the mountains. And fire behavior intrigued me, so I got on a summer crew. Then I met Gabe, got on his crew, and he made me the best I can be. I couldn’t walk away now for a million dollars.”
It had been awhile since Gabe rode to a site. He was grateful for it today, not wanting the extra time to think about what he was going to find up there.
Instead he’d think about what he learned in Missoula.
Peyton loved him.
Okay, not that. Not now. He’d need it for later, when he could savor it. His focus was on Doug, on how he could help the man who’d been his friend.
Alternate suspects. Smokejumpers, Peyton said. Gabe was going to have to block out the idea that a firefighter couldn’t have done it, though he couldn’t fathom how one could.
Missoula had the largest crew of smokejumpers in the fire service. That made a lot of suspects. He wished he could have talked to more of them, seen if any had anything against Doug. Gordon had insisted no one did, Kevin insisted some hated Doug.
Who was he supposed to believe? His gut told him Doug was innocent, but those seeds of doubt Kevin planted were sprouting fast.
So he’d make a mental list. And when he got back from hell, he’d work through it.
“God, I’m going crazy waiting to go out on the line.” Kim joined Peyton at a table in the mess tent.
Peyton was surprised by the girl’s second approach in a matter of hours. Maybe she figured she and Peyton shared a concern, and it made her feel closer to Gabe. Peyton smiled at her, toying with the crumbs of the cookie she’d wanted when she went through the line. “You sound like Gabe.”
The young woman scowled. “Yeah, well, he’s there, isn’t he?”
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